Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

Mike and Alicia Hernon : Catholic Marriage Parent and Family
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  • PARENTING
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Parenting is not a clean-cut, simple process for those who like to follow the rules. Family life is messy and unpredictable, but it is the greatest adventure you will ever have. We are Mike and Alicia Hernon, parents of 10 children with a growing number of grandchildren, and we would like to invite you into some of the conversations we have had with each other about marriage, parenting, and Catholic family life. Our hope is that our conversation sparks a dialogue between you and your spouse that leads to greater unity and intentional Christian parenting in your home. Listen in to our podcast and start the conversation as we seek to lead our families to heaven. Visit us at https:///www/MessyFamilyProject.org for resources, guides, links and show notes.

  1. 14H AGO

    MFP 376: Raising Kids Without Raising Your Voice

    The most effective parents aren't the loudest—they're the most consistent. Summary Why do we yell at our kids, even when we know it doesn't work? In this episode, we unpack the hard truth behind yelling in parenting: it's often not a discipline strategy, but a reaction to stress, frustration, and lack of follow-through. While it may get quick results, it slowly weakens our authority and damages connection with our kids.  We talk about why yelling becomes a habit, what it's actually teaching our children, and how to replace it with calmer, more effective discipline. You'll walk away with simple, practical strategies to respond with intention instead of reaction, and build a home where your voice doesn't have to get louder to be heard.  This is a re-release of "Yelling, the Lazy Approach to Parenting". Key Takeaways Pause before reacting to your child.  Take a breath and step away if needed.  Get physically close.  Instead of yelling across the house, get up and go to them and make eye contact.   Use fewer words, but use them clearly.  Short instructions are better than long, angry diatribes.  Follow through consistently.  Sometimes kids don't listen the first time because you never made clear that is what you expect.  Address your own triggers. Notice when you tend to yell and plan ahead for those moments.  Make sure to repair the relationship when you mess up.  When we apologize we model humility and it can actually strengthen your relationship.   Couple Discussion Questions When are we most likely to yell at our kids? (Time of day, situation, stress level) How does yelling affect our relationship with them long-term? What would change in our home if the kids listened to us without raising our voices?

    54 min

  2. MAR 30

    MFP 375: The Family and the Sexual Revolution

    "The sexual revolution was not about freedom. It was about transferring power from families to the state." - Dr. Jennifer Roback Morse Summary What really makes a family essential, and why does it matter so much right now?  In this episode, Dr. Jennifer Roback Morse makes a compelling, research-based case for why children need both their mother and their father. We explore the irreplaceable role of mothers in forming trust and attachment, the unique responsibility of fathers to provide protection, limits, and direction, and how these roles evolve as children grow. You'll hear why the family is not outdated or insignificant, but the best and most natural place for human formation. We also dig into the devastation of the sexual revolution, unpacking the contraceptive, divorce, and gender ideologies and how they've reshaped society at the expense of the most vulnerable. This conversation is a powerful reminder that there is no substitute for family, and the Church was right all along. Key Takeaways Children don't just need love in general. They need the distinct, complementary presence of both a mother and a father, especially in their earliest years of formation.   The family is the primary place where a child learns how to use freedom well. There is no automatic or "invisible" process that forms character without intentional relationships.   Mothers and fathers have different but equally vital roles that change over time, from early attachment and safety to setting limits and guiding children toward independence.   The sexual revolution has weakened families by separating sex from children, marriage, and the body itself, with serious consequences for the most vulnerable, especially children. Couple Discussion Questions   How do we intentionally live out our roles as mother and father in our family right now, and where might we need to grow or adjust together?   In what ways has the culture shaped our view of marriage, parenting, or family life, and how can we more consciously build our home around truth rather than those messages? Resources: The Ruth Institute:  https://ruthinstitute.org/

    1h 3m

  3. MAR 23

    MFP 374: Raising Kids Who Know Who They Are

    Summary How do we help our children discover the gift that they are? In this episode, we explore the powerful cycle of identity, belonging, and mission—and how it unfolds across the key stages of childhood. From the early years of wonder and dependence, to the exploratory middle years, to the identity-shaping teen years, we unpack what children need most at each phase—and how parents can respond with confidence.  We dive into how children develop their gifts, navigate friendships, and grow into their sexual identity, as we highlight the unique role parents play—not as controllers, but as guides, coaches, and mentors.  The goal? To raise children who not only know who they are—but are equipped to live it out with purpose.   Key Takeaways Development happens in stages—and each one matters.   0–6: Children absorb everything. They need love, security, and protection of innocence.   6–12: The "explorer" stage—kids discover gifts through play, friendship, and trying new things. 12–18: Adult Identity is formed. Teens begin asking, Who am I? What am I made for? Your role as a parent must evolve.  In the early years you are a nurturer and protector.  In the middle years you are an observer and encourager of gifts.  Then in the teen years you are a coach and guide By adolescence, formation happens largely outside the home—through friends, mentors, and experiences. Especially in ages 6-12, exposure and exploration are critical.  Kids need freedom to try, fail, quit, and try again. This is how they discover their natural gifts. Parental guidance—especially from fathers to sons—is crucial during key windows of development.   Couple Discussion Questions What stage is my child in right now—and how might I need to adjust my role to better support them in this season?   Where might my child need more freedom to explore their gifts, or more encouragement from me to persevere through challenges?

