Pulling Threads, Weaving Authenticity

Leslie Mathews
  • 5.0 (5)
  • MENTAL HEALTH
  • UPDATED WEEKLY

Pulling Threads is a podcast for women navigating life, career, past and current trauma, breakups and divorce, motherhood, reinvention, and the brave work of becoming who they’re meant to be. Hosted by therapist, coach, and founder of The LooM Life, Leslie Mathews, JD, MSW, this show blends trauma-informed guidance, nervous system education, and meaningful conversations about the patterns that shape our relationships, identity, and purpose. Each episode explores the complicated places where life asks us to grow — healing from emotional abuse, rebuilding after divorce, midlife identity shifts, attachment wounds, dating again, motherhood, and rediscovering your voice. Many guests share their own stories of reinvention, entrepreneurship, career pivots, and stepping into authenticity, offering inspiration and practical wisdom for women building new chapters. Through expert interviews, personal storytelling, and mindfulness-based tools, Pulling Threads supports women who are healing, expanding, and creating aligned lives and businesses. It’s a space for those navigating toxic dynamics, strengthening emotional regulation, or following the pull toward something more authentic and more fulfilling. If you’re ready to untangle old patterns, trust your intuition, and weave a life — and identity — that feels grounded, empowered, and true, this podcast is where your next chapter begins.

  1. 1H AGO

    Divorce Financial Clarity: What a CDFA Wants You to Know

    Divorce financial planning starts before you hire a lawyer — and the team you build changes everything. 📖 Melissa's book — Divorce by Design: https://amzn.to/4e5znpU ───────────────────────────────────── What if divorce didn't have to feel like chaos? In this episode of Pulling Threads, host Leslie Mathews sits down with Melissa Murphy Pavone — Certified Financial Planner™ (CFP®), Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® (CDFA®), and founder of Mindful Divorce Partners — to talk about what it really means to design your divorce instead of just reacting to it. Melissa explains why the first person you should call is NOT an attorney, how a well-built divorce team actually saves you money, and the most common financial mistake people make — which almost always involves the house. Whether you're quietly thinking about divorce, in the middle of the process, or rebuilding your life after signing the papers — this conversation will change how you think about divorce and money. 💡 In this episode: What a CDFA does — and how they differ from a forensic accountant Why your first call shouldn't be to a lawyer How a collaborative divorce team saves time AND money The #1 financial mistake in divorce (hint: it's usually the house) Why not all assets are equal — retirement vs. cash explained How your nervous system affects decisions in divorce meetings Post-divorce financial checklist: beneficiaries, insurance & more Melissa's Financial Clarity Package for anyone quietly considering divorce ───────────────────────────────────── 🌿 ABOUT MELISSA MURPHY PAVONE Melissa Murphy Pavone, CFP®, CDFA®, is a Certified Financial Planner™ and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® with over a decade of experience helping individuals navigate divorce with clarity and confidence. As the founder of Mindful Divorce Partners, she specializes in collaborative divorce planning, financial education, and helping clients make informed decisions during one of life's most challenging transitions. 📧 melissa@mindfuldivorcepartners.com 📞 631-903-8282 🌐 mindfuldivorcepartners.com 📸 Instagram: @mindfuldivorcepartners 💼 LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/melissamurphypavone 🗓️ Free 30-min consultation with Melissa: mindfuldivorcepartners.com ───────────────────────────────────── ⏱ CHAPTERS 00:00 Welcome & Introduction — Meet Melissa Murphy Pavone 01:15 CDFA vs. Forensic Accountant: What's the Difference? 02:30 Financial Neutral vs. Advocate: How a CDFA Fits Your Divorce 03:15 Melissa's Story: Why She Pivoted to Divorce Financial Planning 04:30 No Two Divorces Look the Same — Customizing the Process 05:00 Mediation & Collaborative Divorce: When It Works 07:00 What Does It Mean to 'Design' a Divorce? 09:00 Why Emotional Support Comes Before Financial Planning 11:00 Leslie's Story: Fight-or-Flight & the Urge for Numbers 13:00 Nervous System Triggers in Divorce Meetings 15:00 How Divorce Teams Actually Get Assembled 17:00 Debunking the Myth: Having a Full Team Costs More 19:30 The #1 Financial Mistake: Keeping the Marital Home 22:00 Replacing Fear with Facts: Best & Worst Case Scenarios 24:00 When Emotions Hijack Financial Clarity 25:00 Not All Assets Are Equal — Understanding Tax Impact 45:00 Tracking Expenses & Lifestyle Analysis During Divorce* 53:00 Post-Divorce Financial Guidance: Building a New Team 55:00 The Post-Divorce Checklist Most People Miss 58:00 What Melissa Has Had to Unlearn in This Work 1:00:00 'Divorce Disruptors' — Changing the Landscape 1:01:30 Starting the Process: What to Know First 1:02:00 Melissa's Financial Clarity Package 1:03:30 A Note on Alimony Guidance 1:04:30 How to Find Melissa + Divorce by Design *Timestamp approximate — please adjust to actual video before publishing. ───────────────────────────────────── 🌿 ABOUT LESLIE & THE LOOM LIFE Leslie Mathews is a therapist, divorce coach, and host of Pulling Threads — a podcast about healing, personal growth, and the beautiful complexity of being human. Leslie specializes in supporting women navigating divorce through her Mindful Untangling community and THROUGH coaching program. 🌐 theloomlife.com 🌐 loomlifetherapy.com 🌐 leslieellenmathews.com 📸 Instagram: @the.loom.life #DivorceFinancialPlanning #MindfulDivorce #PullingThreads #DivorceRecovery #DivorceByDesign

