Planet Maynard

Maynard

Maynard from Australia. Take a journey through pop culture with no clear purpose or destination. Always shameless.

  1. 6H AGO

    Gene Pitney 2003

    Gene Pitney toured Australia in October 2003. It was his last time in Australia as he died while on tour in the UK in 2006. I caught up with him at the beginning of that 2003 tour in Sydney. He told me the stories behind some of his iconic songs, from 1961’s Town Without Pity to his collaboration with Marc Almond in 1989, Something’s Got A Hold Of My Heart. 1963 Gene Pitney album World Wide Winners Maynard: Gene Pitney, welcome once again to Australia.Gene: Thank you very much, Maynard.Maynard: How many times all up now?Gene: A hundred.Maynard: A hundred times. It feels like that, hey?Gene: I don’t really know, but I think at least a dozen times since the early sixties.Maynard: Do you remember the first tour? Was it very strange to be so far away?Gene: The very first tour was with a bunch of Brits, I think it was when the, uh, so-called British Invasion happened, and it was Dusty Springfield, Gerry and the Pacemakers, Brian Poole and the Tremolos and me.Maynard: Who was your major competition when you were first starting out? Who was the person you really had to worry about?Gene: I never, ever thought of it in that direction at all. I just loved what I was doing, loved having the opportunity of being out there, and there wasn’t an awful lot of that around at that time. I think there was a great camaraderie in the sixties. People would join in and if somebody was doing a session, they would say, if you’re a town or something and you run into ’em, they’d say, come on, stop by and see what’s going on. There was no really great competition. The competition was the audience going out and seeing how good a show you could do.Maynard: One of the strangest connections I’ve found with you is you’ve got a Rolling Stones connection.Gene: Well, it was political to begin with. My publicist in the UK, Andrew Loog Oldham, was the Rolling Stonesí first manager. As a result, we got to know each other. I had never ever seen a guy with long hair like that before. Nothing like they are now. When they first started out, they had really, really long past the shoulders type hair, you know? And I remember I had a guy traveling with me from home in Connecticut, and he took a picture. That was when Brian Jones was still alive and in the group. When he got home, he showed it to his wife and she said, who are those four ugly broads? They were not pretty with the long hair, I’ll tell you, at the time.Maynard: You ended up doing a bit of work with them and, and swapping songs?Gene: Yeah. Well, we, we didn’t do any tours together, but we, did a lot of television together and a lot of promotion when they were out with their first recordings. They had a song that they had actually recorded with a guy named George Bean. They didn’t like the way it came out and they played it for me and I loved the track. I loved the orchestration on it. So I said to them, look, if you let me rewrite the melody to it so it fits what I’m doing, and having the success with, I’d love to take a crack at doing a vocal on it. So we went back in the same recording studio, Olympia Studios in London. I did the vocal with the harmonies on it, and it came out excellent. So I sent it back to New York first and they put it out to go on the US charts. At the time I was new to the business, the Rolling Stones were brand new to the business and hadn’t had that much success. It was just another thing that we were doing.Maynard: How do you find the business part of the music business?Gene: Unfortunately, it’s gotten way over that side of it now. When I first started, it was the music side. There were a lot of companies that were run by eccentrics that made it really interesting. People like George Goldner, I remember in New York, and Hy Weiss, people that ran a lot of the small independent labels. They were really characters. George Goldner was always with his big giant cigar. I’ll give you an instance: the guy that brought me to New York the first time brought me into George Goldner’s office to see if he would record me. I was in an outer office that had a piano and he came crashing through the door and said ìSing!î And I was just a green kid from this little town in Connecticut, you know? And I said ìJesus, you know, who is this?î So I sat down and I played a couple of the songs I had been writing and he said ìStop!î He said ìWhen is your birthday?î And I said ìFebruary 17th.î And he said ìSign him, he said he’s an Aquarius.î But I didn’t know anything about the star signs at the time, and I thought the guy said I was an aquarium. So when he went back in his office and stormed off again, I told the guy I was traveling with, I said ìThis guy’s nutsî and I said ìI’m outta here!î So we left and vanished, and years later he heard the story back and he came to me somewhere we were, and he was roaring laughing. He says ìI can’t believe I lost you as an artist ’cause you thought I called you an aquarium!