This Complex Life

Marie Vakakis
  • 5.0 (5)
  • Mental Health
  • Updated Weekly

Got questions about parenting, teenagers, or relationships? Ever wonder why your teen won’t talk to you, or why your relationship feels like hard work lately? Hi, I’m Marie Vakakis—a therapist, mental health educator, and someone who’s been behind the scenes with countless families and couples navigating the ups and downs of real life. This Complex Life is your go-to for relatable insights, practical advice, and real talk about parenting, raising teenagers, and navigating relationships. I’ll share what I’ve learned from years of sitting in the therapist’s chair—helping parents understand their teens, supporting couples through tough times, and figuring out what actually works when life feels overwhelming. Whether it’s understanding your teen’s moods, handling family drama, or reconnecting in your relationship, I’m here to give you practical advice, relatable insights and a little humour to keep it real. Parenting and relationships aren’t easy, but they don’t have to feel impossible. Subscribe to This Complex Life for honest advice and actionable tips to make life’s messiness more manageable.

  1. 1h ago

    Who Holds You When You're Holding Everyone Else with Fi Mims

    You're the one everyone brings their problems to, at work, at home and everywhere in between. By the time the day winds down you've held the school emails, the parent who needs a phone call, the clients and the health advice you keep meaning to follow, and you're not sure who gets to hold any of it for you. It's a lot to carry, and most of us carry it without saying so out loud. Fi Mims, a business coach and photographer who has been running her own business for 23 years, joins me to talk about the load women carry at home and at work and who she actually calls when it all gets heavy. Things Discussed: What life looks like in the sandwich generation, with 17 year old twins, a business and two parents in aged careWhy the health messaging aimed at women over 40 can leave you feeling like nothing you do is ever enoughHow work can settle you when things are tense at home and what it takes to be fully present for someone elseThe unspoken expectations about who carries the mental load and why workplaces and schools haven't caught up with families where both partners workA fresh perspective on the trad wife movement and burnoutWho Fi talks to when things get heavy and why sharing the load with the right people mattersUsing professional support alongside your inner circleWhat Fi has learnt about listening in her marriage and with her teens, including calming down first, taking the other person's perspective and letting teenagers have their sayWhy planning ahead and slowing down before you're forced to is worth the discomfortChoosing deeper connection over the easy win of the couch Timestamps: 2:00 Life in the sandwich generation 4:00 Hiking the Grampians with her son 7:00 Holding space for others while managing your own life 8:00 Being a woman in business and the unspoken load at home 10:00 Why work and school haven't caught up with working families 13:00 The trad wife movement and burnout 14:00 The pressure to get health right 16:00 Who you unload with when it all gets heavy 19:00 Using professional support when you need it 22:00 Communication and perspective taking in marriage 24:00 Parenting teens and learning to zip it 27:00 What Fi would say to anyone in this season 30:00 Slowing down, planning ahead and choosing deeper connection 33:00 Wrapping up and one thing to try Resources and Links: Work with Fi Mims: https://fimims.com/contact Find Fi online: Instagram https://www.instagram.com/fimims/ Facebook https://www.facebook.com/fimimsphotography LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/fi-mims-photography/ Keep the Conversation Going Got a question you'd like answered on the podcast? Ask me anything here: forms.gle/ExJAeBTXAfn8xGkQ9 Guest Info: Fi Mims is an award winning photographer and business coach who supports her clients to look and feel their best and lifts the visibility of their personal brands. Her photographs show clients as authentic, beautiful and powerful, and her coaching supports them to find self belief, confidence and purpose. With over 20 years of experience behind her, Fi has navigated the many challenges facing modern women while building and maintaining a multiple six figure business. When she's not working she's dreaming up new holiday adventures, getting through the pile of books next to her bed, enjoying a good boogie and never refusing a glass of champagne. ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026 https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/ Connect with Marie: https://thetherapyhub.com.au/ https://marievakakis.com.au/ https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/ Submit a question to the Podcast https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

