The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast The Recovery Show

What is gossip? How is it harmful to my recovery?







Spencer and Laurel discuss gossip and how it can hinder our path to recovery. We share our personal experiences, elaborating on how we used to perceive gossip and how this perception has changed. We lay emphasis on the power of silence, restraining oneself from engaging in gossip, and talk about relevant situations from our work lives. We conclude by acknowledging that refraining from gossip can be a lifelong struggle but a resultant increase in authenticity in relationships makes it worth it.







In our conversation, these three things emerge:







Harmful effects of gossip: Gossip can be harmful, both to individuals and to relationships. Damage is caused by spreading rumors, engaging in speculation, and talking about others without their presence. We highlight the importance of being mindful of the information we share and the impact it can have on others.







The importance of boundaries: We must set boundaries when it comes to gossip. We can recognize when conversations are turning towards gossip and actively choose not to engage in or perpetuate such discussions. Tools we can use to avoid gossip are silence and self-restraint.







The value of personal reflection and growth: We express the personal growth and self-reflection that can occur through practicing the tools and principles of the Al-Anon program. We can learn to navigate gossip and gossip-like situations by reflecting on our own behavior, practicing empathy and compassion, and focusing on personal responsibility rather than blaming others. We are constantly learning from our experiences and striving to improve our interactions with others.







Readings and Links







Laurel chose readings from Courage to Change, January 25 and October 26.







She also pulled in the concept of “hotwiring intimacy” using gossip from Brené Brown's book Braving the Wilderness.







Spencer was inspired and deeply affected by a couple of podcast episodes:









* Fragmented to Whole, episode 229, “Why I Think of Gossip as an Anti-Intimacy Campaign”







* This American Life, episode 809, “The Call“









Veronica suggested Where'd You Go , Bernadette as another book with Al-Anon themes (referencing episode 399, “Finding Al-Anon Lessons in Classic Novels”)







Nancy was inspired by the book Incurable Hope by Lisa Gennosa, and by hearing her speak.







(Note: I earn a small amount from qualified purchases through links to Amazon. I earn nothing from links to the Al-Anon book store.)







Feedback







Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.















Music from the Show











Adele – Rumor Has It











Jill Scott – Hate on Me











The Go-Go's – Our Lips Are Sealed

At a recent meeting, the topic was Step 11. I most often share about my difficulties in creating a regular program of prayer and meditation. But at this meeting, I picked the second part of the step “Praying only for knowledge of God’s will…” The question that I face when I consider that phrase is, “how do I know if something is God’s will or just mine?”







Apparently, I last talked about this question in Episode 61 “Intuition or God’s Will?”







One tool that I try to remember to use when faced with this question is to ask myself “What is my motive?” I was guided to this question by a program friend some years ago. An acquaintance had had a horrible experience, and I was thinking about calling them to let them know I cared. But, I also had enough Al-Anon experience to know that I really ought to check this out with someone else, first. So I called a program friend, and described what I was considering. This friend then asked me “What is your motive?”







That made me stop and think. What was my motive? Did I really think that I could provide support? Or was I just trying to make myself feel better about not being able to actually do anything about the situation? Was I close enough to my acquaintance to even talk to them about their experience? 







In the end, I decided that this idea came from my will, with the motive of making myself feel better, and did not call. Years later, I still think that was the right decision.







There are other situations in which I ask myself, “what is my motive?” Listen to hear about them.









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Readings and Links







We read from Courage to Change, January 18.







Feedback?







What is your experience using the question, “What is my motive?” Please send a voice memo or email to feedback@therecovery.show, or call our voice mail line at 734-707-8795.

Reaching and recognizing significant milestones is an integral part of the recovery process. Celebrating these moments of progress might include acknowledging the ability to set personal boundaries, letting go of blame, or embracing presence in the current moment. These victories, regardless of how small, contribute significantly to personal growth and healing, reinforcing the transformative power of recovery.















What is a milestone? One dictionary definition says “A point in a chain of events at which an important change (as in one's fortunes) occurs.” Eric tells us about “waypoints”, which are a way of navigating a boat from one port to another. Waypoints are places along the route where you can measure your progress, and navigate from each one to the next. In a 12-step program, one set of waypoints would be the steps themselves, as they mark our journal of recovery. We navigate from each step to the next, as they build on each other.







This episode has contributions from many listeners, who chose to share experiences such as these:









* Experiencing an Emotional Breakthrough







* Letting Yourself Off the Hook,







* Surrender and Relapse,







* Recognizing a Spiritual Awakening,







* Finding Guidance Through a Cancer Diagnosis,







* Gratitude for Recovery and Intervention Success,







* Detaching with Love and Personal Growth,







* The Benefits of Volunteering,







* Finding a Relationship with a Higher Power,







* Navigating Life with an Active Drinker,







* Setting Boundaries and Seeking Help,







* Finding the Right Sponsor,







* Learning to Detach and Set Boundaries

















Readings and Resources







We read from Courage to Change, June 24.







Eric talked about a personal breakthrough and the song that was connected to it, “Give Me Your Eyes” by Brandon Heath. If you want to hear more about it, listen to Episode 380, Awareness and Acceptance, at about the 15 minute mark.







A listener mentioned episode 387, Co-Crazy as an inspiration for her milestone.







I used DALL-E to generate the image of “400 with wings” for this episode.







Upcoming topics







Did you attend the Al-Anon International Convention? We'd love to hear about your experience. You can send a voice memo or email to feedback@therecovery.show, or you can call and leave a voicemail at 734-707-8795.