î, but those were the guys that ran the industry and they were bigger than life. Unfortunately, now it’s more like all accountants, it’s all money and it’s all bottom line and it doesn’t have the same ring to it that it had then, the same excitement value.Maynard: You’re touring Australia again, you’ve said that there’s no way you could do two thirds of a show. You’ve always given and gotten a full show out. A lot of your songs are gut-retching, emotional songs. How do you go through this every night?Gene: Uh, it’s not difficult. They’re great songs and I love that part of it. I love performing. When I say that I can’t do a shortened version or anything like that. Let’s say I had food poisoning, which I’ve gotten two or three times, you know, and really felt awful, and somebody would say to me, ìJust do an easy show, just go out and do a light showî, I can’t, I cannot do that kind of a show. I have to still put 150% into it. It’s funny. It’s so healing to do that. I’ve actually gone out feeling miserable. I had a wicked cold, I remember, one night, everything was possibly wrong, that could go wrong, except – and I got it ñ the nosebleed. Came on while the orchestra was playing the overture, and I got that cleared up just in time to walk out on stage. When I walked off and did the whole show, I felt terrific.Maynard: Did it cheer you up? Did it put you up spiritually?Gene: I don’t know whether the adrenaline or whatever it is, is self-healing or what, but if you can get through it, you put everything you got into it and walk off, have a good night’s sleep, a lot of times everything goes away. You’re okay.Maynard: A lot of people ask you, is our Australian audience very different?Gene: People always ask me that ’cause they expect different countries to be different. But I’m not sure whether it’s because of the songs that I have or the type of performer that I am, but I find it pretty much the same, the world over wherever I go. I don’t really find that much of a difference in an audience.Maynard: You play Las Vegas, you do a lot of the casinos there. What is the audience like there? They’re a bit older, are they? Sometimes their attention wanders from time to time?Gene: They’re all the same. I just played the Stardust for a week in Las Vegas, just a couple weeks back. I was trying to explain to somebody that people go there and get nervous. It’s almost like going to a big venue like the London Palladium or Carnegie Hall. The thing you have to remember is that those are virtually the same people that come to any other show in any other place. Just because they’re in here doesn’t change anything, you know? When they’re in a casino, they’re people that have come from all walks of life, all over the, all the country, all over the world. I had people there that are really aficionados that fly into all my shows. I had people in the front row from Colorado, Florida, Illinois, Chicago to those that flew all the way from Yorkshire in England. A hell of a long trip. If I was to go there. You know, I’m not knocking it. I think it’s wonderful that they do that.Maynard: I hope you signed a CD for them, after all that.Gene: It’s not a different type of an audience. It’s the same audience.Maynard: ìThe Man Who Shot Liberty Valanceî.Gene: It was never in the film at all. It’s the weirdest thing. I still don’t know to this day why. It would’ve been terrific in the film, whether I sang it or not. But because of the success of the motion picture theme that I had prior to that, Town Without Pity, a whole pile of different film scores came in and offers saying, ìWould you like to record this?î One came in and it was directed by John Ford. It had Jimmy Stewart, John Wayne, Lee Marvin, music by Bacharach and David. I mean, how do you turn that down? Paramount Pictures paid me to record the session. With all the kinds of perks that went along with it to do it. Then the film came out without the song in it. I’m sure it had something to do with business. It was something to do with politics, business. I have a feeling the publisher told the writers, Bacharach and David, that I’ve got the deal with Paramount for this picture. The writers did talking to Paramount, and something about it was back and forth and something went wrong with it. I’ll tell you the weirdest part about it – I found this out about five years ago – the music that was in the film was the score from a 1938 Henry Fonda film called Young Mr. Lincoln. The only connection being that John Ford directed both films. I don’t know whether they recycled it at the last minute for some reason because of this problem with the song, I don’t really know, but it’s one of those mysteries.Maynard: Town Without Pity is one of your gut-wrenching emotional ballads.Gene: Again, it was a political situation. I recorded for a small label called Musicor, and Musicor was distributed by United

