106 episodes

This podcast will help parents of teens keep life's struggles as a teen, and as a parent of a teen, in perspective. Parents will learn real tools to help them help their teens. They will learn how to build a rock solid relationship with their teen so they will have a powerful impact and a positive influence on their teen's life.

IMPACT: Parenting with Perspective Ben Pugh

    • Kids & Family
    • 5.0 • 78 Ratings

This podcast will help parents of teens keep life's struggles as a teen, and as a parent of a teen, in perspective. Parents will learn real tools to help them help their teens. They will learn how to build a rock solid relationship with their teen so they will have a powerful impact and a positive influence on their teen's life.

    Choose A Better Stress Response!

    Choose A Better Stress Response!

    You Don't Have To Be the Victim to Stress


    Seems like lately I've seen a lot of posts about stress and anxiety being terrible and traumatic.
    Stress gets this terrible wrap, and it seems like most posts talk about the stress response simply being the 4 "F's":
    Fight,Flight,Freeze, or FawnBut these posts completely ignore all of the other possible responses to stress. 
    Human beings are capable of so many other options when it come to stress response. 
    Stress has gotten a bad wrap for years. 
    I remember learning in college that "Stress is a silent killer."
    One college class taught that I needed to minimize, manage, and avoid stress. 
    The problem, we live in a world were people, parents, and teens are doing everything in their power to avoid stress. 

    What If Stress Isn't A Problem?


    I want you to think about some of the greatest people that you know, . . . 
    . . . people who have really accomplished something and had a powerful impact in the world and possible in your life . . . 
    . . . people who really inspire and impress you . . . 
    Then think about this, . . . 
    What is so wonderful about them?What about them has impacted/inspired you?Have they experienced stress?How did they respond to stress?The current narrative around stress and anxiety makes it sound like stress equals "game over" or that it's time to stop doing what you're doing. 
    This narrative gives stress debilitating power to hold you back and limit your growth.
    Recently, I watched a documentary about Steve Young, the legendary BYU and 49er quarterback. 
    Most of his college career was extremely stressful, then in the NFL he was engaged in a stressful and heated quarterback controversy with Joe Montana.
    He mentioned how this stress pushed him to try harder, to learn new things, and to become more than he would have without the stress. 
    There are countless stories about the power of stress from professional athletes to movie stars, powerful leaders, to people in your own life who you look up to. 
    What if stress isn't the problem?
    What if stress is the answer?

    Stress Can Make You Stronger


    Recently I read an article that stated that stress isn't actually bad, it's the perception that stress is bad that makes it so harmful. 
    When you look at professional athletes, they regularly subject their physical bodies to physical stress to get bigger and stronger. 
    The professional athletes who go down in the history books the GOATS, are part of the most stressful high pressure games, and they thrive.
    Just like professional athletes, your stressors can be the mental and emotional workout that makes you mentally and emotionally stronger. 
    Some of the greatest figures in world history were the product of very stressful lives. 
    Nelson Mandela was in prison for 27 years. He was subjected to a lot of stress, and this helped him become the man he was, and a global leader. 
    Stop lookin at stress as a problem, and start looking at it as an opportunity. 

    Options for a Better Stress Response...

    Check them out at https://firmlyfoundedparent.com/106

    • 28 min
    Stop Reacting to Distractions!

    Stop Reacting to Distractions!

    Distractions 101
    It's human nature to be easily distracted.
    In fact, distractions aren't necessarily all that bad.
    It reminds me of this dumb game that my kids play. They pretend to punch each other in the face, and if the other child flinches, the first child says, "two for flinching" and slugs them in the shoulder twice.
    Flinching isn't bad. It's a protective reflex.
    Being distracted isn't bad, it's part of our human nature to always be on the lookout. To always be looking for the next amazing thing.
    The problem is when our distractions run our lives.
    The problem is when our distractions put us in a hyper-reactionary mode.
    The problem is that our distractions aren't likely to create the dreams of our lives.
    It's Not Just Your Teen!
    One of the things that I'm noticing with a lot of parents is they they are worried about how distracted their teens have become.
    Parents tell me things like:
    "They're always looking at their phones or social media.""They only think about their friends."
    or"They don't even notice what's going on in the real world."Now, let me share with you what teens are telling me about their parents:
    "They're always looking at their phones or social media.""They only think about their work."
    or"They don't even now what it's going on in the real world."Are You Driven By Distracted
    Everything and everyone seems to be fighting for a little slice of our attention.
    Everything is trying to be the loudest, brightest, most shocking thing, just to get our attention. 
    What is distracting you?
    For me it's things like the Will Smith Slap or the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard trial. 
    Sometimes it's my kids grades or games on my phone.
    What are you being distracted from?
    Often I'm distracted from uncomfortable emotions or things that I don't want to do.
    How is distraction benefitting you?
    It might be relaxing. It might be easier than doing something hard. 
    What is distraction costing you?
    Sometimes it costs me relationships, my dreams, and my future.
    Distraction Leads to Reaction
    I Googled the opposite of distraction and this is what I found. 
    The Opposite of Distraction is Traction. Traction is an action that moves us towards what we really want.
    If we dig into this we see that "traction" is an intentional action or (DOing).
    Distraction is keeping you from being intentional. 
    Distraction leads to reaction. 
    Let go of distractions so you can be more intentional. 
    Your Distractions Program you and Define Your Reality
    Advertisement, media, television and social media are all distractions. 
    These distractions are trying to program us to purchase their products. 
    Identify What distractions are keeping you from your desired results?
    Distractions can keep you from having the relationship that you want. 
    Distractions will keep you from BEing who you want to be.
    Distractions will keep you from connecting with your family. 
    Distractions will keep you from growing. 
    Come Connect with Us LIVE and In Person!
    Our Summer Slam is Saturday, July 29th from 9:00 am to 9:00 pm.
    It will include powerful lessons, fun activities, and an awesome evening filled with board games and connection.
    See you there!
    https://firmlyfounded.com/event

