Masks Off: Inner Freedom For People-Pleasers and Perfectionists

Kim Gross
  • 4.9 (36)
  • Self-Improvement
  • Updated Weekly

A podcast for people pleasers and perfectionists ready to drop the masks. Kim Gross shares simple tools to calm the inner critic, set boundaries, and live with confidence, clarity, and inner freedom. www.kimgrosscoaching.com

  1. 1d ago

    The Judgment Mask- Why We Criticize Others When We Don't Feel Safe Within Ourselves

    Have you ever caught yourself judging someone and wondered, Where did that come from? What if your judgment isn't actually about them? In this episode of Masks Off: Inner Freedom for People Pleasers and Perfectionists, Kim Gross explores one of the most overlooked protective patterns of the Inner Controller: the judgment mask. Judgment often feels justified on the surface, but underneath it can hide fear, shame, powerlessness, grief, insecurity, or parts of ourselves we haven't fully accepted. Whether we criticize our children, our partner, strangers online, or even ourselves, judgment is often an attempt to feel safe, certain, or in control. Kim shares how curiosity can transform criticism into compassion and explains the important difference between judgment and discernment. You'll also learn why the people who trigger you the most may actually be pointing you toward your deepest healing. In this episode you'll discover: • Why judgment is often fear wearing the mask of certainty • The surprising reason we judge the people we love most • The difference between judgment and healthy discernment • How your Inner Controller uses criticism to avoid vulnerability • A simple practice to move from judgment to compassion If you've ever wondered why certain people trigger you—or why you can be so hard on yourself—this episode offers a compassionate new perspective. 👉 Connect with Kim (the host): 👉 New Book: https://www.kimgrosscoaching.com/free-to-be.php 👉 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kimgrosscoaching 👉 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimgrosscoaching/ 👉 Website: www.kimgrosscoaching.com 👉 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kim.gross.104 👉 Facebook Masks Off Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/masksoffcommunity 👉 YouTube: https://youtube.com/channel/UCaWJfO7ZFd4aYBX3e-clj9Q 👉 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2Et9BMqdFriIQ9bUxcfQeg 👉 Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/masks-off/id1513846583 👉 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/notifications/?filter=all 👉 Unmasked Newsletter: http://subscribepage.io/masksoffnewsletter 👉 People-Pleasing Quiz: https://www.kimgrosscoaching.com/quiz.php

  2. Jul 9

    When Comparison Steals Your Freedom

    Comparison is one of the sneakiest ways the inner controller tries to keep us safe. It tells us that if we can figure out where we stand — who is ahead, who is behind, who is doing better, who is doing worse — then maybe we can finally know whether we are enough. But comparison never leads to freedom. In this episode of Masks Off: Inner Freedom for People Pleasers and Perfectionists, Kim Gross explores the comparison trap and why it keeps us stuck in both inferiority and superiority. When we feel below someone, we collapse into shame and “I’m not enough.” When we feel above someone, we may feel temporary relief, but that superiority is still fragile because it depends on staying ahead. Kim shares how comparison can show up in childhood, parenting, social media, body image, and weight — and how old environments can wake up old measuring systems. She also brings in the Golden Buddha metaphor from her book, Free to Be: A Pathway to Inner Liberation, reminding us that comparison keeps us staring at the clay while forgetting the gold underneath. This episode will help you stop using comparison as the measurement of your worth and begin returning to compassion, shared humanity, and inner freedom. In this episode, you’ll explore: Why comparison is a protective pattern, not a character flawThe difference between inferiority and superiorityHow the inner controller uses comparison to create the illusion of safetyWhy social media, parenting, and body image can trigger old measuring systemsHow to stop abandoning yourself when judgment is possibleA simple comparison reset practice to come back to yourselfYour worth is not ranked.Your path is yours.You can come back to yourself. 👉 Connect with Kim (the host): 👉 New Book: https://www.kimgrosscoaching.com/free-to-be.php 👉 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kimgrosscoaching 👉 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimgrosscoaching/ 👉 Website: www.kimgrosscoaching.com 👉 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kim.gross.104 👉 Facebook Masks Off Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/masksoffcommunity 👉 YouTube: https://youtube.com/channel/UCaWJfO7ZFd4aYBX3e-clj9Q 👉 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2Et9BMqdFriIQ9bUxcfQeg 👉 Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/masks-off/id1513846583 👉 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/notifications/?filter=all 👉 Unmasked Newsletter: http://subscribepage.io/masksoffnewsletter 👉 People-Pleasing Quiz: https://www.kimgrosscoaching.com/quiz.php

