Thrive While Loving an Addict | Addiction | Sobriety | Recovery | Relapse

KL Wells
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More than 50% of American families have a loved one or close relative who is an addict or alcoholic. Although there are ample resources to help these individuals recover, their families suffer, too. Parents, spouses, children, and friends need help navigating this unexpected, challenging disease. Welcome to Thrive While Loving an Addict with KL Wells. She brings together loved ones and family members of addicts and alcoholics. Their insights and perspectives create a community of healing, connecting, and rebuilding. While your addict may be working hard to make themselves better, you may feel left behind to face a different kind of battle. The negative stigma of having a loved one as an addict causes a lot of pain. How are you dealing with loneliness, fear, and shame? There are quick fixes for these difficult moments in your life. Now you can get real and raw advice from people who are walking and dealing with the path you’re on. This podcast highlights the vulnerable and courageous voices of these families. Listen to real-life stories of people who have addicted loved ones, and discover how they addressed the hardships. Also, hear the experiences of recovering addicts that share what is, and isn't, working in their journey towards healing. Gather useful tools and practical advice to alleviate your own journey by delving into these touching and inspiring stories. Contemplate what may not be working, and discover what it takes to face the challenges along the way. This podcast offers a safe platform for the loved ones of addicts. Rise to the challenge, and become a key player in being a part of this fresh community. There are also episodes that will widen your knowledge about addiction recovery. Get educated by real life experiences of people who reveal their journey to help addicts and alcoholics jump back on their feet. In addition to breaking down their practice, they bring a glimmer of hope for what can be done for individuals who may have given up on themselves. KL Wells is a community leader and influential speaker who led initiatives with senior executives, trustees, and board directors of various non-profit organizations. For more than twenty years, she focused on empowering leaders to create extraordinary human impact. Spending time with these people inspired her to do more, and start the company Voices InCourage. Most importantly, KL understands how painful it is to have an addicted loved one. She was married to an alcoholic, her current partner is recovering from alcohol addiction, and her son is an active addict. The mission of this podcast is not just advocacy. It hits very close to home to KL. Her reflections as a wife and mother are something you should not miss. Seeing your loved ones pulled down by drugs and alcohol is truly heartbreaking. As a result, you may feel miserable and isolated. You also have to deal with negative opinions from others, and it is up to you to fend for yourself. Nobody deserves to be treated this way. No one should go through this challenging episode of life alone. This is what KL offers in this podcast: the strength to move forward and guidance to have the courage to change. If you have the courage to use your voice, you can become an inspiration for your friend, spouse, parent, or child as they overcome their addictive behavior. Ultimately, it’s about transforming the lives of loved ones from surviving to thriving in the midst of chaos. Listen to Thrive While Loving an Addict with KL Wells at https://voicesincourage.com/podcast.

  1. She Scared Herself Sober — and Then Found Her Purpose

    5D AGO

    She Scared Herself Sober — and Then Found Her Purpose

    In this episode of Thrive While Loving an Addict, KL Wells sits down with Lauren Fay to explore the hidden emotional landscape of addiction, particularly when it is shaped by perfectionism, secrecy, and the pressure to maintain an image. Lauren shares her experience of appearing put together on the outside while quietly struggling with alcohol and mental health challenges behind closed doors. As Lauren reflects on her path to sobriety, she speaks to the moment she chose to be seen and how that shift allowed her recovery to begin. This conversation also offers insight for families, highlighting the complexity of learning the full story all at once and the time it can take for healing to unfold on both sides. Key Discussion Points The role of perfectionism and image management in addictionHow secrecy and shame can delay recognition and supportWhat it can mean to choose openness after years of hidingThe emotional experience of early sobriety and identity uncertaintyWhy families are often unaware until much laterThe distinction between the person and the behavior shaped by addictionHow comparison can keep individuals from seeking helpThe role of willingness and choice in the recovery processRecovery as a shared experience that can involve both individuals and families Some Questions I Ask Was the voice keeping you stuck your own, or something shaped by addiction?What was it like to begin sharing your story publicly?What messages feel most important for both those in recovery and their families?How can families begin to separate the person they love from the behavior they are seeing? In This Episode, You Will Learn How perfectionism and the need to maintain control can influence addictive patternsWhat early recovery can feel like when identity begins to shiftWhy families may need time to process what they learnHow separating the person from the behavior can support compassionWhy comparison can delay recognition of a problemHow willingness can become an early step toward changeWhy healing may involve both personal work and relational repair Resources Blurred Lines: My Reclamation of Power from Alcohol Addiction — You Are Not Powerless by Lauren Fay https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0FL12GQP6 Learn more about Lauren Fay https://laurenfay.co

