The Psychology of Relationships

Julie Krafchick & Yue Xu
  • 5.0 (26)
  • RELATIONSHIPS
  • UPDATED WEEKLY

Every couple has a story: the sparks, the late-night talks, the fights about nothing, and the moments that change everything. So why do some relationships thrive while others fall apart? The answer isn’t luck; it’s psychology. Join Julie Krafchick and Yue Xu, hosts of the hit podcast Dateable and authors of the book 'How to Be Dateable,' as they navigate this next phase of long-term committed relationships. Together with leading experts in the field, they'll explore what science really tells us about love, conflict, and connection — and translate it into tools you can actually use. 

Episodes

  1. 5D AGO

    The Science of Attraction: The Research Behind About Who We Fall For and Why w/ Paul Eastwick

    Why are we drawn to certain people—and why do some connections deepen while others fade? In this episode, Julie and Yue sit down with UC Davis professor and director of the Attraction and Relationships Research Lab, Dr. Paul Eastwick, to explore the science behind attraction and long-term compatibility. Drawing from decades of research, Paul Eastwick explains why our “ideal partner” checklist often doesn’t match who we actually connect with, how attraction can grow over time, and what psychological mechanisms—like attachment, motivated reasoning, and predictive modeling—shape the way we evaluate potential partners. In this episode, you’ll learn: • Why Initial Attraction Isn’t Always a Perfect Predictor of Long-Term Compatibility • How Our Stated Preferences Differ from Who We Actually Connect With • How Repeated Interactions and Familiarity Deepen Attraction (Mere Exposure Effect) • How Attachment and Past Experiences Shape How We Form Romantic Bonds • How Predictive Models and Motivated Reasoning Influence Partner Selection • Why Emotional Intimacy and Shared Experiences Strengthen Connection Over Time • How Attraction Evolves—Sometimes in Surprising Ways—as Relationships Develop To learn more about Paul Eastwick: follow @pauleastwick and visithttps://pauleastwick.com

    54 min

  2. JAN 1

    The Equality Myth: What Healthy Couples Do Instead of Going 50/50 w/ Nate & Kaley Klemp

    What if striving for fairness is actually driving disconnection in your relationship? We’ve been sold the idea of a 50/50 partnership—that equal contribution is the key to love—but real life, stress, parenting, and ambition often make that impossible. In this episode, Julie and Yue sit down with husband-and-wife team Nate and Kaley Klemp, authors of The 80/80 Marriage: A New Model for a Happier, Stronger Relationship, to explore a new framework for connection. Drawing from mindfulness, leadership, and high-performance coaching, they share how radical generosity—giving 80% instead of keeping score—can build a stronger, more resilient partnership. In this episode, you’ll learn: • Why the 50/50 Mindset Can Erode Connection and Foster Resentment • How Radical Generosity Creates a Thriving Partnership • The Role of Equity Theory in Relationship Satisfaction • How to Navigate Key Transitions from Dating to Cohabitation and Parenthood • Why Shared Success Matters More Than Equal Input • How Couples Can Go “All-In” Together Without Burning Out • Practical Ways to Co-Create a Relationship That Grows Over Time To learn more about Nate and Kaley Klemp: follow @8080marriage and explore their work at https://8080marriage.com

    51 min

  3. 12/25/2025

    Emotional Availability: The Real Foundation of Any Relationship (and Why So Many People Lack It) w/ Connor Beaton

    We talk a lot about love, commitment, and compatibility—but there’s one quieter factor that determines whether a relationship can truly thrive: emotional availability. In this episode, Julie and Yue sit down with Connor Beaton, founder of ManTalks and author of Men’s Work, to explore why some people can hold space for your emotions and connect deeply, while others seem emotionally out of reach—even when they’re right next to you. Drawing from attachment theory, emotional regulation, and decades of coaching experience, Connor explains how emotional safety is built, why vulnerability falters without it, and what it takes to cultivate real intimacy in modern relationships. In this episode, you’ll learn: • What Emotional Availability Really Is—and Why It Matters • How Attachment Patterns Shape Your Ability to Connect • Why Emotional Safety Is the Foundation for Vulnerability • How to Recognize When a Partner Is Emotionally Present—or Not • Practical Tools to Increase Your Own Emotional Availability • How Self-Leadership and Emotional Intelligence Support Deeper Relationships • Why Facing Your Shadow Can Transform How You Show Up for Love To learn more about Connor Beaton: follow @mantalks and visit https://connorbeaton.com

    46 min

  4. 12/18/2025

    Do Relationships Make You Happy? The Truth About Love, Marriage & Happiness w/ Rob Mack

