The Devil You Don’t Know

Lindsay Oakes
  • 5.0 (5)
  • SOCIETY & CULTURE
  • UPDATED WEEKLY

In The Devil You Don’t Know, Lindsay, Cleveland, and their guests discuss personal growth and development by taking chances and getting out of your comfort zone.  Topics range from whimsical to serious and everything in between but are always relevant to growth and development.

  1. 2D AGO

    Ladies, If He’s Not Giving 100%, Kick Him to the Curb

    Send a text Ever felt your stomach knot because someone you love keeps you guessing? We’ve been there, and we’re calling it out: when a partner is only “60% in,” you end up giving 100% of your peace. We dig into the quiet ways people get trained to accept less—cold feet before a wedding reframed as “nerves,” infidelity excused as “a phase,” and late-night vanishing acts dressed up as “freedom.” If your days revolve around decoding texts, competing with other women, or lowering your bar to keep the vibe light, you’re not in a partnership—you’re in survival mode. We break down the sunk cost trap that keeps smart, loving people stuck. Time invested, shared friends, deposits paid, even the dream of kids can feel like anchors, but they’re not reasons to abandon yourself. Leaving earlier hurts; leaving later devastates. So we name the real signs of a 100% partner: he doesn’t downgrade the relationship when life gets messy; he doesn’t make you compete for attention; he owns his words, plans the future, cools off without quitting, and returns to repair. That’s not perfection. That’s presence. We also tackle fear and scarcity head-on: the myth that “all the good ones are taken,” the dread of being single after 30 or 40, the pull to fix people who told you from day one they don’t want commitment. You can’t perform your way into someone’s certainty. Boundaries are not ultimatums—they are clarity. Define your non-negotiables, believe people the first time, and leave while you still have power. You are not an applicant. You’re a partner, and calm love—the kind that feels like oxygen, not a test—is possible when you require it. If this hits a nerve, share it with a friend who needs the reminder, subscribe for more real talk each week, and leave a quick review to help others find the show. Your story might be the lifeline someone else needs. Please email us at Gettoknowthedevil@gmail.com

    53 min

  2. MAR 3

    When Friends Cross The Line, You’re Allowed To Walk Away

    Send a text Ever felt the room change and your gut tighten while everyone else kept laughing? We’ve been there. A trip that started light turned tense fast—boozy bravado, off-color “jokes,” and the quiet demand to be loyal to the group over loyal to yourself. We talk candidly about that pivot from fun to cringeworthy, what it cost us, and why sometimes the bravest move is to step back without turning it into a spectacle. We unpack the mechanics of adult peer pressure and groupthink—how smart, kind people still go along to get along—and share the simple language that helps you hold a line without lighting a match. Think: “That doesn’t land for me,” “I’ll give you a minute to rethink that,” and “I’m stepping away from this.” We break down the difference between impact and intent, how nervous system cues tell the truth before your brain does, and why genuine accountability repairs faster than defensiveness ever will. You’ll also hear a hard-won lesson about place and respect. In tight-knit communities, your reputation moves faster than you do. Money can buy a table, but it can’t buy character. Show up with humility and you’re welcomed; show up entitled and you’ll meet a wall. That principle travels home, too: healthy friendships allow space without punishment, validate your discomfort, and don’t demand that you shrink to fit. Unhealthy ones weaponize loyalty, minimize harm, and call your boundaries “drama.” If you’ve ever wondered whether it’s disloyal not to take a friend’s side, we offer a different standard: integrity over loyalty, always. Real friends can disagree, repair, and grow. And when repair isn’t possible, a quiet exit is still a powerful choice. Listen, reflect, and then tell us: when did you choose peace over the crowd? If this resonates, subscribe, share with a friend who needs it, and leave a review to help others find the show. Please email us at Gettoknowthedevil@gmail.com