  3. Jul 2

    The Mask We Wear When We're Afraid They'll Judge Us

    Have you ever walked into a room and suddenly felt like you had to prove you were okay? In this episode, Kim Gross opens the July series, Real and Unfiltered: The Freedom to Be Seen, by sharing the emotional experience of preparing for her 40th high school reunion. What seemed like a simple reunion activated old fears around body image, aging, comparison, approval, and being judged. Kim explores how old environments can awaken old identities, especially the younger parts of us that believed we had to look perfect, act confident, seem successful, and prove we were enough. She explains how perfectionism becomes a mask, how the inner controller tries to manage how others perceive us, and why judgment can feel so threatening to the nervous system. This episode is a compassionate reminder that healing does not mean you never get triggered. Healing means you can recognize the mask when it comes up and choose presence over performance. You do not need to become someone no one can judge. You are becoming someone who no longer abandons herself when judgment is possible. 👉 Connect with Kim (the host): 👉 New Book: https://www.kimgrosscoaching.com/free-to-be.php 👉 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kimgrosscoaching 👉 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimgrosscoaching/ 👉 Website: www.kimgrosscoaching.com 👉 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kim.gross.104 👉 Facebook Masks Off Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/masksoffcommunity 👉 YouTube: https://youtube.com/channel/UCaWJfO7ZFd4aYBX3e-clj9Q 👉 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2Et9BMqdFriIQ9bUxcfQeg 👉 Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/masks-off/id1513846583 👉 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/notifications/?filter=all 👉 Unmasked Newsletter: http://subscribepage.io/masksoffnewsletter 👉 People-Pleasing Quiz: https://www.kimgrosscoaching.com/quiz.php

  4. Jun 25

    Freedom Begins When You Stop Trying to Control Everything

    In this episode of Masks Off: Inner Freedom for People Pleasers and Perfectionists, Kim Gross closes out the June Inner Controller series with a powerful conversation about overthinking, control, and why we cannot think our way into freedom. The inner controller believes that if we can figure everything out, predict every outcome, and prepare for every possibility, then we will finally feel safe. But overthinking often keeps us trapped in mental loops, disconnected from our bodies, our intuition, and the present moment. Kim explores how overthinking is often an attempt to create certainty — and why certainty is not the same as safety. She shares how the inner controller uses thoughts like “What if something goes wrong?” “What did they mean by that?” “What if I make the wrong choice?” and “What if I can’t handle it?” to keep us looping in fear. This episode will help you understand the difference between solving a real problem and trying to escape an uncomfortable feeling. You’ll learn a simple practice to interrupt the spiral and begin building safety from within. Because freedom does not come from controlling every outcome. Freedom comes from knowing:“I may not know exactly what will happen, but I can trust myself to meet what comes.” In this episode, you’ll learn: Why overthinking is often a form of controlHow the inner controller uses mental looping to avoid uncertaintyThe difference between real problem-solving and fear-based spiralingWhy certainty is not the same as safetyHow to begin building inner safety instead of chasing controlA simple practice to come back to yourself when your mind is spiraling👉 Connect with Kim (the host): 👉 New Book: https://www.kimgrosscoaching.com/free-to-be.php 👉 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kimgrosscoaching 👉 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimgrosscoaching/ 👉 Website: www.kimgrosscoaching.com 👉 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kim.gross.104 👉 Facebook Masks Off Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/masksoffcommunity 👉 YouTube: https://youtube.com/channel/UCaWJfO7ZFd4aYBX3e-clj9Q 👉 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2Et9BMqdFriIQ9bUxcfQeg 👉 Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/masks-off/id1513846583 👉 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/notifications/?filter=all 👉 Unmasked Newsletter: http://subscribepage.io/masksoffnewsletter 👉 People-Pleasing Quiz: https://www.kimgrosscoaching.com/quiz.php

