In Recovery from Alcoholics Anonymous 's Podcast

In Recovery from Alcoholics Anonymous
  • 4.1 (7)
  • Society & Culture

A podcast relieving you from the bondage of 12-step coercion. We will break down how the Big Book, the steps, and meetings cause long-term psychological abuse. With personal experiences, reviewing AA literature, and chatting with other former members, we're creating a conversation around Bill W.'s support group turned cult. 

Episodes

  1. 6d ago

    Pt II Bill's Story: An Autopsy

    CONTENT WARNING: This episode does discuss suicide.  BONUS episode—what? Two episodes released on one day? Anything for Bill. Want to read Bill's story along with the recording? Here you GO.  Quick note: the podcast software completely crashed and wonked out on me, then erased the ending of this episode. So I had to Frankenstein the episode, and the ending doesn't include my homegirl. But no St. Helena for me! (Bill W. joke)  Thanks, friend, for the special commentary on this episode. Humor is medicine.  Bill W. was many things, but ultimately he left a print on society as we see it today. At the time, AA was advanced, revolutionary, and made people suffering from alcohol use disorder feel seen. But it was made for men like Bill W., not the rest of the world. And today, we should be more inclusive, but the program wasn't designed that way. Regardless of how you feel about Bill, he succeeded in his mission to be a leader. Founding Alcoholics Anonymous is a major feat, and he really did his big one. Being able to influence and convert them to their "spiritual group" (Christian group) and attract men like Carl Jung is impressive. I can't undermine that.  He doesn't mention his wife, Lois, by name because of the whole anonymity thing, but it is unfortunate that he is evasive about the real damage he did to her. He claimed to not be unfaithful because he was too drunk, but he still had intentions. Essentially, he didn't cheat because of whiskey dick. Darn. And after AA was founded, he had a girlfriend, Helen, for 15 years while staying with Lois. Maybe Bill was our first 13th stepper, since Helen was an AA member.  Helen even received 10% of Big Book royalties in his will after his passing on January 24, 1971. She would die in 1978, and Lois wouldn't die until 1988, having been free from Bill for 17 years.  Lois never spoke of Bill's girlfriend, nor did she disclose his infidelities, even when she started Al-Anon. Part of her pain was her miscarriages, which left her unable to have children of her own. The Wilsons also couldn't adopt, either, because of Bill's drinking. Yes, members acknowledge that Bill wasn't perfect, but Lois's losses were insurmountable and worth noting.  It's well-known that Bill W. did experiment with LSD, so he wasn't fully abstinent, but more hippie-sober. He also asked for whiskey on his deathbed. I'll just throw him a bone there; he was dying from emphysema and probably wasn't thinking straight.

  2. 6d ago

    Bill's Story: An Autopsy with a Mystery Guest!

    We've made it to Bill's Story in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Written in 1938, Bill W. had about 3 or 4 years of sobriety when he wrote Bill's Story for the Big Book, which was published in 1939 and originally titled Alcoholics Anonymous: The Story of How More Than One Hundred Men Have Recovered from Alcoholism.  One of my closest friends, a "normie," joined the podcast to hold my hand as I read Bill's Story. Re-reading it as a woman who is about 4-5 years removed from the 12-Step Program has brought a conflation of laughter, disturbia, and reminiscence. Had I had more confidence and free will, I would have understood that Bill W. and I had very little in common aside from alcohol/substance use disorder. Instead, I accepted my sponsor's diagnosis of myself: that I was selfish, self-centered, spiritually sick, and essentially a narcissist like Bill W. was. He fancied himself a leader, expected applause "thrown" his way, and had no question of his worth or abilities. My existence before sobriety was the polar opposite: I hated myself and thought I would do others a favor by [content warning] taking my life. Bill W. initially found that the "ultimate sacrifice" was weak—he had pride. I accepted that I was "weak" long ago.  The Big Book discusses powerlessness, and that we members are powerless over alcohol. But as sickness and groupthink combine, you're powerless over just about everything, and we're expected to perceive ourselves this way. Bitch, I'm powerful. I learned this after leaving AA.  Part II coming next.

