A Good Length - Conversations for men

Dr. Venu Bhamidi

A Good Length is a podcast hosted by Dr. Venu Bhamidi exploring modern masculinity, men’s health, fatherhood, family law, relationships, divorce and the pressures facing men today. Through honest conversations, expert insights, and lived experience, the show creates a space where difficult topics can be discussed without shame, hostility, or ideological extremes & men can become healthier, wiser and more grounded versions of themselves. Ultimately, A Good Length is about fostering positive masculinity, protecting future generations of boys, and building stronger men, families, and communities.

  1. 4d ago

    Never Get Married? A Divorce Lawyer’s Warning to Men | David Pisarra

    After 27 years in family court representing only men, divorce lawyer David Pisarra has one piece of advice that will make you uncomfortable: think very carefully before you marry.In this full conversation on A Good Length, vascular surgeon and divorced father Dr Venu Bhamidi sits down with David Pisarra, California family law attorney and founder of Dad's Law School. They talk about why family court has become "global thermonuclear war", how fathers are falsely accused and lose their kids, the alimony double standard facing stay-at-home dads, and what every man should know before he commits, separates or fights for custody.This is divorce advice for men from someone who has seen thousands of cases, along with a frank look at where men sabotage themselves.CHAPTERS0:00 Welcome David Pisarra1:04 Growing up with domestic violence and alcohol6:59 How family court became toxic9:05 "Divorce by ambush"9:49 Why he only represents men14:04 The 3-year divorce plan15:35 What to do in the first days of a divorce22:12 The silver bullet: kicked out in 5 minutes25:06 Body cams for fathers29:32 How men sabotage their own cases32:35 What the fathers' rights movement gets wrong38:40 The judge has already judged you41:08 What's a fair custody arrangement?47:42 Is custody being weaponised for child support?53:55 Alimony and stay-at-home dads58:44 "Never get married"1:00:43 Red flags before you commit1:05:35 His 4 rules for a happy life1:08:09 Separate bank accounts and prenups1:10:35 What fathers refuse to believe1:13:30 Answering a feminist family lawyer1:16:04 Relocation: when she moves the kids away1:22:29 The Hague ConventionABOUT DAVID PISARRAFamily law attorney, author and founder of Dad's Law School: https://www.unionofdads.com/ABOUT A GOOD LENGTHConversations for men on psychology, health, fatherhood and masculinity.Instagram: @agoodlength Spotify & Apple Podcasts: A Good Length: Conversations for MenGuest or story enquiries: agoodlength@gmail.comDavid practises in California. Family law differs between countries and states. This episode is general information, not legal advice. Speak to a family lawyer in your jurisdiction.#DivorceAdvice #FamilyCourt #FathersRights #divorce #fatherhood

  2. Oct 3

    The Power of a Good Woman after a Bad Day

    Why do so many men sit in the driveway before walking inside after a hard day? And what changes when the person waiting behind that front door makes them feel safe? In this episode of A Good Length, Vascular Surgeon Dr. Venu Bhamidi explores the power of a good woman after a bad day: the psychology, the biology, and the hard-won lessons from divorce, self-reflection and finding love again. This isn't a fantasy about the perfect partner. It's an honest conversation about emotional safety, men's mental health, and why a man who comes home to genuine peace doesn't shrink, he expands. In this episode: - Why high-performing men are so good at "appearing fine," and what it costs them - What happens in your nervous system when you walk through the front door (cortisol, oxytocin and the science of co-regulation) - The four things most men want from a partner but rarely say out loud: softness, peace, loyalty and recognition - Why tying your self-worth to your output is so exhausting - What men regret at the end of their lives, from 20 years as a doctor - Secure attachment in adults: why emotional safety makes men braver at work and more patient at home - The trap of intermittent warmth, and why men stay in draining relationships too long - Why it has to go both ways: what a good woman deserves in return - Learning to receive love when you've spent a lifetime saying "I'm fine" - The Five-Minute Driveway Reset: a simple ritual to stop carrying a bad day into your home If this episode put words to something you've been carrying, share it with a man who needs it, or with the good woman in your life who might not know how much she matters. Subscribe Now for weekly conversations on men's psychology, health, fatherhood and masculinity. REFERENCES Coan, Schaefer & Davidson (2006). Lending a hand: social regulation of the neural response to threat. Psychological Science. Holt-Lunstad, Smith & Layton (2010). Social relationships and mortality risk. PLoS Medicine. Robles et al. (2014). Marital quality and health: a meta-analytic review. Psychological Bulletin. Feeney (2004). A secure base: responsive support of goal strivings. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Butler & Randall (2013). Emotional coregulation in close relationships. Emotion Review. Balban et al. (2023). Brief structured respiration practices enhance mood. Cell Reports Medicine. Books: The Good Life (Waldinger & Schulz), The Top Five Regrets of the Dying (Bronnie Ware), Hold Me Tight (Sue Johnson), The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (John Gottman), I Don't Want to Talk About It (Terrence Real). Support If you're struggling, or your relationship involves fear or control, MensLine Australia is available 24/7 on 1300 78 99 78. In an emergency, call 000. This content is for education and reflection and is not a substitute for personal medical or psychological advice. #MensHealth #Relationships #Divorce #Masculinity #marriage