    Who Holds You When You're Holding Everyone Else with Fi Mims

  2. Sep 14

    Why You Feel Like Strangers After Years Together

    You still say I love you before bed. You still sit next to each other on the couch most nights. Nothing bad has happened, no big fight, no betrayal, and somewhere along the way you stopped feeling like you actually know this person. This episode looks at three reasons emotional intimacy fades in long term relationships, even when nothing has gone wrong, and what you can actually do about it this week. Things Discussed: What bids for connection are, and why missing them slowly creates distanceThe Gottman research on why relationships more often end in a slow drift than one big blow upWhy spending time together is not the same as quality timeThe REV framework for listening: reflect, empathically attune, validateThe still face experiment, and why a blank face can feel threateningWhy couples stop updating each other, and how to start againSpecific open ended questions to try with your partner this week Timestamps: 2:00 Why emotional distance builds without one clear cause 3:00 Bids for connection, explained 5:00 The Gottman research on what keeps couples together 7:00 Why time together is not the same as quality time 9:00 The problem with yes or no questions 11:00 REV: reflect, empathically attune, validate 14:00 The still face experiment 15:00 The third reason couples drift apart 18:00 Questions to try with your partner this week 20:00 Small deposits, not one grand gesture Resources and Links Free open ended questions guide Open ended questions https://marievakakis.com.au/open-ended-questions-for-couples/ Relationship Reset course https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/ Keep the Conversation Going forms.gle/ExJAeBTXAfn8xGkQ9 Connect with Marie: https://thetherapyhub.com.au/ https://marievakakis.com.au/ https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/ Submit a question to the Podcast https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

    Why You Feel Like Strangers After Years Together

  3. Sep 7

    Sex Therapy vs Couples Therapy: What's the Difference?

    Most people don't know the difference between a sex therapist and a couples therapist, or which one they actually need. In this episode, Tania Wellby, an Accredited Mental Health Social Worker and Sex Therapist, joins Marie to talk about sexual scripts, mismatched desire and why your partner turning you down is almost never about you. It's a direct conversation about the stuff most of us only type into Google late at night and never say out loud. Things DiscussedThe difference between a sex therapist and a couples therapist, and how to know which one you needWhat actually brings people to sex therapy, from mismatched desire to sexual trauma to dating anxietySexual scripts, the unspoken rules about sex and gender we absorb from culture and never actually choseWhy one partner's low desire so often gets misread as rejectionThe vulnerability cycle, and how it shows up around sex as much as it does around conflictHow to say what you actually feel instead of the thing that starts a fightWhy nothing shocks a good sex therapist, and what that means for the rest of us Timestamps0:00 What actually brings someone to sex therapy 2:00 Welcome to This Complex Life with Tania Wellby 5:00 Why sex is still taboo, even among social workers 8:00 What actually brings people through the door 13:00 Sex therapy or couples therapy, how to know which one you need 14:00 Sexual scripts, the blueprint nobody signs up for 17:00 The vulnerability cycle and why low desire gets read as rejection 23:00 Is there anything that could still shock her Resources and LinksTania Wellby https://www.yestherapy.com.au/meet-tania Free sex and intimacy guide https://marievakakis.com.au/time-to-talk-a-guide-to-talking-about-sex-and-intimacy/ Keep the Conversation Goingforms.gle/ExJAeBTXAfn8xGkQ9 Guest InfoTania Wellby is an Accredited Mental Health Social Worker and Sex Therapist. She's dual trained, which means she works across both the mental health side and the sex therapy side of what people bring into the room, including desire, sexual trauma, sexuality and relationships.

    Sex Therapy vs Couples Therapy: What's the Difference?