    1h 4m

  2. 2D AGO

    Why Friends Gossip During Your Divorce And How to Heal

    When a friend gossips about your divorce or breakup, it's not just betrayal — it's trauma. Here's what the research says, and how to heal. 🔗 Work with Leslie: www.theloomlife.com There is a specific kind of pain that happens when you're going through the hardest thing in your life — a breakup, a divorce, infidelity — and the person you trusted to hold your story turns it into someone else's entertainment. This episode is personal. It's also one of the most important conversations we've had on Pulling Threads. Today Leslie — therapist, former attorney, coach, and founder of The Loom Life — unpacks why women gossip about each other during a crisis, what drives it neurologically and evolutionarily, and what it costs the person whose story is being shared. In this episode: The real definition of gossip — and the crucial line between healthy processing and harmful betrayal Why female connection is physiologically regulating (the UCLA tend-and-befriend study explained) The dopamine reward behind gossip and why it happens even without malicious intent Robin Dunbar's research on social grooming and what old wiring is doing to modern friendships What gossip does to your nervous system, your ability to trust, and your healing timeline Why betrayal by a friend during divorce can take longer to heal than the relationship itself What to do if you've been betrayed — and what to do if you've been the one who couldn't hold someone's story How Leslie used EMDR to process layered grief from both her divorce and a friend's betrayal Research cited: Dr. Brené Brown (trust and "hot gossip"), Dr. Bessel van der Kolk (betrayal trauma), Dr. Shelley Taylor (tend-and-befriend), Robin Dunbar (social grooming), Dr. Jennifer Freed (betrayal trauma), plus studies from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology and the Journal of Psychological Science. CHAPTERS: 00:00 The episode that had to wait 01:05 Welcome to Pulling Threads 02:00 Why this episode is personal to Leslie 03:30 Defining gossip — what it is and isn't 06:00 The test: who does the sharing serve? 07:00 Why women need each other (the neuroscience) 09:00 Why we gossip: evolutionary roots 10:30 The dopamine hit from sharing someone else's story 12:00 Emotional offloading: when people can't hold your pain 13:30 Relational aggression and competition in female friendships 14:30 What gossip does to the person on the receiving end 16:30 Betrayal trauma and your nervous system 18:00 Shame, isolation, and delayed healing 19:30 Why friend betrayal often outlasts the relationship itself 21:00 If you've been betrayed: what to know and what you're allowed to do 22:30 Learning discernment — what safe friendship actually looks like 24:00 Using EMDR to process layered loss 25:00 If you've been the one who gossiped 26:30 How to repair, reflect, and do better 29:00 Leslie's personal experience with gossip during her divorce 31:00 Closing: let's hold each other's stories as sacred Mindful Untangling (divorce support community): https://theloomlife.com/community THROUGH (8-week divorce coaching program): https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram www.loomlifetherapy.com 📩 support@theloomlife.com | theloomlife.com Keywords: women gossip psychology, gossip and betrayal trauma, friend betrayal during divorce, healing after divorce, female friendship and trust, betrayal trauma recovery, gossip during crisis, emotional healing after betrayal, divorce recovery support, tend and befriend stress response