    Many of us hold onto the belief that “once I’m in a relationship… then I’ll finally be happy.” But while love can absolutely bring joy, it can’t replace the inner work of building our own happiness baseline. In this episode, Julie and Yue talk with celebrity happiness coach and positive psychology expert Rob Mack about why lasting happiness starts within—not after you meet the right person. Drawing on research like the Michigan State study showing marriage increases happiness by less than one percent, Rob explains why real love thrives when two people come together already full, grounded in their own worth —and how couples support each other, not complete each other. In this episode, you’ll learn: • Why Happiness Isn’t Delivered After Love—It Starts With You • How Hedonic Adaptation Lowers the High of Major Life Moments • How to Build a Sustainable Happiness Baseline Through Self-Worth • Why Some Relationships Drain You—and How to Walk Away With Clarity • How to Choose a Partner Who Supports Your Wellbeing (Without Relying on Them for It) • How to Create Interdependence—Not Dependence—in Your Relationship • Why Two People Who Are Already Full Build the Strongest, Healthiest Love To learn more about Rob Mack: follow @robmackofficial and visit https://www.coachrobmack.com

    54 min

  5. 12/11/2025

    Navigating a Pace Discrepancy: When One Person Is Ready for The Next Step & The Other Isn’t w/ Dr. Alexandra Solomon

    It’s easy to feel steady in love—until you and your partner aren’t moving at the same pace. When one person is ready for the next step and the other isn’t, even the healthiest relationships can start to feel uncertain. Julie and Yue sit down with clinical psychologist and bestselling author Dr. Alexandra Solomon to unpack what’s really happening beneath pace discrepancies. Drawing from her groundbreaking work on relational self-awareness, Dr. Solomon explains why mismatched timing activates attachment patterns, old schemas, and deep questions about worthiness—and how couples can navigate these moments without spiraling into fear, pressure, or ultimatums. In this episode, you’ll learn: • Why Pace Discrepancies Trigger Attachment, Anxiety, and Self-Doubt • How Your Past Bonds Influence the Meaning You Make in These Moments • How to Communicate Needs and Hopes Without Issuing an Ultimatum • How to Tell the Difference Between a Temporary Pause and a Fundamental Misalignment • Why One Partner Often Moves Faster (or Slower) — and What That Reveals About Their Inner World • How to Stay Connected, Curious, and Compassionate Through Mismatched Timing • When to Keep Moving Forward Together — and When It Might Be Time to Walk Away To learn more about Dr. Solomon: follow @dr.alexandra.solomon, listen to Reimagining Love, and read her books Loving Bravely, Taking Sexy Back, and Love Every Day.

    46 min

  6. 12/04/2025

    How to Love Better: The Reason Why Personal Growth Is What Keeps Your Relationship Strong w/ Yung Pueblo

    Love grows when you do. We talk a lot about how to find love and how to keep it, but not nearly enough about how to grow inside it. Because real love isn’t just a feeling — it’s a skill. In this episode, Julie and Yue sit down with New York Times bestselling author Diego Perez (better known as Yung Pueblo) to explore how self-awareness, attachment, and emotional regulation shape the way we show up in relationships. Drawing from mindfulness and modern psychology, he breaks down how our pasts wire us, how our unhealed parts seek safety, and why growth — not perfection — is what truly strengthens intimacy. In this episode, you’ll learn: • How to Build Self-Awareness That Strengthens Your Relationship • Why Attachment and Nervous System Patterns Shape the Way You Love • How to Regulate Emotions During Triggering or Tense Moments • Ways to Separate Past Wounds From Present Dynamics  • How to Make More Conscious, Intentional Choices in How You Love  • Why Couples Grow Together Through Repair, Not Perfection  • How to Practice Accountability That Deepens Intimacy To learn more about Yung Pueblo: follow @yung_pueblo and visit: https://yungpueblo.com/

    42 min

  7. 11/27/2025

    Why We Love: What Science Tells Us About The Most Deeply Human Experience Of Our Lives w/ Dr. Anna Machin

    When love feels hard, it’s easy to forget why we chose it in the first place. But remembering why we love—and what drives our need for connection—is often what helps us stay grounded. In this episode, Julie and Yue sit down with evolutionary anthropologist Dr. Anna Machin to explore what biology, psychology, and evolution can teach us about the most deeply human experience we have. Drawing from two decades of research, Dr. Machin reveals how our earliest attachments, neurochemical patterns, and evolutionary instincts shape how we love, who we choose, and why connection is so essential to our wellbeing.  In this episode, you’ll learn: How Evolution and Early Attachment Form Your Blueprint for Love How Brain Chemistry Drives Attraction, Bonding, and Long-Term Connection How Different Forms of Love—Romantic, Familial, Queer, Platonic, Polyamorous—Function in the Brain Why Love Can Feel Addictive—and the Psychology Behind Coercive or Unhealthy Dynamics How to Make More Conscious, Intentional Choices in How You Love Why Love Is the Single Most Important Factor in Human Health and Meaning To learn more about Dr Anna Machin: follow @dr_amachin and visit: https://annamachin.com/