    47 min

  3. FEB 23

    Stop Pointing Fingers And Start Listening: The Art of Emotional Reflection

    Send a text Want fewer circular fights and more honest connection? We dig into why so many conversations slip into blame and counter-blame, and how a small shift—pausing, getting curious, and validating impact—can transform the tone of a relationship in minutes. We share real stories from our own marriage and practice, from a shoes-in-the-closet blowup to the moment a straight-talking mentor said, “You’re no prize either,” and why that wake-up line still helps us today. We unpack the psychology behind deflection: how feedback threatens identity, activates old beliefs, and pushes us to protect the self instead of the bond. Then we map a practical route to reflection. You’ll hear simple scripts that lower defenses and raise trust: “Thank you for telling me,” “Can you help me understand what made you feel that way?” and “I hear that landed as distance.” These phrases don’t concede guilt; they acknowledge impact. That distinction keeps conversations safe, grounded, and productive. We also bring in Gottman’s research on turning toward, insights from Gabor Maté on perception, and the power of both-and thinking to replace the winner-loser trap. Along the way, we talk boundaries and friendship drift—how chronic finger pointing can signal relationships that no longer fit, and why compassion sometimes means stepping away. Reflection isn’t about being perfect. It’s about catching yourself mid-defend, lowering your hand, and choosing connection over the quick hit of being right. If you’ve ever walked away from a “talk” feeling unheard, you’ll leave with tools to change that pattern—tonight. If this resonated, follow the show, share it with someone who needs less blame and more repair, and leave a review with the phrase you’re going to try next. Your words help others find us and keep the conversation going. Please email us at Gettoknowthedevil@gmail.com

    47 min

  4. JAN 14

    Joy Is A Practice, Not A Prize

    Send a text Joy isn’t a prize for perfect living; it’s a practice we return to, especially when life is messy. We dig into the courage to be joyful through a blend of ancient wisdom and lived experience—bhakti teachings from Krishna Das, the Bhagavad Gita’s call to renounce the fruits of action, the Dhammapada’s peaceful mind, and Galatians’ fruit of the Spirit. Along the way, we challenge the Western habit of conditional happiness—“I’ll be joyful when…”—and show why orientation beats control: act with integrity, release the outcome, and let happiness follow like a shadow. We share stories from concerts and counseling rooms, where chanting, prayer, and mindful awareness make space for pain without letting it rule the day. Joy as devotion isn’t denial; it’s the daily choice to turn your heart toward love—recognize, allow, investigate, nurture—and to tell the truth with the people you live with instead of hiding in isolation. From navigating family friction to finding gratitude in small moments, we offer practical steps: offer a breath, repeat a mantra, have the tough conversation, and start again when the mind wanders. If cultural scripts sell joy as performance and success, we argue for a rooted joy that grows like fruit—slow, steady, and real. Whether you’re drawn to chanting, scripture, or quiet meditation, the path is the same: stop running, be present, and keep coming back. Listen now, then share your takeaway with us. If this resonated, subscribe, leave a review, and pass it to someone who needs permission to rest in their joy. Please email us at Gettoknowthedevil@gmail.com

    42 min

  5. JAN 7

    Stop Trying To Figure It Out

    Send a text Ever feel like you’re doing mental gymnastics to “figure it out,” only to wind up more anxious and less present? From a windy couch in Naples, we unpack the modern obsession with certainty and why it keeps us looping instead of living. We draw a clear line between problems to solve and mysteries to live—think broken appliances versus identity, timing, love, and purpose—and share how attachment to outcomes quietly fuels stress. Cleveland shares how leaving a corporate job without a perfect plan led to more freedom than endless planning ever did. Lindsay brings tools from mindfulness and therapy that turn panic into presence, including the surprising power of taking just the next honest step. We trade stories about overtracking, overplanning, and the moment you realize that allowing isn’t quitting—it’s refusing to force what needs time. Along the way, we talk proactive versus reactive living, how action creates clarity, and why you can’t spreadsheet your way to a meaningful life. If thinking harder hasn’t helped, it’s probably not a thinking problem. You’ll learn simple prompts to break the overthinking loop—What is truly being asked of me now? What one step can I take without the whole plan? Can I trust myself to learn as I go?—plus a grounded approach to making an impact where it counts. Less outrage, more local love. Fewer invented problems, more attention to what’s real. Press play for a conversation that feels like a deep exhale: funny, candid, and packed with practical shifts you can use today. If this resonates, follow the show, share it with a friend who’s stuck in “figure it out” mode, and leave a quick review to help more listeners find us. Please email us at Gettoknowthedevil@gmail.com