    • 19 min
    Working with Teens with Cynthia Coufal

    Working with Teens with Cynthia Coufal

    Regulating Emotions
    It's important for teens to learn how to regulate their emotions. 
    Teens have the power to regulate.
    Teens Need Their Privacy when Getting Coached
    There's no right or wrong way to coach. 
    It's important to give teens privacy and let them be vulnerable. 
    Teen Work Benefit from Working On What They Want To Work On
    Teens need the freedom to work on things that are important to them. 
    They will learn powerful skill in areas that are important to them, than they can also apply in all areas of their life. 
    Let teens start building on their strengths. 
    Recommended Components
    Want to Connect with Cynthia Coufal?
    https://www.betterregulatethannever.com/  (website)
    https://www.betterregulatethannever.com/podcast  (podcast)
    https://www.betterregulatethannever.com/2free

    • 33 min
    Keys to Effective Family Meetings

    Keys to Effective Family Meetings

    Why Do Family Meetings?
    Increased communication
    Plan Activities
    Address Problems
    Give Family Members a Voice
    Model/Teach Leadership and Communication Skills
    Get people on the same team
    Common Mistakes
    Not respecting the opinions, thoughts, views, and values of others,
    Trying to change others.
    Lecturing/Arguing
    Not having a clear purpose
    Giving away your power
    Recommended Components
    Clear Purpose and IntentionTackle just one topicCome to the meeting with an idea of where you want the meeting to go.Invite All To Participate/Have a Voice/VoteEveryone is invited to share and be heard.Everyone gets to vote.Value Driven/Respect/Understand other's Values Might Be DifferentUnderstand what your values areSeek to understand what your teen's values are.Reinforce values.Critical ConceptsWe like to reinforce concepts like:FairnessConcernedEffectiveEnjoyable/FunAdvantages and DisadvantagesExplore as a family what possible advantages and disadvantages are.Define the pros and cons.Positive and Negative ConsequencesWhat might some positive consequences be?What might some negative consequences be?How can you reinforce the outcome with positive and negative consequences.Keep it Simple and ShortKeep these meetings between 15 to 20 minutes. You know your family best, end before people lose attention.Reward People for ParticipatingWe like to do a desert or an activity to help motivate our family to participate.Make it fun and rewarding.Practice at the Top and the Bottom of the WheelBe willing to practice this many times.Do family meetings about fun topics to build the habit before tackling tough topics.Join our Family!
    Human beings are herd animals. We are unintentional about most of the herds we are a part of.
    You have the opportunity to intentionally join a herd of like-minded parents who want to grow! You can be part of a herd that will help grow and develop.
    Want to join the Firmly Founded Parent?
    Join now while the doors are open. They close again on June 5th.
    https://www.firmlyfounded.com/parent
    Want to join the Firmly Founded Teen?
    Join now while the doors are open.
    https://www.firmlyfounded.com/teen