    23 min
  2. MAR 19

    Elvira’s Haunted Hills

    Elvira, Mistress of the Dark shot her spooky movie in Eastern Europe in 2001 with her then partner Mark Pierson (they divorced in 2003) and was more than happy to tell me ALL about it. (the movie, not the divorce) Elvira and Richard O’Brien acting up in the woods. Maynard: Cassandra Peterson. Why has it taken so long for a second movie? Is there an easy answer for that? Elvira: I’ve been out there selling movies ever since my first one came out. First, the studio went bankrupt, then I wrote another one, sold it again. Then the studio executive changed and he put the kibosh on that project.Elvira: Finally, my only answer was to make it myself or I just never get another movie out. Maynard: You and Mark are partners. E: That is correct M: Must put a lot of strain on any relationship and to have to shoot the movie in Romania. How do you two get on so well? E: Who said we got on so well? Who are you talking to? It is tough. It is tough to work together and to be married. It’s really difficult and we’ve been doing it for 23 years. I think that’s a world’s record here in Hollywood. Look, I think we should get an Academy Award just for that. M: You shot the movie in Romania. You used a lot of your own money, I believe. I’ve heard the figure mentioned of 1 million American dollars. Is that about roundabout the budget or is it more than that? E: Actually under that, to shoot it, by the time we finished it with all the post-production, the music and everything else, it was about a million and a half dollars for the whole thing, which seems like a lot of money to a regular person just slogging away at a job, but for a movie, that’s a spit in the bucket, it is. Absolutely nothing. Compare that to any movie made by a big studio right now, and it’s, that’s what the costs are for the catering. M: Elva Haunted Hills was made in Romania, and you got Richard O’Brien for it.Richard O’Brien is best known for the Rocky Horror Show and for his work on stage and his musical work. How did you get him? E: It was just a fluke. I tell you. It was so strange. We actually had signed Richard Chamberlain, which is so strange. Of Thornbirds fame. I’m sure you’ve heard of Dr. Kildare? Richard is a very good friend and I thought he would be fantastic playing the part because I always saw a big similarity, believe it or not, this is a compliment for me to say this. Between him and Vincent Price. They’re both stage actors. They both have this look about them, that they’re Americans, but they seem like they come from England. So we were going ahead with Richard until he actually got a job that paid money. I don’t know why, but he took that one. M: He ditched you? E: He did, but in a nice way. We didn’t feel too bad. He actually had a job, like I said, that was going to pay rather better than we were. My brother-in-law, who’s from Romania mentioned that he knew Richard O’Brien. I was like, oh my God, that is so perfect. And we called Richard and he said, I’d love to do it. And that was that. M: I couldn’t believe that you actually had all these fantastic sets built. You had all these amazing things built that just did not seem within your budget at all. E: That’s Romania for you, and that’s why we had to go there to do this. We could have never built these sets. We really wanted the very same look that all the old Roger Corman and Hammer films had. We even took pictures to these set designers in Romania of what those particular sets look like, and My God, they did such an incredible job. We were just blown away. We had no idea that they were going to do that amazing of a job for the money we were paying them. M: Films like The Pit and the Pendulum. Elvira: Another one was Haunted Palace and the House of Usher. The movie was set in the 1800s. M: But you didn’t have to dress any of the locals any differently, did you? E: No, we didn’t even have to dress any of the locals. They came as they were. People are always saying, oh my God, where’d you get these?Fabulous costumes and the peasants carrying the sickle and the scythe would be herding the geese. As I said, we just walked out the door and there they were. One of the, my favourite moments in the movie is the musical number from the show. M: Because you’re a showgirl, you’re touring your show. Elvira: Big musical number, which comes outta nowhere there. M: I thought you, you could have put a few more musical numbers in there. E: Exactly. That’s