Grief Out Loud

The Dougy Center
  • 4.6 (316)
  • Mental Health
  • Updated Semimonthly

Remember the last time you tried to talk about grief and suddenly everyone left the room? Grief Out Loud is opening up this often avoided conversation because grief is hard enough without having to go through it alone. We bring you a mix of personal stories, tips for supporting children, teens, and yourself, and interviews with bereavement professionals. Platitude and cliché-free, we promise! Grief Out Loud is hosted by Jana DeCristofaro and produced by The Dougy Center for Grieving Children & Families in Portland, Oregon.

  1. 1d ago

    Easing The Bureaucracy Of Loss - Frank Flores & FamiliaLista

    When Frank Flores' younger brother Marcelo died suddenly at 23, Frank found himself in an unfamiliar role: identifying his brother's body, navigating paperwork, and figuring out how to bring him home to the U.S. from Mexico. There was little room for grief. Instead, Frank went back to work - and then worked even more. Five years later, Frank's father died during COVID. Once again, grief was crowded out by the bureaucracy of death: bank accounts, debts, paperwork, family responsibilities, and the messy, exhausting task of untangling a life after death. Frank describes this as a "mountain of paperwork stacked on top of our grief." It took years for Frank to recognize how staying busy prevented him from being with his grief. That realization eventually became part of the inspiration for FamiliaLista, a bilingual resource designed to help people organize the information family members need if someone becomes unable to speak for themselves—or after they die. In this conversation, Frank talks about the deaths of his brother and father, the pressure he felt to be strong for his family, cultural discomfort with talking about death, and how he's making more space for grief. He also shares his hope that preparing for death can be understood not as morbid or inviting death, but as an act of love. We Discuss: Frank's relationship with his father and younger brother, Marcelo Being responsible for identifying his brother's body and bringing him home The logistical work that can accompany sudden death The different experiences of an unexpected death and an anticipated death The pressure to be strong and "fix" things for other family members How grief can change and evolve over many years Cultural beliefs and taboos around talking about death The importance of preparing for the practical realities of death Frank's creation of FamiliaLista as a way to help families navigate those realities Reframing end-of-life preparation as an act of love Follow FamiliaLista on IG - https://www.instagram.com/familia.lista

    Easing The Bureaucracy Of Loss - Frank Flores & FamiliaLista

  2. Sep 2

    What If We Didn't Have To Do Death Alone? - Crystal Meneses on Culture, Care, & Community

    What if we thought about death not as something that needs to be handed over to institutions, but as something that communities could face together?  In this episode we talk with Crystal Meneses, a death worker, spiritual counselor, hospice chaplain, artist, musician, and longtime community caregiver. Crystal's path into death work began with watching a recording of her grandfather's funeral in the Philippines, which sparked questions around being able to one day provide a similar ceremony for her father. Questions that inspired her work to help us rethink how we approach death and dying.  Crystal and Jana explore the cultural differences in how death and grief are understood, including what Crystal has learned from her Filipino and Indigenous connections. They talk about the possibilities of caring for someone at home, tending to their body after death, creating rituals, and making intentional choices around end-of-life.  Crystal also shares what she's witnessed in the communities she serves - including elders, caregivers, young people, and people in prisons and other institutional settings - and the many ways grief goes unsupported.   Throughout the conversation, Crystal returns to the importance of relationship: building networks of care, making room for different spiritual beliefs and identities, and practicing togetherness in a culture that often treats death as something to manage alone.  We Discuss: Crystal's two grandmothers and the different cultural relationships she experienced with death and grief   What it means to "bring death back into the hands of communities"   Crystal's own hopes for her end-of-life care & how she cares for herself in this work  Supporting children and teens through art and music when grief is difficult to put into words Indigenous, multicultural, and multispiritual approaches to grief and death   The systemic barriers that make care and connection more difficult  Crystal reminds us that there isn't one right way to grieve, to die, or to care for someone who is dying, and that we may have more choices than we've been taught to believe.  Connect with Crystal on IG - https://www.instagram.com/crystalakinsmeneses/