    34 min

  3. MAR 31

    When Friends Aren’t Enough | Erin Snow & The Unmuted Room

    What do you do when you need to talk — but you're not looking for advice, just to be heard? Erin Snow is a Professional Listener and founder of The Unmuted Room, a first-of-its-kind confidential listening space in Newington, New Hampshire — also available virtually. Most people have no truly neutral place to speak: friends have opinions, family is too close, therapy is clinical, coaching is goal-driven. The Unmuted Room fills that gap. Sessions are private, confidential, and completely uninterrupted. No diagnosis. No advice. No agenda. Just skilled, steady listening from someone with nowhere to be except present. Erin built this space after 17 years as a trauma-informed legal advocate for survivors of domestic violence, sexual assault, and stalking — and after knowing personally what it costs to have nowhere safe to say what is true. In June 2024 she left her career of 16+ years, and by August she had opened The Unmuted Room. In this episode: - What professional listening is — and what it is NOT - Why being truly heard is harder to find than it should be - How it differs from therapy, coaching, and confiding in a friend - The problem with 'just leave' culture — and what to ask instead - Why divorce grief is ongoing (and why people stop asking) - Erin's own divorce story, reinvention, and the answer to: do you regret it? 00:00 Introduction & Welcome 02:00 Erin's Personal Story — Why Being Heard Matters 08:00 The Beach Moment That Started The Unmuted Room 09:00 17 Years as a Domestic Violence Legal Advocate 12:00 What Professional Listening Looks Like in Practice 15:00 How It Differs from Therapy, Coaching & Friends 18:00 Why This Kind of Space Hasn't Existed Until Now 22:00 What Sessions Are Like & Who Reaches Out 42:00 Divorce Grief & What People Don't Talk About 45:00 The Problem with 'Just Leave' Culture 49:00 What People Actually Need: Asking vs. Assuming 50:00 Grief Is Ongoing — Keep Showing Up 57:00 Erin's Own Divorce, Reinvention & No Regrets 1:01:00 How to Find Erin & Book a Free Consult Free 10-minute consult with Erin: https://theunmutedroom.com/contact Website: https://theunmutedroom.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the.unmutedroom/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/the.unmutedroom LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/erin-snow-237998334/ Pulling Threads is hosted by Leslie Mathews of The Loom Life. Subscribe for new episodes every week on YouTube, Spotify, and Apple Podcasts. #PullingThreads #TheLoomLife #TheUnmutedRoom #ProfessionalListening #DivorceRecovery #MentalHealthPodcast #HealingPodcast #BeingHeard #DivorceSupport #WomensWellness