    54 min

  4. MAR 16

    MFP 373: Parenting is Your Mission

    Summary There is so much noise in the world of parenting today, and it's easy to feel overwhelmed by pressure, comparison, and fear. In this episode, Mike and Alicia remind parents that there is not just one way to raise a family well. God has given you the grace for your mission, and your job is not to control your children or guarantee outcomes. Your call is to build a strong marriage, create a healthy home, communicate your values, and allow God to use family life to make you holy. Parenting is not about perfection — it is about faithfulness. Key Takeaways There is not just one right way to be a good parent. God gives you the grace for the family and mission He has entrusted to you. Your marriage must remain the foundation of your family. A child-centered family creates unhealthy pressure and instability. Your children have free will, so parenting is about faithfulness, not control. Parenting is one of the primary ways God makes us holy through sacrifice and love. You are irreplaceable in the life of your child and responsible for forming the culture of your home. Couple Discussion Questions Where do we feel the most pressure or insecurity in our parenting right now? In what ways can we strengthen our marriage as the foundation of our family life? Are there any ways our home has become too child-centered? What values are we most trying to communicate to our children? How might God be using parenting to refine us and make us holy?

    35 min

  5. MAR 9

    MFP 372: Prayer for Beginners - Interview with the Science of Sainthood

    "Without a life of prayer, you are really not living as a Catholic" - Matt Leonard   Summary What does it really mean to "go deeper" in prayer? And what if you pray every day but don't feel anything?  This week we're joined by Matthew Leonard, founder of The Science of Sainthood, to talk about what real spiritual growth looks like. We break down the three modes of prayer, vocal, meditation, and contemplation, and how they form a path to holiness. Matthew shares practical steps for building a daily habit of mental prayer, handling distractions, and creating space for silence. We also talk about how married couples can grow spiritually together without pressure or guilt.  If you've ever wondered whether you're making progress in your prayer life, this conversation will give you clarity, encouragement, and a clear next step.   Key Takeaways Prayer is essential, not optional.  Without prayer, we're not really living the fullness of Catholic life. A relationship with the Lord isn't an add-on. It's fundamental. There's a path to deeper prayer.  Vocal prayer, meditation, and contemplation build on each other. Vocal prayer engages body and soul. Meditation is daily mental prayer and real conversation with God. Contemplation is a gift from God that we prepare for through faithfulness. "Feeling nothing" doesn't mean nothing is happening.  Distractions are normal. Lack of emotion isn't failure. Stay faithful, show up, and trust that God is at work beneath the surface. Consistency creates growth.  Commit to a time and place. Embrace silence. Use Scripture or spiritual reading to focus. Act on inspirations. Over time, deeper prayer opens you to greater grace.   Couple Discussion Questions How can we support each other as we grow in our prayer life?  What does our personal prayer life actually look like right now, and where do we each feel invited to go deeper?   Resources https://www.scienceofsainthood.com/

    1h 7m

  6. MAR 2

    MFP 371: How Vulnerability Is Built in Small Moments

    Love is not a feeling.  It's a daily choice, a habit practiced proactively.   Summary What if intimacy isn't built in the big moments, but in the small ones you almost miss? In this episode, we explore the idea of bids for connection, the everyday ways we reach for each other through a question, a touch, a story, or even a glance across the room. We talk about what happens when those bids are noticed and met with kindness, and what slowly unfolds when they are ignored. You'll hear how responsiveness, presence, and emotional generosity shape trust, passion, and long-term happiness more than grand romantic gestures ever could. If you want a stronger, closer relationship, this conversation will help you see the simple choices that build intimacy over time. Couple Discussion Questions What are some small bids that you make that I may not always notice? What is one simple way we could turn toward each other more consistently this week? Key Takeaways Bids are everyday requests for connection. They can be verbal or nonverbal, big or small, serious or playful. Turning toward builds trust and intimacy. Consistent responsiveness creates emotional safety and closeness. Ignored bids create distance over time. Missed or rejected bids often lead to frustration, criticism, and disconnection. Vulnerability grows through small, repeated moments. Clear, honest bids and kind responses strengthen intimacy more than grand gestures.   Resources https://www.eviemagazine.com/post/the-case-for-centering-your-life-around-romantic-love https://therapygroupdc.com/therapist-dc-blog/bids-for-connection-why-small-gestures-matter-in-relationships/ https://www.gottman.com/blog/want-to-improve-your-relationship-start-paying-more-attention-to-bids/ MFP Guide to Communication  https://messyfamilyproject.org/guide/communication/