what I thought too. I originally wanted the film to be a musical, kind of in the style of Rocky Horror, but that would’ve probably tripled our budget because just to shoot that one number took an entire day.That may not seem like a lot, but when you just have a two and a half week schedule, a one day is a lot of time. M: Within the budget, there was the money for some State orchestra to play the score for you. Elvira: We went all the way to Russia to have this done, and it was done by the Russian Symphony Orchestra who were incredible and again, costs, a dime on the dollar of what we would’ve paid over here. Maynard: In Romania was you couldn’t get a good stunt double, could you? E: I couldn’t get a good stunt double. No. We got maybe the only female stunt girl that we could find. She unfortunately was missing a couple of things that she needed to play Elvira. M: You have a rather voluptuous figure, which not all stunt doubles would probably have. It’d probably be a bad thing for their profession to, to have the, yeah. Elvira: That, yeah. True. It just gets in the way. It could be a good thing, it does help cushion your falls, but that’s true. I don’t know. She was. Flat as a board. A wonderful girl and very talented as a stunt person, but flat as a board. So when it came to the scene for the pit and the pendulum, I actually had to do my own stunt work, which doesn’t seem like much to lay around all day on a slab.But when you think about a 500 pound pendulum, even though it was made from fiberglass, it still weighed 500 pounds and it was so sharp, hanging right over your nose and swinging back and forth for several hours. Let me tell you that, that was no picnic. M: I thought, on your right boob, there was a mark. Elvira: Actually, there was a scratch mark there. What I did I there was I took a deep breath and the blade swung past me and made quite a large scratch across my breast. So just imagine if I would’ve sat up, I really think I would’ve been split in two. Anything that’s 500 pounds swinging back and forth at you, if it hits you going at quite a speed it’s not gonna be good. It was pretty damn frightening. I gotta tell you. M: I heard you were gonna retire the Elvira character. Is that true? You gonna do some more Elvira work? What’s gonna happen Cassandra?E: I’m working on a few projects right now. Another film that’ll probably be for video, it’s for a younger audience and it’s a film of one of the books I wrote a few years ago Camp Vamp, but I am moving the character toward eventually someone else playing the character.I’m also working on an animation project right now, which is great because, I don’t have to look good. Also, I’ve been doing various voiceovers for a new channel here in United States called the Monster Channel, and I’ve been doing a lot of voiceovers for them. But eventually I’d love to see someone like, anybody, Angelina Jolie or whatever, play Elvira in another film.To stretch herself as an actress in her most challenging role. M: How do you cast that? If you had to say in a paragraph, this is what the character is and this is what you’ve gotta do, what would you say? E: Oh my God, actress wanted to wear slinky dress, must have generous physical attributes and be pretty confident. M: And sassy. E: Sassy! That’s it sassy. M: If nothing else, you are sassy or Elvira. I think we’ve sum up the whole character in one word there. Elvira’s Haunted Hills, it’s at video shops around the nation at this moment. What’s your favourite scene? What’s the one we should look out for? Elvira: I think my favourite scene is the kind of the love scenes that I do with the handsome hunk, who I am chasing throughout the film. The guy we hired only spoke Romanians, so we dubbed his voice, dubbed it in the old style from the old fifties and sixties. Old Hercules films, very bad dubbing job.That scene just cracks everybody up. It’s hilarious. I’m talking to him. He’s the only person who’s dubbed in the entire film. When you’re first watching it, you’re just like, what? What? Huh? It really throws you for a minute. Tthat was just a lucky mistake because we couldn’t find a guy with big muscles and long hair who could speak English.So we took what we could get and it turned out to be a big asset. Maynard: Cassandra, could you give us a big Elvira goodbye and we’ll see you next project. Elvira: Alrighty. Unpleasant dreams, darling! from Elvira. The post Elvira’s Haunted Hills appeared first on Planet Maynard.

