Relational Longevity, A Podcast For Couples

Ellen Boeder and Jayson Gaddis
  • 5.0 (5)
  • Relationships
  • Updated Weekly

Welcome to The Relational Longevity Podcast with Jayson and Ellen, where we discuss long-term partnership, parenting, and how to keep your most important relationships thriving for the long haul.

  1. 3d ago

    Things We’ve Learned Parenting for 17 Years

    What have Jayson and Ellen learned after 17 years of parenting? They share why parenting is downstream of partnership, what it means to be a team as parents, and how to validate your child’s feelings while still setting boundaries. They also explore why all feelings are welcome but not all behaviors are, how offering too many choices can overwhelm kids, and why letting children lead play matters. They close by talking about parental leadership and what it means to surrender to the parenting experience. If you are raising kids and want a more grounded approach, this episode is for you. Timestamps: 1:40 - parenting is downstream of partnership4:22 - being a team as parents8:21 - validating feelings while setting boundaries with kids13:30 - all feelings are welcome, all behaviours are not18:59 - don't give your child choice paralysis31:15 - letting kids lead play34:50 - empowering parents to step into leadership44:38 - surrendering to the parenting experienceLinks: ​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Ellen's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Jayson's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you find this show valuable, please follow the show on Spotify, give us a rating and tell your friends and family about Integrated!

  2. Jul 8

    Why Insight, Info and Tools Are Not Enough to Make It Work Long-Term

    Why is it so hard to apply what you already know in your relationship? Jayson and Ellen explore why gathering more information isn’t always the answer and how intimate partnerships bring underlying attachment issues to the surface. They explain why relationship tools only work when you understand how and when to use them, how knowing the deeper "why" behind your relationship matters, and how leaning into challenges can transform your partnership. If you feel stuck despite knowing what to do, this episode is for you. Timestamps: 1:00 - Why isn't more information moving the needle in your relationship?5:30 - Why is it so hard to apply your knowledge in intimate partnerships?8:00 - Partnership brings up underlying attachment issues15:00 - How you use relationship tools matters20:00 - Understand the "why" in your relationship24:00 - The reward for leaning into challenge in your relationshipLinks: ​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Ellen's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Jayson's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you find this show valuable, please follow the show on Spotify, give us a rating and tell your friends and family about Integrated!

  3. Jul 1

    Relational Code

    What is a relational code and why does every couple need one? Jayson and Ellen explain how shared agreements create a stronger partnership and why equality is essential for real collaboration. They explore the importance of growing together, staying relationship oriented under stress, and supporting each other's autonomy while working as a team. They also share how having clear relationship agreements can help you navigate challenges with more trust and less conflict. If you want to build a relationship that lasts, this episode is for you. Timestamps: 1:19 - What is a relational code?5:21 - Why having a relational code is important8:45 - Equality is required for good collaboration13:51 - Valuing growth as a couple17:52 - Staying relationship oriented under stress20:42 - Supporting your partner's autonomy while in collaboration26:57 - How your relationship agreements can help youLinks: ​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Ellen's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Jayson's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you find this show valuable, please follow the show on Spotify, give us a rating and tell your friends and family about Integrated!

  4. Jun 17

    Communication

    How much of communication is actually non verbal? Jayson and Ellen break down why what you say matters less than how you say it and how your partner is receiving it. They explore the importance of tracking your partner while you speak, how to find the real issue underneath the fight, and what it means to actually listen. They also explain why good listening is reciprocal and why going straight to solutions usually makes things worse. If you want better conversations and less conflict, this episode is for you. Timestamps: 3:05 - how much of communication is non-verbal?5:30 - check your parter's response while you're speaking12:03 - finding the real issues under the fights15:46 - how to listen21:57 - good listening is reciprocal25:25 - don't go right to solutionsLinks: ​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Ellen's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Jayson's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you find this show valuable, please follow the show on Spotify, give us a rating and tell your friends and family about Integrated!

  5. Jun 10

    Why Your Nervous System Matters

    Jayson and Ellen explore how nervous system regulation impacts relational longevity and why being attuned to your partner changes everything. They talk about slowing down before trying to solve problems, becoming more aware of unconscious patterns, and not losing sight of your partner’s feelings. They also make the case for creating a home that actually feels safe. If you want a calmer, more connected relationship, this episode is for you. Timestamps: 1:26 - The nervous system and relational longevity4:55 - Are you attuned to your partner's nervous system?11:06 - Being more sensitive to your partner before solving problems17:50 - Being aware of unconscious processes23:54 - Don't lose sight of you partner's feelings27:15 - Make home a safe placeLinks: ​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Ellen's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Jayson's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you find this show valuable, please follow the show on Spotify, give us a rating and tell your friends and family about Integrated!

  6. Jun 3

    2 Key Things About Attachment

    Why is attachment so important in a relationship? Jayson and Ellen break down what makes a partner different from a friend and why dependency is not the problem people think it is. They explore what it means to be someone your partner can count on, how to decide what kind of partnership you actually want, and why you have to consider what is good for you, your partner, and the relationship as a whole. If you want to build something solid, this episode is for you. Timestamps: 1:56 - why is attachment so important?3:53 - the difference between a friend and a partner8:41 - dependancy11:36 - don't forget that your partner is counting on you18:18 - decide what you want your partnership to look like20:40 - is this good for me, you and us?Links: ​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Ellen's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Jayson's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you find this show valuable, please follow the show on Spotify, give us a rating and tell your friends and family about Integrated!

  7. May 20

    Couples Retreat

    When was the last time you actually prioritized your relationship? Jayson and Ellen talk about why most couples wait too long to invest in their future and what it looks like to choose growth instead of just another vacation. They share what you can expect from their upcoming couples retreat, who it is really for, and why focusing on longevity changes everything. If you are serious about building something that lasts, this episode is for you. Timestamps: 2:36 - Retreat logistics/itinerary4:58 - When was the last time you prioritized your relationship?8:46 - Prioritizing longevity and your future as a couple12:13 - Growth instead of a vacation15:05 - Who is a good fit for the retreat?Links: ​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Ellen's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Jayson's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you find this show valuable, please follow the show on Spotify, give us a rating and tell your friends and family about Integrated!

  8. May 7

    Relational Longevity Part 2

    What does it actually take to build a relationship that lasts? In part two, Jayson and Ellen break down the four core aspects of relational longevity. They explore why you need a basic understanding of attachment, how the nervous system shapes your interactions, the role of communication skills, and what your relational code says about how you show up. They also talk about the importance of actively cultivating connection if you want something that goes the distance. If you are serious about long term love, this episode is for you. Timestamps: 2:27 You need a basic understanding of attachment4:27 Have an understanding of the human nervous system6:03 Communication skills7:51 Your relational code12:28 Cultivate connectionLinks: ​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Ellen's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Jayson's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you find this show valuable, please follow the show on Spotify, give us a rating and tell your friends and family about Integrated!

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Welcome to The Relational Longevity Podcast with Jayson and Ellen, where we discuss long-term partnership, parenting, and how to keep your most important relationships thriving for the long haul.

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