Thot Topics is a podcast with the bravery to stare into the void and ask God’s question: ”Do I look fat in these jeans?”
Every week, Nick Malone and Cris Lopez slow-motion dive into music, culture, and politics, then emerge soaking wet with 100% certified accurate takes for your listening pleasure. If you’ve ever felt gaslit by gay Twitter, or by a sizing chart while online shopping, this will be the sisterhood of a lifetime.
Portrait of a Lady on Fire Island!
Though Pride Month may be upon us, at Thot Topics HQ it's NO MORE MR. DIONYSE GUY!!
I really thought we'd gotten all the rage out on the last solo episode but apparently not! This week, gay guys really gave us a LOT to chew on and boy did it taste like SHIT! After a little bit of girly chitchat on the job market, we dive right into our review of Hulu's new gay "rom-com" FIRE ISLAND. Should Fire Island people stay there forever? Is continuing to f**k randos a satisfying end to a love story? Is it better to be a huge whale than a guy with a normal BMI in the gay world? We SETTLE IT.
Then, a few other f****t ass issues on the docket. First, the Postmates Pride Month "Bottom Menu" and how to have anal sex in a way that serves God. PLUS, Drag Queens v. The State of Texas-- can kids be around drag queens without becoming trans? Find out, and maybe just find yourself, this week on THOT TOPICS!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Get us something off the bottom menu on Patreon.
Thotline 3: God Reads Kneemail! (feat. @bulkingtreason)
There's NO business like YO business, so you know we had to get up in there like swimwear!
As part of our court-ordered 80 hours of community service, we reach out to broken-brain gay guys, pure-hearted young women, and straight guys who like us for whatever reason, to fix their lives Iyanla-style. And there's no shortage of crises to resolve-- is personal grooming for men too gay? Is there a way to break the gay frenemies cycle in the workplace? Is it ever a good move to move home with your parents? Can you be part of the "scene" while still preserving a long-term relationship? ALL of this is resolved and more.
Close your mouths, open your ears, and you just might learn something
The Diet Dr. Pepper Socialist!
SQUEEZE the means of production. MILK the bourgeoisie for all it's worth. SUCK the power out of billionaires. RIDE into the perfect Marxist future. SLURP that dick till it cum.
We're back! We know we've kept you waiting for a hot minute so we really play the hits on this one. First order of business is addressing Nick's haters: does thinking the bus is gross make you pedophile? Are you a Nazi for wanting to stop school shootings? Can you eat food or drive cars in good conscience under socialism? We settle it once and for all, and cast an ancient and powerful curse on our naysayers.
Then, we really return to the classics-- we review the new Sky Ferreira comeback single DON'T FORGET, and the new Rina Sawayama "song" THIS HELL. Naturally we take a few detours: Indian twinks, race theory, having fun, running for mayor, begging rather than choosing, and MORE!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Prove our haters right on Patreon.
LAST CALL for the THOTLINE-- sorry for the delay, Cris was sick, but we'll have your burning questions answered this Thursday!!
*UNLOCKED* Gay Little Monkey Hour #4: C.O.C.K. in the USA (feat. Twink Revolution)
**PATREON EXCLUSIVE UNLOCKED**
Cris is sick so we couldn't record an episode this week, but we'll be back on schedule this week including the new THOTLINE episode!! In the meantime, here's an offering from the VAULT to tide you over in the meantime.
This land is. WHAT? This land is. WHO? This land is. OUUURR LAND
We're back in the Gay Little Monkey Jungle swinging from tree to tree with a couple of skinny little apes: Sam and Gian of the defunct but never de-spunked TWINK REVOLUTION. Given the current national climate we thought it was the perfect time to really take a step back and evaluate the state of the Jewnion. Where's the dead weight? How can we cut out the fat? How can we expect to thrive when we keep inviting D-listers? It's time to revolutionize. Welcome to Thottopica baby.
We cover ALL fifty states from sea to shining sea and decide whether it should stay, have its population euthanized but its landscape preserved, or whether it should be blown to got damn smithereens! Look at the material...
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Reminder that you'll get a weekly premium episode all through May if you sub!
Follow FKA Twink Rev on Twitter @RevGiant and @TwinkRevSam. And don't miss their cum-back episode featuring yours truly next week
Ketayours, Ketamine, and Ketaours! (feat. Sydney)
WOMAN MOMENT!! Thot Topics history is made once again as we invite the second woman in nearly 100 episodes into the Women's Business Lounge-- beloved friend of the pod, the gorgeous SYDNEY! And you're in for a real treat because nothing enables us to f*g out more than being in a girl's apartment. This episode also features a lot of feline mischief in the background-- meOW!
We perform a wellness check on the culture as we approach the halfway mark of 2022-- we review our In/Out list for 2022 and see how accurate we were. Are the "in" things actually in, or is there still work left to be done? Are the "out" things actually out, or do you people need to get your shit together? Much is discussed, much is resolved, and if you don't leave this episode feeling centered then there's not much hope for you!
In addition, we settle some feelings about Party Girl Bisexuality, the superiority of the Devil's Threesome, girlfriends performing lesbian urges to express hatred for their boyfriends, and MORE as we pregame for the Slayyyter show. It's THAT level of female-homosexual unity.
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Buy us a round on Patreon.
Follow Sydney on Twitter and on Insta.
Stream of Cuntciousness!
No thots! Head empty! Durrrrrr duhhhhhhh
We tried so hard to come up with something to talk about today and every time we attempted to start a topic it seemed really stupid and gay so we decided to throw caution to the wind and let our f****n' freak flags fly! Over an HOUR of no topics, no structure, no effort, just pussyliciousness. Maybe if this episode was for PATRONS we'd give more of a F**K! We literally talk about NOTHING!
But in a way, what DON'T we talk about? Fat rights, Marsha P Johnson, Blu-Ray technology, bearface, ephebophilia, receding hairlines, Dr Pepper Dark Berry, hungry demons, police brutality, high school, vaping, bat wings, drinking at work, the death knell of mirror pics, Auto-Tune... and MORE! If that's nothing, then I'm not a size 36 waist!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod.
Stimulate our senses on Patreon.
Girls giving what they supposed to give
Thot Topics is seriously one of the most hilarious and insightful pieces of art I’ve ever encountered.
This is the funniest podcast
It just is.
i like listening to this while i’m doing word searches and starving on wellbutrin and adderall .skinny and big brain