    1 hr

  4. MAR 27

    When You Feel Nothing... Divorce Numbness

    You expected grief. You expected rage. What you didn't expect was... nothing. In this episode, Leslie unpacks the science behind that strange, flat, disconnected feeling that so many women experience after betrayal and divorce — and why it's not emptiness, weakness, or avoidance. It's called dorsal vagal shutdown. And it might be the most protective thing your body has ever done for you. Learn what's happening in your nervous system, why it makes complete sense, and five gentle ways to begin finding your way back to yourself. You are not broken. You are protected. And you will feel again. The feeling of nothing has a name — and understanding it changes how you see yourself completely. When the threat is too large or too sustained, your nervous system doesn't always fight or fall apart. Sometimes it does something else entirely. It goes quiet. Flat. Still. And it does this not because something is wrong with you — but because something very right is happening inside your body. Polyvagal Theory & Your Three Nervous System States In this episode, Leslie introduces Polyvagal Theory — developed by neuroscientist Dr. Stephen Porges — and explains the three states your nervous system moves between: Safe & Social (Ventral Vagal) — your home state. Connection, clarity, calm. Fight or Flight (Sympathetic) — mobilization. Rage, panic, hypervigilance. Shutdown (Dorsal Vagal) — the freeze-and-collapse response. Feeling nothing. Feeling flat. Feeling like you're watching your life from somewhere outside of it. Dorsal Vagal Shutdown: What's Actually Happening The dorsal vagus nerve is the oldest part of your autonomic nervous system. When it activates — especially after sustained or unsurvivable-feeling threat — it conserves your energy by going into a kind of protective stillness. This is not depression. This is not avoidance. This is armor. Leslie walks through what shutdown looks and feels like — including the signs you might recognize in yourself — and offers the reframe that so many women in this season need to hear: you are not broken. You are protected. Five Ways to Begin the Thaw The path out of shutdown is not through forcing yourself to feel. It's through gently, consistently offering your nervous system the message that it is safe enough to open. Leslie shares five low-bar, no-performance-required practices: Name what's happening — without judgment Warmth and gentle movement One small pleasurable thing (pleasure as medicine, not betrayal) Co-regulation — borrowing safety from a regulated nervous system Releasing the timeline — healing on your body's schedule, not the world's A Special Note on Betrayal Trauma Shutdown after divorce is one experience. But shutdown after betrayal — an affair, a double life, a public new relationship before yours is legally over — carries a different weight. Betrayal trauma activates the same threat-response centers as physical danger, and each new piece of information (a social media post, a legal document, a mutual friend's comment) is a fresh activation. Leslie speaks directly to the women carrying both at once — with honesty about what this requires and what's possible. Resources Mentioned Free guide — When You Feel Nothing (PDF): https://theloomlife.com/whenyoufeelnothing Mindful Untangling Community: https://theloomlife.com The Loom Life Instagram: https://instagram.com/the.loom.life 0:00 Cold Open — A post that stopped me in my tracks 1:10 Welcome to The Loom Life 2:15 Part 1 — Naming what nobody names 4:45 Part 2 — Polyvagal Theory & your three nervous system states 9:30 Part 3 — What's actually happening inside your body 12:45 Part 4 — Five ways to begin the thaw 15:50 Part 5 — A special note on betrayal trauma 17:30 Closing — You will feel again 18:45 Resources & how to find us A Note on Sharing If this episode spoke to you, the greatest gift you can give is to share it with a woman you know who's in this season. You don't have to say anything. Just send it. Sometimes the most important thing is knowing someone else has put your experience into words. About The Loom Life The Loom Life is a community and coaching space for women navigating divorce — from the first conversation with a lawyer to the first morning they wake up and feel like themselves again. Founded by Leslie Mathews, The Loom Life is rooted in trauma-informed care, nervous system education, and the belief that rebuilding is not just possible — it's the beginning of the most authentic chapter of your life. Mindful Untangling is our ongoing community — $99/month — where women in every stage of the divorce journey come together for education, connection, and support. Join us: https://theloomlife.com Link to Free Guide: https://theloomlife.com/whenyoufeelnothing

