The Second Closet with Juan Galan

Juan Galán Politi
  • 5.0 (1)
  • Society & Culture
  • Updated Weekly

A podcast for gay men on sex, dating, God and the patterns we can't stop repeating. Most of us came out once. We said the true thing, we survived it, and years later we found a second room we were still hiding in, the one that holds the wanting to be held, the fear of being too much, the reaching for a man at eleven at night when we already know how it ends. Nobody throws you a party for leaving that one. This is not a show about arriving. It's made by someone still inside the work, talking about it while it's happening. Hosted by Juan Galán.

Episodes

  1. 2d ago

    The Grief Nobody Let You Have at the Funeral

    After the grief post went up, one man left a comment I haven't been able to stop thinking about. He said I'd left out the biggest grief of all, the AIDS years, and that men of his generation have been carrying a grief the size of a planet while younger men keep telling them to get over it. He was right, and I left it out. Last week was about the losses where nobody died. This episode is about the ones where somebody did, and it's for every man who buried someone and was never allowed to grieve him as the person who loved him most. In this episode: Why so many men say they buried their village, and how there was never time to grieve one friend before the next one was goneStanding at the back of the funeral while his family takes over, the obituary calls you a close friend, and people who barely knew him get the hugsThe parents who died without ever really knowing their sons, and the conversation so many of us will probably never have with the parents who are still hereWhy this grief still feels so heavy 20, 30 or 40 years later, and the 2 things it needs before it can finally restA small practice to do this week with a piece of paper and the names of the people you lost What you lost was real, and the people you loved were real. Still carrying them doesn't mean something's wrong with you. It means they mattered. If you're carrying any of this and you don't want to keep carrying it alone, here's where to start: 🕯️ Live grief workshop for gay men, Tuesday October 27: https://juangalan.co/grief 🎧 Free Private Podcast Experience: https://juangalan.co/private-podcast-experience/ 🏠 5 Days to Come Home Challenge ($33): https://juangalan.co/coming-home-challenge/ 🤝 Apply for 1:1 coaching with me: https://juangalan.co/coming-home/ 📸 Come say hi on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healingwithjuan/ The Second Closet is a podcast for gay men on sex, dating, God and the patterns we can't stop repeating, hosted by Juan Galán. If this episode meant something to you, leave a rating and share it with your gay friends :)

  2. Oct 13

    The Grief Nobody Let You Call Grief

    Most of us don't walk around thinking we're grieving. We think we're tired. We call it burnout, or a bit of depression, or we decide we're just someone who runs a little low, while the job's fine, the friends are there, and there's still a weight we can't explain to anyone who asks. In this episode, I walk through the grief so many gay men carry that nobody ever told us was grief, and why it doesn't go away on its own. In this episode: Why a coming out video, a cousin's wedding or a film about two teenage boys can hit so much harder than it shouldWhy the losses where nobody died never got a funeral, and what happens to grief nobody seesThe four losses men name again and again: the life you were supposed to have, the adolescence you never got, the place you were told you belonged, and the man you would have beenThe dream I keep having about being back at school, and the teenage boy I finally let go ofThe Christian community in Bali where I belonged for the first time, and why leaving it still felt like a lossWhy a lot of what we call shame is grief that never got to finishA small practice to try this week Nothing is wrong with you for still carrying this. It just never got the chance to be seen. If one of these four landed in your chest, we're going to grieve them together, live: 🕯️ The Four Things Gay Men Grieve, live grief workshop on Tuesday, October 27 ($33 until October 20, then $67): https://www.juangalan.co/grief 🎧 Free Private Podcast Experience: https://juangalan.co/private-podcast-experience/ 🏠 5 Days to Come Home Challenge ($33): https://juangalan.co/coming-home-challenge/ 🤝 Apply for 1:1 coaching with me: https://juangalan.co/coming-home/ 📸 Come say hi on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healingwithjuan/ The Second Closet is a podcast for gay men on sex, dating, God, and the patterns we can't stop repeating, hosted by Juan Galán. If this episode meant something to you, leave a rating and share it with your gay friends :)

