The Attachment Confessions

Chelsea S.
  • 5.0 (24)
  • Relationships
  • Updated Weekly

From FA to Secure AF: How Attachment Science Changed My Life...For Real. From the moment I discovered attachment science, everything – literally EV-ERY-THING – about every relationship I'd ever been in finally made sense. And now, I'm learning what it takes to earn my attachment security and have the best possible relationships from now on. Here on The Attachment Confessions, we'll dive deep into the mind-blowing and freakishly accurate world of attachment science, my childhood, my relationships, and my journey of going from FA to secure AF (if you know, you know – and if you don't know, don't worry! You will soon). We'll also highlight guests sharing their own attachment lived experiences, bring on a variety of attachment & relationship experts, and sprinkle in listener Q&A episodes.  Throughout The Attachment Confessions, you'll have a ring-side seat to my attachment healing adventure. We'll get into some pretty heavy stuff but have ourselves a good time while doing so! And who knows, maybe you'll also be inspired to embark on your own attachment healing journey. That's my hope, at least! So whether you're an Anxious Preoccupied, a Dismissive Avoidant, a Fearful Avoidant, OR the holy grail of them all – Securely Attached – all are welcome. Let's freaking go, y'all! xo – Chelsea

  1. 4d ago

    Boundaries & Anxious Attachment: The True Cost of Having Zero Boundaries — And How to Finally Make Them Stick

    Let me ask you something — how many times have you said yes when you meant no? Stayed silent when you should have spoken up? Set a boundary and caved on it within five minutes?🙋 Same, y'all. Same. And as a healing fearful avoidant, I am so done letting that be my story. This episode is a wake-up call — for my anxious preoccupieds, my fellow fearful avoidants, and honestly anyone who's ever abandoned themselves to keep the peace💜 What we cover in this episode: What boundaries actually are — and what they absolutely are not (including the crucial difference between a boundary and an ultimatum) Why Anxious Preoccupieds are wired to fawn, appease and people-please instead of protect themselves — and the science behind it Why Fearful Avoidants have the most contradictory relationship with boundaries of any attachment style — and why that push-pull shows up in every relationship My personal boundary story — including the relationship that slowly eroded my sense of self (and what finally changed) 6 practical, totally doable steps to start setting and keeping boundaries without blowing up your relationships or your nervous system Why follow-through is the most important — and hardest — piece of the whole thing The closing truth: boundaries aren't selfish. They're one of the most loving things you can do. For yourself AND the people you care about. As Dr. John Delony says — behavior is a language. When someone repeatedly disrespects your boundaries, they're telling you exactly how much they value you and the relationship. That's a lesson I wish I'd learned a whole lot sooner💜 "We do not set ourselves on fire in order to keep others warm." — Peaceful Barb 💜 Free resource: Grab my brand-new Attachment Conversation Guide for Couples — your roadmap for having the attachment conversations you've been avoiding. DM me on Instagram @theattachmentconfessions or email chelsea@theattachmentconfessions.com to get your free copy. 💜 Ready to heal your attachment? Listeners of The Attachment Confessions get 10% off Dr. Sarah Hensley's programs at thelovedoc.com — use code CHELSEA10 at checkout. Good for her self-paced courses, 1:1 coaching, online workshops, and hybrid group coaching program. People & resources mentioned: Dr. John Delony — "behavior is a language" Peaceful Barb — follow her on Instagram for boundary mantras that hit different Codie Sanchez — "You must learn to be disliked or you'll find yourself stuck in a prison of other people's beliefs." Coming up next: Attachment expert Bev Mitelman joins TAC to kick off our brand-new Summer Guest Series — and y'all, we're going there. We're talking about how hookup culture is absolutely wrecking our attachment healing. This one might ruffle some feathers, but it's a conversation that needs to happen. Don't miss it🙌 Related episodes: Anxious Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Anxious Preoccupied Disorganized Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Fearful Avoidant FA & DA Relationship: Why the Fearful Avoidant / Dismissive Avoidant Dynamic Hurts the Most Insecure Attachment Patterns: How to Stop Repeating Them & Actually Take Accountability

    27 min

  2. May 27

    Inside the Trenches: A Fearful Avoidant & Dismissive Avoidant Couple's Tell-All (feat. Tesha & Taylor)