    20 min

  5. MAR 24

    Mom Burnout, Self-Doubt & Career Transitions | Liz Bakshi

    Burnt out, stuck & scared to make a move? LCSW + Women’s Empowerment Coach Liz Bakshi gets real about mom burnout, self-doubt, and what it actually takes for professional mothers to stop putting themselves last. ✨ WORK WITH LIZ BAKSHI 📲 Instagram: @lizbakshicoaching 👥 Free Facebook Community for Working Moms: Facebook.com/groups/LizBakshiCoaching 📅 Book a Free Consult Call: https://calendly.com/liz-lizbakshicoaching/30min ABOUT THIS EPISODE Liz Bakshi knows the burnout spiral from the inside. She was directing a foster care program in New York City when COVID hit — her toddler on the other side of the door while she managed crisis after crisis. Her story of slow-building burnout, the fear of making a change, and ultimately building a coaching practice from her lived experience will resonate deeply with any woman who has ever felt like she was holding everything together for everyone — except herself. IN THIS EPISODE: 🔸 What burnout actually feels like from the inside — and why it builds slowly before it breaks open 🔸 What keeps working moms stuck: fear, negative self-talk & generational messages about "soldiering on" 🔸 Therapy vs. coaching — what’s the real difference, and how do you know which one you need? 🔸 Identity shifts that happen when you become a mother — and why we don’t talk about them enough 🔸 Real self-care for high-achieving women: micro habits that work (no bubble baths required) 🔸 Setting boundaries, asking for help, and why resentment builds when we don’t 🔸 The sandwich generation: navigating kids, aging parents, career — and still finding yourself 🔸 One small step you can take TODAY to start shifting things Whether you’re a working mom running on empty, a woman on the edge of a big career change, or someone who’s been whispering “someday” to herself for years — this conversation is for you. 🔗 FIND LESLIE & THE LOOM LIFE 🌐 Website: www.loomlife.com 📸 Instagram: @the.loom.life 🎵 TikTok: @leslieellenmathews If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe, leave a comment below, and share it with a woman who needs to hear it. ♥️ #WorkingMomBurnout #TherapistPodcast #WomensEmpowerment #MentalHealthPodcast #PullingThreads

    1h 7m

  6. MAR 17

    Surviving Covert Narcissistic Abuse: Kids, Courts & Money

    What happens when you leave a covert narcissist — but the war doesn't end? In this episode of Pulling Threads, I sit down with Trish Michael, author, publisher, and creator of trauma-informed books and courses for families healing from narcissistic abuse and high conflict divorce. Trish spent 20 years married to a covert narcissist and has been navigating co-parenting, court battles, and financial recovery for the eight years since. She didn't write her books to sell them — she wrote them to help her own kids survive. They've now sold in the tens of thousands. In this deeply honest conversation, we talk about what it actually looks like to heal — for yourself and your children — when the abuse doesn't stop just because the relationship did. In this episode: How covert narcissists make you look like the problem — even in court The golden child, the scapegoat, and how abuse lands differently on each child Why you can't treat PTSD when you're still on the battlefield What really happens in courtrooms (and why victims are often misread) Weaponizing differentiation in teenagers — and how narcs use independence against you Financial abuse: how narcissists keep you broke through endless litigation What Trish's Financial Freedom After Narcissistic Abuse™ program covers How Trish found a healthy relationship — and what inner work made that possible Breaking generational cycles of abuse Connect with Trish Michael: 🌐 www.trishmichael.com 📸 Discount Code for Pulling Threads listeners! Pullingthreads10 www.instagram.com/iamtrishmichael 📘 www.facebook.com/thetrishmichael 📧 trish@trishmichael.com Connect with me: 🌐 www.theloomlife.com 📸 @the.loom.life Resources & Links 🌿 The LooM Life https://www.theloomlife.com 🌿 LooM Life Therapy https://www.loomlifetherapy.com 📅 Book a support call https://www.theloomlife.com 📱 Follow for more conversations about relationships, trauma healing, and life transitions: Instagram 🌿/ the.loom.life 💛 If this episode helped you, please leave a 5-star review — it helps more people find this show. #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #HighConflictDivorce #HealingAfterNarcissisticAbuse #DivorceHealingJourney #TheLoomLife