  3. Sep 20

    What relocation does to fathers and children

    Time can be divided. Distance cannot. When separated parents live in the same city, a child keeps the architecture of their life: the same school, the same friends, the same streets. When a court permits relocation, one parent's relationship doesn't shrink. It changes category. He becomes an adult who arrives, is hosted, and leaves. This episode is addressed to the judges of the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia, and to the report writers and Independent Children's Lawyers who advise them. It isn't an argument about divorce, and it isn't a complaint about mothers. It's about one decision: the one that puts real geographical distance between a child and a parent who loves them. It covers what the research actually shows about non-resident fathers, why video calls can't carry a childhood, how a loving relationship can erode without anybody causing it, why delay decides these cases before the final hearing does, and why relocation is one of the few orders a court can make that time will not let it take back. Safety comes first, and nothing here asks any court to lower that threshold. But where both parents are safe, loving and capable, distance is the one variable in the order that quietly decides everything else. Chapters00:00 An open letter to the bench01:23 Same city is not the same thing02:45 A visitor in his own children's lives04:09 Section 60CC and the cost of absence05:06 Quantity of contact, quality of fathering06:46 "Dad doesn't even know me"08:48 Unproven risk10:01 A screen can't carry a childhood11:09 The only door12:41 When novelty becomes disruption14:14 Erosion without fault15:43 The adolescent window17:15 The Disneyland Dad19:18 Why fathers stop21:32 A grief with no name22:35 The child's answer23:44 Delay makes the decision24:50 The order you can't take back26:44 The ask27:51 The judgment ends, the consequences don't29:14 Three friends SupportIf this episode is close to home, please don't sit with it alone.MensLine Australia — 1300 78 99 78Lifeline — 13 11 14Emergency — 000 This episode discusses parental separation, grief and suicide. Nothing in this episode is legal advice. If you're facing a relocation application, get advice from a family lawyer in your jurisdiction. #fatherhood #marriage #divorce #agoodlength #menshealth