    What happens when two avoidants fall in love? In this raw, eye-opening episode, we go inside the trenches of the most painful relationship dynamic — the Fearful Avoidant and the Dismissive Avoidant — with real-life couple Tesha & Taylor. This is not a highlight reel. This is the unfiltered truth about what it actually looks like to love someone when each of your biggest needs are your partner's ultimate triggers. Tesha and Taylor sit down to share their story — the blissful beginning, the conflict that changed everything, the breakthroughs, and the moments they almost didn't make it. Together, they unpack how they each discovered their attachment styles, what their dynamic looked like at its hardest, and how they've learned to communicate, reconnect, and choose each other — even when every instinct says run. In this episode, we cover: How Tesha & Taylor's attachment styles formed in childhood What it feels like to be a Fearful Avoidant in a relationship How the Dismissive Avoidant experiences love, distance and connection The triggers that sent them into their attachment patterns — and what pulled them back Real moments of conflict and how they worked through them The breakthroughs that changed everything for Tesha & Taylor Their advice for others finding themselves in the torturous FA/DA conflict cycle Whether you're a Fearful Avoidant, a Dismissive Avoidant, in a relationship with one, or just trying to understand your own patterns — this episode is for you. This conversation is honest, emotional, and deeply human. Grab your headphones and get ready to feel seen. Doing the work together just got a little easier. 🤍 I created a FREE Attachment Conversation Guide for Couples — packed with questions to help you and your partner go deeper, heal together, and finally feel understood. Grab yours now! DM me on Instagram @theattachmentconfessions and I'll get it sent your way! 💜Looking to heal your own FA/DA relationship? Listeners of The Attachment Confessions get 10% off Dr. Sarah Hensley's attachment healing programs at thelovedoc.com — use code CHELSEA10 at checkout. If this episode hit home, share it with someone who needs it. You never know what people are going through – and attachment science genuinely changes lives. It changed Tesha & Taylor's. xo - Chelsea

    1h 18m

  3. May 13

    FA & DA Relationship: Why the Fearful Avoidant / Dismissive Avoidant Dynamic Hurts the Most (and how to make it work)

    Y'all – this one is personal. The fearful avoidant / dismissive avoidant relationship dynamic is, without question, the most painful attachment combination out there. And as a healing FA who's been on both sides of it? I know this one all too well.  In this episode, we're getting into exactly why the FA/DA pairing starts off feeling like fate — and why it almost always ends in flames. What we cover in this episode: Why the FA and DA are magnetically attracted to each other at first (hint: it's the shadow self) The difference between vulnerability and transparency — and why DAs seem open but aren't How the honeymoon phase fades and the conflict cycle begins Why the DA shuts down and the FA spirals — and how each makes the other's wounds worse My own FA/DA story and what finally broke things for good What it actually takes for this relationship dynamic to survive — and when to walk away The FA needs to feel seen, heard and understood. The DA needs peace and harmony above all else. When those two core needs collide – especially in conflict – it creates a cycle that's genuinely brutal to break out of. But it's not impossible. As long as both partners are willing to do the work. 💜Looking to heal your own FA/DA relationship? Listeners of The Attachment Confessions get 10% off Dr. Sarah Hensley's attachment healing programs at thelovedoc.com — use code CHELSEA10 at checkout. Listen to these episodes first: > Avoidant Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Dismissive Avoidant > Disorganized Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Fearful Avoidant > Attachment vs. Narcissism: How to Tell the Difference — and Why It Matters for Your Healing Coming up next: Our first-ever couple joins the pod! Tesha & Taylor are an FA/DA couple who've lived this dynamic firsthand — and are now on the road to healing. You will NOT want to miss this one. 🙌 If this episode hit home, share it with someone who needs it. You never know what people are going through – and attachment science genuinely changes lives. It changed mine. xo - Chelsea

