What if the iPad at the restaurant wasn’t a sign of lazy parenting—but the very tool helping a child participate? In this episode of Infinite Halls, I sit down with my friend Carmen, a Hong Kong mother raising her extraordinary teenage son, Vincent, who is autistic. Carmen is also the founder of Optism, a platform created to help families across Hong Kong and Asia navigate life on the autism spectrum through information, resources, and community. The idea for Optism began during COVID, after one particularly exhausting day of online school, homework, and constant support. Carmen and Vincent were looking through old photographs when Vincent noticed how far they had come. Then he said something that changed everything: “I think we need to help other people.” At first, Carmen wondered why anyone would look to them for help. She felt like they were the ones who needed support. But Vincent’s words stayed with her—and eventually inspired her to use her background in publishing to make information more accessible to other families. Today, Optism reaches tens of thousands of users. But this episode begins somewhere many Hong Kong families will immediately recognize: around a crowded dim sum table. When Vincent was younger, family meals could be overwhelming. The noise, smells, unfamiliar food, crowded rooms, and expectations to sit quietly created an enormous sensory load. Sometimes he would gag or vomit. Sometimes he would melt down. And sometimes strangers would stare. Carmen worried that people saw an unruly child and a mother who could not control him. But what they couldn’t see was a child trying to manage an environment that felt overwhelming—and a mother doing everything she could to help him remain part of the family gathering. So Carmen brought an iPad. Some people saw it as a shortcut. For Carmen, it was a lifeline. The screen gave Vincent enough regulation and predictability to sit through the meal. It allowed Carmen to stay at the table instead of spending the entire gathering outside the restaurant. Most importantly, it helped their family participate in traditions that might otherwise have felt impossible. There was once a time when she wondered whether her son would ever be able to communicate with her. But it was technology that enabled this deeper communication. That is something she never takes for granted. Together, we explore how technology can: Help a child regulate in an overwhelming sensory environmentAllow families to participate in meals, celebrations, and traditionsSupport communication and complement a child’s therapeutic goalsPrepare children for unfamiliar places and experiencesMake routines and expectations more visible and predictableGive teenagers greater independence while offering parents reassuranceCreate new ways for children and parents to stay connectedSupport a child’s growing confidence and self-advocacyCarmen is clear that there is no single answer that works for every child or every family. The question isn’t whether an iPad is universally good or bad. The question is: What is this screen doing for this child in this moment? Is it helping them communicate? Is it making an overwhelming environment manageable? Is it creating a bridge toward participation, confidence, or independence? Carmen also shares how she explained autism to Vincent when he was only five or six. After reading online that autism was a disability, he told her, “I’m disabled.” Rather than hiding his diagnosis, Carmen helped him understand it. She described autism as a different ability—one that brings real challenges but does not define his worth or determine what he can contribute. Vincent even has an ability Carmen does not: give him almost any date, and he can quickly tell you what day of the week it falls on. His mind works differently. And different does not mean less. That belief has helped Vincent understand his challenges, recognize his strengths, and grow into an advocate who can speak openly about autism. Carmen’s story reminds us how quickly we judge what we see without understanding what may be happening beneath the surface. The child watching an iPad at the dim sum table may not be disconnected from the family. That screen may be the very thing allowing him to remain at the table. This isn’t a story about using screens to avoid parenting. It’s a story about adapting our parenting to the child in front of us. About replacing judgment with curiosity. About using technology with intention. And about recognizing that the right tool, used at the right moment, can help a child connect, communicate, and gradually step into the world with greater independence. If you have ever worried about being judged for the choices you make for your child—or wondered whether technology could be a bridge rather than a barrier—this episode is for you. No judgment. No rules. Just a real story from inside the endless twists and turns of raising kids in a world of screens. CHAPTERS: 00:00 Welcome to Infinite Halls 01:28 Optism Origin Story 05:59 Dim Sum and iPad Debates 10:02 iPad as Therapy Tool 15:40 MAP Circle Support (SPONSOR) 17:12 Tech for Teen Independence 21:59 Autism Disclosure Talk 25:34 Optism Mission Wrap Learn More About Optism https://optism.co/ Optism provides information, resources, and community for families navigating autism in Hong Kong and across Asia. This Episode Is Supported by MAP Circle MAP Circle is a community for women building businesses while raising families and navigating real life. It is a place to ask the basic question, bring the messy idea, admit when you’re stuck, and receive practical support and encouragement. https://mumsatplay.com/ If this episode resonated with you, follow Infinite Halls so you don’t miss what’s next—and share it with a parent, educator, therapist, or friend who could benefit from Carmen and Vincent’s story. You can find more from me at: https://infinitescreentime.com Follow along on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/infinitescreentime/ Connect with me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/arcadiakim/ No judgment. No rules. Just real stories. See you in the next hall. Overthinking. Self-doubt. Trying to do everything at once. Arcadia shares how coaching helped her move beyond these common challenges and why she recommends Mehroo's neuroscience-backed approach to building mental fitness, resilience, and sustainable success. Book a discovery call with Mehroo and you will thank me later. https://mehrooturel.com/ Mums@Play CircleThe MAP Circle is part the Mums@PLAY community, designed for solopreneurs growing their businesses.Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.Support the show If this episode resonated with you, follow Infinite Halls so you don’t miss what’s next—and share it with someone who’s navigating this too. You can find more from me at https://infinitescreentime.com Follow along on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/infinitescreentime/ Connect on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/arcadiakim/ Infinite Halls is built on stories—the kind that take time, care, and real listening to tell well. Each episode involves research, recording, editing, and thoughtful production to honor the voices shared here. That work isn’t fast, and it isn’t free. Your support keeps us going: https://www.paypal.com/ncp/payment/7TDSUMBR5TR5A No judgment. No rules. Just real stories. See you in the next Infinite Hall.