  5. Jun 18

    The Prison of Perfectionism in Relationships

    What if the very thing you are doing to protect your relationships is actually keeping you from the connection you deeply desire? In this episode, Kim Gross explores how perfectionism becomes a prison in relationships. When we are afraid of being judged, criticized, rejected, or misunderstood, we may begin to perform, edit ourselves, suppress our needs, and avoid saying what we truly think or feel. The inner controller convinces us that if we can just be easy enough, agreeable enough, strong enough, or perfect enough, we will be safe and loved. But the cost is loneliness. Kim shares personal reflections on motherhood, people-pleasing, empty nesting, and the ache of wanting to be seen as good, loving, and perfect in the eyes of the people we care about most. She explains how people-pleasing and perfectionism can create pseudo-connection while quietly disconnecting us from ourselves. This episode is an invitation to stop abandoning yourself in order to be chosen by others. Through compassion, loving kindness, and small moments of honesty, we can begin to unmask from perfectionism and experience the true connection we have been longing for. 👉 Connect with Kim (the host): 👉 New Book: https://www.kimgrosscoaching.com/free-to-be.php 👉 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kimgrosscoaching 👉 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimgrosscoaching/ 👉 Website: www.kimgrosscoaching.com 👉 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kim.gross.104 👉 Facebook Masks Off Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/masksoffcommunity 👉 YouTube: https://youtube.com/channel/UCaWJfO7ZFd4aYBX3e-clj9Q 👉 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2Et9BMqdFriIQ9bUxcfQeg 👉 Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/masks-off/id1513846583 👉 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/notifications/?filter=all 👉 Unmasked Newsletter: http://subscribepage.io/masksoffnewsletter 👉 People-Pleasing Quiz: https://www.kimgrosscoaching.com/quiz.php

  6. Jun 12

    You’re Not Fine — You’re Overriding Yourself

    Are you really okay — or are you overriding yourself? In this episode, Kim Gross introduces a new concept on the podcast: override. Override is what happens when you push past your emotions, your body, your needs, or your truth in order to keep going, stay pleasing, stay productive, or stay in control. Kim explores how the Inner Controller often uses override as a survival strategy, especially for people-pleasers and perfectionists. She explains the difference between healthy regulation and harmful repression, how many of us were trained to override as children, and why pushing through may actually be keeping us disconnected from freedom. This episode will help you notice where you may be saying “I’m fine” when you are not fine, calling yourself strong when you are actually self-abandoning, or confusing control with safety. Connect with Kim: 👉 Connect with Kim (the host): 👉 New Book: https://www.kimgrosscoaching.com/free-to-be.php 👉 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kimgrosscoaching 👉 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimgrosscoaching/ 👉 Website: www.kimgrosscoaching.com 👉 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kim.gross.104 👉 Facebook Masks Off Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/masksoffcommunity 👉 YouTube: https://youtube.com/channel/UCaWJfO7ZFd4aYBX3e-clj9Q 👉 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2Et9BMqdFriIQ9bUxcfQeg 👉 Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/masks-off/id1513846583 👉 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/notifications/?filter=all 👉 Unmasked Newsletter: http://subscribepage.io/masksoffnewsletter 👉 People-Pleasing Quiz: https://www.kimgrosscoaching.com/quiz.php

