Mr. Nice Guy & the Broken Wife | Navigating Love and Intimacy After Past Abuse

Robyn Homer | Relationship Coach
  • 5.0 (2)
  • Relationships
  • Updated Weekly

I was the wife who felt broken.
 He was the husband who needed to be liked. 
I hid my pain. 
He hid behind kindness.
 I doubted my worth. 
He performed his. Now, I’m finding my voice.
 And he’s learning to stand in truth. I’m Robyn, a domestic abuse survivor turned relationship coach, and this is Mr. Nice Guy & the Broken Wife, a space for couples who want to heal from the past and build a marriage grounded in truth, safety, and connection. If you’ve ever felt stuck in resentment, misunderstood by your partner, or unsure how to break the patterns that keep you apart, you’re not alone. Together, we’ll unpack what healing actually looks like inside a relationship, through real stories, paradigm shifts, and practical tools that bring clarity, hope, and lasting change. Sometimes, my husband Brent joins me for real conversations about our own journey from dysfunction to deep intimacy, because getting here took both of us choosing growth, again and again. This podcast will help you unlearn false beliefs about love, discover emotional safety, and take your next step toward the marriage you’ve always wanted.

  1. 3d ago

    30. From People-Pleasing to True Agency

    What if healing isn't compliance... but it isn't defiance either? Many survivors spend years people-asing, staying small, and keeping the peace. Then, as they heal, they swing to the opposite extreme—resisting anything that feels like pressure or control. In this episode, I'm exploring why neither compliance nor defiance is true freedom, and how healing is really about developing agency: the ability to choose based on your values rather than your reactions. You'll learn: • Why people-pleasing and defiance are more similar than they seem • Gabor Maté's concept of counterwill • The difference between boundaries and reactivity • What healthy sacrifice looks like in marriage • How to become a chooser in your own life If you're tired of repeating the same argument in your marriage, grab my free guide, Stop Repeating the Same Argument. Get it HERE. And if this episode resonates with you, I'd be so grateful if you'd leave a rating or review. It helps more survivors find the podcast and the support they're looking for.

    16 min

  2. May 27

    29. Why Women End Up in Abusive Relationships

    Why are women statistically more likely to end up in abusive relationships? And why do so many survivors continue struggling even after they’ve found a safe, loving partner? In this episode, I unpack the deeper relational patterns beneath abuse — not from a place of blame, but from a place of awareness and healing. I talk about how men and women are often socialized differently around connection, autonomy, emotion, and self-worth, and how those patterns can shape the dynamics inside a relationship. I also share how trauma, attachment wounds, and survival strategies can lead survivors to lose themselves in love — constantly managing, accommodating, shape-shifting, and taking responsibility for things that were never theirs to carry. Inside this conversation, we explore: Why survivors often believe they are “the problem”The difference between healthy connection and self-abandonmentHow over-functioning and emotional withdrawal create imbalanceWhy safe relationships can still feel difficult after abuseWhat it looks like to move from survival patterns into true intimacy Healing is not just about leaving a harmful relationship. It’s about learning how to be close to others without losing yourself in the process. If you find yourself struggling to overcome old patterns in your safe relationship, check out www.mynameiscourage.com for resources to support you in your growth.

    17 min

  3. May 20

    28. Rebuilding Intimacy After Sexual Trauma

    If you trust your partner but still shut down, avoid sex, or feel disconnected during intimacy, this episode will help you understand why. I’m breaking down what’s actually happening when your body responds to sex as if it’s unsafe, even in a loving, secure relationship. This isn’t random, and it’s not a sign that something is wrong with you. We’ll talk about how past sexual trauma shapes your beliefs about your body, your role in sex, and your ability to choose—and how that shows up in patterns like avoiding sex, going along with it, or feeling disconnected during it. I also introduce the concept of sexual agency—what it really means, why it matters, and how it becomes the foundation for rebuilding a healthy, connected sex life on your terms. Inside this episode: Why your body reacts differently than your logical mindThe 3 common sexual patterns after abuseHow trauma impacts desire, connection, and safetyWhat sexual agency actually looks like in practiceThe shift that makes healing possible This is about moving out of fear, obligation, or avoidance—and into choice. If you want support as you rebuild trust, intimacy, and connection in your relationship, you can find coaching and resources at mynameiscourage.com or join my email list HERE.

    31 min

  4. May 13

    27. Why Change Feels Worse Before It Works

    If you’ve ever thought, “I know something needs to change… but I don’t know how without making things worse,” this episode is for you. In this conversation, Brent and I talk about why it feels so difficult to break patterns in your marriage, even when you can clearly see they’re not working. I share what it actually looked like to start changing my own behavior without any guarantee that Brent would change his. That “free fall” phase? It’s real. And it’s where most people turn back. We talk about: Why the “known hard” feels safer than the unknownHow the ego keeps you stuck in control (and conflict)The difference between real growth and subtle manipulationWhy trying to get your partner to change backfiresWhat it actually means to “clean up your side of the street” This episode will challenge the way you think about change in your relationship and give you a more grounded, honest path forward. If you’re ready to stop managing your partner and start creating real change, this is the work. Next step: If this conversation resonates, make sure you’re on my email list. That’s where I will be announcing the Fall retreat dates and early bird pricing first. Subscribe HERE

