Pour It On

Shaun Emerson, Ben Feller, Chris Lozier
  • 5.0 (6)
  • Mental Health
  • Updated Biweekly

Pour It On is a podcast hosted by Shaun Emerson, Ben Feller and Chris Lozier about male friendship, life’s challenges and joys, and making the most of our time here. When the chaos of life makes you want to bottle it in, don’t let it. Grab your drink of choice, enjoy the moment, and let’s pour it on!

  1. 5d ago

    #27...What is Manhood?

    In this episode of Pour It On, we discuss masculinity, what it means to "be a man," and how universal and essential a definition can be. Spurred by ongoing cultural debates and our work with the non-profit MenLiving, the trio unpacks the tension between traditional male archetypes--the provider, protector, and stoic leader--and the growing need for emotional intelligence, vulnerability, and authentic connection. Rather than falling into rigid gender tropes or dismissing traditional roles entirely, the hosts examine how societal expectations impact male identity, confidence, and mental health. From navigating underemployment and parental responsibilities to defining quiet confidence and personal integrity, this conversation offers a pragmatic, heterodox look at how men can cultivate self-worth and live with consistency, empathy, and purpose. Key Takeaways Beyond the Archetypes: Exploring why traditional definitions of manhood are being re-evaluated and how initiatives like MenLiving create intentional spaces for male connection.The Modern Man's Dual Role: Balancing the instinctual drive to protect and provide with the necessity of being an emotionally open and present human being.Questioning the "3 Ps": A thoughtful debate on Scott Galloway’s "Protect, Provide, Procreate" framework and whether rigid gender expectations serve individual fulfillment.Emotional Intelligence as Strength: Why asking for help, admitting mistakes, and not over-regulating emotions are essential, courageous traits for young men.Integrity Over Performance: Drawing on wisdom from theologian Father Michael Himes to define manhood through consistent values rather than performative bravado.Resources Mentioned MenLiving: Non-profit organization bringing men together for connection and authentic conversation (menliving.org).Scott Galloway: Author and professor referenced for his work on male identity and the "3 Ps" framework (Notes on Being a Man).Father Michael Himes: Theologian referenced for his teachings on personal integrity.Substack: Come A Little Further (comealittlefurther.substack.com).

    #27...What is Manhood?

  2. Jul 6

    #26...Conversations with Our Kids

    In this episode, Ben, Chris, and Shaun dive deep into the evolving dynamics of communicating with their children as they transition from childhood to adulthood. The hosts explore the profound lessons young adults teach us, emphasizing the value of their unclouded, pragmatic perspectives. The conversation also tackles the struggle of stepping back—shifting from the parental urge to give unsolicited advice and "fix" problems, to simply being present, listening, and asking questions. It’s a grounded reflection on fatherhood, letting go of ego, and finding the beauty in simplicity. Highlights: The Power of Fresh Perspectives: Young adults often approach complex problems with a purity and simplicity that older generations tend to overcomplicate.Shifting from Telling to Asking: The critical realization that offering unsolicited advice is often ineffective and poorly received; true connection happens when parents ask questions instead of imposing their own "wisdom."Managing Parental Anxiety: Learning not to project personal fears or agendas onto kids' experiences, allowing them the space to navigate their own paths.Quality Over Quantity: Recognizing that "seven good minutes" of genuine connection and presence is far more valuable than forced, prolonged interactions.Resources: Come A Little Further - The Substack page for PIO and If You've Come This FarHocking Hills State Park (Ohio)

    #26...Conversations with Our Kids

  3. Jun 22

    #25...Can regret be helpful?

    In this one-year anniversary episode of Pour It On, Chris, Shaun, and Ben dive deep into the often-misunderstood concept of regret. Moving past the modern "toxic positivity" trope of living with "no regrets," the hosts explore how looking backward with a critical eye can actually serve a pragmatic, evolutionary purpose. By analyzing counterfactual thinking, the trio unpacks the difference between simple life lessons and true regrets. They examine findings from Daniel Pink’s global regret study, highlighting that the emotional penalty of regret isn't meant to make us suffer indefinitely, but rather to make us feel worse in the present so we can make better choices in the future. Highlights: 01:12 - Celebrating the one-year anniversary of the Pour It On podcast and launching a space for listener engagement.04:24 - Chris introduces the idea of ditching "toxic positivity" and the "no regrets" fallacy.07:08 - The crucial distinction between learning a life lesson and holding onto the heavy emotional weight of a genuine regret.09:50 - Discussing Daniel Pink’s global regret study and the evolutionary utility of feeling regret.14:15 - Breaking down the difference between making bad choices and mourning the chances you didn't take.Resources: Come A Little Further SubstackDaniel Pink's World Regret Study

    #25...Can regret be helpful?