    58 min

  8. 11/20/2025

    What Your Schemas Reveal About How You’re Wired For Relationships w/ Dr. Avigail Lev

    We don’t just show up to relationships as adults — we show up with every belief we learned long before. Those early schemas — the quiet stories like “I’m not enough,” “People always leave,” or “Love has to be earned” — shape our patterns far more than we realize. In this episode, Julie and Yue sit down with psychologist and schema expert Dr. Avigail Lev to break down how these core beliefs form, why they’re so sticky, and how understanding them can transform the way we love. Dr. Lev explains how identifying your schemas helps you interrupt old cycles, build more secure connections, and finally rewrite the patterns that keep you stuck. In this episode, you’ll learn: What schemas are and why these beliefs are hard to shake How your early experiences shape the way you show up in relationships Which thoughts keep you stuck in the same love traps Why you’re drawn to certain types of partners and patterns How to recognize the subconscious beliefs guiding your behavior Practical ways to change your behavior and create the love life you want To learn more about Dr. Avigail Lev: visit: https://bayareacbtcenter.com/therapist/avigail-lev-psyd/ To take the relationship schemas quiz: visit https://bayareacbtcenter.com/relationship-schema-quiz/

    1h 23m

  9. 11/20/2025

    The Most Important Ingredient for a Healthy Relationship: How Conflict Can Actually Bring You Closer w/ Vienna Pharaon & Connor Beaton

    The reality is: no relationship is perfect. Conflict happens. Sometimes we hurt each other — even in the healthiest partnerships. But what truly matters is how we respond. In this episode, Julie and Yue sit down with licensed therapist Vienna Pharaon and men’s work leader Connor Beaton to explore why repair — not perfection — is the real foundation of a healthy relationship. Drawing from their own lived experience (including navigating new parenthood) and the work they do with couples every day, Vienna and Connor break down how accountability, compassion, and intentional repair can turn moments of rupture into opportunities for deeper connection. In this episode, you’ll learn: How to Practice Real Accountability in Your Relationship How to Repair After Conflict in a Way That Builds Trust How to Understand the Patterns You Bring from Your Family of Origin How to Communicate During Tense Moments Without Escalating How to Reconnect Emotionally After You’ve Hurt Each Other How to Stay a Team Through Stress, Change, and New Life Transitions To learn more about Vienna: follow @mindfulmft and visit: https://viennapharaon.com/ To learn more about Connor: follow @mantalks and visit https://connorbeaton.com/

    53 min

  10. 11/20/2025

    The 6 Pillars of a Relationship + How To Build Habits That Strengthen Them

    The reason relationships feel so rewarding and so hard? You’re not just dating a person, you’re navigating two sets of needs, triggers, habits, fears, and histories in one partnership. Beneath every smile, every fight, and every silence, there’s psychology at work. Over the past decade, we’ve explored modern dating on our hit podcast Dateable and through our book How to Be Dateable (Simon & Schuster, Jan 2025), learning what it takes to move from dating to committed partnerships. But the journey doesn’t stop there: we want to keep building dream relationships that thrive over time. In this episode, we dive into the six pillars we believe form the foundation of strong partnerships, and how you can build the habits to strengthen your relationship through every stage of life. In this episode, you’ll learn: How to become aware of your own patterns and triggers in relationships Better strategies for communication and repair after conflict How to regulate emotions and provide meaningful support to your partner The importance of reciprocity, appreciation, and true teamwork How to manage expectations and adopt a growth mindset as a couple Ways to create shared meaning and deepen connection over time To learn more about Julie: follow @juliekrafchick and visit: https://juliekrafchick.com/ To learn more about Yue: follow @nonplatonic and visit https://www.yuexu.com/ Or to learn more about both of us at Dateable: follow @dateablepodcast and visit http://dateablepodcast.com/

    37 min

  11. 11/10/2025

    Welcome to The Psychology of Relationships

    This is The Psychology of Relationships out 11/20/25. Subscribe now so you get all the episodes.

    2 min

Trailer

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About

Every couple has a story: the sparks, the late-night talks, the fights about nothing, and the moments that change everything. So why do some relationships thrive while others fall apart? The answer isn’t luck; it’s psychology. Join Julie Krafchick and Yue Xu, hosts of the hit podcast Dateable and authors of the book 'How to Be Dateable,' as they navigate this next phase of long-term committed relationships. Together with leading experts in the field, they'll explore what science really tells us about love, conflict, and connection — and translate it into tools you can actually use. 

Information

  • Creator
    Julie Krafchick & Yue Xu
  • Years Active
    2025 - 2026
  • Episodes
    11
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © 2024 Drank Productions LLC
  • Show Website
    The Psychology of Relationships