Birds and Bees Don't Fck

Arielle Zadok
  • 5.0 (27)
  • SEXUALITY
  • UPDATED WEEKLY

We can all agree that the whole birds and bees thing was a lie, right? When it comes to sex education in the 80s, 90s and even today, everyone gets a big ole F. And not the good kind. Join host Arielle Zadok as she talks to friends, comedians and sexuality professionals about what they did, and didn't learn about sex growing up.

  1. 3D AGO

    Purity Culture and Fascism Are Very Good Friends w/ Erica Smith

    Erica Smith is an award-winning sexuality educator, advocate, and author from rural Pennsylvania, where she grew up casually Christian, went to public school, learned sex ed from a gym teacher, and somehow became the most responsible teenage sexual health nerd with birth control, condoms, spermicide, and library books before having sex for the first time. In this episode we talk about purity culture, religious sexual shame, high-control groups, Christian nationalism, marital consent, "duty sex," the pressure placed on both women and men in evangelical purity teachings, and why healing from purity culture is not just about learning sex ed, but reconnecting to your body, your signals, your autonomy, and your right to desire without fear. Join the live watch party on YouTube today, episode release day, at 5p PT / 8p ET: https://www.youtube.com/@birdsandbeesdontfck   Want to hear Reddit stories? Join the afterparty over on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/cw/birdsandbeesdontfck   FCK LIKE THE MOVIES Where to find Erica: Website: https://www.purityculturedropout.com Instagram / Threads: @ericasmitheducates Book: The Purity Culture Recovery Guide: Shame-Free Sex Ed You Deserve   Where to find Arielle: Instagram: @birdsandbeesdontfck TikTok: @birdsandbeesdontfck Patreon:https://www.patreon.com/cw/birdsandbeesdontfck   Like my cuffs AND my vibrator necklace? Me too. Get $15 Off Crave Pleasure Jewelry Here: https://lovecrave.com/arielle   Episode Cheat Sheet 00:37 Why purity culture impacts everyone regardless of religious upbringing 02:01 Reclaiming spiritual language, God, universe, source, and finding meaning outside of shame 03:35 Erica's rural Pennsylvania upbringing and not coming from purity culture or evangelical Christianity 06:52 Conservative Judaism, kosher, Shabbat, fear of God, and the god of religious sexual shame 10:13 Why controlling sex is the central power tool in high-control groups and cults 13:15 Twin Flames, New Age purity culture, divine feminine and masculine, and forced relationship roles 15:11 Non-monogamy, the one-person mythology, and not knowing ethical non-monogamy was an option 18:22 The pressure on children to save souls and why evangelical recruitment causes anxiety 20:15 AIDS education, high school sex ed, birth control, Cosmo handouts, and a raw egg as a fake baby 23:35 Family planning at 16, condoms, spermicide, Planned Parenthood, teen pregnancy, and pre-internet sex ed 26:03 Curiosity as the common thread among sex educators and talking explicitly with friends about sex 30:26 From women's studies to abortion clinic counselor, September 11th, anti-abortion terrorism, and fake anthrax 33:46 Seventeen years doing sex ed and HIV prevention with incarcerated youth in Philadelphia juvenile detention 35:09 Exvangelicals, deconstruction, the 2016 election, and the mass exodus from evangelical Christianity 39:28 Wedding night trauma, the flip-the-switch expectation, marital rape, duty sex, and long-term sexual dysfunction 43:09 Consent in marriage, the every-72-hours myth, Christian patriarchy, and denying women the right to say no 46:14 Rape culture, dissociation, blaming wives for husbands cheating, and the harm purity culture does to men 48:41 Duty sex, maintenance sex, intimacy dates, responsive desire, and why sex should never be expected 50:06 Men in purity culture, being taught you are a sex demon, bounce your eyes, and associating desire with disrespect 53:01 How purity culture silences body signals around consent, danger, hunger, and attraction — and somatic healing 56:08 Why purity culture is not a thing of the past, Christian nationalism, fascism, voting, and bodily autonomy 01:01:07 Where to find Erica Smith, The Purity Culture Recovery Guide, and purity culture recovery support groups