    What If We Didn't Have To Do Death Alone? - Crystal Meneses on Culture, Care, & Community

  3. Aug 13

    Holding The Both/And - Steph Tupper On Grieving Her Children

    In 2022, Steph Tupper's two older children, Ali and Joe, were killed in a car crash. Ali was 16 and Joe was 14. Four years later, Steph is still learning how to live with the reality of losing her children while continuing to parent her youngest daughter.  In this episode, Steph talks openly about the devastating night she learned Ali and Joe had died, the ways she continues to feel connected to them, and the complicated process of building a life around an absence that will never go away. She shares what she has learned about community, judgment from others - and herself, parenting after loss, and allowing grief to unfold without a timeline.  In the last four years, Steph has learned how devastating pain and great joy can coexist, and how her capacity to carry grief continues to grow. We discuss: The shock of sudden loss  Feeling connected to Ali and Joe through signs, memories, and a sense of their presence  Parenting her daughter while grieving  The importance of community and finding other parents who have experienced child loss  The pressure and judgment people who are grieving can face  Why grief doesn't follow a timeline - and why support shouldn't either  Navigating anniversaries, holidays, birthdays, and back-to-school season  Learning to anticipate difficult seasons rather than trying to make them disappear  Making space for both joy and profound sadness  What it means to simply sit with someone's grief instead of trying to fix it  Learn more about Dougy Center's grief education & training offerings: https://www.dougy.org/professionals-trainings

    Holding The Both/And - Steph Tupper On Grieving Her Children

  4. Aug 5

    The Grief We Carry, The Love We Keep - Shanda McManus, MD

    When physician and writer Shanda McManus was fourteen, her mother died after living with ovarian cancer. Three years later, her grandmother - the person who became home after that loss - was killed by a drunk driver. Then, while Shanda was in medical school, her younger brother Monir was murdered on Christmas Eve.  For years, surviving meant staying busy. Planning funerals. Managing paperwork. Pushing forward. The grief itself was boxed up, held in place by what Shanda describes as an emotional tourniquet. It kept her moving, but it also kept her separated from memories of her mother, grandmother, and brother - and even from parts of herself.  In this conversation, Jana and Shanda explore what finally made it possible to take off the tourniquet. They talk about how writing became a gentle way back into grief and how reconnecting with that grief also helped Shanda reconnect with the people who had died.  Together they also explore the larger forces that shape grief: the myth of the "strong Black woman," the culture of medicine that rewards emotional restraint, the isolation that follows homicide loss, and the ways race, class, and stigma influence whose grief is witnessed and whose is questioned.  This episode considers what can happen when we stop asking grief to disappear and instead start tending to it - creating space for tears, memories, stories, and relationships that continue long after someone dies.  In this episode, we discuss: Growing up in North Philadelphia and the lasting influence of Shanda's mother, grandmother, and younger brother. Becoming the family caretaker after her mother's death at fourteen.   How repeated losses led to decades of suppressing grief in order to survive.   Why writing Brother Epistles became a pathway back to memory, relationship, and self.   The unique challenges of grieving after homicide and the stigma that often accompanies violent loss.  How racism, gender expectations, and medical culture can leave little room for grief.   What it means to tend grief rather than trying to finish it.   Finding permission to speak about the people who died as an everyday grief practice.  Connect with Shanda McManus, MD https://www.shandamcmanus.com/ @shandaMDwrites Weatherproof Substack Learn more about Dougy Center's grief education & training offerings: https://www.dougy.org/professionals-trainings