    1h 4m

  7. FEB 23

    MFP 370: The Path to Healing our Broken Hearts

    There is nothing that the power of the resurrection cannot redeem in your life. - Fr. Shawn Monahan   Summary What do we do with the wounds we carry, especially in marriage? In this powerful episode, Fr. Shawn Monahan shares a trauma-informed vision of spirituality that meets us in our real stories. We're all wounded, some more deeply than others, and healing begins with honest self-knowledge, self-acceptance, and inviting Christ into our pain.  Fr. Shawn explains how our desires are shaped for good, how sin is seeking that good in the wrong ways, and why shame keeps us stuck. Christianity isn't behavior management. It's transformation through relationship.  You'll also hear practical wisdom for forgiveness, vulnerability, and praying with your spouse. If you're longing for renewal and lasting peace, this conversation offers real hope. Check out his free workshop, "The Path to Healing Our Broken Hearts."  Link below!   Key Takeaways We need a trauma-informed spirituality. Everyone carries wounds. Some are deeper than others. The Church must recognize this reality and respond with compassion, emotional awareness, and an understanding of how early experiences shape us. Healing begins with self-knowledge and self-acceptance. By becoming aware of our reactions and emotions, we grow in self-understanding. This allows us to accept ourselves and become a true gift to others. Desire is good, but it can be distorted. God gives good spiritual desires, and our human desires are also good. Sin happens when we pursue those good desires in the wrong ways. Shame blocks healing, but Christ redeems wounds. Christianity is about transformation through relationship, not behavior management. Nothing is beyond the power of the Resurrection. Forgiveness and vulnerability are essential in relationships. Forgiveness is a grace-filled choice, not a feeling. Real healing in marriage requires empathy, honest listening, asking "Will you forgive me?", and the courage to be vulnerable.   Couple Discussion Questions When you think about your own wounds, how do they show up in our marriage? Share one area where past hurts or early experiences may affect your reactions, fears, or desires. What helps you feel safe enough to open up about those places? What would forgiveness or vulnerability look like for us right now? Is there anything unspoken between us that needs to be brought into the light? How can we listen with empathy, ask "Will you forgive me?", and invite Jesus into that space together? Resources: FREE virtual workshop with Fr. Shawn:  ​​https://www.omvusa.org/our-work/virtual-workshops/path-healing-broken-hearts/

    57 min

  8. FEB 16

    MFP 369: Marriages Don't Accidentally Communicate Well

    You can't have a healthy relationship if you don't develop the skill of communication.    Summary Marriage doesn't drift into great communication. You have to make the time and practice on purpose. In this episode, we share simple, realistic tools to help couples break bad habits and start talking in ways that actually bring them closer. You'll learn how to listen without fixing, reduce daily stress through connection and fun, and build rituals that create space for meaningful conversation. We talk about appreciation, gentle ways to start hard conversations, and why prayer changes everything. These aren't abstract ideas, they're practical habits you can try tonight. If your conversations feel rushed, tense, or nonexistent, this episode will give you hope and a clear path forward. Strong communication is possible, and it's one of the greatest investments you can make in your marriage.  This episode accompanies MFP 368 Couple Communication in a Frantic Family!  Key Takeaways Take time to practice active listening daily.  Quietly receive your spouse's stress of the day (not in your relationship) without comments, only questions to deepen your understanding.  Create and practice Rituals of Connection.  Rituals have a structure, a beginning and an end.  You should have short daily rituals like sitting on the couch, time alone after dinner, or meaningful conversation after bedtime.    Make sure to include stress-reducing conversations! Not every conversation needs to be intense.  Create some boundaries and be sure to include some fun!   Give each other appreciation.  Gratitude is the key to happiness.  Make sure your spouse knows how important they are to you.  Practice the gentle start-up when relationship conversations need to happen.  Always keep in mind how to best communicate so your spouse can receive your words.  Pray together.  Never forget that God is committed to your marriage and will give you all you need to succeed in communication!  Couple Discussion Questions When can we have one daily stress-reducing conversation?. List 5 things you admire about your partner and share them. Resources 10 Communication Exercises https://www.gottman.com/blog/10-communication-exercises-for-couples-to-have-better-relationships/ Guide to Communication: https://messyfamilyproject.org/guide/communication/

    45 min
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Parenting is not a clean-cut, simple process for those who like to follow the rules. Family life is messy and unpredictable, but it is the greatest adventure you will ever have. We are Mike and Alicia Hernon, parents of 10 children with a growing number of grandchildren, and we would like to invite you into some of the conversations we have had with each other about marriage, parenting, and Catholic family life. Our hope is that our conversation sparks a dialogue between you and your spouse that leads to greater unity and intentional Christian parenting in your home. Listen in to our podcast and start the conversation as we seek to lead our families to heaven. Visit us at https:///www/MessyFamilyProject.org for resources, guides, links and show notes.

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