    28 min

  4. Apr 22

    Your Attachment Questions Answered: Listener Q&A

    Hello, Confessions Fam! Welcome back for episode 23! He’s baaack! Everyone’s favorite Dismissive Avoidant (actually, recently discovered Fearful Avoidant who leans avoidant) – Brent Stokes – is joining the pod again to help answer YOUR questions! You’ve inquired – and as your semi-fearless host, I’m here to give you my {not so} expert attachment advice, purely based on my past year of personal heartbreak, Phoenix-like rising, and next-level obsession of burrowing down the attachment science rabbit hole.  When the people have relationship questions, we’re here to give you the best possible answers to your attachment woes. Been there, done that – got 3+ decades worth of insecure attachment T-shirts! Today is going to hit hard, provide sound advice, and bring clarity on your most-asked attachment questions I’ve received over the past 7 months since TAC launched. As ALWAYS, please ask any attachment-related questions or just chit chat with me on Instagram @theattachmentconfessions To have your question answered on future Q&A episodes, send an audio message with your name, location, and question to the “TAC hotline” to be featured. Love you guys so much and thank you for your heartfelt questions! xo - Chelsea & Brent Links from today's episode: >>NEW OFFER FOR LISTENERS OF THE ATTACHMENT CONFESSIONS!!>Want 15% off awesome, faith-inspired clothing and accessories?  Check out Dwell.Apparel and use my referral link to get this discount! https://dwellapparel.com/?ref=chelsea15 OR use discount code CHELSEASCOTT at checkout

    50 min

  5. Apr 10

    Secure Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Born & Raised Secures

    Grab a hankie for your happy tears — because episode 22 is all about the holy grail of attachment styles: the Born & Raised Secures🙌 This is the final episode of TAC's 4-part attachment style deep-dive series, and we're going out with a bang. Because honestly? After three episodes unpacking insecure attachments, nothing feels better than getting an up-close look at what secure attachment actually looks like — and being reminded that it's achievable for every single one of us💜 Side note: listenership increased by 103% during this deep dive series. Y'all are incredible! Thank you. What we cover in this episode: How secure attachment forms in childhood — the two words that explain everything: consistent attunement What securely attached people carry into their relationships and why it's so different from insecure styles Interdependence — what it is, why it's the goal, and how it differs from codependence or avoidance How secure couples handle conflict differently — approaching it with curiosity instead of defensiveness Why securely attached people tend to attract other secures — and the 5 red flags that signal insecure attachment to a secure partner Why attachment quizzes are pretty much garbage (and what to do instead) The 2 things that actually earn your attachment security: self-awareness and daily practice What "catch and correct" behavior is — and why it's one of the most powerful tools in your healing toolkit Here's the truth: born secures don't make up the majority of attachment styles. But thanks to the miracle that is neuroplasticity, those of us who weren't blessed to start out secure can absolutely get there. It's not a quick fix — it's a daily practice. And it is so worth it🙌 "What matters is that the moments when your insecure attachment rears its unpretty head happen less and less frequently. And when they do, you're able to recognize it quickly and pivot." 💜 Ready to earn your attachment security? I personally recommend Dr. Sarah Hensley's programs. Listeners of The Attachment Confessions get 10% off Dr. Hensley's programs at thelovedoc.com — use code CHELSEA10 at checkout. 👗 Dwell Apparel: Faith-inspired clothing, drinkware & accessories — Get 15% off with code CHELSEASCOTT at dwellapparel.com Also mentioned: Thais Gibson — Learning Love (2023) and Personal Development School Adam Lane Smith — Attachment expert & relationship coach Catch up on the full series: Episode 19 — Anxious Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Anxious Preoccupied Episode 20 — Avoidant Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Dismissive Avoidant Episode 21 — Disorganized Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Fearful Avoidant

    21 min

  6. Mar 26

    Disorganized Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Fearful Avoidant