  4. Jun 15

    #24...Getting to know Ben Feller

    In a special crossover episode for our Pour It On listeners, we are revisiting one of our favorite conversations from our sister podcast, If You've Come This Far. Before Ben Feller joined Chris and Shaun as a co-host on PIO, he was a repeat guest on IYCTF. In this extended interview, we catch up with the former Chief White House Correspondent for the Associated Press to explore the humbling, empirical realities of making a major career pivot in your 50s. Ben also shares fascinating insights from his current role in language strategy, proving that finding the right words isn't just semantics--it's how the world is run. Finally, we dive into a pragmatic and heterodox discussion about fatherhood, challenging the media's persistent narrative of the "bumbling, absentee dad" and advocating for the men who are deeply invested in the daily lives of their children.

    #24...Getting to know Ben Feller

  5. May 27

    #23...Would You Rather Be Right?

    In this episode of Pour It On, Shaun, Ben, and Chris tackle the friction between objective reality and our own subjective lenses. Triggered by a famous quote on human perception, the guys dive into the complex and often messy dilemma of choosing between standing your ground to be "right" and conceding to preserve a valued relationship. Applying pragmatism to everyday conflicts, the co-hosts unpack what it actually means to concede versus genuinely realizing you were wrong, all while trying to remember that most things are not that black and white. From navigating long-delayed friend gatherings to guiding a high schooler through college selection, the conversation is a grounded look at how healthy debate and honest conversation, rather than declaring a winner, is the true mark of success in any relationship. Highlights: [01:45] The Perception Trap: Shaun introduces an Anaïs Nin quote highlighting how our personal biases shape the world we see.[02:30] The Ultimate Dilemma: The guys debate the heavy cost of rupturing a connection just to prove a point, asking if being "right" is really worth it.[06:50] Conceding vs. Learning: Chris breaks down the crucial difference between simply giving in to keep the peace and actively figuring out you were wrong all along.[17:30] Group Dynamics in the Gray Area: Ben explores the complexities of deference and compromise using a real-world example of trying to reschedule a friend group gathering that has been delayed since 2020.[23:00] Parenting with Pragmatism: The conversation shifts to raising kids, focusing on the importance of letting a 9th grader have their own "aha" moments rather than forcing a parent's perspective.Resources: Quote: "We don't see the world as it is, we see it as we are." (Anaïs Nin)Book: The Last Ship by William BrinkleyPodcast: Conversations with Coleman (Episode: "What People Who Choose Assisted Death Actually Say")

    #23...Would You Rather Be Right?

  6. May 13

    #22...The Burden of Showing Emotion

    In this episode, hosts Ben Feller, Chris Lozier, and Sean Emerson dive into the societal expectations of masculinity and the "burden" of expressing vulnerability. Sparked by NBA star Victor Wembanyama’s recent public displays of emotion, the trio explores why men often feel the need to apologize for showing tears of joy or sadness. The conversation moves from the hardwood of the NBA to personal reflections on fatherhood, loss, and the "apology reflex" that kicks in when men let their guard down. Through the lens of classic films and life-changing personal moments, they argue for a new norm: one where passion and connection are viewed as strengths rather than signs of being "soft". Key Takeaways The Wimby Standard: Analyzing Victor Wembanyama’s defense of his emotions and the outdated societal pushback against "the role of a man".The Apology Reflex: Chris and Ben discuss the instinctual urge to apologize to an audience or friends when becoming "choked up" during a story.Extraordinary Achievement vs. Stoicism: Sean reflects on how moments of high achievement or profound personal connection—like his daughter’s wedding—naturally demand emotional release.Cultural Mirrors: How movies like Field of Dreams, Moneyball, and Love Actually provide a safe space for men to process deep themes of fatherhood and connection.Normalizing the "Why": A concluding call to move toward a culture that views male emotion with curiosity rather than judgment.