    24 min

  5. May 6

    26. Why Sex as a "Need" Kills Desire

    What happens when sex stops being about desire and starts becoming about obligation? In this episode, I’m unpacking one of the most common dynamics I see in marriages: one partner feeling responsible for sex, while the other feels dependent on it for connection, reassurance, or validation. On the surface, it can look loving. But underneath, it creates pressure, resentment, emotional management, and a slow erosion of genuine desire. I talk about why treating sex like a “need” often kills the very intimacy couples are trying to create, and the difference between saying yes from strength versus saying yes from fear, obligation, or self-betrayal. We also explore: Why pressure destroys attractionThe difference between desire and caretakingWhat “wanting from strength” actually looks likeHow both partners unintentionally participate in these patternsWhy real intimacy requires freedom and choiceThe shift from managing your partner to taking responsibility for yourself This conversation is about far more than sex. It’s about integrity, emotional maturity, self-confrontation, and becoming someone who can fully choose their relationship instead of operating from fear, pressure, or control. If you’ve felt stuck in the same painful dynamic for years and haven’t known how to change it, this episode will help you start looking at the pattern differently. If you’re not already on my email list, make sure to join it so you’re the first to hear about upcoming retreat dates and early access opportunities. Subscribe HERE.

    23 min

  6. Apr 22

    25. Why Blaming Your Parents Keeps You Stuck

    Forgiving your parents can feel like the one thing you just can’t do, especially when the pain is real and justified. In this episode, I’m sharing the shift that changed everything for me. For years, I stayed stuck in blame. It helped me make sense of my past… but it also kept me tied to it. And that’s the part we don’t talk about enough. This conversation isn’t about excusing what happened or dismissing your anger. It’s about understanding why blame—no matter how valid it feels—can quietly keep you from actually healing. I break down: The difference between blame and responsibility (and why it matters)How blame keeps you psychologically tied to your parentsWhy anger is necessary, but blame is optionalThe role of generational patterns and inherited traumaHow to shift into a place of agency without invalidating your experience This is the work that allows you to stop living in reaction to your past—and start creating something different moving forward. If you’ve done a lot of healing work but still feel stuck here, this episode will give you a new way to look at it. Next step: If this resonated and you’re ready to go deeper, I invite you to book a Discovery Call. This is the kind of shift that changes how you show up in every area of your life, including how you lead, parent, and relate.

    15 min

  7. Apr 15

    24. How to Take Responsibility Without Shame

    If you’ve ever been called out by your partner and instantly felt the urge to shut down, defend yourself, or spiral into self-criticism—this episode will help you understand why. Because the issue usually isn’t a lack of self-awareness. It’s what happens after you see it. In this episode, I’m breaking down the connection between self-compassion, accountability, and the patterns that show up in your relationship—especially the ones that create distance instead of connection. We’re talking about: Why defensiveness and shame show up so quicklyThe difference between guilt and shame (and why it matters)How your “adaptive child” is shaping your reactionsWhat it actually looks like to take responsibility without tearing yourself apartHow to respond differently instead of reacting on autopilot This work isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about understanding the parts of you that were built for survival—and choosing how you want to show up now. And if you’re noticing these patterns play out in your marriage and you’re not sure how to break the cycle on your own, this is exactly the kind of work I support couples through. 👉 You can book a discovery call HERE

    17 min

  8. Apr 8

    23. Love Is Not a Reward: Fix This Marriage Mistake

    In this episode, Brent joins me as we unpack a dynamic that quietly erodes so many marriages: using love as a reward. For years, we were stuck in a painful cycle—one of us trying to earn love, the other withholding it. The more we pushed, the more disconnected we became. Resentment built. Criticism increased. Withdrawal followed. And neither of us felt seen, valued, or understood. What finally changed everything was a simple but confronting shift: love isn’t something your partner earns—it’s a reflection of who you choose to be. We’re sharing what that looked like in our relationship, including: The criticism-withdrawal cycle we couldn’t breakHow validation-seeking showed up (and backfired)The moment we each had to face ourselves honestlyWhy withholding love never creates the change you wantWhat it actually looks like to love without conditions (without losing yourself) This isn’t about ignoring bad behavior or avoiding boundaries. It’s about stepping out of control patterns and choosing how you show up—regardless of what your partner does. If you’ve ever felt taken for granted, unseen, or stuck in the same arguments on repeat, this conversation will help you see your relationship—and yourself—differently. And more importantly, it will show you what’s actually within your control to change.

    32 min
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Ratings & Reviews

5
out of 5
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About

I was the wife who felt broken.
 He was the husband who needed to be liked. 
I hid my pain. 
He hid behind kindness.
 I doubted my worth. 
He performed his. Now, I’m finding my voice.
 And he’s learning to stand in truth. I’m Robyn, a domestic abuse survivor turned relationship coach, and this is Mr. Nice Guy & the Broken Wife, a space for couples who want to heal from the past and build a marriage grounded in truth, safety, and connection. If you’ve ever felt stuck in resentment, misunderstood by your partner, or unsure how to break the patterns that keep you apart, you’re not alone. Together, we’ll unpack what healing actually looks like inside a relationship, through real stories, paradigm shifts, and practical tools that bring clarity, hope, and lasting change. Sometimes, my husband Brent joins me for real conversations about our own journey from dysfunction to deep intimacy, because getting here took both of us choosing growth, again and again. This podcast will help you unlearn false beliefs about love, discover emotional safety, and take your next step toward the marriage you’ve always wanted.

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