    1h 3m

  2. MAY 6

    A Condom For A Cheeto w/ Alex Gay

    Join the live watch party on YouTube today, episode release day, at 5p PT / 8p ET: https://www.youtube.com/@birdsandbeesdontfck Alex Gay is a certified intimacy and relationship coach and adult performer from Maryland, where his sex education came from homeschooling, evangelical purity culture, and two conversations with his dad that left him wondering if condoms were worth trading for Cheetos. In this episode we talk about growing up in a religious high-control group, shame as a clue to desire, what kink actually means, why so many men are expected to magically know how to be good in bed, and how Alex went from purity culture to helping queer people, couples, and curious adults feel more confident exploring sex, intimacy, kink, and their own bodies. Want to hear Alex and I unfiltered reading Reddit stories? Join the afterparty over on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/cw/birdsandbeesdontfck   FCK LIKE THE MOVIES   Where to find Alex: Instagram: @heyalexgay TikTok: @heyalexgay Website: https://heyalexgay.com/   Where to find Arielle: Instagram: @birdsandbeesdontfck TikTok: @birdsandbeesdontfck Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/cw/birdsandbeesdontfck Bonus stories found exclusively on Patreon STORY 1: Am I the A*****e for Breaking Up With My Girlfriend After She Wanted Our Relationship to Be P***y Free? STORY 2: My Husband Needs to Touch My Breasts to Fall Asleep. I'm Exhausted and Need a Divorce. Am I the A*****e? STORY 3: Am I the A*****e for Breaking Up With My Girlfriend Because She Literally Told Me She Would Cheat on Me If I Took a New Job?   Like my cuffs AND my vibrator necklace? Me too. Get $15 Off Crave Pleasure Jewelry Here: https://lovecrave.com/arielle   Episode Cheat Sheet 00:00 Meet Alex Gay, certified intimacy coach and adult performer 02:23 Adult entertainment, OnlyFans, and why spicy content builds coaching trust 04:48 Coaching sexual confidence, kink, communication, and why sex education is lifelong 05:30 The pressure on cis straight men to magically know how to be good in bed 07:01 Why "normal" does not exist when it comes to sex, bodies, and kink 08:10 Shame as a clue to desire and how taboo shapes what turns us on 10:20 Growing up in Maryland inside an evangelical high-control group 11:44 Homeschool sex ed, Christian sex books, condoms, and the Cheeto trade 16:17 Sleepovers, curiosity, and why honest sex education changes everything 19:30 Boy moms vs. moms who have boys and the emotional weight placed on sons 22:00 Leaving religion, hitting rock bottom, and finding inherent self-worth 25:16 Men's mental health, masculinity, and why 60 men die by suicide every hour 29:28 Queer sex education, coaching, and what gay male coaches bring to the table 31:46 Play parties, group scenes, body confidence, ethical porn, and real naked bodies 38:25 Alex's first OnlyFans videos, strip interviews, and modeling non-sexual intimacy 44:00 Course creation, ADHD, and why the labor of pleasure cannot be on your partner 49:21 Coaching couples, high-mileage questions, and becoming your own sex detective 56:32 Dr. Tush aftercare products, butt play recovery, and kink aftercare 01:00:00 Bonus Reddit stories and where to find Alex Gay