  4. Sep 12

    "I Knew I Was Done" — The Doctor Who Woke Up Paralysed at 25

    What happens to a man’s identity when the life he built suddenly disappears? For some men, that happens through divorce, separation, marriage breakdown, changes in fatherhood or career loss. For Dr Dinesh Palipana, it happened in an instant. In 2010, while studying medicine, Dinesh was involved in a catastrophic car accident that caused a spinal cord injury and left him quadriplegic. In this episode of A Good Length, Dr Venu Bhamidi sits down with Dinesh — doctor, lawyer, researcher, author and disability advocate — for a remarkably candid conversation about identity, masculinity, disability, relationships, intimacy, men’s mental health, resilience and rebuilding life after profound change. Dinesh takes us back to the moment he realised he was paralysed. We also go somewhere conversations about disability rarely go: dating, attraction, sexuality, relationships, physical touch and intimacy. How does a man understand masculinity when his body no longer works as it once did? What happens to sexual identity and desirability after catastrophic injury? And how do you allow someone else to see you vulnerable when you struggle to accept your own body? But this conversation is about IDENTITY AFTER LOSS. Men rebuilding after divorce, separation, marriage breakdown, changes in fatherhood, retirement, career failure, illness or disability face very different circumstances, but often encounter the same fundamental question: Who am I when the role that defined me disappears? Before his accident, Dinesh associated success with career, money, cars, a house, marriage, children and status. Today, he sees identity differently. Bodies change. Careers end. Marriages can end. Children grow up. Money disappears. Status fades. Dinesh advocates for building identity around values: integrity, gratitude, friendship, service, character and purpose. We also discuss depression and suicide, male friendship, quality of life after disability, hope in medicine, spinal cord injury research and what Dinesh would say to someone wondering whether life is still worth living. A Good Length explores the conversations men often don’t have — divorce, marriage, separation, fatherhood, men’s health, relationships, masculinity, identity and rebuilding when life doesn’t go according to plan. Subscribe for new episodes on masculinity, fatherhood, identity, health and the things men don't say out loud. #AGoodLength #DineshPalipana #MensMentalHealth #depression #SpinalCordInjury #Masculinity #Disability #MensHealth #Identity #Resilience #BioSpine CHAPTERS 00:00 — A story that seems impossible 01:15 — Who Dinesh was before 03:37 — Depression in law school, and how he found medicine 05:54 — The last ordinary day 07:37 — Waking up unable to move 08:58 — "It's going to be okay, Mum" 10:11 — What happens to manhood when the body fails 11:38 — Two years without looking in a mirror 12:39 — Needing help vs feeling helpless 13:31 — The friend who didn't make it to the weekend 16:01 — What doctors say to catastrophically injured patients that's useless 17:38 — Who gets to decide what a life is worth 20:12 — Pity, discrimination, and what actually gets under his skin 22:16 — Is being "inspirational" a prison? 23:50 — Who sees you on the bad days 24:46 — Male friendship, and why the group chat matters 26:46 — Did achievement replace independence? 27:43 — The thing he misses most: human touch 29:19 — Disability, intimacy and sexual desirability 32:27 — Sex, identity and being a man 34:14 — Love, loyalty, and the dynamic he still hasn't solved 37:06 — Healthy ambition vs proving people wrong 37:49 — The barn, and the moon 40:14 — Impermanence, Buddhism and letting go of who you think you are 42:59 — Advice for any man who's just lost his identity 45:18 — The one thing he can't make peace with 46:52 — BioSpine and a world without paralysis 49:19 — Hope vs scientific detachment 51:44 — Quickfire 54:18 — To the man lying in a hospital bed tonight

  5. Sep 6

    Control After Divorce: How to Survive High-Conflict Co-Parenting

    How do you deal with a controlling ex after divorce without allowing high-conflict co-parenting to consume your life? Dr Venu Bhamidi examines post-separation control, emotional bait, difficult co-parenting communication, the BIFF and grey rock methods, financial conflict, parenting boundaries and the fear many fathers experience of becoming a visitor in their children's lives. The objective isn't to win every argument. It's to understand what you actually control—your communication, reactions, boundaries, parenting and home—and stop surrendering your peace trying to control what you don't. A practical conversation about divorce, fatherhood, emotional regulation and playing the long game when co-parenting becomes a battle for control. A Good Length with Dr Venu Bhamidi - Real conversations about male advocacy, men’s health and how men can develop positive and productive lives. #Divorce #CoParenting #highconflict #fatherhood #menshealth #agoodlength