    56 min
  2. He Died Twice on the Streets Before Finding His Way Back

    APR 7

    He Died Twice on the Streets Before Finding His Way Back

    Episode Summary In this episode of Thrive While Loving an Addict, KL Wells sits down with Dr. Robb Kelly, a neuroscientist and addiction specialist, to explore what it means to understand addiction as a disease rather than a moral failure. Dr. Kelly shares his personal journey from early exposure to alcohol in childhood to losing his family, home, and stability, and eventually living on the streets before reaching a turning point that changed the direction of his life. Drawing from both lived experience and years of working with thousands of individuals and families, Dr. Kelly offers insight into how addiction affects the brain and why behavior can feel so difficult to understand from the outside. This conversation also acknowledges the impact on families, the complexity of boundaries, and the possibility of healing and reconnection over time. Key Discussion Points Dr. Robb Kelly’s personal journey through addiction, loss, and recoveryUnderstanding addiction through a brain-based perspectiveHow survival mechanisms in the brain can influence addictive behaviorThe difference between intention and compulsion in addictionThe role of thinking patterns in sustaining addictionHow enabling and boundaries can impact recoveryThe emotional toll addiction can have on families and loved onesThe possibility of reconciliation after long periods of disconnectionThe role of faith, meaning, and perspective in recoveryThe brain’s ability to adapt and change over time Some Questions I Ask What were the turning points that led you from addiction into the work you do today?How did your personal experience shape your treatment approach?Do you see your life experiences as something that shaped your purpose?What would you say to loved ones trying to stay grounded in the middle of addiction?Were you able to find forgiveness in your relationship with your father? In This Episode, You Will Learn Why addiction is often understood as a brain-based condition rather than a lack of willpowerHow certain brain processes can influence decision-making and behaviorWhy asking someone to “just stop” can feel unrealistic in the context of addictionHow patterns of thinking can play a role in sustaining addictionThe difference between supporting and enabling a loved oneHow addiction can impact the emotional well-being of familiesWhy healing and reconnection may still be possible over timeHow the brain has the capacity to adapt and change Resources Learn more about Dr. Robb Kelly https://robbkelly.com/ Explore Breath Box Studio https://robbkelly.com/breathbox/

    42 min
  3. She Grew Up With Two Alcoholic Fathers — Here’s What Healed Her

    MAR 24

    She Grew Up With Two Alcoholic Fathers — Here’s What Healed Her

    Episode Summary In this episode of Thrive While Loving an Addict, KL Wells sits down with Dawn Jackson, a nurse, grief recovery specialist, and author, to explore what happens when grief goes unnamed for years. Dawn shares her experience growing up with both a biological father and a stepfather struggling with alcoholism, and how those early environments shaped what felt normal, safe, and familiar. Through years of personal development work, Dawn searched for something that would reach the deeper layers of her pain. It was not until she encountered grief recovery work that things began to make sense. This conversation gently explores how unresolved grief can sit beneath patterns formed in addiction-impacted families, and what can begin to shift when that grief is acknowledged. Key Discussion Points Growing up with two father figures affected by alcoholism and how that shaped early patternsHow chaos can become familiar, and why calm may feel unfamiliar or uncomfortableGrief as an underlying thread in addiction, abuse, and life transitionsThe limits of personal growth work when grief remains unprocessedHow grief recovery work can offer a different layer of understandingThe emotional complexity of setting limits with a parent in active addictionThe shift from surviving to building a more stable and grounded lifeNaming grief as a step toward understanding long-held emotional pain Some Questions I Ask When do you begin to recognize that patterns may be repeating?What helped you continue searching for something deeper?Was there a moment when you chose to set limits and accept what is?How do you relate to the idea that life may be happening for you rather than to you?Who are you now on the other side of this healing work? In This Episode, You Will Learn How unresolved grief can influence patterns developed in childhoodWhy calm and stability can sometimes feel unfamiliar after growing up in chaosThe difference between ongoing personal growth and addressing grief directlyWhy setting limits with a loved one in addiction can feel painful regardless of the choiceHow naming grief can bring clarity to long-standing emotional experiencesWhy healing yourself is not abandonment, but an honest response to a complex situation Resources Journey to Peace and Healing by Dawn Jackson Journey to Self Discovery: 100 Days of Soulful Reflections by Dawn Jackson Free guide: Unburdening Your Heart: Transforming the Beliefs Stealing Your Joy https://www.dawnmichelejackson.com/unburdening-your-heart-gift Learn more about Dawn Jackson https://www.dawnmichelejackson.com Connect on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/dawnmichelejackson Connect on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/dawn-michele-jackson/