    1h 2m

  3. APR 29

    Purity Culture Sets Us Up for Failure w/ Reuben Johnson

    Reuben Johnson is one half of FlyDuo, a husband-and-wife team behind the pleasure-forward platform SexTech n' Chill, originally from the suburbs of Boston where growing up in a strict religious environment meant sex education was mostly abstinence, shame and silence. In this episode we talk about purity culture, abstinence-only sex education and how religious messaging around sex can leave people completely unprepared for real intimacy. We get into the science behind pleasure, why nervous system regulation matters in the bedroom, the myth of "think about baseball" when people struggle with performance anxiety, and how honest conversations about sex can actually help protect people from harm. We also talk about building a pleasure-centered relationship, the work Reuben and his wife are doing with SexTech n' Chill, and why comprehensive sex education is still so controversial in the United States. Want more? Catch bonus Reddit story reactions, private chats and more on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/cw/birdsandbeesdontfck Get my Yes / No / Maybe List  or Fck Like The Movies full course _________________________________________________ Where to find Reuben: SexTech n' Chill: https://sextechnchill.com FlyDuo: https://xoflyduo.com Instagram: @sextechnchill  YouTube: @SexTechNChill   Where to find Arielle: Instagram: @birdsandbeesdontfck TikTok: @birdsandbeesdontfck Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/cw/birdsandbeesdontfck Join the live watch party on YouTube today, episode release day, at 5p PT / 8p ET: https://www.youtube.com/@birdsandbeesdontfck Love jewelry that doubles as a vibrator?  Me too! Get $15 Off Crave Pleasure Jewelry Here:  https://lovecrave.com/arielle   Episode Cheat Sheet 02:10 Museum of Sex panel and meeting other sex educators 04:02 Consent, body language and what animals teach us about boundaries 08:36 Trauma responses, fawning and reading nonverbal cues 11:05 Nervous system regulation, anxiety and grounding techniques 15:02 Communication, emotional safety and better sex 19:11 Performance anxiety and why "think about baseball" is terrible sex advice 22:05 Vulnerability, trust and sexual confidence in relationships 24:40 Growing up in Boston and avoiding sex education conversations 26:40 Religious purity culture and sexual shame 29:10 The first real sex education class in high school 31:03 Condoms, lube and the basics abstinence-only programs skip 33:28 Why abstinence-only sex education leaves people unprepared 34:15 Dr. Joycelyn Elders and the fight for comprehensive sex education 36:01 Why pleasure and eroticism challenge systems of control 41:00 Social media censorship and the fight for online sex education 46:54 Porn history, kink and the evolution of sexuality 52:20 Wedding night sex after purity culture 55:50 Building Sex Tech & Chill and pleasure-centered relationships

    1h 4m

  4. APR 22

    I Need You To Say Blue Balls w/ Ginger Koehler

    Join the live watch party on YouTube today, episode release day, at 5p PT / 8p ET: https://www.youtube.com/@birdsandbeesdontfck Ginger Koehler is a sex educator, columnist and speaker from the Midwest where her earliest "sex talk" happened over mac and cheese at a McAlister's… and ended with her bursting into tears when her mom explained what a period was. In this episode we talk about what it actually means to study sex academically, why people confidently give terrible sex advice online, and the moment Ginger realized she wanted to build a career translating complex sex science into language normal humans can understand. We also get into missionary position myths, writing about sex for a living, and why curiosity might be the most important sexual skill anyone can have. Want more? Catch bonus Reddit story reactions, private chats and more on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/cw/birdsandbeesdontfck Get my Yes / No / Maybe List _________________________________________________ Where to find Ginger: Instagram: @gingerr_and_spice Ginger & Spice Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/7f6vAvxqI2aexnSCc32FVT?si=17bfdfc63cbd4df0 Substack: https://gingerkoehler.substack.com/ Where to find Arielle: Instagram: @birdsandbeesdontfck TikTok: @birdsandbeesdontfck Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/cw/birdsandbeesdontfck   Like spicy jewelry?  Me too! Get $15 Off Crave Pleasure Jewelry Here:  https://lovecrave.com/arielle   Episode Cheat Sheet 02:51 How Ginger became a sex educator and sex columnist 04:28 Studying sexuality academically vs learning from experience 06:24 "I need you to say blue balls" and translating sex science into normal language 09:43 Epididymal hypertension vs "blue balls" and sexual slang explained 12:08 Why bad sex advice spreads so easily online 14:12 Sex myths people still believe about bodies and pleasure 18:04 Missionary position myths and why "boring" sex positions can actually be great 21:10 How sexual expectations shape dating and relationships 23:10 Writing about sex vs talking about sex publicly 27:28 Thoughtful sex vs performative sex culture 31:44 The moment Ginger decided to study sexuality academically 35:21 Getting the "period talk" over mac and cheese at McAlister's 38:47 Growing up shy about sex and becoming a public sex educator 41:09 Why comprehensive sex education still scares people 45:07 What comprehensive sex education actually teaches 49:12 Why curiosity is the most underrated sexual skill 52:38 What age-appropriate sex education really means

