We talk a lot about what medicine costs physicians: burnout, call, inbox volume, and the constant interruptions. We spend far less time talking about what the career asks of the people who live on the other side of the pager. In this episode of Better Physician Life, Dr. Michael Hersh sits down with Kendra Harvey, a physician spouse of more than two decades, mother of five, and host of the Supporting Physician Spouses podcast. Together they explore the hidden load carried by spouses: the nights, weekends, and plans that shift without warning; the identity changes that happen during training and early practice; and the quiet resentment that builds when conversations never find a place on the calendar. Kendra challenges the common advice to “have no expectations” and instead offers a more nuanced approach, lowering some expectations while fiercely protecting the ones that keep a marriage connected. She shares practical frameworks, including the 2-2-2 rule for intentional time together, the difference between parent-centered and family-centered homes, and the small, consistent actions physicians can take to make life meaningfully better for their partners. This conversation is not about blame. It is about seeing the full picture of what this career requires and choosing, with intention, to do more for the marriage than most people do for theirs. Three Actionable Takeaways: Create a Regular Cadence for Connection: There is rarely a perfect time for hard or meaningful conversations. Schedule recurring check-ins (just like you honor the call schedule) so you address issues before they compound into resentment. Lower Some Expectations, Protect Others: Unspoken or unrealistic expectations (e.g., dinner together five nights a week) create disappointment. Clear, negotiated expectations around communication, kindness, and presence protect the relationship. Make the implicit explicit. Build a Family-Centered Home: Shift from a parent-centered (or kid-centered) dynamic to one where every member of the family has protected time, resources, and consideration. Small adjustments to the calendar and budget can create meaningful space for the non-physician spouse. About the Show: Created for physicians who want more than clinical competence, Better Physician Life is a space for honest reflection, reinvention, and reclaiming purpose beyond the pager. Hosted by Dr. Michael Hersh, each episode dives into the questions we didn’t learn to ask in training, offering tools and conversations to help you live and lead with intention. About the Guest: Kendra Harvey has lived on the other side of the pager for more than two decades as the spouse of a neurosurgeon and mother of five. She began writing about the physician-spouse experience in 2011 and now coaches physician spouses while hosting the Supporting Physician Spouses podcast. Connect with Kendra: 🌐 Website: It Gets Better Now 🎙️ Podcast: Supporting Physician Spouses 📸 Instagram: @kendra_itgetsbetternow About the Host: Dr. Michael Hersh is a full-time practicing gastroenterologist, husband, father, podcaster, and physician coach at Better Physician Life Coaching. He helps physicians rediscover joy and balance by setting meaningful goals, managing stress, and feeling more present at home and less annoyed and frustrated at work. His mission is to help doctors who feel stuck in medicine create a more fulfilling life that they actually enjoy living. Through coaching and conversation, he empowers physicians to reconnect with their purpose and design a career (and life) they love. Dr. Hersh is also the creator and host of the Better Physician Life podcast: How to Get Unstuck in Your Medical Career—a show for doctors who feel out of sync or stuck, and want to explore what true success can look like beyond the exam room. 🔗 Connect with Dr. Hersh: 🌐 Website: www.betterphysicianlife.com 🔗 LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/michael-hersh-md 📸 Instagram: @betterphysicianlife 📺 YouTube: @betterphysicianlife 📘 Facebook: facebook.com/betterphysicianlifecoaching TikTok: @betterphysicianlife If you find yourself walking through the door still stuck in work mode, check out the 5-Minute Commute Reset for Physicians. Work doesn’t end on its own. This is a short, structured reset you can use on the drive home to shut down work-mode, clear your head, and show up more present for whatever comes next. You can download it for free at: https://www.betterphysicianlife.com/commute-reset The Better Physician Life Podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical, legal, or professional advice. Always consult qualified professionals regarding your personal or organizational decisions. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
