Welcome to the latest episode of the Mumbrellacast, where we quiz the PM on his predilection for Aussie popettes. Actually, we discuss Telstra's biggest PR disaster since the hazy, lazy days of 2018; look at Oztam's decision to take the official TV ratings measurement system to tender after a quarter-century with Nielsen; debate whether the NRL deal is worth the $5.3 billion being paid; and take a look at new commercials from Square, Mazda, and Mutti. This week, Ben Willee from Spinach joins us, and we resist the urge to delve into why his initials contain more syllables than his entire name. "Don't spin a story that you think will make us feel happy.” That's Roy Morgan CEO Michele Levine's advice for Telstra's marketing folk, who failed to communicate promptly or properly after this week's catastrophic network outage. For a few dystopic hours on Wednesday morning, phone and internet access was unavailable to 25 million Telstra-connected devices around the country, which meant that many small businesses couldn't process card payments, trains ground to a halt, cars were locked in garages that were locked behind gates, traffic lights failed, people couldn't Uber, Milkrun, or make prank triple-zero calls, and Duolingo streaks were absolutely decimated. As Donald Trump sagely/stupidly pointed out a few weeks back, in the modern age "everything is computer". We all bemoan the control that Meta and Google wield in the information age, but Telstra are our real overlords, and they have been brainwashing us with catchy whistled Bee Gees tunes. After all, you can't google Google without internet access ... Speaking of internet access, Australia's TV ratings system has long been criticised for using outdated methodology in an increasingly data-rich world. How is it that overseas tech giants know our blood types, religious beliefs, and what Spice Girl we prefer (Geri) from our search histories, yet Oztam (a joint venture between Ten, Seven, and Nine) can't get a realistic read on how many Australians watch Home and Away at 7pm? Questions like this may be the reason Oztam is now looking for a new partner to drive its rating system, after 25 years with Nielsen. Legendary media analyst Steve Allen explains why this decision is long overdue. Now, to sports news. This week, the National Rugby League managed to squeeze an incredible $5.3 billion from Nine, Foxtel, and Sky NZ for the broadcast rights to the competition until 2034. Mathematically speaking, this equates to "a long time" that the networks are on the hook, and with gambling advertising money possibly drying up -- if you think it could never happen, remember the NRL used to be called the Winfield Cup -- Tim Burrowes and BW debate whether or not the deal was worth it. And to close out another bumper episode of the Mumbrellacast, we play some advertising, which is usually your cue to hit the 15-second skip button, but in this case the ads are part of the show. We review the latest campaigns from Square (starring Naomi Watts), Mutti (starring Sam Kerr), and Mazda (starring a choir with Californian-cult vibes). Simple, yeah? Okay, that's enough reading for you today - happy listening! Get the latest episodes here. Podcast edit by Abe’s Audio.