  4. Aug 31

    Love Without Desire: Navigating Spark Loss

    You love your partner and you'd choose them again if you had to do it all over, so why did you stop wanting sex with them? As a couples therapist, this is one of the most common things I hear from couples, and it's almost never about love running out. In this episode, I break down why love and desire run on completely different systems, how safety and familiarity can quietly work against your sex life, what becoming a parent does to desire (and why being touched out is different from just being tired), how resentment blocks desire and why waiting for spontaneous desire to strike is a myth that's setting you up to wait forever. I also share practical ways to bring the spark back without adding pressure, including the difference between wanting and willing and one simple exercise you can try tonight. If you've been quietly wondering whether something's wrong with you or your relationship, this episode is for you. Free conflict workbook: https://marievakakis.com.au/why-couples-keep-arguing-and-what-its-really-aboutand-what-its-really-about/Free guide to sex and intimacy: https://marievakakis.com.au/time-to-talk-a-guide-to-talking-about-sex-and-intimacy/Relationship Reset course: https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/ 0:00 Why you can love someone and still not want sex with them 6:00 Becoming a parent and feeling touched out 12:00 Resentment and the mental load 15:00 Why waiting for spontaneous desire is a myth 20:00 Bringing back novelty, fun and playfulness ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026 https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/ Connect with Marie https://thetherapyhub.com.au/ https://marievakakis.com.au/ https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/ Submit a question to the Podcast https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

    Love Without Desire: Navigating Spark Loss

  5. Aug 17

    My Partner Wants Sex More Than I Do

    The kitchen is finally clean. You've sat down for the first time all day. Then a hand lands on your back and your shoulders go tight before you've decided anything at all. You love them. You're just completely done, and you already know how tonight goes if you say no. This week I answer a listener question from someone who wants sex less often than her partner does and has started to wonder whether something is wrong with her. We talk about why the number is almost never the actual problem, what's really driving the tension in these dynamics and what you can do about it. Things Discussed The listener question: my partner wants sex more than I do, and I feel like I'm failing at something I'm supposed to wantWhy differences in desire show up in most long term relationships at some pointWhat shifts desire over time, including illness, medication side effects, parenting, stress, hormone changes and body changesWhy a difference in desire doesn't mean you're incompatibleThe meaning people make of a no, and why that meaning does more damage than the no itselfSexual scripts and the templates we all carry about who initiates and how it's supposed to goWhy there's no normal frequency, and why many couples have never agreed on what sex even means to themThe golden rule: it's fun, it's pleasurable, everyone is willing and able, and no can be said without an unintended consequenceHow affection drops off when every touch feels loaded, from opposite ends of the couch to not holding handsBeing lonely in the same house, living like housemates or ships in the nightResponsive desire and spontaneous desire, and why waiting to feel like it first can mean waiting a very long timeWhy planning for it and building anticipation isn't a failure of romanceWhy the big weekend away often ends in a fight instead of connectionEmily Nagoski's accelerator and brakes analogy, and how two people can have very different sensitivitiesTaking sex off the table for an agreed period so bodies can relaxHow to open the conversation, when to have it, and why your first attempt is allowed to be a rough draftThe sex education most of us got, and what it left out Timestamps 0:00 The hand on your back and the panic that follows 1:00 The listener question and why it comes up so often 2:00 Differences in desire show up in most long term relationships 3:00 What changes desire over time 4:00 Sexual scripts and the meaning we make of a no 4:50 There is no normal frequency 6:30 How affection slides off the agenda 8:00 Lonely in the same house 9:40 Responsive desire and the myth of spontaneous desire 11:20 Planning, anticipation and why it still counts 12:50 Why the weekend away backfires 13:40 Accelerators and brakes 14:40 Taking sex off the table 16:10 How to start the conversation 17:40 You are not failing at anything Resources and Links Free guide to talking about sex and intimacy: https://marievakakis.com.au/time-to-talk-a-guide-to-talking-about-sex-and-intimacy/ Relationship Reset, including the full module on intimacy: https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/ Couples Therapy Masterclass series for therapists, including the module on working with desire discrepancy: https://marievakakis.com.au/professionals-training/ Work with me: https://marievakakis.com.au/contact/ Episode with Dr Sarah Ashton on sexual scripts and desire: https://open.spotify.com/episode/1xGrzIjeplUPmQ9zCfOfnX?si=9wX0pMK4QN6I8xEDT3XVMg Books mentioned Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski Come Together by Emily Nagoski Keep the Conversation Going Got a question you want answered on the podcast? Send it through here: forms.gle/ExJAeBTXAfn8xGkQ9 I read every question that comes in, even the ones I cannot get to. ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026 https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/ Connect with Marie https://thetherapyhub.com.au/ https://marievakakis.com.au/ https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/ Submit a question to the Podcast https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