  7. Jun 4

    From Prison to Paradise: How Your Inner Controller Keeps You Trapped

    Have you ever wondered why you can’t fully relax, even when life looks good on the outside? In this episode, Kim Gross introduces the “inner controller” — the part of you that seeks safety by managing everything: other people’s emotions, your performance, your appearance, outcomes, uncertainty, and even your own feelings. For people pleasers and perfectionists, the inner controller often develops as a nervous system adaptation. It learns that if you can just be good enough, prepared enough, pleasing enough, perfect enough, or in control enough, maybe you’ll finally feel safe. But over time, this protective part can become a prison. Kim explores the shift from prison to paradise — not as a perfect external life, but as the inner freedom to be present, peaceful, authentic, and connected to yourself. She shares personal examples from family vacations, holiday over-functioning, social media approval-seeking, and writing her book Free to Be, while naming the four prisons of the inner controller: approval, perfection, certainty, and emotional avoidance. This episode is an invitation to stop shaming the part of you that controls and begin understanding what it has been trying to protect. Connect with Kim: 👉 Connect with Kim (the host): 👉 New Book: https://www.kimgrosscoaching.com/free-to-be.php 👉 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kimgrosscoaching 👉 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimgrosscoaching/ 👉 Website: www.kimgrosscoaching.com 👉 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kim.gross.104 👉 Facebook Masks Off Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/masksoffcommunity 👉 YouTube: https://youtube.com/channel/UCaWJfO7ZFd4aYBX3e-clj9Q 👉 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2Et9BMqdFriIQ9bUxcfQeg 👉 Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/masks-off/id1513846583 👉 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/notifications/?filter=all 👉 Unmasked Newsletter: http://subscribepage.io/masksoffnewsletter 👉 People-Pleasing Quiz: https://www.kimgrosscoaching.com/quiz.php

  8. May 28

    You're Not a Problem to Fix

    In this final episode of Inner Child Month and the six-year anniversary month of Masks Off, Kim Gross welcomes somatic practitioner Lori Montry, creator of the Freedom Framework and author of You Are Not the Problem. Kim and Lori explore people-pleasing, perfectionism, overthinking, control, shutdown, emotional eating, and hypervigilance as intelligent nervous system adaptations — not proof that something is wrong with you. Lori shares her personal story of overwhelm, sexual abuse, high achievement, and learning to work with both the mind and nervous system for sustainable healing. Kim also shares how a childhood choking incident shaped her health-related panic and how she now uses inner-child reassurance and body-based support to calm her system. Together, they discuss why familiar patterns can feel safe, how to access the “sacred self,” why internal safety matters more than external validation, and how five daily nervous system check-ins can help you begin building trust with yourself. This episode is a powerful reminder that you are not broken. Your patterns make sense. And healing begins when you stop fighting yourself and start creating safety within. Connect with Kim: 👉 Connect with Kim (the host): 👉 New Book: https://www.kimgrosscoaching.com/free-to-be.php 👉 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kimgrosscoaching 👉 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimgrosscoaching/ 👉 Website: www.kimgrosscoaching.com 👉 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kim.gross.104 👉 Facebook Masks Off Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/masksoffcommunity 👉 YouTube: https://youtube.com/channel/UCaWJfO7ZFd4aYBX3e-clj9Q 👉 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2Et9BMqdFriIQ9bUxcfQeg 👉 Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/masks-off/id1513846583 👉 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/notifications/?filter=all 👉 Unmasked Newsletter: http://subscribepage.io/masksoffnewsletter 👉 People-Pleasing Quiz: https://www.kimgrosscoaching.com/quiz.php About Lori:  Today’s guest is Lori Montry, a somatic practitioner and creator of the Freedom Framework. Lori’s work begins with a simple but powerful premise: you’re not the problem. The patterns you struggle with are intelligent adaptations shaped by stress, overwhelm, and experience. When you understand what is driving them, you can stop fighting yourself and start creating meaningful progress toward what matters to you. Through the Freedom Framework, people move from survival mode and burnout into what Lori calls the Expansive Self — steady, clear, self-trusting, and capable of meaningful progress without constant strain. She is the author of You’re Not the Problem and helps people understand themselves through a nervous system lens, so growth becomes sustainable rather than exhausting. Connect with Lori:  Get the free Introduction to You’re Not the Problem: https://www.lorimontry.com/book-intro Website: www.LoriMontry.com  Youtube: Lori Montry -Somatic Healing Practitioner - YouTube Facebook:  You're Not the Problem! | Facebook Instagram: Instagram

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4.9
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A podcast for people pleasers and perfectionists ready to drop the masks. Kim Gross shares simple tools to calm the inner critic, set boundaries, and live with confidence, clarity, and inner freedom. www.kimgrosscoaching.com

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