    Grab your one-way ticket to cringeville, y'all — because episode 21 is a deep dive into the most complex attachment style of them all: the Fearful Avoidant. And since this one hits particularly close to home for yours truly, I am not holding back any punches💜 Sometimes called disorganized attachment, the FA is my own attachment style — and this episode is my most personal deep dive yet. Whether you're a fellow Fearful Avoidant, you've loved one, or you've been completely baffled by the hot-and-cold patterns of someone in your life (cue Katy Perry's 2008 hit "Hot N Cold"), this one is going to make the relationship light bulbs illuminate like never before. This is part 3 of TAC's 4-part attachment style deep-dive series. What we cover in this episode: How fearful avoidant (disorganized) attachment forms in childhood — the difference between big T and little T trauma What parentification is and how it shapes the FA attachment My personal FA origin story and how my dad's bipolar disorder shaped my attachment patterns The FA's core wounds: fear of betrayal, fear of abandonment, and the unworthiness wound underneath it all Why the FA is the most complex insecure attachment — operating across the entire spectrum depending on their partner The hot and cold pattern explained: why FAs crave closeness while simultaneously pushing people away Protest behavior — what it is, why FAs do it, and why it almost always backfires The FA's superpowers: empathy, emotional intelligence, resilience, and grit Why earning your attachment security is absolutely achievable — even as an FA As Dr. John Delony says — "what kept us safe when we were children will eventually destroy us as adults." This episode is proof of that. And also proof that awareness is the first step to changing it🙌 Life is so much sweeter on the other side of your insecure attachment. I promise. 💜 Ready to heal your FA attachment? Listeners of The Attachment Confessions get 10% off Dr. Sarah Hensley's programs at thelovedoc.com — use code CHELSEA10 at checkout. 👗 Dwell Apparel: Faith-inspired clothing, drinkware & accessories — Get 15% off with code CHELSEASCOTT at dwellapparel.com Up next in the series: Episode 22 — Secure Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into Being Born & Raised Secure Related episodes: Episode 2 — My Fearful Avoidant Origin Story: How Tracing Back My Attachment Finally Made Sense of My Relationships Episode 3 — My Attachment Red Flags: The FA Patterns I Ignored for Years (and finally owned up to) Episode 19 — Anxious Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Anxious Preoccupied Episode 20 — Avoidant Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Dismissive Avoidant FA & DA Relationship: Why the Fearful Avoidant / Dismissive Avoidant Dynamic Hurts the Most

    30 min

  7. Mar 13

    Avoidant Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Dismissive Avoidant

    Grab a pillow to scream into – because episode 20 is all about the Dismissive Avoidant😅 The DA tends to get the most attention of all the insecure attachment styles — and for good reason. It's the most predictable, yet often the most frustrating, confusing, and heartbreaking attachment to be on the receiving end of. Whether you're a DA yourself or you've loved one, this deep dive is going to make everything make sense💜 This is part 2 of TAC's 4-part attachment style deep-dive series. If you haven't listened to Episode 19 on the Anxious Preoccupied yet, go back and check it out — the contrast between these two styles is genuinely mind-blowing. What we cover in this episode: How dismissive avoidant attachment forms in childhood through emotional neglect — including subtle, seemingly benign parenting patterns you'd never expect The DA's core attachment wound: deep defectiveness — and why they believe they're fundamentally broken The brain chemistry of avoidant attachment — GABA, oxytocin deficiencies, and heightened dopamine-seeking behavior The infamous DA relationship cycle: infatuation → fault-finding → discarding — and why it happens every single time Why DAs move quickly at the beginning of a relationship and then completely pull away Why the DA is the most difficult insecure attachment to heal — and why coaching works better than therapy for them The positive qualities and superpowers of the Dismissive Avoidant If you've ever dated a DA and felt completely blindsided by their withdrawal — this episode is your explanation. And if you're a DA yourself? You're about to finally make sense to yourself🙌 As Dr. Sarah Hensley says — every DA might as well have a diploma in dismissive avoidance. That's how freakishly predictable this attachment style is. 💜Looking to heal your DA attachment? Dr. Sarah Hensley's hybrid group coaching program has an incredibly high success rate with DAs specifically — it's a way lower-pressure environment and more effective than therapy or couples counseling. Get 10% off at thelovedoc.com with code CHELSEA10. Up next in the series: Episode 21 — Disorganized Attachment: A Deep Dive into the Fearful Avoidant Episode 22 — Secure Attachment: A Deep Dive into Being Born & Raised Secure Related episodes: Episode 19 — Anxious Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Anxious Preoccupied Inside the Dismissive Avoidant Childhood & Relationship: Brent's Real DA Lived Experience (parts 1 & 2) Love Bombing 101: How to Spot It, Why We Fall for It, and How to Get Out >>Want 15% off awesome, faith-inspired clothing and accessories? Check out Dwell.Apparel and use my referral link to get this discount! https://dwellapparel.com/?ref=chelsea15 OR use discount code CHELSEASCOTT at checkout