    1h 5m

  5. APR 15

    Wait… Is This A Kinky Dinner Party? w/ Maurice James

    Join the live watch party on YouTube today, episode release day, at 5p PT / 8p ET: https://www.youtube.com/@birdsandbeesdontfck Maurice James is a comedian, host, actor, and co-creator of Kinky Comedy from Jackson, Mississippi where his formal sex education came from an Episcopalian school science class taught by a teacher who carried a petrified bull testicle cane… and where sex ed mostly felt like mitosis and meiosis rather than anything connected to his own body. Want to her Maurice and I unfiltered reading Reddit stories? Join the afterparty over on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/cw/birdsandbeesdontfck Get my Yes / No / Maybe List mentioned in this episode Where to find Maurice: Instagram: @mauricejamescomedy & @kinkycomedy Kinky Comedy: https://www.kinkycomedy.com   Where to find Arielle: Instagram: @birdsandbeesdontfck TikTok: @birdsandbeesdontfck Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/cw/birdsandbeesdontfck   Bonus stories found exclusively on Patreon STORY 1: My life has imploded. Husband 29M slept with my mom 55F right before we got married two years ago. STORY 2: I told my girlfriend I sometimes think about other girls during sex and she lost it Like your jewlery a bit kinky? Me too. Get $15 Off Crave Pleasure Jewelry Here: https://lovecrave.com/arielle   Episode Cheat Sheet 02:32 The origin of Kinky Comedy and bringing kink and comedy together 04:11 Why being a good Dom requires communication, trust and emotional intelligence 08:14 Yes / No / Maybe lists and negotiating kink scenes 10:33 Why sex is like producing a film or planning a journey 12:57 Rope bondage, body awareness and communicating boundaries 15:08 Practicing "no" and learning to hold boundaries 19:11 Maurice's unexpected introduction to kink at a Tinder dinner party 21:21 Why kink communities value clarity and communication 23:41 Shame, sexuality and the fear of being rejected by community 25:59 Coming out as kinky and the real career risks involved 30:39 Authenticity, privilege and living a fully expressed life 37:37 Growing up in Jackson, Mississippi 39:53 Sex education in religious private school 42:11 Why sex education needs to be ongoing and age appropriate 44:31 Abstinence education and the harm of ignoring sexuality 48:23 High school sex culture, late bloomers and learning from friends 50:23 Munches, kink community and finding people on the same journey 52:06 Losing a job, breakup and starting stand-up comedy 54:05 Building Kinky Comedy from a backyard show to a touring production 57:55 Community support and watching creative projects grow 59:58 Producing a show vs developing as a comedian 01:01:37 Comedy etiquette and why audiences shouldn't film comedians

