Dr. Ken Gorczyca has been sitting with death since he was eight years old. His guinea pig, Squeaky, died, and no one helped him. No ritual, no guidance. So he put her in a shoebox, added flowers, dug a hole in the backyard, and figured it out on his own. He didn't know it then, but that was the beginning. Ken graduated from veterinary school in 1983 and moved to San Francisco — straight into the center of the AIDS pandemic. His very first client was a physician asking whether people with HIV should give up their pets. Ken said no. He co-founded Pets Are Wonderful Support, the first organization dedicated to keeping people with AIDS and their animals together. He lost 300 clients. Dozens of friends. And when he finally took the end-of-life doula course at UVM decades later — yes, the same program I went through, and yes, Ken was one of my instructors — he recognized something: we were all death doulas. We just didn't have the name for it yet. When he turned 65, he went into the desert with one question: What's next? What came back was this work. In the last four years, he's been present for the deaths of roughly 2,000 animals — dogs, cats, bunnies, rats — in homes, in living rooms, in the spaces where a life was actually lived. He rings a bell. He tells the story. He smudges. He closes with a poem. Not because it's required, but because he believes — deeply, unwaveringly — that at the end of life, medicine and spirit can't be separated. In this conversation, Ken and I talk about what families most need when they're scared and don't know what to expect. About why he spends 20 minutes asking families to tell him everything — the adoption story, the name story, whether their dog ever stole the turkey off the table — before anything else happens. About disenfranchised grief, and why the loss of an animal is real grief, not a lesser version. About what it means to let go. And about what he's come to believe: that an animal's death is the last lesson they teach you. "Their passing," he said, "is really their last lesson. They're teaching you about death." This one stays with you. RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: Ken and our guests touched on something that doesn't get talked about enough: what happens to your pet when you die — or when you're dying and can't care for them anymore. Here are a few places to start. Pet Advance Directives — Just like a human advance directive, a pet advance directive lets you document your wishes for your animal's care if you're no longer able to make decisions. Mine needs updating. Maybe yours does too. https://tinyurl.com/PetAdvanceDirective Pet Trusts — A pet trust is a legally enforceable arrangement that sets aside funds and names a caretaker for your animal after your death. Unlike leaving a pet to someone informally, a trust gives your wishes legal teeth. Your estate planning attorney can help, or search your state bar association for resources specific to where you live. https://tinyurl.com/PetTrustsPrimer Pet Quality of Life Scale https://tinyurl.com/PetQualityOfLifeScale My Grandfather's Cat — mygrandfatherscat.ca — A free Canadian charity that helps seniors and terminally ill people find second forever homes for their pets. No shelters, no foster systems — their animal stays home until the very last day, then moves directly to a new forever family. Canada-only for now, but a model worth knowing and sharing. A Gentle Rest — agentlerest.com — Dr. Ari Rozycki's in-home euthanasia practice in the San Francisco Bay Area, where Ken Gorczyca is part of the team. If you're in the Bay Area, or simply want to see what this work can look like at its best, it's worth a visit. About the podcast: In Conversation with an End-of-Life Specialist is hosted by Patricia (Trish) Sears, UVM-certified End-of-Life Doula and founder of Graceful Transitions in Vermont's Northeast Kingdom. New episodes are recorded live on the third Wednesday of each month, 4p –5p ET, with a live Q&A for Graceful Lifers. Join the Graceful Lifers community at Substack for exclusive invitations to join live audience and Q&A sessions with guests and deeper conversations about navigating life's thresholds.