  6. Aug 23

    Why Men Fall Apart After Divorce

    Why do some men appear to fall apart after divorce? For many couples, the official separation isn't actually day one. One partner may have spent months or years emotionally processing the end of the marriage, while the other experiences it as a sudden collapse of family, home, identity and control. In this episode of A Good Length, Dr. Venu Bhamidi examines the psychology of divorce for men and the experience of fathers after separation. We explore why men can feel blindsided by divorce; the difference between the initiator and non-initiator; why male social networks often collapse after separation; loneliness and isolation among divorced fathers; the loss of everyday fatherhood; anger, grief and emotional dysregulation; and why a man's behaviour during the worst period of his life can sometimes become retrospective "evidence" against him. The episode also examines the social dynamics surrounding divorce: how narratives form, why mutual friendships disappear, why men often rely too heavily on their romantic partner for emotional support, and why rebuilding an independent social network is critical to long-term recovery. Most importantly, this episode is about what men can actually control. Stop trying to win every narrative. Build your own community. Protect your children from the conflict. Regulate your behaviour when emotions are at their highest. Look after your sleep, physical health and alcohol intake. And recognise that rebuilding life after divorce is rarely about simply "moving on." Sometimes the goal is learning to carry what happened without allowing it to deform the person you become. A Good Length — Real conversations about male advocacy, men’s health and fostering positive masculinity. Topics: divorce for men, men's mental health, divorced fathers, fatherhood after separation, male loneliness, separation, relationships, masculinity, co-parenting, life after divorce, rebuilding after divorce and men's social isolation. Academic References 1.  Leopold, T. (2018). Gender Differences in the Consequences of Divorce: A Study of Multiple Outcomes. Demography, 55(3), 769–797. (Key panel data examining short-term subjective well-being collapses in men vs. chronic economic impacts in women). 2.  Shor,E., et al. (2021). Union Dissolution and Acute Mental Health Crises: A Longitudinal Assessment of Post-Separation Gender Trajectories. Journal of Health and Social Behavior, 62(2), 145–162. (Examining acute emotional distress and health declines immediately following marital separation). 3. Rosenfeld, M. J. (2015/2018). Who wants the breakup? Gender and breakup in heterosexual couples. Presented to the American Sociological Association; analysis of the How Couples Meet and Stay Together survey, waves 2009–2015. StanfordUniversity. 4.  Milardo, R. M. (1987). Changes in social networks of women and men following divorce: A review. Journal of Family Issues, 8(1), 78–96. 5. Rosenthal, C. J. (1985). Kinkeeping in the familial division of labour. Journal of Marriage and Family, 47(4), 965–974. 6. Ferrara, A., & Vergara, D. (2025). Theorizing mankeeping: The male friendship recession and women's associated labor as a structural component of gender inequality. Psychology of Men & Masculinities. American Psychological Association. 7.  Patulny, R. (2012). Social contact, efficacy and support amongst Australian fathers. Journal of Family Studies, 18(2–3), 222–234. [ABS General Social Survey 2006.] 8. Australian Institute of Family Studies. Social connectedness among Australian males. Ten to Men: The Australian Longitudinal Study on Male Health, Waves 1–2 (2013/14,2015/16). 9.  Kruk, E. (2010). Collateral damage: The lived experience of fathers removed from their children after divorce. Journal of Comparative Family Studies. 10.  Perales, F., et al. (2024). Predictors of male loneliness across life stages: An Australian study of longitudinal data. BMC Public Health, 24. [HILDA Survey, waves 2–21.]

  7. Aug 9

    Leadership, Fatherhood & Purpose with Rudi Khouri (Chief Digital Officer, Fisher & Paykal Appliances)

    Success doesn’t happen by accident. Neither does great fatherhood. In this episode of A Good Length, I sit down with Rudi Khoury (Chief Digital Officer at Fisher & Paykel Appliances), to explore what it really takes to build a successful career without sacrificing your family, values or integrity. Growing up without his father from the age of 11, Rudi shares how his mother, grandparents, uncles and mentors shaped the man he became. We discuss leadership, ambition, purpose, parenting, marriage, resilience and why today’s young men need positive role models more than ever. We also dive into: * Growing up without a father * Why mentors matter * Balancing executive leadership with family life * The hidden cost of ambition * Marriage, partnership and shared leadership * Raising resilient children * Why victim mentality holds people back * Building purpose instead of chasing comfort * Preparing children for an AI-driven future * Financial literacy and delayed gratification * Health, relationships and long-term success This conversation isn’t about perfection. It’s about becoming intentional—at work, at home and as a parent. If you’re a father, husband, leader or simply trying to build a meaningful life, this episode is for you.Subscribe for new conversations on Sundays. ⸻Chapters 00:00 Introduction 00:30 Growing up without a father 05:35 Male role models and mentorship 07:38 Building ambition and purpose 09:37 Balancing career and family 11:34 The personal cost of success 14:09 Being present as a husband and father 15:55 Raising sons and daughters 20:05 Why community shapes your children 23:03 Preparing children for the modern world 27:28 Purpose vs victim mentality 32:05 Sport, leadership and resilience 36:44 Leadership at work vs leadership at home 41:20 Marriage under pressure 48:00 Staying connected through family life 50:40 AI and the future of work 57:34 Advice to his younger self 1:05:44 Health, friendship and long-term success 1:07:24 Choosing the right life partner #Fatherhood #Leadership #MensHealth #Parenting #Marriage #Purpose #Success #PersonalGrowth #Podcast #AGoodLength