    47 min
  4. You're Not Stuck — You're Still Following Rules That Once Kept You Safe: Breaking Free from Inherited Patterns

    MAR 10

    You're Not Stuck — You're Still Following Rules That Once Kept You Safe: Breaking Free from Inherited Patterns

    Episode Summary In this episode of Thrive While Loving an Addict, producer Steve Cary joins host KL Wells to explore how deeply rooted patterns shape the way we think, respond, and relate to others. Many of these patterns begin in childhood as survival strategies within family systems affected by addiction, chaos, or emotional unpredictability. KL reflects on how growing up with a mother struggling with prescription drug addiction influenced her relationships later in life, including the partners she chose and the way she responded to challenges with her son. Through awareness, reflection, and support, she shares how shifting from a mindset of “life is happening to me” to “life is happening for me” opened the door to healing, forgiveness, and healthier boundaries. Key Discussion Points Understanding behavioral, emotional, and cognitive patterns developed during childhoodHow growing up in addictive or chaotic environments can normalize dysfunctionThe way inherited relationship patterns can shape adult partnershipsSurvival strategies such as hypervigilance, people-pleasing, achievement, and avoidanceThe role of education, awareness, and support in recognizing unhealthy patternsWhy love alone is often not enough to change addiction or abusive dynamicsHow boundaries can interrupt cycles of enabling and self-sacrificeShifting focus from controlling external circumstances to strengthening internal valuesThe mindset shift from “life is happening to me” to “life is happening for me”Identifying growth and insight within painful experiencesUnderstanding forgiveness as release rather than justificationHow the questions we ask ourselves influence the patterns we create Some Questions I Ask What do you mean when you talk about patterns of behavior, thinking, and emotional response?How can someone begin to break these cycles if they lack awareness or education about them?When did you first recognize that some of your strengths were actually patterns developed for survival?What happens when someone does not recognize the patterns shaping their life?What would you say to someone who feels trapped and cannot yet see the possibility of change? In This Episode, You Will Learn How childhood experiences with addiction or instability can shape patterns that follow us into adulthoodThe difference between coping mechanisms and conscious awarenessWhy the belief that “love alone is enough” can keep people stuck in unhealthy dynamicsHow boundaries can support healing and self-respectWhy a shift in perspective can influence how we process painful experiencesThe importance of asking better questions when facing hardshipHow challenging experiences and relationships can become sources of insightThe role forgiveness can play in releasing resentment and emotional burdenHow curiosity and openness can help create new possibilities for growth Resources Learn more about Viktor Frankl and his work on meaning and resilience https://www.viktorfrankl.org/

    45 min
  5. What a Death Doula Learned About Loving Someone You Can’t Save

    FEB 24

    What a Death Doula Learned About Loving Someone You Can’t Save

    Episode Summary In this powerful conversation, host KL Wells sits down with Paul Simard, a death doula, TED Talk speaker, and men’s wellness coach, to explore how our relationship with grief, loss, and mortality shapes the way we love. Drawing from his personal journey through crisis and transformation, Paul shares how facing life’s hardest realities can open the door to deeper compassion, connection, and meaning. Together, KL and Paul discuss how loving someone in addiction often brings families into an ongoing experience of grief, uncertainty, and emotional complexity. This episode offers a thoughtful reframing of grief as an extension of love, explores the role of shame and isolation, and invites listeners to consider new ways of holding both loss and hope at the same time. Key Discussion Points Paul’s personal journey and how life challenges led him into service workReframing death as a natural and meaningful part of life’s cycleUnderstanding grief as an expression of ongoing loveHow loving someone in addiction can mirror the emotional experience of griefThe difference between shame and guilt, and how shame fuels isolationWhy connection and community are essential for healingRethinking sovereignty as interdependence rather than independenceThe emotional impact of the language we use around death and lossCultural perspectives on honoring life and deathHow personal stories and beliefs shape our experience of suffering Some Questions I Ask How did your personal experiences lead you into this work?What does it mean to show up as a father, partner, and man today?How can we develop a healthier relationship with death and loss?How do we love someone whose addiction creates constant uncertainty?Where do our stories about shame come from, and how do they affect us?How do we know if the beliefs we’re holding are helping or hurting us?What might be possible if we questioned the narratives we’ve inherited?How can we hold both grief and gratitude at the same time? In This Episode, You Will Learn How reframing grief and loss can shift your emotional experienceWhy grief is often a continuation of love rather than the end of connectionThe role of community and connection in supporting mental and emotional healthHow shame can keep families isolated and how connection helps interrupt that patternThe influence language and internal narratives have on the nervous systemHow experiences of loss can deepen perspective and meaningWhy strength often comes from interdependence rather than independenceHow grief and joy can coexistThe importance of questioning inherited beliefs and rewriting stories that no longer serve you Resources Learn more about Paul Simard https://paulsimard.co Watch Paul Simard’s TED Talk: The Mythical Man https://www.ted.com/talks/paul_simard_the_mythical_man Connect with Thrive While Loving an Addict https://voicesincourage.com Books mentioned in the episode: Lost Connections by Johann Hari The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari Learn more about Positive Intelligence https://positiveintelligence.com/about/ Explore the work of Gabor Maté https://drgabormate.com/