    9 min
  3. FEB 19

    What were The Porkers drinking in 2008?

    Pete Porker drops by in 2008 to fill us in on all things Porker. The Porkers are the mightiest ska band to hail from Newcastle and then end up playing US and Japan. They were never meant to be taken lightly. Despite the title of their videography “Persistence Is Futile”. What is their history? What are their dreams and ambitions? Learn none of that. But maybe enjoy your time with Pete Porker himself as he spills the pork beans on the state of The Porkers in 2008. Also hear 3 tracks from their 2007 release This Is The Porkers. This Is The Porkers 2007 All you ever need to know about The Porkers official website Maynard: Not very often in the history of broadcasting do you meet? An epic legend the size of the guy I’m about to speak to now. Pete Porker, 1500 years, when first Settlers landed here, he was on the shore playing ska, weren’t you, Pete? Hello? Yes. It’s the a, the, the voice of wisdom here. How long have the porkers been together as a Newcastle institution ska? Pete Porker: Yeah, as of this November, it is 20 years since we played our first gig. And what was that first gig? That first gig was a house party in Bar Beach. Uh, a few friends of mine had a, uh, a share house that was, uh, marked for demolition and we played the, uh, the house wrecking party. Maynard: And did it go well? Did you go, Hey, this is what I wanna do for 20 years? Pete Porker: I dunno whether it was, whether I said that at the time, but it went so well. It was like everyone was saying, you’ve gotta play again, you’ve gotta play again, and the house got suitably wrecked. Maynard: So ska has always been your thing. And look to the uninitiated. Ska could easily be explained as very fast reggae, but that’s not correct. Pete Porker: Not exactly. Actually the father of reggae. So it came before reggae, but that is a good way to explain it. And that’s probably how I’ve explained it to a lot of people over the years. It’s if you take a, for example, if you take a bit of reggae. A bit of early r and b, a bit of rock and roll, add some brass to it, like early rock and roll had, and you’ve got ska, but the way the porkers have played it, it’s always been a quite bastardized version it’s always well as it should be because you aren’t Jamaican guys in Jamaica. You’re doing your own Newcastle version. Yeah, man, look, when I first encountered you guys, I loved you guys. I’ve played lots of gig with you guys. There’s much history. Look, a lot of, people ask me about the band. Maynard: What was it? What was the story with Pork Man? Pork Man was part of the band for a while. A mystery Mexican wrestler looking kind of guy who was Pork Man in relation to the Porkers. What was Pork Man or, or, or what was he in relation to the Porkers? That’s a great question. We’re still asking ourselves. Pete Porker: He was he was on board for a while as our mascot, as our mc, and many other dancing guy Mc guys in other ska bands like say chess smash from madness. He wouldn’t get off after the introduction and stayed on stage. Danced around and, Pete Porker: caused mayhem and became an entity in himself. Pete Porker: And he was a hard drinker. He was a hard drinker, and he was a hard drinker and a soft man and that just run into troubles. And I I still remember I’ve got a bit of video of us playing in New York City. He was our last show and on our America tour and Pork Man was there, pork Man was there. Pete Porker: And I said, a big round of applause for Pork Man who was standing on stage with his pants off. I said. He’s wanted in 20 states and we’ve only been to six. He faded out a little bit. His last official shows were with us in the year 2000, but he started just not turning up to shows. Pete Porker: And so I can’t actually recall what his last one was. And he didn’t quite go out with a bang, but we did bring him back I think it was about 2003, 2004 for one weekend only in Sydney. And he caused a bit of mayhem then. And, then disappeared into folklore once again. But it’s a, and I like the fact that no one knows actually who he is. Maynard: ’cause he wore the Mexican wrestler mask all the time. See, it’s a bit like sm I don’t care who ishm are. I don’t want people to tell me who the Melbourne band SM are, who always wear masks. It’s like pork man. I don’t care. It could be Lord Mayor John Tate. In fact, I suspect it might be him. Our lips are sealed. Maynard: What happened with Ron Hit Lei, the lead singer of SM once someone pulled the mask off him in a gig. And lo and behold, it was some guy you’d never seen before. What’d they think of the pull mask off? Aha. John Farnam? Yeah. What? What? It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t at all. Pete Porker: And I always said if he was ever unmasked. That was the end. He was dead. He had to just go away