    57 min

  7. MAR 13

    Is it Intuition or a Trauma Response? How to Tell the Difference

    Have you ever felt consumed by doubt about someone you love — and nothing happened to explain it? In this episode, I'm sharing something deeply personal: trust issues that surfaced out of nowhere, no trigger, no cause — just the feeling, growing louder. As a therapist and someone who has done years of her own healing work, I know how disorienting this can be. Because here's the question that changes everything: Is this your intuition telling you something true — or is it an old wound asking to be seen? In this video, I walk you through: → Why intuition and trauma response feel almost identical (the neuroscience) → 4 questions to help you tell the difference — including one most people never ask → How generational trauma shows up as doubt in your closest relationships → The real trust question underneath it all: do you trust yourself? → Why self-doubt surfaces exactly when abundance is trying to reach you → Somatic tools to regulate before you interpret This episode is for you if you have a history of trust wounds from past relationships or childhood, you're building something meaningful and keep finding yourself distracted by doubt, you struggle to receive love, money, or opportunity without bracing for it to disappear, or you've ever wondered whether your gut feeling was wisdom — or fear wearing a new costume. RESOURCES & LINKS To Work with Leslie: → Book a Free Discovery Call: https://theloomlife.com/discovery-call?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=youtube&utm_content=the-ghost-in-the-room-intuition-vs-old-wound → Visit The LooM Life: https://www.theloomlife.com → Visit LooM Life Therapy: https://www.loomlifetherapy.com ⏱ CHAPTERS 0:00 — When the doubt has no reason 2:15 — Why intuition and trauma feel the same (neuroscience) 6:00 — 4 questions to tell the difference 11:30 — What we inherited: generational trauma and the patterns we came here to break 15:00 — The real trust question underneath it all 19:00 — When self-doubt blocks abundance 21:30 — Somatic tools: regulate before you interpret 22:30 — Closing reflection LET'S CONNECT If this landed somewhere real for you, leave a comment below. I read every one. → Instagram: @the.loom.life → Substack: [INSERT LINK] ABOUT THE LOOM LIFE The LooM Life is a coaching and support space for women navigating divorce, breakup, and major life transitions. Our work is rooted in mindfulness, somatic healing, attachment theory, and the belief that clarity, peace, and abundance are not things you earn — they are things you remember. #intuitionvstrauma #trustissues #healingjourney #divorcerecovery #selftrustcoach #generationaltrauma #abundancemindset #traumahealing #somatichealing #womenhealing #attachmenttheory #innerchild #theloomlife #pullingthreads

    31 min

  8. MAR 10

    Navigating Trauma in Family Court After Emotional Abuse

    Divorce trauma, family court, and emotional abuse are deeply connected — but almost no one prepares women for what actually happens inside the family court system. In this episode of Pulling Threads, therapist and divorce support specialist Leslie Mathews explains why many women leaving emotionally abusive marriages experience new trauma during divorce proceedings and what they can do to protect themselves emotionally, mentally, and legally. If you are navigating high-conflict divorce, coercive control, litigation abuse, or family court after emotional abuse, this episode will help you understand what is happening in your nervous system and how to prepare for one of the most stressful processes of your life. Leslie breaks down the science of trauma responses during divorce, the ways the family court system can unintentionally retraumatize survivors, and the strategies that help women stay regulated, clear-thinking, and prepared when navigating custody disputes, legal proceedings, and high-conflict ex-partners. You’ll also learn why understanding coercive control, nervous system regulation, documentation, and trauma-informed support can dramatically change your experience in divorce court. This conversation is honest, validating, and empowering — especially for women who feel overwhelmed, unheard, or retraumatized by the legal system. Resources & Links 🌿 The LooM Life https://www.theloomlife.com 🌿 LooM Life Therapy https://www.loomlifetherapy.com 📅 Book a support call https://www.theloomlife.com 📱 Follow for more conversations about relationships, trauma healing, and life transitions: Instagram https://www.instagram.com/the.loom.life #divorcesupport #emotionalabuse #highconflictdivorce #divorcerecovery #traumahealing

    18 min
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About

Pulling Threads is a podcast for women navigating life, career, past and current trauma, breakups and divorce, motherhood, reinvention, and the brave work of becoming who they’re meant to be. Hosted by therapist, coach, and founder of The LooM Life, Leslie Mathews, JD, MSW, this show blends trauma-informed guidance, nervous system education, and meaningful conversations about the patterns that shape our relationships, identity, and purpose. Each episode explores the complicated places where life asks us to grow — healing from emotional abuse, rebuilding after divorce, midlife identity shifts, attachment wounds, dating again, motherhood, and rediscovering your voice. Many guests share their own stories of reinvention, entrepreneurship, career pivots, and stepping into authenticity, offering inspiration and practical wisdom for women building new chapters. Through expert interviews, personal storytelling, and mindfulness-based tools, Pulling Threads supports women who are healing, expanding, and creating aligned lives and businesses. It’s a space for those navigating toxic dynamics, strengthening emotional regulation, or following the pull toward something more authentic and more fulfilling. If you’re ready to untangle old patterns, trust your intuition, and weave a life — and identity — that feels grounded, empowered, and true, this podcast is where your next chapter begins.

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