    44 min
  6. “Nothing Is Working” Usually Means You’re Fighting the Wrong Battle

    FEB 10

    “Nothing Is Working” Usually Means You’re Fighting the Wrong Battle

    Episode SummaryIn this episode, podcast producer Steve Cary joins host KL Wells for an honest and reflective conversation about what it means to thrive while loving someone in active addiction. KL shares lessons from her 20-year journey with her son Sam, including his nearly three years of sustained recovery. Together, they explore the perspective that shaped KL’s healing path: the belief that life is happening for you, not to you. KL discusses how loving with boundaries helped her reclaim her own agency and emotional stability. She reflects on why feeling like nothing is working often signals that families are trying to manage addiction itself rather than focusing on outcomes that support their own well-being. This conversation offers grounded insight into fear, uncertainty, relapse, and the personal growth that can happen alongside a loved one’s recovery journey. Key Discussion PointsReframing hardship through the perspective that life is happening for you, not to youThe difference between loving with boundaries and rescuing or enablingBrain science and addiction survival wiring and how it shapes behaviorWhy feeling like nothing is working may signal you are trying to control addiction rather than your own healingSetting clear personal boundaries, including removing financial or rescue-based supportSelf-care as a survival skill, including emotional processing, tapping, movement, and time in natureManaging fear and internal stories during periods of silence in recoveryViewing relapse as part of a longer learning process rather than a single failureShifting from focusing on a loved one’s outcomes to identifying your own Some Questions I AskWhere were you in your journey when you were able to respond with boundaries instead of rescuing?For listeners who feel nothing is working, how can they begin to see a path forward?Was there something different about your son’s most recent turn toward recovery?What are a few early steps for someone who feels overwhelmed, stuck, or afraid? In This Episode, You Will LearnWhy the feeling that nothing is working can signal you are focused on the wrong battleHow loving boundaries can support both compassion and self-protectionHow shifting focus toward your own outcomes can create emotional stabilityEarly support steps that many families find helpful, including peer support and learning from others’ experiencesWhy addiction can disrupt survival priorities in the brain and create unpredictable behaviorWays to navigate uncertainty during recovery periodsHow routine, joy, and connection can help rebuild emotional capacity ResourcesFind support through Al-Anon Family Groups https://al-anon.org Learn about the Be A Loving Mirror (BALM) family recovery framework https://balmfamilyrecovery.com Connect with Thrive While Loving an Addict https://voicesincourage.com

    25 min
  7. Why Healing Yourself Is the First Step to Breaking Generational Cycles of Shame – Part 2

    JAN 27

    Why Healing Yourself Is the First Step to Breaking Generational Cycles of Shame – Part 2