    30 min

  8. Feb 25

    Anxious Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Anxious Preoccupied

    Y'all — before we get into today's topic, I have to share some news that still has my jaw on the floor. The Attachment Confessions has been named one of the Best 30 Attachment Theory Podcasts in the US by Million Podcasts, ranking alongside some of the leading experts in attachment theory. I am truly flabbergasted and so incredibly grateful. All glory to God — and to YOU, my confessions fam!🎉💜 Now — episode 19 kicks off a brand new 4-part series where we're putting each attachment style under the microscope. And we're starting with the Anxious Preoccupied. If you're an AP, have loved one, or have ever been baffled by anxious attachment patterns in a relationship — buckle up. We're going deep🎙️ What we cover in this episode: How anxious preoccupied attachment forms in childhood through intermittent reinforcement — and why inconsistent caregiving creates an addiction to love in the brain The specific scenarios that create AP attachment — from working parents and big families to one emotionally attuned parent and one emotionally withdrawn parent The AP's core wound: fear of abandonment and the core belief "I'm not enough" — and how these drive every relationship pattern The fawn trauma response — why APs over-apologize and fall on their own sword even when they've done nothing wrong The octopus vs. turtle illustration (from attachment specialist Brie Neil, episode 4) — and why the AP's closeness-seeking behaviors push their partners further away The self-abandonment cycle — how morphing into whoever your partner wants you to be builds resentment over time The friend-ghosting pattern — why APs disappear from everyone else the moment a new relationship starts The superpowers of the AP: their kindness, thoughtfulness, affection, and deep capacity to love Why healing anxious attachment is 100% possible — and what that process actually looks like This isn't a roast session, I promise!😂 Every insecure attachment style has its shadows AND its superpowers, and we're covering both. The AP just wants to love and be loved. Understanding the science behind why their patterns sabotage that goal is the first step to changing it. Are you an Anxious Preoccupied who wants to share your story on the pod? I'm actively looking for an AP guest for an upcoming lived experience episode! DM me on Instagram @theattachmentconfessions. 💜 Ready to heal your anxious attachment? Listeners of The Attachment Confessions get 10% off Dr. Sarah Hensley's attachment healing programs at thelovedoc.com — use code CHELSEA10 at checkout. (Check out Episode 13 for my full review of Dr. Hensley's hybrid group coaching program!) 🏆 TAC made the list! Check out Million Podcasts' Best 30 Attachment Theory Podcasts in the US — millionpodcasts.com/attachment-theory-podcasts Also mentioned: Thais Gibson — The Personal Development School Episode 4 — Attachment Specialist Brie Neil Joins TAC Episode 13 — My Attachment Healing Journey: An Honest FA Update Episode 18 — Love Languages vs Attachment Styles Up next in the series: Episode 20 — Avoidant Attachment: A Deep Dive into the Dismissive Avoidant Episode 21 — Disorganized Attachment: A Deep Dive into the Fearful Avoidant Episode 22 — Secure Attachment: A Deep Dive into Being Born & Raised Secure >>Want 15% off awesome, faith-inspired clothing and accessories? Check out Dwell.Apparel and use my referral link to get this discount! https://dwellapparel.com/?ref=chelsea15 OR use discount code CHELSEASCOTT at checkout

    28 min
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5
out of 5
24 Ratings

About

From FA to Secure AF: How Attachment Science Changed My Life...For Real. From the moment I discovered attachment science, everything – literally EV-ERY-THING – about every relationship I'd ever been in finally made sense. And now, I'm learning what it takes to earn my attachment security and have the best possible relationships from now on. Here on The Attachment Confessions, we'll dive deep into the mind-blowing and freakishly accurate world of attachment science, my childhood, my relationships, and my journey of going from FA to secure AF (if you know, you know – and if you don't know, don't worry! You will soon). We'll also highlight guests sharing their own attachment lived experiences, bring on a variety of attachment & relationship experts, and sprinkle in listener Q&A episodes.  Throughout The Attachment Confessions, you'll have a ring-side seat to my attachment healing adventure. We'll get into some pretty heavy stuff but have ourselves a good time while doing so! And who knows, maybe you'll also be inspired to embark on your own attachment healing journey. That's my hope, at least! So whether you're an Anxious Preoccupied, a Dismissive Avoidant, a Fearful Avoidant, OR the holy grail of them all – Securely Attached – all are welcome. Let's freaking go, y'all! xo – Chelsea

Information

  • Creator
    Chelsea S.
  • Years Active
    2025 - 2026
  • Episodes
    26
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © Copyright 2025 All rights reserved.
  • Show Website
    The Attachment Confessions

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