  3. Oct 7

    Why Gay Dating Is Harder, and Why You Keep Picking The Same Man Anyway

    Dating as a gay man really is harder, and I want you to hear me say that before anything else. The pool is small, the apps have trained us to reject, racism and ageism are all over the scene, and a whole generation of men who could have shown us what a long relationship looks like aren't here. And still, inside all of that, you keep picking the same man in a different body. In this episode, I tell you about mine. In this episode: The research on the apps: the rejection mindset study by Pronk and Denissen, why more choice leaves people more anxious about ending up alone, and how loneliness and app burnout feed each otherMy type, described with way too much precision, and the exact moment around week three when I fall for himWhy the kind, consistent guy never gives you the spark, and why sometimes what we call chemistry is just recognitionWhy the idea that the universe is sending you these men to teach you a lesson is actually kind of cruelWhere to start: finding the moment your interest turns into need The conditions are real, and none of them are your fault. The pattern is yours to work with, and it starts with being present at the moment you choose. If you're tired of meeting the same man in a different body and you want to work on the part of you that keeps choosing him, here's where to go next: 🎧 Free Private Podcast Experience: https://juangalan.co/private-podcast-experience/ 🏠 5 Days to Come Home Challenge ($33): https://juangalan.co/coming-home-challenge/ 🤝 Apply for 1:1 coaching with me: https://juangalan.co/coming-home/ 📸 Come say hi on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healingwithjuan/ The Second Closet is a podcast for gay men on sex, dating, God, and the patterns we can't stop repeating, hosted by Juan Galán. If this episode meant something to you, leave a rating and share it with your gay friends :)

  4. Oct 6

    Why The Guys On Grindr For Sex Are Happier Than The Ones Looking For Love

    It's late, you're in bed, there's nothing left in the day that needs you, and your hand goes to your phone. Most of the time you're not even horny. You open Grindr anyway, scroll past the same men you saw last night, and you already know you won't close the app at one in the morning feeling fulfilled. In this episode, I talk about what's really happening in that moment, and why I've stopped believing the app is the problem. In this episode: The research that changed how I see Grindr: men who use the apps mainly for sex reported higher self-esteem and less loneliness than men looking for love or friendship, and why the mismatch is what really hurtsWhy I think of Grindr as a mirror that gives you back whatever state you open it inWhat happened when I downloaded it again in Sicily this summer to find dates, the guy who ghosted and then blocked me, and the night I ended up somewhere I didn't want to beWhy deleting the app never worked for me, and what finally broke the compulsionThe question I ask myself now, before I open any app or send that text: is it the man or the boy holding the phone? You don't have to delete anything or swear off hooking up. Just start noticing who's holding the phone. If you keep opening the app looking for something it was never built to give you, and you want help finding where that need really comes from, here's where to start: 🎧 Free Private Podcast Experience: https://juangalan.co/private-podcast-experience/ 🏠 5 Days to Come Home Challenge ($33): https://juangalan.co/coming-home-challenge/ 🤝 Apply for 1:1 coaching with me: https://juangalan.co/coming-home/ 📸 Come say hi on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healingwithjuan/ The Second Closet is a podcast for gay men on sex, dating, God, and the patterns we can't stop repeating, hosted by Juan Galán. If this episode meant something to you, leave a rating and share it with your gay friends :)

  5. Oct 5

    I Came Out Of The Closet And Walked Straight Into A Second One

    When I came out, I thought the hard part was over. I'd finally said the true sentence, I could love who I wanted, and for a while that felt like freedom. It took me fifteen years to see that I'd walked out of one closet and straight into another, still performing, still hiding, still doing everything little Juan did to feel safe and to be chosen. In this first episode I tell you why I started The Second Closet, and I open up mine so you can see what's inside. In this episode: The email I sent my mom at 20, crying over a man I'd known for four weeks, and why it took me until my mid thirties to understand what it was really aboutComing out to my family, my dad's first reaction, and how different things looked three years laterThe three things in my second closet: being addicted to being chosen by masculine men, my complicated relationship with God, and a compulsion that shows up with food, drugs and sex that I still don't fully understandWhy Grindr was never really about sex for meWhat's coming on the show: the apps, dating, fathers, shame, sex and God I'm not talking to you from the other side of any of this. I'm still in it, and I'd love for you to be in it with me. If you heard yourself in this and you want to start looking at what's in your own second closet, here's where to go next: 🎧 Free Private Podcast Experience: https://juangalan.co/private-podcast-experience/ 🏠 5 Days to Come Home Challenge ($33): https://juangalan.co/coming-home-challenge/ 🤝 Apply for 1:1 coaching with me: https://juangalan.co/coming-home/ 📸 Come say hi on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healingwithjuan/ The Second Closet is a podcast for gay men on sex, dating, God and the patterns we can't stop repeating, hosted by Juan Galán. If this episode meant something to you, leave a rating and share it with your gay friends :)

  • 5 Episodes

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About

A podcast for gay men on sex, dating, God and the patterns we can't stop repeating. Most of us came out once. We said the true thing, we survived it, and years later we found a second room we were still hiding in, the one that holds the wanting to be held, the fear of being too much, the reaching for a man at eleven at night when we already know how it ends. Nobody throws you a party for leaving that one. This is not a show about arriving. It's made by someone still inside the work, talking about it while it's happening. Hosted by Juan Galán.

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