    The Grief We Carry, The Love We Keep - Shanda McManus, MD

  5. Jul 31

    How To Support Kids Through Grief – Jessica Correnti, MS, CCLS

    When it comes to children and grief, there's a lot we misunderstand. Adults might think they are either resilient and unaffected, too young to understand, or irreparably broken by the death of someone in their life. In reality though, their experiences of grief can be just as profound and complex as those of the adults around them.  In this episode of Grief Out Loud, Jana talks with Certified Child Life Specialist Jessica Correnti about what children actually need when someone they love dies. Drawing from more than a decade of working in pediatric hospitals and her private practice, Kids Grief Support, Jessica offers practical ways adults can help children understand death, express their feelings, and develop lifelong coping skills.   Jessica also shares the personal story of going through several miscarriages and the stillbirth of her daughter Maggie. She reflects on how her professional knowledge as a child life specialist shaped the way she and her family included their toddler son in meeting Maggie, how they continue to keep Maggie woven into everyday family life, and why simple, honest conversations help children carry grief over time rather than "move on" from it.   We discuss: What child life specialists do and why every family facing illness, injury, or death could benefit from their support.   How Jessica's own experiences with pregnancy loss transformed her understanding of grief.   Why "at least..." statements often leave people feeling more isolated.   How to prepare children for difficult experiences using clear, concrete language grounded in the 5 senses.   Why grief conversations don't need to be one big talk but can unfold through hundreds of small moments over time.   Why children aren't just naturally resilient, but need support to become resilient.  How coping strategies evolve throughout grief, for both children and adults.   The ways Jessica continues to parent Maggie through her work, writing, and advocacy.   Jessica is the founder of Kids Grief Support and author of The ABCs of Grief children's book series, resources that help children and families better understand grief, emotions, and coping.  Learn more about Dougy Center's grief education & training offerings: https://www.dougy.org/professionals-trainings

    How To Support Kids Through Grief – Jessica Correnti, MS, CCLS

  6. Jul 7

    Learning From Grief - David Ferrugio On Memory, Meaning, And Moving Forward

    For many, September 11th is a shared, historical tragedy. But for today's guest, it is a personal anniversary - the day his father died. David Ferrugio was twelve years old when his dad was killed in the World Trade Center. Twenty-five years later, his grief continues to unfold - from recently sitting with his father's forensic file at the 9/11 Memorial to hosting his own podcast, DEAD Talks, where he invites people into honest conversations about death, grief, and what it means to keep living.  In this conversation, David reflects on carrying his private grief through such a public loss. We talk about what it was like to be so young when his dad died, the memories he's held onto, and the new stories he's discovered through other people who also knew his father.  David talks about the ways grief found expression before he had words for it - from watching footage of the attacks over and over, to blasting Linkin Park while wearing himself out with a punching bag, to eventually finding his voice through podcasting and writing.  We discuss: What he remembers about 9/11 and getting the news his father died  Sitting with his father's forensic file twenty-five years later   Carrying personal grief through a public tragedy How memory, trauma, and grief intersect Finding connection through stories about the person who died   Why grief doesn't always begin with words  The role of movement, music, humor, and curiosity in living with grief  What talking with hundreds of people about grief has taught David about compassion, uncertainty, and hope   Learn more about David, his podcast DEAD Talks, and his upcoming book, You're Not Dead Yet: How Grief and Loss Can Teach You to Live.  Note: This episode contains some salty language. Listen with care.