    #22...The Burden of Showing Emotion

  7. Apr 21

    #21...Reuniting and Reconnecting

    In this episode of Pour It On, Chris recounts his recent 30-year reunion with his fellow submarine officers from the USS Trepang. The trio explores if/how "shared intensity"--whether in the isolated, high-stakes environment of a fast-attack submarine or the high-pressure "bubble" of the White House--creates a permanent, unique bond that survives decades of silence. The conversation dives into the pragmatic challenges of maintaining these connections as we age, the "ROI" of social investment, and the profound fulfillment that comes from being truly witnessed by those who knew us before we became who we are today. From the logistical hurdles of "scheduling hassle" to the emotional payoff of vulnerability, Chris, Shaun, and Ben offer a heterodox look at why we often resist reunions yet find them life-giving once they occur. Key Takeaways: [05:30] The Shared Intensity Factor: How high-stakes environments like the military or the White House forge bonds that may differ from standard relationships.[15:10] The "Moment in Time" Trap: Ben reflects on the advice he received about leaving the White House--embracing a marvelous experience without constantly chasing that same high.[25:30] The Logistics of Connection: Shaun and Ben discuss the friction of "scheduling hassle" and why someone must step up as the "instigator" to make reconnection happen.[32:45] Vulnerability and Aging: The hosts consider whether men may find it easier to be "beautifully vulnerable" later in life and the power of "real talk" over trivial conversation.[36:00] Being Witnessed: A look at why it is uniquely fulfilling to be seen by people who knew your "formative" self.Resources Mentioned: USS Trepang (SSN 674): The Sturgeon-class fast-attack submarine Chris served on.USS Iowa (SSN 797): The second newest submarine in the fleet that Chris’s group toured during their reunion.Fr. Michael Himes: Referenced regarding the fulfillment of being witnessed or seen (link is to the If You've Come This Far episode)

    #21...Reuniting and Reconnecting

  8. Apr 6

    #20...Wisdom > Knowledge

    In this episode of Pour It On, Shaun, Ben, and Chris gather on a Saturday morning to explore the elusive nature of wisdom. Moving beyond simple definitions, the trio discusses how wisdom differs from mere intelligence and why it is so often rooted in humility and lived experience. The conversation starts with a classic analogy—knowing a tomato is a fruit versus knowing not to put it in a fruit salad—and evolves into a deep dive into how we apply what we’ve learned to help others. From the boardrooms of New York to the bleachers of Yankee Stadium, they reflect on the moments when "knowing" takes a backseat to "understanding". Takeaways Wisdom vs. Knowledge: While knowledge is the accumulation of facts, wisdom is the contextual application of experience to help others navigate their own challenges.The Humility Factor: True wisdom is not about dictating "the way" to others; it involves respecting different perspectives and remaining curious rather than becoming a "mentor bully".Cross-Generational Learning: Wisdom isn't strictly tied to age. Younger generations often offer profound insights by focusing on the "why" and prioritizing connection over convenience.Vulnerability as a Tool: Sharing stories of past fears and mistakes—like Ben's "car-chase" story—can be a more effective way to transfer wisdom than simply listing successes.The Power of Curiosity: A wise approach to leadership and parenting involves asking "what ails you?" and being genuinely curious about another person's reality.Chapters 00:00 Saturday Morning Check-in: Brooklyn Geography and Palm Springs Highlights02:12 The Tomato Analogy: Knowledge vs. Intelligence vs. Wisdom03:55 Contextual Counseling: How Wisdom Shows Up in the Workplace07:06 EQ vs. Quant: The "Kelloggian" Perspective on Leadership08:50 Avoiding the "Mentor Bully": The Role of Humility in Being Wise10:48 Vulnerability at 80 MPH: Sharing Lessons with the Next Generation14:50 Wisdom and Love: Asking "What Ails You?"19:34 The Wisdom of a 14-Year-Old: Lessons from Yankee Stadium25:45 The Only Question That Matters: Why the "Why" is Everything28:34 Closing Reflections: A Future Kid-Led Episode?

    #20...Wisdom > Knowledge
See All (28)

Ratings & Reviews

5
out of 5
6 Ratings

About

Pour It On is a podcast hosted by Shaun Emerson, Ben Feller and Chris Lozier about male friendship, life’s challenges and joys, and making the most of our time here. When the chaos of life makes you want to bottle it in, don’t let it. Grab your drink of choice, enjoy the moment, and let’s pour it on!

Information

  • Creator
    Shaun Emerson, Ben Feller, Chris Lozier
  • Years Active
    2025 - 2026
  • Episodes
    28
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © SME Podcasts
  • Show Website
    Pour It On

You Might Also Like