Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes. Produced by J'aime Rothbard. If you've ever grieved an unrecognized loss, please join us to explore Disenfranchised Grief, the term Dr Doka coined over 35 years ago to describe the grief that rises when a loss isn't openly recognized, publicly mourned, or socially supported, and why so many of us—unkowingly—carry this form of grief. Drawing on his 50 years in the field, Dr Doka, along with Maria and Ellie who share their lived experiences of disenfranchised grief, unpack: - How grief (the energy generated by a significant loss) can show up emotionally, physically, cognitively, behaviorally and spiritually - The five components of disenfranchised grief - Why we don't "detach" from those we've lost (and why that's healthy) - How judging others' grieving styles can tear relationships apart - Why not acknowledging losses can freeze grief in our bodies for decades - How grief can lead to growth, new insights, strengths, and a understandings of life & spirituality. Compassionate Inquiry colleagues Maria and Ellie bring personal dimensions to this conversation, sharing their own experiences of reproductive loss—the grief that rarely gets a funeral, a casserole, or even a conversation. If you've ever been told to move on from something you haven't been able to fully grieve, this episode offers perspectives and insights you may find helpful. About Kenneth J. Doka, PhD, MDiv Senior Vice President of Grief Programs at Hospice Foundation of America (HFA) The recipient of the 2019 Lifetime Achievement Award from the Association of Death Education and Counseling (ADEC), Doka is also professor emeritus, at the Graduate School of The College of New Rochelle. A prolific author and editor, he serves as editor of HFA's Living with Grief® book series, its Journeys newsletter, and numerous other books and publications. He has been a panelist on HFA's Living with Grief® program for 30 years. Doka is a past president of ADEC, a former board member of the International Work Group on Death, Dying and Bereavement, and an Advisory Board member to the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS). He is the recipient of The International Work Group on Death, Dying, and Bereavement's prestigious Herman Feifel Award and ADEC's Award for Outstanding Contributions in the Field of Death Education. In 2006, he was grandfathered in as a Mental Health Counselor under New York's first state licensure of counselors. Doka is an ordained Lutheran minister. About Maria de los Angeles Estrada Licensed RN, Compassionate Inquiry® Practitioner, Trauma Recovery & Life Coach A Licensed Registered Nurse in New York state, María has 15 years of combined pediatric and perinatal care experience, as a birth assistant to midwives assisting mothers delivering at the Brooklyn Birthing Center, as well as at home births. She currently dedicates herself to her online private practice as a Trauma Recovery Coach, Life Coach, and Compassionate Inquiry (CI) Practitioner and CI Circle leader. Maria also co-facilitates two Focus Groups for the Spanish CI community: Accompanying Grief Processes with CI and Compassionate Parenting, and is an intern in the CI Portal training. Born and raised in Uruguay, South America, Maria moved to the United States when she was 18 to rebuild her relationship with her father, who migrated when she was 10. Today the mother of three and grandmother of four, she has been happily remarried for 31 years. About Ellie Davis Chi Nei Tsang Practitioner and Resilience Coach Ellie has been walking with others on their healing road since becoming a massage therapist in 1993. In 2008 she expanded into Chi Nei Tsang (a Taoist hands on healing modality which focuses on releasing stress from the vital organs) which led her to Compassionate Inquiry in 2023, and David Kessler's Grief Educator training in 2025. Having traveled the world helping people access the healing that naturally resides in the body, Ellle recently found her way back to her own roots in Iowa, an unexpected move that facilitated healing her past. She also began standing up for women's reproductive freedom, addressing the Iowa State legislature on the effect of its harsh anti-choice laws. Since her own early history as a "pro-lifer" was upended in 1996, her work with her own grief paved the way to creating abortion grief groups for people who made that choice and the constellations around them. Promotional Messages: Spotlight Episodes & Sponsorships: Many of you are certified Compassionate Inquiry practitioners and trained community members bringing this work into the world in beautiful, unique ways. If you're interested in expanding your practice, The Gifts of Trauma Podcast is now offering Spotlight Episodes and Sponsor opportunities exclusively to members of the CI community. Spotlight episodes are full length interviews. Sponsors receive a custom scripted promotional message that airs across multiple episodes, plus host mentions, placements in the show notes, with links to your website and special offers. Both gain exposure to our internal audience of 55,000 people across all Compassionate Inquiry platforms. This is CI promoting its own. These opportunities are limited to 10 per year, and production realities require a financial contribution. Follow these links to access details and express your interest. Spotlight Episodes | Sponsorships CI CIrcles: If you're not a therapist or healer, but you've heard our guests describe the personal transformations they experienced during their Compassionate Inquiry® journeys, and wonder what that would be like for you... Circles is a 10-week small group experience offered to anyone who wants to experience the power of Gabor Maté's approach to trauma healing. Use this link to find out if this program is for you. Resources: Websites: Dr Doka's Professional Website Maria's CI Professional Profile: Ellie's Professional Website Related Links: Disenfranchised Grief Model Grief Support Groups Books: Dr Doka's Publication Library Death & Dying, Life & Living 9th Edition (2025) Disenfranchised Grief: Ministry That Breaks the Silence (2025) Grieving Beyond Gender. With Terry L Martin (2025) When We Die (2020) Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy, by J William Worden (2018) Grief Is a Journey: Finding Your Path Through Loss (2016) Disenfranchised Grief: New Directions, Challenges, and Strategies for Practice (2002) Articles Ellie's Blog Quotes: "intuitive grievers experience grief as waves of emotion. Instrumental grievers use a more problem focused way of coping. You can deal with grief dysfunctionally or functionally, but neither [grieving style] is dysfunctional by nature. There's nothing wrong with intellectualizing if it works." - Dr Kenneth Doka "...acknowledge loss in your life, the many losses we have, including the non death losses. But acknowledge life even with grief. There's lots to live for, lots to learn, lots to know." - Dr Kenneth Doka "Grief also affects us physically. We can have aches and pains. Cognitively, we can be unfocused, confused. Spiritually, it can distress our beliefs and, or sometimes empower our beliefs. And it affects our behavior. Some of us avoid reminders of the deceased, some of us seek them." Freud always talked about the loved, hated one. And it reminds us that any significant relationship carries a certain amount of ambivalence. Part of grief is acknowledging that ambivalence when it exists. Social Media: Maria's Instagram: @maria.delos.angeles_life_coach Ellie's Instagram: Bloomingbeing.ellie Dr Doka's Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000279231883 Maria's Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/maria.estrada.5811 Ellie's Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ellie.davis.355