    Learning From Grief - David Ferrugio On Memory, Meaning, And Moving Forward

  7. Jun 26

    Brothers In Grief: Nora Gross On Cumulative Loss & Gun Violence

    What happens when grief isn't an exception, but a constant presence? In this episode, Jana talks with researcher and educator Nora Gross about her book, Brothers in Grief: The Hidden Toll of Gun Violence on Black Boys and Their Schools, which follows the two years she spent embedded in a Philadelphia boys' high school where students were grieving repeated losses from gun violence. Through interviews, observation, and simply showing up, Nora witnessed how grief shapes friendships, school life, ideas about the future, and the social constraints Black boys face when it comes to grief. Nora also shares how her own experiences of grief - including the death of her mother from cancer while Nora was finishing her Ph.D. program and the deaths of three students in her first year of teaching—influenced the questions she researched and continue to shape her understanding of grief today. We discuss: How cumulative loss changes young people's expectations for the future. Why grief often remains invisible in schools, even when nearly everyone has experienced loss. The unique pressures Black boys face around expressing - and not expressing - emotion. The difference between the "easy hard," the "hard hard," and the "hidden hard" phases of communal grief, particularly in a school setting. Why curiosity, rather than fixing, may be one of the most powerful ways we can support young people who are grieving. How listening deeply can become an act of care. Nora Gross is a sociologist of youth, race, and education and a documentary filmmaker. She is Assistant Professor of Education at Barnard College, Columbia University and received her PhD from the University of Pennsylvania in Sociology and Education. Nora uses qualitative, multimodal, and participatory methods to understand the ways youth develop and protect their inner lives in the face of external constraints. She has published on issues related to racialized masculinity for both Black and white boys, grief and loss, political polarization in schools, teens' social media use, youth resistance and emotional solidarity, and school supports for vulnerable youth. She has also produced several documentary films focusing on the lives of Black boys and men. Nora is the author of the award-winning ethnographic book, Brothers in Grief: The Hidden Toll of Gun Violence on Black Boys and Their Schools (University of Chicago Press, 2024), as well as co-editor of Care-Based Methodologies: Reimagining Qualitative Research with Youth in US Schools (Bloomsbury Academic, 2022). You can learn more at www.noragross.com & https://www.brothersingrief.com/

    Brothers In Grief: Nora Gross On Cumulative Loss & Gun Violence

  8. Jun 18

    It's All Hard - Sudden vs Anticipated Loss

    Is it harder when someone dies suddenly, or when you know their death is coming?  It's a question that comes up often in grief spaces, and there's no easy answer. Both are hard - just in different ways.  In this episode, Aimee Craig talks about grieving the deaths of both of her parents under very different circumstances. Aimee's dad died suddenly when she was 23, during a season of major life transitions. Nearly two decades later, her mom died after living with cancer for many years, including five years with a terminal diagnosis.  Aimee reflects on how differently she experienced these losses - not just because of the circumstances of each death, but because of who she was at each point in her life. At 23, grief felt overwhelming and frightening. At 41, as a parent and longtime Dougy Center volunteer, she had more language and capacity for grief, even while navigating the difficult realities of caregiving and end-of-life decision making.  We explore the emotional and physical impact of sudden loss versus anticipated death, the complicated realities of caregiving, and the grief that comes with milestone moments, holidays, and parenting without the support and celebration of your own parents.  We also discuss what it means to actually witness grief and how having space to tell the truth without judgment or pressure to feel better - can help grief feel less isolating and a little easier to carry.  We discuss: Sudden death and the shock it can have on the body and nervous system  Grieving before someone dies and the realities of caregiving  How grief changes as we change over time  The pressure and complexity of end-of-life decisions Parenting while grieving your own parents  Mother's Day, Father's Day, and other significant days Why witnessing grief matters  How being grief aware doesn't make us immune to being caught off guard by grief If you're supporting someone who is grieving, or navigating grief yourself, this episode validates that there's no right or wrong way to feel in grief, no timeline for it, and that we can't measure grief by how someone died.  Check out Aimee's podcast, Who Died?

    It's All Hard - Sudden vs Anticipated Loss
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4.6
out of 5
316 Ratings

About

Remember the last time you tried to talk about grief and suddenly everyone left the room? Grief Out Loud is opening up this often avoided conversation because grief is hard enough without having to go through it alone. We bring you a mix of personal stories, tips for supporting children, teens, and yourself, and interviews with bereavement professionals. Platitude and cliché-free, we promise! Grief Out Loud is hosted by Jana DeCristofaro and produced by The Dougy Center for Grieving Children & Families in Portland, Oregon.

Information

  • Creator
    The Dougy Center
  • Years Active
    2015 - 2026
  • Episodes
    368
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Show Website
    Grief Out Loud