    • 28 min
    How to be Brave with Jackson

    How to be Brave with Jackson

    What Is Bravery?
    Bravery is facing your fear. 
    Bravery is a choice. 
    The world would have you believe that bravery means the absence fear, but I believe bravery is facing your fear and BEing intentional. 
    Like, brave people don't experience fear, but this isn't true. 
    Brave people experience fear, just like you, but they have mastered the skill of BEing intentional in the face of their fear.
    Bravery Requires Fear
    Fear is not the enemy. 
    In fact, fear is a required emotion for bravery and courage. 
    BEing brave actually increases your emotional health because it requires that you experience, identify, and process emotions. 
    One of the most powerful things that you can do as a parent is to lean into your fear and choose to be brave.
    This will show your teen a powerful example of BEing brave, of being intentional in the face of uncomfortable emotion. 
    How Fear Affects You As a Parent
    Through the years that I’ve coached parents and teens, I’ve noticed a few things about fear.
    NOBODY likes how they behave when they’re being driven by fear.
    NOBODY!
    When you parent from a place of fear, your brain goes into overdrive to find all the things that you “should” be scared of.
    If you’re like me, fear makes you more controlling, less trusting, and it shifts your focus from things within your control to things outside of your control.
    How To Manage Your Parenting Fears
    Identify and Acknowledge Your FearGet to know what your afraid of.Understand it.Acknowledge that you are afraid and that it’s okay.Mentally Go ThereIf you are scared, you are likely focusing on things outside of your control, and you are likely catastrophizing.Understand that and mentally go there.Picture yourself in the experiencing the thing that you fear.Decide Who You Want to BE In The Face of Your FearThis is hard, but explore, who you want to be in the face of your fear.See yourself BEing that way in the face of your fear.Understand why you want to be that way.Explore How That Way Of BEing Would Apply To Your Best Case ScenarioOnce you’ve identified who/how you want to be in the worst case scenario, your fear, see how that would serve you in the best case scenario.How does this way of being apply to both scenarios?Practice BEing The Parent Of Your DreamsNow, get back to reality and practice BEing the parent of your dreams.This doesn’t make the fear go away, but it gives you a guide for how you want to be.This shifts your focus back to the one thing you can control, YOURSELF!Join our Family!
    Human beings are herd animals. We are unintentional about most of the herds we are a part of.
    You have the opportunity to intentionally join a herd of like-minded parents who want to grow! You can be part of a herd that will help grow and develop.
    Want to join the Firmly Founded Parent?
    Join now while the doors are open. They close again on June 5th.
    https://www.firmlyfounded.com/parent
    Want to join the Firmly Founded Teen?
    Join now while the doors are open.
    https://www.firmlyfounded.com/teen

    • 26 min
    Mental & Emotional Health

    Mental & Emotional Health

    Mental and Emotional Health Go Hand In Hand
    May is mental health month, so I keep seeing lots of posts about mental health. 
    I wanted to take a minute and share my thoughts on this.
    I believe that mental and emotional health go hand in hand. Without one, you cannot have the other. 
    If you want to strengthen one, you'll have to strengthen the other. 
    If you strengthen one, you'll strengthen the other. 
    Mental and Emotional Health go together like the chicken and the egg.
    You can't really separate them. 
    What is Mental Health
    I believe mental health is something that EVERYONE has! It's kind of like physical health, if you're alive, you've got it to some extent. 
    Just like physical health, there are things you can do to improve your mental health. 
    First, here's how I define mental health. 
    Mental health is your ability to be aware of your thinking and to be intentional with how you think. 
    That's it!
    You are not your thoughts, you are the thinker of your thoughts!
    As the thinker, you have the power to 
    What Is Emotional Health
    I define emotional health as the ability to experience any and ALL emotions and to be able to identify and process them.
    One of the problems that I see is when people label emotions as "good" of "bad", often it's positive or negative. 
    The problem with this is that it sends the wrong message, that negative or "bad" emotions should be avoided, and that positive emotions or the only good ones. 
    The truth is, that humans are designed to feel a wide range of emotions. 
    It's empowering to know that feeling anxiety or anger doesn't mean that anything is wrong with you, in fact, it means you have some emotional health because you are experiencing an emotion. 
    How to Strengthen Your Mental and Emotional Health 
    I know I sound like a broken record, but the most powerful thing you can do to help your teen strengthen their mental or emotional health is to strengthen your own. 
    You can show them the example of being someone who's aware of their thoughts and intentional when it comes to their thoughts. 
    You can be the example of allowing any and all emotions and identifying and processing the emotion.
    Share The Love!
    One of the most powerful things you can do to change from the inside out is to share your growth and experience with others.
    By BEing the change you want to see, you will start to inspire others. 
    Share your wins.
    Share your growth. 
    Share your successes.
    Share your resources and tools.
    BE the example of what is possible when it comes to parenting.
    CALL TO ACTION
    Join my free Be the Change training starting next week. It will all be happening on my Be the Change Challenge Facebook Group to know when I go live.
    JOIN BE THE CHANGE FB GROUP!

    • 24 min

Customer Reviews

5.0 out of 5
78 Ratings

78 Ratings

Sue Christisnsen ,

Ben

Excellent podcast! Very helpful! I love the idea of intentional parenting! Values are important, it’s how I live my life! This guy is fabulous, so I sent his podcast to a couple friends of mine who have teenagers! Can’t wait to hear next weeks podcast! Meanwhile I’m going to go back to the beginning and listen to all his podcast! This is an answer to my prayers! I think I’m going to make it as a parent of a teenager son because of Ben! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!

Feliciaa<3 ,

SO important!

This podcast gives such amazing information that I didn't learn anywhere else. So helpful.

theforeverfamily ,

The Best Thing I Ever Changed…

This podcast speaks to my heart and mind in so many ways in how I want to show up as a parent. My relationship with my children has improved so easily with Ben’s advice of “being the change you want to see”. His message is always easy to understand and implement. Ben, thank you for putting out Impact Parenting and the excitement you share in choosing to become a better parent. The best thing I ever changed and still changing is me!

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