    My Partner Wants Sex More Than I Do

  6. Aug 11

    Why Mental Health Advice Doesn't Change What You Do a Conversation with All in the Mind Host Sana Qadar

    Why doesn't mental health advice change what you actually do? You can name your attachment style, explain what co-regulation means and know exactly why yelling isn't helping, and still lose it before school drop off. In this episode I talk with Sana Qadar, host of the ABC's All in the Mind, about the gap between knowing the research and using it, the mental health words that have lost their meaning, and the one parenting strategy she took home and used within the week. Things we discussedHow a journalist who trained to be a war reporter ended up hosting a psychology podcastWhy being fluent in mental health language isn't the same as changing your behaviourThe anti yelling advice from Dr Lindsay Gibson that fixed Sana's morning routine overnightTurning the school morning into a game instead of a fightThe difference between willpower and building a system around yourselfWhat has actually changed in how we talk about mental health in the last five yearsTrauma, ADHD and narcissism used as catchall terms, and what gets lost when they areHow Sana decides how much of her own life to share with listenersWorking out whether the person giving you advice online is actually qualifiedWhy almost every episode about the brain turns out to be a story about a relationshipWhat makes you hard to live with, and what it means when someone calls you unreflective Timestamps0:00 Intro 1:40 From war reporting to psychology and neuroscience 2:40 Why knowing the research doesn't mean you're doing the work 4:40 The parenting advice she took home and used that week 6:20 How much of yourself to share when you host a show 9:20 The basket of paper tasks that changed their mornings 10:10 What has shifted in how we talk about mental health 11:00 Trauma, ADHD and therapy speak as catchall labels 12:40 The story that stayed with her 16:00 What it's like being the one getting interviewed 21:30 How to work out if someone is qualified to give advice 24:30 Why every brain story is really a relationship story 27:20 What makes you hard to live with About SanaSana Qadar is the host of All in the Mind on ABC Radio National. She spent ten years working in international news before moving into psychology and mental health reporting, and has been hosting All in the Mind full time since 2021. She isn't a psychologist or a therapist, which is exactly why this conversation is useful. If you have a topic you'd like the show to cover, you can email allinthemind@abc.net.au. Resources and linksAll in the Mind podcast – get it on the ABC listen app or where ever you get your podcasts Keep the conversation goingGot a question or a topic you'd like covered? Send it through here: forms.gle/ExJAeBTXAfn8xGkQ9

    Why Mental Health Advice Doesn't Change What You Do a Conversation with All in the Mind Host Sana Qadar