Music from the Show











Brandon Heath – Give Me Your Eyes











Fleetwood Mac – Landslide

I noticed how different people in the story respond to the drinking in different ways. It leapt off the page to me, not only because I recognized stories that I could have heard in the rooms, but also my own perception of their reactions. – Frances







Step into the pages of classic literature and discover a hidden world of connection and understanding. In this podcast episode, we explore the what Frances uncovers as she dives into the timeless tales of ‘Adam Bede' and ‘A Tree Grows in Brooklyn'. As she delves deeper into these stories, she realizes they hold a mirror to her own experiences in the Al-Anon community. The characters' struggles with problem drinking resonate with her on a profound level, unveiling a new layer of relatability and guidance. This episode promises to leave you eager to explore the unexpected connections between literary gems and your own journey.







Frances was searching for solace during the lockdown, finding comfort in the pages of classic literature. She dove into the world of Little Women, among others, but it was two particular stories that painted a vivid picture for her – Adam Bede by George Eliot and A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith. The familiar theme of problem drinking among key characters leapt off the page, stirring within her a deep-seated recognition from her own experiences.







Her perception had shifted since her involvement with Al-Anon. She no longer saw the characters' reactions to substance abuse as simply plot points, but as tangible, relatable experiences. She saw the anger, resentment, martyrdom and enabling, all familiar from her own life and from the stories she'd heard in the meeting rooms. It was fascinating to see such parallels in these classic tales, highlighting that the struggle with addiction and the impact on loved ones is not a new societal issue, but one that has echoed throughout time.















Readings and Links







We read from How Al-Anon Works, pp. 35-36 (“Opening Up”), and p. 85 about forgiveness and compassion.







Frances also mentioned a reading from Courage to Change, May 1, which had the phrase “If only _____ would happen…”







The books we discussed are available from many sources, including your public library. If you wish to purchase copies, here are links to buy them on Amazon. (Note: The Recovery Show receives a small commission for qualified sales from these links.)







Adam Bede by George Eliot.







A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith.







What's next?







Coming up is our 400th episode. Eric suggested the topic of milestones for that “milestone” episode. What can you identify as significant events or turning points in your travels on the road to recovery? Have you experienced such things as a breakthrough, or an achievement like completion of a difficult task or step (like the 9th, or 12th…). Have you experienced a miracle, Higher Power or spiritual awakening moment?







Record a voice memo and email it to feedback@therecovery.show. Send us an email. Or, call our voicemail at 734-707-8795.















Music from the Show







It seems there are 2 “official videos” for U...

What valuable lesson did you learn in 2022?







Our answers include:









* Don't rush in at try to fix it!







* How practicing these principles at work can lead to unexpected, great outcomes.







* It begins with me!







* Understanding my limitations and living within them.

















Upcoming topics







Coming up is our 400th episode. Eric suggested the topic of milestones for that “milestone” episode. What can you identify as significant events or turning points in your travels on the road to recovery? Have you experienced such things as a breakthrough, or an achievement like completion of a difficult task or step (like the 9th, or 12th…). Have you experienced a miracle, Higher Power or spiritual awakening moment?







Record a voice memo and email it to feedback@therecovery.show. Send us an email. Or, call our voicemail at 734-707-8795.















Music from the Show







Listener Renee recommended this rendition of the “St. Francis Prayer”.











Olivia Newton John – Instrument of Peace

Misti's journey of self-discovery and forgiveness takes her through the depths of her family's addiction and abuse. Just as she begins to find inner peace, a shocking revelation forces her to confront the past and leaves her questioning everything she thought she knew. Will she find the courage to continue her journey towards healing and forgiveness?









In order to keep the fire for justice burning, we need to keep burning our wounds open as perpetual evidence. Living like this, it is impossible to heal. – Mark Nepo

The Book of Awakening







My special guest is Misti B.







Misti is a dedicated member of the recovery community who has experienced the healing power of forgiveness in her life. After navigating through her own family's addiction and abuse issues, Misti gained valuable insights that have allowed her to cultivate inner peace and let go of resentment. With a strong connection to the power of storytelling, she has been able to share her journey with others, providing hope and inspiration for those struggling with similar challenges.







Misti's story







The healing process was not an easy one for Misti B, but in time she discovered the power of true forgiveness. She learned that she didn't have to keep the pain alive to keep the truth alive. Through her journey in Al-anon, she found the strength to face her pain and take responsibility for her own happiness. When she called her mother to apologize and offer forgiveness, her mother's denial of the abuse only solidified Misti's resolve to let go of the resentment and continue on her path to healing. By embracing forgiveness, she was able to find her identity and inner strength, and ultimately transform her life.







In this episode, you will be able to:









* Delve into the necessity of confronting pain and trauma for true healing and growth.







* Embrace the transformative power of forgiveness for personal freedom and peace.







* Recognize the essential role of vulnerability and acceptance in the act of forgiveness.







* Understand how self-care and boundaries fit into a healthy and sustainable recovery process.









Resources in this episode









* Read Mark Nepo's book, The Book of Awakening, for daily inspiration. Misti read the entry titled “About Forgiveness”, for September 28, on p. 317 in the 20th anniversary edition.







* Attend Al-anon meetings to find support and begin the journey of recovery.







* Consider engulfing oneself in recovery to heal from painful experiences.







* Seek therapy to process and work through trauma.







* Explore forgiveness as a way to exchange resentment for inner freedom.







* Validate your own experiences and pain from the center out.







* Let go of ledgers of injustice and retribution to regain feeling in your heart.







* Imagine how the holy pieces of broken relationships can go together through love.







* Consider requiring loved ones to be in recovery before reestablishing a relationship.









Upcoming topics







Our 400th episode is coming! Eric B suggested the topic of milestones for that “milestone” episode. What can you identify as significant events or turning points in your travels on the road to recovery? Have you experienced such things as a breakthrough, or an achievement like completion of a difficult task or step (like the 9th, or 12th…). Have you experienced a miracle,