  3. Aug 25

    This Holy Life: An Autopsy with Nicole

    There's something magical about sitting down with a complete stranger and walking away from it wiser and more secure. That's what Nicole gave me.  Nicole struggled with heroin and crystal meth addiction, crawled out of the depths of Hell, and, over time, sought what she wanted and got it. Whatever it is, it's looking pretty damn good from over here.  This is a podcast dedicated to speaking out about the abuse that happens in 12-step programs, but I won't stop there. Different perspectives are what make people evolve, use their temporal lobes, and become curious. Nicole attended very few meetings and quickly realized they weren't for her. She detoxed and abstained from all substances for several years. Now, she drinks minimally and only occasionally, and it has no impact on her life. That's the spectrum of substance use disorder. Some have a horrible habit they need to remove themselves from; it doesn't always require lifetime abstinence. Nicole never struggled with alcoholism, but due to her drug dependency, she stepped away to preserve her health. Temporary is a flexible timeline. There are the Brad Pitts of the world, who usually experience overwhelming shame from outsiders because the stigma of relapse and moderation is relentless. 12-Step programs created that shame and the superiority of abstinence. What Nicole and Brad do is none of our business, and they're both doing pretty f*****g great.  Though Nicole was able to mostly dodge the 12-Step program nonsense, she had an unpleasant experience with people in authority; one such was a spiritual guru. Thankfully, she got away, but this experience has helped her have a good eye for which spiritual antidotes are useful.  If you're going through a dark time, or just a time of reflection, restarting, or curiosity, I encourage you to book a time with her. She's easy-going, relatable, and approachable. She rejects all those wellness-or-spiritual-guru traits and has the experience that really counts.  Also, please listen to this episode. Nicole is quite lovely. Check out her IG, _thisholylife_

  4. Aug 14

    Ditched at the River & Quitlit: An Autopsy with Guest Alexa

    You know what I love about this episode? Alexa is both approachable and relatable, even though I've never met anyone like her. She didn't lean into any negative spirals or bury AA, but redirected me to the fruits of sobriety and the many resources that can get all of us there.  I left the interview feeling a bit lighter, and after editing this episode I felt this unfamiliar sense: optimism. Alexa gave occasional sound bites about her AA experience, but she offered so much more… quitlit, Smart Recovery, motorcycles, clowns, research-based evidence. It was clear in speaking with her that she is so much more than alcohol dependency, which is now eight years behind her. And she knows that. She's got the research, the facts, and the science to back it.  Talking with Alexa was a sound reminder that we are not our mistakes, as cliché as it sounds, and the best thing you can do is try to get sober, because what's the worst that could happen? Take Alexa’s guest appearance as a gift, because it truly is.  Access show notes on Patreon

  5. Aug 7

    You're Not as Good as You Think | You're Not as Bad as You Think: An Autopsy with Leanne

    I went into this conversation expecting Leanne to tear Alcoholics Anonymous apart. She's sharp, she's got a loud online presence, and I figured she'd bring the same energy to talking about the program. Nope—she surprised me. This is one of the most positive AA discussions I've had on the show. Leanne got sober in British Columbia during the pandemic lockdown, working through substance abuse and eventually transitioning at the time. She credits her sponsor, Ira, almost entirely for how well things went. She deliberately chose him because she didn't like him on the theory that she wouldn't be tempted to lie to someone she was trying to impress. His mix of native spirituality, blunt honesty, and refusal to get pulled into group politics shaped how she thinks about recovery to this day. But her story isn't without its complications. She talks openly about the strange loneliness of being thirteen-stepped, about clients from her sex work turning up sober and pretending they didn't know her, and about carrying other people's secrets in a small-town fellowship. She also talks about starting a rainbow group after being denied the opportunity to volunteer at a women's rehab, and how that fight ultimately opened the door for other members. What struck me most is how different her relationship to AA's culture of deference was. She never felt scared to set a boundary or call something out, and people mostly just left her alone about it. That's not a luxury everyone gets in these rooms, but Leanne seemed to withstand it. She's not sober by AA's strict definition, and she's honest about that. Her sound advice: whatever your recovery looks like, the only thing that actually works is telling the truth, to yourself first. Also, you can check out Ottawa's police chief telling officers to stop finding women's numbers in the database HERE.  Remember to listen and follow!  Have a question or story you want to share? Email me at recoveryfromaapod@pm.me, and I might read it on the show!

