Keep Coming Back is 12-step work, not for profit or recognition. We bring the AA Speaker to the mic and record their story of recovery, creating “Speaker Tapes” for this generation. When you need to hear a story of freedom and hope, check one out here. Website: KeepComingBack.net Email: HawkishUnderdog@gmail.com Twitter: @KeepComingBack_
vol 58. Sobriety Date 2/3/2021 (Lynne)
Lynne shares her Experience, Strength and Hope with her story of food, alcohol and cocaine addiction. Lynne holds nothing back in sharing her honest journey to a life of freedom . . . again.
Lynne grew up in a dysfunctional home with an alcoholic father, rage-alcoholic mother and a ton of Catholic schoolgirl guilt. An extremely emotional child with outbursts and meltdowns, her father would lock her in the car to contain it. Lynne eventually learned to hide her emotions and to escape them with food—Bulimia was her first addiction.
Since Lynne can remember, she strived to be connected to something bigger than her, even wanting to be a nun for a moment. And it was in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous that she found that connection she was seeking. After drifting away from the program, Lynne went out for 14 years. Thinking she was finally grown up enough to drink again, she had a few sips of wine, and found herself immediately in the bathroom calling her dealer.
Today, in a fresh new sobriety, Lynne vocalizes her struggles and seeks help before the pain gets unbearable. Today, Lynne picks up the phone instead of a drink.
"I always gravitated towards something outside myself to make myself feel better.”
“Whenever I couldn’t deal with my emotions, I was stuffing them down (with food) and then purging them out.”
“I have to defend my sobriety with everything I have.”
“I race to that homegroup for relief, I need to go get my fix and that fix is Alcoholics Anonymous . . . nobody understands me like you guys do.”
vol 57. Sobriety Date 2/29/2016 (Nancy)
Nancy shares her Experience, Strength and Hope as she makes her second round in the program—she is a fantastic cautionary tale for anyone slipping away from their program.
The youngest of 5 children, growing up in a Hispanic, Catholic home there was a ton of love, but also drama, uncertainly, fear and unlimited access to alcohol. Shortly after her first drink, Nancy became depressed and suicidal, and by 16 yrs. old was a daily drinker.
Drinking at a young age led Nancy quickly into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, where she gathered 23 years of sobriety. But eventually life got in the way of her program, her priorities changed and her depression and anxiety returned. But she knew where to go when she was ready to live again.
Today, 5 years into a new sobriety, Nancy puts her program first. She loves sponsoring people and carrying the message; today Nancy’s life is full of peace and service and growth.
“I loved alcohol, not a little bit, a lot. That is the sickness within my head, I fell in love with something that was killing me, and I continued to drink.”
“I literally drank myself homeless, because once I start drinking, I can’t stop.”
“I learned to open my heart . . . I realized the power of God and the power of this program, and I was in awe of Alcoholics Anonymous; I continue to fall in love with the program.”
vol 56. Sobriety Date 1/24/2011 (Melanie)
Melanie shares her Experience, Strength and Hope with 10 years of sobriety, while happily married and pregnant with her second son. Raised in a chaotic home where dad would give the silent treatment for weeks, Melanie became an overachieving perfectionist: president of student council, captain of the soccer team, best babysitter.
The combination of maintaining an impeccable reputation and feeling fundamentally different from everyone else, Melanie had a recipe for anxiety and self-hatred. This delayed her first drink, but led her to obsessively calorie count, binge eat, beat herself up, and then do it all over again. Melanie immediately became a blackout drinker, many times forgetting where she lived, losing keys, cellphones, and even her passport.
The sense of relief that alcohol once gave Melanie quickly turned into a nightmare, and it was the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous that reached out their hand, gave a phone number, and brought her in. Today, Melanie has a different approach to life; she has self-esteem, self-forgiveness, confidence, and sees her value not in how well she does or what she looks like, but in how she can be of service to others.
“The only way I could stop was blacking out or passing out; and if I did try to control the drinking, I was miserable.”
“If I didn’t do something different . . . I knew I was probably gonna die.”