    49 min

  6. 12/21/2025

    From Numbing To Knowing: Practicing Everyday Courage

    Send a text Healing doesn’t arrive with a ribbon and a theme song. It’s a gritty, everyday practice of choosing honesty over autopilot, boundaries over people-pleasing, and presence over numbness. We open up about the kind of courage that rarely gets applause: the quiet, internal work that changes how you meet your life, one small decision at a time. We start by reframing healing from a destination into a set of daily choices. That shift matters, because when you expect a finish line, every hard day feels like failure. We share personal stories of leaving relationships and jobs, confronting religious conditioning, and the relief that comes when you stop living for the crowd and start living for your why. Along the way, we dig into the sticky scripts we inherit—unlovable, difficult, selfish—and how to rewrite them with evidence, not fantasy. You’ll hear practical language for self-talk that actually softens shame and builds momentum. Because courage is embodied, we bring in mindful tools that meet you where you are. If breathwork helps, great; if it spikes anxiety, anchor to contact points like feet on the floor or the soundscape around you. We walk through pendulation—moving between a felt sense of ease and a point of discomfort—to grow capacity without flooding your system. Add micro-practices to your day: one pause before replying, naming the feeling out loud, a minute of daylight to reset your nervous system. These small reps build regulation, and regulated bodies make brave choices possible. We close with an invitation: pick one tiny act of healing courage this week. Have the hard conversation. Rest without guilt. Or look in the mirror and say, I forgive you, I love you, I see you, keep going. If this conversation helps, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs a nudge, and leave a quick review—what’s the one courageous step you’ll take today? Please email us at Gettoknowthedevil@gmail.com

    41 min

  7. 12/15/2025

    The Uncomfortable Truth: How Modern Life Keeps Us Asleep

    Send a text Ever feel like life is happening on autopilot while you chase the next tiny hit of relief? We pull back the curtain on how consumer culture, constant comparison, and the productivity trap quietly sedate our attention and sell us a thinner version of happiness. Cleveland and Lindsay share candid stories—from quitting the 9-to-5 to navigating boundaries, from social media’s highlight reel to the wellness industry’s pricey promises—and map a path back to a life you can actually feel. We break down the difference between pleasure and happiness, why perfection is the enemy of good enough, and how early scripts around being the “good” or “productive” one can hardwire exhaustion. You’ll hear an honest look at entrepreneurship, money as a tool versus a measure of worth, and the subtle ways we perform our lives instead of inhabiting them. We also examine the “happiness industrial complex,” where crystal cures and luxury retreats shift responsibility and cost onto the seeker, and offer a more grounded standard: judge helpers by their works, their accessibility, and their integrity. Most importantly, we offer practical shifts you can start today: define non-negotiables before chasing wants, carve out a digital sabbath to reclaim attention, build friendships around aligned values, and use simple meditation to reconnect with yourself. If you’ve been feeling busy but strangely empty, this conversation is your invitation to slow down, opt out of fear-bait inputs, and choose presence over performance. Listen, reflect, and share your first step toward a more awake life. If it resonates, subscribe, leave a review, and send this to a friend who needs a gentle nudge toward real happiness. Please email us at Gettoknowthedevil@gmail.com

    46 min

  8. 11/10/2025

    We Can All Do Better, Starting Today

    Send a text When the world rewards outrage, choosing kindness feels like swimming upstream. We open the door to a different path—one built on safety, presence, and small, deliberate actions that ripple through relationships at home, at work, and online. Drawing on Arthur C. Brooks’s research on contempt, Terence Real’s three spheres of change, and Tara Brach’s insights on trauma and mindfulness, we unpack why so many of us feel stuck in anger and how to find our way back to connection. The conversation moves from daily life—traffic flare-ups, partner miscommunications, and those endless comment wars—to practical tools that actually help. We practice listening to understand rather than to win; we define a realistic sphere of influence so we stop doomscrolling and start doing; and we adopt both-and thinking to navigate complexity without going brittle or cynical. You’ll hear personal stories of repair, boundaries with media algorithms that profit from your rage, and the tiny, repeatable gestures that rebuild respect: a rinsed dish, a calm breath, a gentle check-in. This is not about pretending everything is fine. It’s about resourcing yourself so you can show up better today than yesterday. Five to ten minutes of stillness, empathy before advice, and forgiveness as a release rather than reunion—these become the muscle fibers of a kinder life. If you’re ready to trade hot takes for wise action, and contempt for warmth, this one will meet you where you are and invite you a step forward. If this resonates, follow and subscribe, share it with someone who could use a calmer day, and leave a review with one practice you’ll try this week. Your small actions might be the permission someone else needs to start. Please email us at Gettoknowthedevil@gmail.com

    42 min
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Ratings & Reviews

5
out of 5
5 Ratings

About

In The Devil You Don’t Know, Lindsay, Cleveland, and their guests discuss personal growth and development by taking chances and getting out of your comfort zone.  Topics range from whimsical to serious and everything in between but are always relevant to growth and development.

Information

  • Creator
    Lindsay Oakes
  • Years Active
    2023 - 2026
  • Episodes
    77
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © 2026 The Devil You Don’t Know
  • Show Website
    The Devil You Don’t Know