like Bruce Wayne and Batman. That’s it. That’s it. I think a couple times he did get unmasked, but he quickly covered himself with either his shirt or pants or somebody else’s. I find it with the pork man would go on stage with no pants, but yet would wear a mask. Pete Porker: Yes, definitely. He was a man with mixed priorities and the strange thing is about pork man. As I said, it’s been seven years since he’s officially been with the band. But people still come to the shows and go, where’s the pork man? Like they were expecting him to be there and it’s he hasn’t been with us for seven years. Pete Porker: We dunno where he is. We dunno where he is. Last time we saw him was in Mundo. Yes. He’s gone back to Parts Unknown. Maynard: This is the pork. Is the new album on the sound system label. And what direction have you taken this time? And has it been, how many albums has it been for the Porkers anyway? How many full albums has it been? Pete Porker: I think this is our fifth or sixth. We’ve done a couple of mini albums, which weren’t quite full albums and we’ve done a lot of VPs in between there. Lemme think. 1, 2, 3, 4. Yeah. Live. This is our fifth full length album. Maynard: Let’s have a listen to the first track off the album. It kicks it off. Sangria Alcohol. It’s about traveling. What’s it about? Pete Porker: Yes, this is a, oh, it’s about everything. It’s actually, this is our our, uh, what is it? Our world music crime, as I call it. It’s a bunch of white guys in Newcastle doing a African themed Jamaican ska song about a South American drink. Maynard: Ska recorded by the porkers. For the album, This Is The Porkers, your fifth album. And tell me, has it been a difficult album? Do they get harder or easier as you go on? Pete Porker: Oh, I think everything with the Porkers has got a bit difficult. Difficult, is that a word? Yes. A bit harder. A bit harder as we’ve gone along. Pete Porker: Oh, keeping the momentum happening and the mo motivation happening for the 20th year of the porkers hasn’t been easy. But in the end the eight new songs that we recorded for this were, came together pretty good. I, myself, I must have complete transparency here. Maynard: I have been in the band briefly but, but not an official member. I just used to visit, I believe you. My trombone playing was referred to as the Monga Bone. Pete Porker: The Mongo Bone? Yes. You were actually on our first album and you actually on our website, you’re in the Hall of fame. Pete Porker: It mentions the the past members, the and the special guest members, and. Maynard: I love wearing my Porkers shirt. I get a lot of pride because like the Castanet Club that I was in, we had a bit of a uniform to wear and you guys have a bit of, you still have a uniform, you’ve got the official Porkers shirt. Pete Porker: We try to keep a bit of a theme together. I like the old 50 styles band that used to dress up the same. We have our bowling shirts and we, we change them occasionally. Maynard: What is a Porkers gig like this to what big ones you got coming up in the near future? Coming up in the near future? Pete Porker: We’ve got our big official birthday show at the Annandale Hotel on the 23rd of November down in Sydney. That’s our how big official party. And what are you pulling out the hat for that? Rabbits, pigs. All sorts of things. We’re not sure what’s in there, but we’re gonna hopefully gonna have some guests, some ex members. And we’re just hoping the punters will bring the rest of the party. Maynard: And a good solid stage for you there. Too bit, a little bit most room for most of the band. Pete Porker: Room for most of the band. It’s a reasonably deep stage so we can get some members at the back. And the other thing is for Newcastle listeners, new Year’s Eve at the Cambridge Hotel is gonna be the big one. Maynard: I’ve been at a New Year’s Eve gig there with you guys. That gets into a lot of fun there. It, it does. And who got supporting you? You gonna do the whole night? What are you doing? Pete Porker: No, we’re not doing the whole night tour. We’ve got our young friends from Canberra, the Los Capitals young punk ska band that are also on my label that I’ve taken under my wing. Maynard: We’ll get to your label in a moment. We’ll play another track off the album Now. Dread man walking. It’s a Newcastle story. I’ll let you explain it, Pete. Pete Porker: Yes. A lot of people that would know the inner city area of Newcastle would’ve seen an old man that walks around town. Pete Porker: He’s homeless. So has a carkey raincoat. Is he a carkey raincoat? He changes every decade and gets a new set of clothes, but I think he’s currently in khaki and he’s got a long gray beard. And his hair is one big dreadlock and we wrote a song about him and there’s lots of myths about this man. Maynard: Yeah. Do you know any actual information t