  6. Jul 31

    OCD Collides with 12 Steps: An Autopsy with Guest Darcie

    Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) clash because the peer-led, moral-inventory framework of AA can accidentally trigger or feed OCD cycles rather than treat the underlying anxiety. The rigid, dogmatic rules of 12-step programs often morph into new compulsions for someone with untreated OCD. Excessive rumination on program literature, rigidly counting meeting attendance, or repeating steps are parallel with classic OCD ritualistic loops. AA's focus on profound personal inventory and powerlessness can exacerbate the severe guilt, scrupulosity, and self-blame inherent in OCD. Enter Darcie, a woman with a long history of OCD, whose alcoholism entered more recently. Meeting attendance and feedback loops made her head spin. The oversaturated discussion of drinking made her think more about drinking and less about a "white light." Between that, a traumatic brain injury, and interpreting life after gastric bypass surgery, she's had to piece together her past and understand her biology faster than lightning. And she's doing it.

  7. Jul 30

    The Doctor's Opinion: An Autopsy

    I'm doubling up this week with a surprise Big Book reading. The Doctor's Opinion...a great PR resource, a terrible step for medical science. In 1938, on the heels of the Big Book release, Bill W. asked Dr. William D Silkworth—his drunk hospital doctor—to write a letter of recommendation for Alcoholics Anonymous. He happily did, as he was happy with Alcoholics Anonymous's impact on chronic alcoholism. He wrote that a power greater than oneself was his medically educated advice to recovery. His name was not published in the first edition, as he didn't want American medicine boards to see his writing and lose faith in his expertise. But his name was published in the second edition in 1955—four years after Silkworth's death.

  8. Jul 24

    Soft Cults & the Empathy Buzz: An Autopsy

    This week, I have a very special guest from all the way down in Phoenix, Arizona—David Riu! He talks about his childhood in a Christian cult, struggling with opiate dependency and homelessness, recovering from substance abuse disorder, getting trapped in the "soft cult" of AA, and leaving the program. He teaches me about harm reduction, Recovery Dharma, SMART recovery, and treatments to overcome drug dependency. He also reflects on witnessing and experiencing 13 steppers, religious coercion, and how the empathy buzz is something powerful. If you haven't listened to any episodes, I highly encourage you to start here.

  9. Jul 17

    13 Stepping & Sobriety Spectrum: An Autopsy with Guest Heather!

    Heather, a mental health counselor and former AA member, joins the podcast to provide her lived experience in 12 Step meetings. She goes over the very unwelcome, unsolicited advice from sponsors, dealing with 13-steppers, and how she slowly exited the program. Spoiler: The Orange Papers came into Heather's world, and it got her thinking. We also discuss the spectrum of substance abuse disorder; how some members need to abstain for a temporary period of time, while others require long-term abstinence. Trigger warning: we also discuss abusers and how meetings enable their behaviors instead of reprimanding them. Heather also shares her lifelong struggle with an eating disorder, which she healed from, along with trauma, after seeking treatment post-AA. Heather is introspective, wise, and provides educated insights on this topic. You won't want to miss it.  Show notes available at https://www.patreon.com/cw/inrecovery Got a question or story you want to share? Email the pod at recoveryfromAApod@proton.me and I might read it out loud on an upcoming episode–don't be a dick.

  10. Jul 10

    Social Placebo - An Autopsy with Guest Theo

    This week, Theo pulls back the curtain on his time in the rooms. Theo went at AA wholeheartedly: he worked the steps thrice+ over, followed the program with incredible precision, had a sponsor, and had his own batch of sponsees. So what finally made him get out of Dodge? He traces the surprising overlap between Scientology and AA, recounts his exposure to the Freedom Model and Writing the Big Book, and breaks down other paths to sobriety like Recovery Dharma and SMART Recovery. Drop everything and listen. Theo was all in, and now he's telling the truth about these meetings that most people won't say out loud. Show notes at https://www.patreon.com/cw/inrecovery

  11. Jul 3

    The Preface & Forewords: An Autopsy

    You don't get to know AA without knowing the Big Book. The host will guide listeners through the Big Book's preface and four updated forewords, and delve into how the program is misleading and nefarious starting on page one. She will also define slogans and seven-dollar words that you might not be familiar with but are implanted in each member's stream of consciousness.

  • 11 Episodes

Ratings & Reviews

4.1
out of 5
7 Ratings

About

A podcast relieving you from the bondage of 12-step coercion. We will break down how the Big Book, the steps, and meetings cause long-term psychological abuse. With personal experiences, reviewing AA literature, and chatting with other former members, we're creating a conversation around Bill W.'s support group turned cult. 

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