  7. Aug 3

    The 5 Love Languages: What the Research Actually Says

    The five love languages have sold over 20 million copies and become one of the most widely used frameworks in pop psychology. Most couples have done the quiz. A lot of them have tried to apply it. In this episode, Marie talks about what the research actually found when the core claims were tested, where the framework falls short in practice, and what consistently shows up in the research as a far better predictor of relationship satisfaction. Things Discussed The origins of the five love languages and why the book resonated with so many peopleWhy the framework was based on pastoral counselling, not researchWhat the Journal of Marriage and Family Therapy found when it formally tested the core claimsWhy having the same primary love language as your partner doesn't predict relationship satisfactionThe ways people misuse the love languages: as a compatibility test, a measuring stick, or a fixed diagnosisWhy love language preferences shift with life stage, stress and having kidsResponsiveness and bids for connection: what the research shows is a far better predictor of relationship satisfactionLove maps: understanding your partner's inner world, why most couples stop updating them after three to five years, and what that costsPractical steps: asking your partner what would make them feel loved right now, staying curious, keeping the conversation going Timestamps 0:00 Introduction 1:00 Why the five love languages resonated and what the book got right 2:15 The research gap: pastoral counselling versus evidence 3:00 The five categories and what the research found about shared love languages 4:30 What goes wrong: love languages as a compatibility test 6:00 Responsiveness and bids for connection 8:00 Love maps and staying updated on your partner's inner world 10:30 What to do instead 13:30 Relationship Reset and how to get support Resources and Links The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman Relationship Reset Course: https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/ Keep the Conversation Going forms.gle/ExJAeBTXAfn8xGkQ9 ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026 https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/ Connect with Marie https://thetherapyhub.com.au/ https://marievakakis.com.au/ https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/ Submit a question to the Podcast https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

    The 5 Love Languages: What the Research Actually Says

  8. Jul 9

    Why does my partner get so defensive?

    Your partner gets defensive and suddenly the conversation you needed to have is completely buried. Now you’re defending yourself, they’re defending themselves, and whatever you actually needed to talk about is gone. This is one of the most common things I see in couples therapy, and in almost every case there’s more going on underneath the surface than it looks like from where you’re standing. What this episode covers What defensiveness usually is: a reaction to how something was delivered, not just a personality traitCriticism vs contempt: the two Gottman concepts that predict relationship breakdown and how they trigger defensive responsesHow to tell the difference between attacking the person and describing your own experienceThe shopping trolley story: intention, impact and interpretation, and why couples fight about the wrong thingHow past experiences, trauma and negative sentiment override shape the way your partner hears what you sayWhy some people are wired to hear an attack even when there isn’t oneWhat to do when you see defensiveness coming, including the gentle startupLeading with curiosity instead of accusationHow to ask your partner to rephrase something when it has landed wrong Timestamps 0:00 Introduction 2:00 Criticism and contempt: what Gottman research tells us 4:00 How you start the conversation changes everything 6:00 Intention, impact and interpretation 10:00 When interpretation becomes the story we tell ourselves 13:00 How past experiences and trauma shape defensive responses 17:00 What to do when your partner gets defensive 20:00 How to phrase things differently and ask for a rephrase Resources and Links Conflict Workbook: https://marievakakis.com.au/why-couples-keep-arguing-and-what-its-really-aboutand-what-its-really-about/Relationship Reset course: https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/Marathon sessions at The Therapy Hub: https://thetherapyhub.com.au/marathon-couples-therapy/ ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026 https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/ Connect with Marie https://thetherapyhub.com.au/ https://marievakakis.com.au/ https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/ Submit a question to the Podcast https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

    Why does my partner get so defensive?
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5
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About

Got questions about parenting, teenagers, or relationships? Ever wonder why your teen won’t talk to you, or why your relationship feels like hard work lately? Hi, I’m Marie Vakakis—a therapist, mental health educator, and someone who’s been behind the scenes with countless families and couples navigating the ups and downs of real life. This Complex Life is your go-to for relatable insights, practical advice, and real talk about parenting, raising teenagers, and navigating relationships. I’ll share what I’ve learned from years of sitting in the therapist’s chair—helping parents understand their teens, supporting couples through tough times, and figuring out what actually works when life feels overwhelming. Whether it’s understanding your teen’s moods, handling family drama, or reconnecting in your relationship, I’m here to give you practical advice, relatable insights and a little humour to keep it real. Parenting and relationships aren’t easy, but they don’t have to feel impossible. Subscribe to This Complex Life for honest advice and actionable tips to make life’s messiness more manageable.

Information

  • Creator
    Marie Vakakis
  • Years Active
    2019 - 2026
  • Episodes
    119
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Copyright 2026 Marie Vakakis
  • Show Website
    This Complex Life

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