    29 min
  4. FEB 11

    The Spotfull James Valentine. Free of domestic guilt.

    In 2007 James Valentine revealed to me why he is free of domestic guilt. His book Spotfull was out, as a reaction to people who spend their entire weekend cleaning their white goods. This is from the Maynard International Studios 2007 archive in the hope that James may persuade you to have a bath instead of cleaning it. James Valentine official website Maynard backstage while doing guest trombone with The Models 1985. Maynard: James, what is Spot Full all about? I think from my perspective, I find it dull on the radio, but you are a recovering cleaning addict. What’s the story?James Valentine: It’s true. Look it, it’s Spotfull is the book I’ve written as a response to the Spotless phenomenon and I’ve had to do,Maynard: and that’s just insane. There’s too many fuss budgets out there with time on the hands.James Valentine: Exactly. And I had to do this because, I am responsible for Spotless. I introduced Shannon Lush and the whole bicarbonate and soda and vinegar cleaning phenomenon to Australia, and I apologize for it. I’m sorry. I dunno what, I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t know the genie. I was letting outta the bottle when that happened. Turn the nation into a group of people obsessed with cleaning, with getting rid of all spots and stains. And I just thought, I don’t think people really live like that. I think people live like pigs. Spotfull encourages you to live free of domestic guilt, to embrace your inner a slob and just lie back and relax.Maynard: Yes. So I’m a single guy living on my own.James Valentine: Oh, you are one. You. Prime Spotfull candidate.Maynard: See, I don’t clean till I say it’s time to clean or my parents or a date is coming over.James Valentine: Yeah, I would suggest the true Spotfull approach would be that the date never comes over. What are motels for?Maynard: Exactly.James Valentine: And it’s cheaper. It’s cheaper. You would be better off hiring a nice room in a hotel than you would be trying to clean up your pad, I would imagine, mate.Maynard: And you can get away with free drinks there if you do it properly.James Valentine: I advocate it’s cheaper to stay in five star hotels than renovate.No one should ever bother to renovate a home. You should simply move out and live in five star luxury.Maynard: I read that chapter because apparently the renovation cost can change. Where the cost of checking into a five star hotel doesn’t,James Valentine: it doesn’t. You know what you’re in for. If you decide to renovate your falling down home the quote will be 100,000. You’ll end up paying 200,000. When you go to check into a hotel, they say, thank you very much. It’s 200 a night and it stays 200 a night. So you know what you’re in for and it’s much better. And if you renovate a home, you turn it into a home that has to be cleaned.Maynard: James, one thing that you get to in your book is that there’s a few letters from people there, and one of the letters I quite enjoyed that there’s, there are some people who make a large part of their weekend, they plan to do things on their weekend that I would consider unusual, for example, planning to clean your freezer.James Valentine: Yeah. I just find that astonishing, that somebody would think is I’m wanting to clean my freezer and I’d like some hints about how to do that. And my suggestion is join a tennis club. Perhaps go bush walking. Have you ever been to an art gallery? Do anything but clean your freezer.Freezers can just sit there, can’t they? I wouldn’t clean the freezer if I was trying to sell the fridge. You just take it outside, it melts, it disappears. And that’s about it. Isn’t it. It would never occur to me to clean a freezer.Maynard: Naturally I have the whole thing of cleaning the freezer because I move about every 2 years.So the freezer cleans itself during the moving process?James Valentine: Exactly. In the days leading up to that move, you probably don’t need to shop either, because there’d be all sorts of frozen sausages that are suddenly emerging from the freezer. There’d be at least six fish fingers. There’d be a pizza base. That you’d long ago didn’t even know you had. You thought that was just the floor of the freezer.Maynard: You live like a king.James Valentine: You live like a king for three days until you move. But also a king that has days full of surprises. Oh my God, look what the freezer has thrown up. It’s like being in Siberia and finding a mammoth.Maynard: You do make a point of people that, that try and feel good about saving their leftover food by keeping their leftovers. And this is a two step process. One, it makes you feel good about the environment and the world and your ipo, and also you think you may be saving money.And I’ve found this to be a false societal conscience and a false economy. Your thoughts Mr. Valentine.James Valentine: Maynard, , this is a direct, direct experience from living with my wife Joanne, who does this, you order Green chicken curry. Green chicken curry comes, you eat about half of it and she puts it the takeaway container in the fridge, and you look at her and go, are you really gonna have that tomorrow?Are you really gonna have that green chicken curry for lunch tomorrow? She says, I might. And I know from 20 years experience, she won’t any later than about four o’clock the next day. She would take that outta the fridge and go, do you think this is all right to eat? And you’d go, yeah, it’s fine.She’d go I’m not sure. And then she might put it back. But it’s the last thing she wants to do is put it in the bin because A, she thinks that , all she hears is her mother saying there are starving children in Ethiopia, which is where they were starving when we were children, and now they are again.And then. She also thinks that somehow the mortgage will be paid if she puts that green chicken curry into the fridge for a while, that will help with the payments. I say straight into the bin and get rid of it.Maynard: And another way I find it interesting from your book here is the problem of mildew spots on old baby clothes. Now, I wouldn’t be aware this problem even existed.James Valentine: See if you’ve if you have children, this is a common question that you get, again, on the Shannon Lush sort of segment is where people ring up and say, I’ve got some old baby clothes and they’ve been in a bag for some years, and I’d like to clean them up.What should I do? I. What I find interesting in that question is that there’s this lovely, there’s a sentimental moment where your child grows out of the toddler clothes and you clean out a drawer and you think, oh, that’s a lovely piece. I’m going to keep that. And you put it away somewhere carefully. The question is, keep it. For what are you thinking at 18? You might pull it when the child’s 18. You might pull it out and look at it and go, this is what you wore as a toddler when that child has children of their own. You’ll pass on some then 25-year-old baby clothes. Are you just gonna get them out every now and again just to have a little look at one or two pieces?Certainly, a fine christening robe a lovely little outfit perhaps, but people keep a whole lot of this stuff with the idea that somehow they’re gonna do something with it. My general approach to mildew on the baby clothes is you should have got rid of that stuff a long time ago.Maynard: And what has been the reaction of the Shannon Lush and the whole crowd to to you taking the poodle out of the whole thing?James Valentine: They love it. They love it. How much does Shannon Lush love the fact that she’s gone from obscurity to nothing? Via my radio show and ABC books, she sold 600,000 copies of Spotless and Speed Cleaning and Comfy. Now she’s reached a point where she’s so popular and so well known, it’s worth my time satirising her. There is no greater compliment. None more than parody.Maynard: And one last question. What is the optimum length of time before changing the sheets on a bed?James Valentine: I think when when you can’t sleep, when it’s reached a point where you’re going, I really can’t sleep. But otherwise, up until then, if you’re getting in and you’re cozy, eh, why are you, what are you worried about?Maynard: So when the bed texture starts to resemble the Plains of Nazca, something like that.James valentine: You know it because you can’t quite get to sleep.Maynard: James Valentine, dirt up!James Valentine: That’s me. The post The Spotfull James Valentine. Free of domestic guilt. appeared first on Planet Maynard.