    1h 1m

  6. APR 8

    A Real Good Sex Guy w / Justin Herman

    Justin Herman is a television director and producer, internationally touring stand-up comedian, and co-creator of Kinky Comedy originally from Albany, New York where his formal sex education consisted of one awkward school lesson separating boys and girls, a confusing anatomical chart, and a diner conversation with his dad about "the birds and the bees" that definitely did NOT cover kink. In this episode we talk about the lifestyle community, kink and non-monogamy, how Kinky Comedy accidentally became a hub for sexually liberated audiences, the anthropology of play parties, why lifestyle spaces tend to create deeper friendships, and what happens when kinky jokes collide with vanilla comedy crowds. We also get into porn magazines as early sex education, polyamory as emotional calculus, consent culture in BDSM communities, and the surprisingly wholesome reality of seeing your friends thrive in sexually open environments. Then, Justin and I go deep reading Reddit stories over on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/cw/birdsandbeesdontfck Get my Yes / No / Maybe List Join the live watch party on YouTube today, episode release day, at 4p PT / 7p ET: https://www.youtube.com/@birdsandbeesdontfck ___________________________________________ Where to find Justin: Instagram: @justin_herman Kinky Comedy: https://kinkycomedy.com Website: https://justinhermancomedy.com Where to find Arielle: Instagram: @birdsandbeesdontfck TikTok: @birdsandbeesdontfck Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/cw/birdsandbeesdontfck Bonus stories found exclusively on Patreon: STORY 1: Am I the a*****e for wanting my girl to do more cleaning around the apartment? STORY 2: Am I the a*****e for banning my sister's boyfriend from my house and closing the door in his face? Like my cuffs? Me too! Get $15 Off Crave Pleasure Jewelry Here: https://lovecrave.com/arielle _____________________________________________ Episode Cheat Sheet 02:05 What Kinky Comedy is and how it started 06:40 What "the lifestyle" actually means (kink, BDSM and non-monogamy) 09:10 Why women watching male-male porn often feel safer and more connected to the pleasure 11:15 Building community through sex-positive comedy shows 15:50 Why kinky jokes bomb in vanilla comedy rooms 18:20 XBIZ, adult industry spaces and sexual openness 20:40 Seeing your friends have sex and what it teaches about personality 23:00 The anthropology of play parties and lifestyle spaces 25:15 Why polyamory requires extreme emotional intelligence 27:30 Body positivity, vulvas and seeing real bodies in lifestyle spaces 29:35 Why naked confidence makes everyone hotter 31:50 Consent culture and why lifestyle spaces prioritize women's comfort 34:05 Negotiation vs coercion in kink and BDSM dynamics 36:00 The Orgy Dome at Burning Man and radical consent practices 38:10 Why people attend play parties without having sex 40:13 Justin's real sex education: awkward school lessons and the diner birds-and-bees talk 42:20 Porn magazines as early sex education for teenage boys 46:30 Why boys looking at porn together is its own weird cultural ritual 49:40 Punching down in comedy and evolving standards in humor 54:15 Why comedy should evolve as society evolves 56:30 The origin of the "real good sex guy" title 58:50 Growing Kinky Comedy into a real community event