“The way that I thought shifted . . . it’s just such a better way of living, it’s really amazing.”
vol 55. Sobriety Date 7/4/1988 (Maureen M.)
Maureen shares her Experience, Strength and Hope at 71 years old - with decades of sobriety. Raised in a military home with an alcoholic father and bipolar mother that enabled him, Maureen says she was an alcoholic in the making from the beginning. She began running away at the tiny age of 3, and at 4 yrs, she would wake up to drink glasses of liquor left from the night before.
Maureen's father continually molested her while her mother looked the other way, putting the responsibility on Maureen to not let it happen. Maureen later became a prostitute, was rapped at gunpoint, and eventually suicidal, not too long after her mother committed suicide.
No doubt, a life of heartache and pain, but with the rooms and the support in them, today Maureen has a life of beauty and sobriety. During this sobriety, Maureen made it through cancer and a terrible car accident; she is an artist and a writer, with a manuscript just waiting to be published.
In this share, Maureen goes into the darkness that this disease can take us and walks us through to the other side, where there is life, love and gratitude.
“I was a full blown out-of-my-mind-crazy woman drug addict . . . I belonged in a hospital.”
“I learned that I wanted to live, and I didn’t know that until she said cancer.”
“I found out that my sobriety was more important to me than anything else.”
*recorded via phone, sound varies
vol 54. Sobriety Date 2/24/2016 (Tara)
Tara shares her Experience, Strength and Hope with so much honesty that she shaves two years off of her sobriety date. There are no right or wrongs ways to get sober, though Tara’s story does push the envelope of what AA folks would say is acceptable. Not sure if it matters, because today she is a happy, joyous, free and sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous—and she bravely tells her journey for the alcoholic that still suffers, be it with alcohol, or any other substitute for it.
Note: Alyssa (vol. 49) hosts this episode. The Q&A at the end turns into an uncensored conversation where Alyssa and Tara dig into the notion of science, god, perspectives . . . and being ok with the unknown magic of it all. Click here for: Alyssa's AA Morning Snippets.
“I had so much fear of being an alcoholic, I couldn’t get to the other side of alcoholism.”
“A normal person would not put up with as much suffering as we alcoholics do, until we finally say mercy.”
“These rooms got alcohol out of my body so they could grow my soul and spirit.”
*recorded via phone, sound varies
vol 53. Sobriety Date 5/18/1987 (Lori)
Lori shares her Experience, Strength and Hope with a detailed account of her journey, which still includes pain and struggle today, but of a much different variety than what once brought her to two suicide attempts.
Considered a problem child with too much emotion, both bulimic and alcoholic from the get-go, Lori recalls her constant desire to disappear. Always feeling like a bad person, never right in God’s eyes, Lori began to truly hate herself. And with that perspective of a punishing, conditional God, God became a source of fear and anger, and lead to feelings of abandonment. After her first drunk Lori felt a sense of freedom from her anxiety, and from there, the alcoholic behavior rapidly grew and quickly added layers of suffering.
In an effort to make this pain stop, Lori found herself in treatment. She just wanted a break from life and alcohol, but despite herself and her intentions, Lori got sober. She didn’t hit the AA ground running, but instead had a slow start, making some big mistakes, but is now all the way in. People really know Lori today; Lori lets people know the real her.
The feeling of not being good enough is no longer her waking thought, beating herself up is no longer her daily behavior. Today, Lori opens up with honesty in the face of pain, and she's using the tools of AA to get to the other side unscathed.
“God was repulsive to me, anything that had to do with religion freaked me out . . . I was so afraid to try to believe in a God . . . it never occurred to me that I could have a God in my life if I wasn’t perfect.”
“What I learned in sobriety is that fear was my driving force, I was afraid of everything, I didn’t know that, I just reacted to it.”
“Just because we experience pain, doesn’t mean we’re doing life wrong.”
*recorded via phone, sound varies
Love this format!
Thank you so much for the great speakers and the interviews at the end. You often ask the questions I was thinking! This podcast helps me stay sober. I love it and appreciate it so much!