257 episodes
The Topical The Onion
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- Comedy
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4.6 • 1.3K Ratings
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The Topical is the daily podcast from The Onion and Onion Public Radio, and the only podcast brave enough to ask: What if the news had sound effects? Join host Leslie Price each day as he barely scratches the surface of all the day’s top news stories. Journalism isn’t dead. It's using its dying breath to beg you to listen to The Topical. New episodes published every weekday by 5 a.m. Eastern time.
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Papa John’s Comes Under Fire For Cruel Treatment Of The Bulbous, Deformed Creatures That Lactate Pizza Sauce
Hear why PETA is coming to the defense of these over-bread monstrosities that exist for the sole purpose of having fresh tomato paste extracted from their many teat-like protuberances.
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Scientists Warn Americans To Stay Away From That Bird
It looks dirty, and it’s doing a weird thing with its wings. Hear why it would be best if you just didn’t go near it.
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Nation’s Arborists Once Again Urge Congress To Lower The Age Of Consent For Trees
Hear why these arborists believe that if the fruit’s on the ground, it’s ready to pound.
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Paleontologists Determine Dinosaurs Were Killed By Someone They Trusted
Plus, from royalty to recluse, we’ll sit down with a former prom king who now lives anonymously among the commoners.
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Team Of Vatican Geneticists Successfully Clone God
It’s an awe-inspiring scientific advancement, but is it ethical? Hear why critics say these geneticists shouldn’t be playing God on God by making God.
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Nation’s Hypnotists Announce You Are Now Under Their Command
Hear why, when they snap their fingers, you will make the sound a donkey makes.
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They got rid of the screeching Oh SnAp It’S tHe NiNtIeYs ad