    1h 3m

  7. APR 1

    What Porn Taught Hollywood About Sex Scenes w/ Lotus Lain

    Lotus Lain is an adult performer, producer, intimacy coordinator and sex worker advocate originally from California's Central Valley where growing up in a small town meant most of her real sex education came later through curiosity, the internet, and eventually working in the adult industry itself. In this episode we talk about the unexpected overlap between porn and Hollywood, how the adult industry approached consent, boundaries and choreography long before mainstream film and television caught up, and why productions eventually realized they needed intimacy coordinators. We also get into mentorship in the adult industry, what actually happens on set when filming sex scenes, and why performers deserve experts guiding those moments. Catch Lotus and I gettin' real reading Reddit stories over on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/cw/birdsandbeesdontfck Join the live watch party on YouTube today, episode release day, at 4p PT / 7p ET: https://www.youtube.com/@birdsandbeesdontfck Get my Yes / No / Maybe List ____________________________________________________ Where to find Lotus: Instagram: @icy.lotus TikTok: @icy.lotus Where to find Arielle: Instagram: @birdsandbeesdontfck TikTok: @birdsandbeesdontfck Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/cw/birdsandbeesdontfck Organizations we support: Free Speech Coalition Sexual Wellness Professional Alliance Bonus stories found exclusively on Patreon: STORY 1: My husband (37M) has been seeing other women and I (36F) don't know if I should give him another chance. What would you do? STORY 2: AIO? My daughter didn't listen to the teacher during a female emergency and is now receiving a referral Like my cuffs? Me too! Get $15 Off Crave Pleasure Jewelry Here: https://lovecrave.com/arielle ___________________________________________________ Episode Cheat Sheet: 02:29 Growing up in California's Central Valley 04:28 Discovering the adult industry 06:36 Mentorship and "porn mom" lineage 08:45 Consent and boundaries on adult film sets 10:55 The logistics of filming sex scenes 13:18 Why Hollywood eventually needed intimacy coordinators 15:31 Differences between porn sets and traditional film sets 17:38 Choreographing realistic sex scenes 19:54 Why actors need experts guiding intimate scenes 22:15 Performer advocacy and safety on set 24:35 The rise of intimacy coordination in Hollywood 26:58 What film productions still get wrong about sex scenes 28:40 Why sex workers understand boundaries and consent 30:41 Supporting performers during vulnerable scenes 33:01 Changing the culture of filming intimacy

    1h 2m

  8. MAR 25

    Where There's A Will, There's A F****g Way w/ Aimee Latta

    Aimee Latta is a certified embodied intimacy and relationship coach and the host of the podcast Come Talk With Aimee, originally from Utah where the best sex education she got was a fifth grade presentation from a very enthusiastic husband and wife team… followed by years of abstinence-only education and a very graphic childbirth video meant to scare everyone into never having sex. In this episode we talk about growing up in Utah, abstinence-only sex education, Mormon purity culture, and what happens when the only messaging around sex is prevention instead of pleasure. We also get into Aimee's journey from working in public health policy to becoming an intimacy and relationship coach helping people reconnect with their bodies, their pleasure, and their partners. Get my Yes / No / Maybe List Want more? Catch bonus Reddit story reactions, private chats and more on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/cw/birdsandbeesdontfck Join the live watch party on YouTube today, episode release day, at 4p PT / 7p ET: https://www.youtube.com/@birdsandbeesdontfck _________________________________________________   Where to find Aimee: Instagram: @cometalkwithaimee TikTok: @cometalkwithaimee Podcast: https://www.cometalkwithaimee.com/podcast Where to find Arielle: Instagram: @birdsandbeesdontfck TikTok: @birdsandbeesdontfck Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/cw/birdsandbeesdontfck   Like my cuffs?  Me too! Get $15 Off Crave Pleasure Jewelry Here:  https://lovecrave.com/arielle   Episode cheat sheet: 00:46 Starting a sex podcast and talking about sex publicly 03:22 Why talking about sex still feels taboo 05:18 How Aimee started the Come Talk With Aimee podcast 10:00 Being a public voice in sex education and intimacy coaching 18:54 From public health policy to becoming an intimacy coach 28:12 Growing up in Utah with abstinence-only sex education 34:57 BYU rules, Mormon purity culture, and sex before marriage 47:42 Mormon garments, religion, and sexuality 49:21 Becoming a sex and relationship coach 53:52 Painful sex in marriage and rediscovering pleasure 59:57 Why couples struggle to talk openly about sex

    1h 4m
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About

We can all agree that the whole birds and bees thing was a lie, right? When it comes to sex education in the 80s, 90s and even today, everyone gets a big ole F. And not the good kind. Join host Arielle Zadok as she talks to friends, comedians and sexuality professionals about what they did, and didn't learn about sex growing up.

Information

  • Creator
    Arielle Zadok
  • Years Active
    2018 - 2026
  • Episodes
    95
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © 2018 - 2023 Arielle Zadok / Champagne Womb LLC
  • Show Website
    Birds and Bees Don't Fck

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