    7 min
  5. 01/24/2025

    Australia’s Coldest 100 – 2025

    Australia’s Coldest 100 returns for 2025 this Saturday 25th January with @ozkitsch presenting 100 tunes you won’t find easily anywhere on any continent. Just look at this list of artists that Andrew Sholl has curated that you’ll never again see in the same room. This is Andrew’s eighth Coldest 100 and he doesn’t see Farnham clips running out anytime soon. The 2025 Coldest 100 brings you Sophie Monk, Des O’Connor, Shirley Bassey, Charo, Johnathon Coleman and a singing chicken. That’s just for starters. Don’t like it? Then there is a rough end of a banana for you. After all, anyone can put together a list of the latest hottest tracks. It takes a certain kind of expert like Andrew Sholl to put together 100 songs of Australian musical shock for 8 years in a row now. “Things don’t always turn out the way they were intended…” Andrew Sholl It will all be going down on Saturday 25th January on X and Instagram @Ozkitsch Andrew Sholl shows no sign of ever stopping his annual festival of Aussie awkwardness. . Look and listen to The Coldest 100 2020 Look and listen to The Coldest 100 2021 Maynard plays you some video clips from The Coldest 100 2022 Maynard plays you some video clips from The Coldest 100 2023 Maynard plays you yet more video clips from The Coldest 100 2024 Johnathan Coleman sings the Aussie classics on Sounds. Des O’Connor with Reeves & Mortimer (and their frypan) Australia’s Coldest 100, 2025. What a bunch of spunks! The post Australia’s Coldest 100 – 2025 appeared first on Planet Maynard.

    20 min
5
out of 5
9 Ratings

About

Maynard from Australia. Take a journey through pop culture with no clear purpose or destination. Always shameless.

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