    Leadership, Fatherhood & Purpose with Rudi Khouri (Chief Digital Officer, Fisher & Paykal Appliances)

  8. Jul 26

    Guilt & Shame after a failed marriage

    In this deeply honest episode of “A Good Length,” I share my personal journey through divorce, confronting the profound shame and guilt that often accompany the end of a marriage, especially for men. Moving beyond socially acceptable language, I dive into the silent struggles men face, exploring the cultural expectations of masculinity, the physiological toll of unprocessed emotions, and the isolating grip of rumination. Drawing on insights from experts like Brené Brown, Pauline Boss, and Viktor Frankl, this episode offers a powerful framework for understanding the difference between guilt and shame, and how to transform accountability into healing. I discuss the critical role of therapy, authentic male friendships, and self-compassion in navigating post-divorce recovery. I also address the unique challenges fathers face, offering guidance on how to forgive oneself for the impact on children and build a new, authentic identity. This isn’t just a conversation about divorce; it’s about reclaiming your narrative, finding strength in vulnerability, and moving from grief to growth. If you’re a man grappling with the aftermath of a failed relationship, or simply seeking a deeper understanding of male emotional well-being, this episode is a vital listen. Crisis Support: If you or someone you know needs support, please reach out: Lifeline: 13 11 14 Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636 Men’s Line Australia: 1300 78 99 78 #Divorce #MensMentalHealth #Shame #Guilt #Healing #Masculinity #Relationships #Fatherhood #SelfCompassion #Therapy #EmotionalWellbeing #Podcast #VenuBhamidi #AGoodLength References:Boss, P. (1999). Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief. Harvard University Press. Brooks, G.R. (2010). Beyond the Crisis of Masculinity. American Psychological Association. Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection. Hazelden Publishing. Brown, S. (2009). Play: How It Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul. Avery. Campbell, J. (1949). The Hero with a Thousand Faces. Pantheon Books. Farrell, W. & Gray, J. (2018). The Boy Crisis. BenBella Books. Frankl, V.E. (1946). Man's Search for Meaning. Beacon Press. Germer, C.K. (2009). The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion. Guilford Press. Glover, R.A. (2000). No More Mr. Nice Guy. Running Press. Hayes, S.C., Strosahl, K.D., & Wilson, K.G. (1999). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Guilford Press. Hetherington, E.M. & Kelly, J. (2002). For Better or For Worse: Divorce Reconsidered. W.W. Norton. Kposowa, A.J. (2003). Divorce and suicide risk. Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health, 57(12), 993. Lebow, J.L. et al. (2012). Research on the treatment of couple distress. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 38(1), 145–168. Liu, H., Waite, L., & Shen, S. (2018). Social Science & Medicine, 201, 107–115. Luskin, F. (2002). Forgive for Good. HarperCollins. Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. William Morrow. Nolen-Hoeksema, S. (2000). The role of rumination in depressive disorders. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 109(3), 504–511. Pennebaker, J.W. & Smyth, J.M. (2016). Opening Up by Writing It Down. Guilford Press. Perel, E. (2017). The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity. Harper. Peterson, J.B. (1999). Maps of Meaning: The Architecture of Belief. Routledge. Reeves, R. (2022). Of Boys and Men. Brookings Institution Press. Seligman, M.E.P. (2011). Flourish. Free Press. Van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score. Viking. Walker, M. (2017). Why We Sleep. Scribner. Wallerstein, J.S. & Lewis, J. (2004). Psychoanalytic Psychology, 21(3), 353–370. Winnicott, D.W. (1971). Playing and Reality. Tavistock.

    Guilt & Shame after a failed marriage
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About

A Good Length is a podcast hosted by Dr. Venu Bhamidi exploring modern masculinity, men’s health, fatherhood, family law, relationships, divorce and the pressures facing men today. Through honest conversations, expert insights, and lived experience, the show creates a space where difficult topics can be discussed without shame, hostility, or ideological extremes & men can become healthier, wiser and more grounded versions of themselves. Ultimately, A Good Length is about fostering positive masculinity, protecting future generations of boys, and building stronger men, families, and communities.

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