    Episode Summary In Part 2 of this compassionate conversation, host KL Wells continues her dialogue with Denise Frenette on what it truly means to heal while loving someone with addiction. Together, they explore how forgiveness, boundaries, and emotional honesty can exist without minimizing harm or excusing destructive behavior. Denise reflects on her own journey of reconciling love for her father with the reality of his addiction. She shares how releasing judgment, challenging secrecy, and choosing understanding over blame can help interrupt generational patterns of shame and inherited trauma. This episode centers the healing of the loved one, not as abandonment, but as a necessary step toward truth, freedom, and peace. Key Discussion Points Holding love and truth at the same time when addiction has caused real harmWhat forgiveness is and what it is notMoving through anger, sadness, and grief without getting stuck in themReframing harm through the lens of “nothing is personal”Choosing moments of joy while a loved one continues to struggleWhy boundaries are essential to healing, including stepping back when neededHow secrecy and silence reinforce shame across generationsTelling the whole truth as a form of honoring, not betrayal Some Questions I Ask How can I love my father and still say, “This was wrong”?What does forgiveness really mean, and what are the most common misconceptions about it?How do we stop taking addictive behavior personally?Is it possible to experience joy while someone we love is suffering?When are boundaries necessary for healing, even if they feel painful?How do we move from anger to understanding without excusing harm?Why does humanizing the person who hurt us help set us free?How do we hold the full truth of our family story without rewriting it? In This Episode, You Will Learn Why healing yourself is not abandonment, but responsibilityHow forgiveness can free you without minimizing harmWhy emotions are a pathway rather than a destinationHow boundaries support compassion rather than weaken itWays to challenge inherited shame without rewriting historyHow honesty can interrupt generational cycles of secrecy Resources Learn more about Denise Frenette https://www.denisefrenette.com Read the book by Denise Frenette https://www.denisefrenette.com/book Connect with KL Wells and the Thrive While Loving an Addict community https://voicesincourage.com Watch KL Wells’ TEDx Talk The Secret Lives of Families Dealing with Addiction https://youtu.be/SM4uxpBN-g8?si=Z2LOhmdZMDMuMDHY Note: This episode is Part 2 of a continuing conversation with Denise Frenette on generational shame and healing.

    27 min
  8. Why Healing Yourself Is the First Step to Breaking Generational Cycles of Shame

    JAN 13

    Why Healing Yourself Is the First Step to Breaking Generational Cycles of Shame

    Episode SummaryIn this powerful episode, host KL Wells sits down with Denise Frenette, a Canadian spiritual synergist, life coach, and author of the newly released book, More. Denise opens up about the birthing process of her book and the profound realization that she could not teach others about manifestation and habit-breaking without first confronting her own origin story. Denise shares the raw reality of growing up with a father who was a functioning alcoholic, a gambler, and at times violent, all while maintaining the perfect family image in their community. Through the lens of her father’s passing and the subsequent discovery of the financial devastation he left behind, Denise discusses the difficult journey of moving from intellectual understanding to deep heart work. This conversation explores how to acknowledge the trauma of the past with grace, the duality of loving an addict while hating their actions, and why personal healing is the essential portal to breaking generational cycles of shame. Key Discussion PointsThe Acknowledge Phase: Why Denise had to move past denial to respectfully acknowledge what was wrong in her childhood before she could truly heal.The Facade of Perfection: Growing up in a church-going, perfect family and the immense shame associated with any behavior that threatened that public image.The Duality of Love and Pain: Navigating the conundrum of how to acknowledge a parent's harmful behavior without losing the ability to love them.The Breaking Point: How her father’s death and the discovery of his hidden gambling debts acted as the drop in the bucket that forced Denise to step into her authentic self.Fear as an Acronym: Exploring the concept of F.E.A.R. (False Evidence Appearing Real) and how it keeps us from transparency.The Evolution of Healing: Understanding that healing is not a one-and-done event but an ongoing discovery process. Some Questions I AskHow can I acknowledge what is going on and still love them at the same time?Was that curiosity about your dad's upbringing born in that experience?Do you think the curiosity and the willingness to step into discovery is the first step in breaking generational cycles?What was the portal or the moment that cracked you wide open to explore the gifts and lessons embedded in this experience? In This Episode, You Will LearnWhy intellectualizing your trauma is not the same as healing your heart.The importance of viewing the boy behind the man to understand the roots of addiction and behavior.How to transition from anger to sadness and finally to curiosity and discovery.Why anger is often sadness that has not been acknowledged and how to ask the right questions to move toward a solution.The power of coming out as your authentic self and realizing that the things you feared most often do not happen. ResourcesLearn more about Denise Frenette https://www.denisefrenette.com Read the Book More by Denise Frenette https://www.denisefrenette.com/book Connect with KL Wells Thrive While Loving an Addict Community https://voicesincourage.com Watch KL Wells’ TEDx Talk The Secret Lives of Families Dealing with Addiction https://youtu.be/SM4uxpBN-g8?si=Z2LOhmdZMDMuMDHY Note: This is Part 1 of a 2-part series. Be sure to tune in for the next episode as we dive deeper into the misunderstood nature of forgiveness.

    36 min
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About

More than 50% of American families have a loved one or close relative who is an addict or alcoholic. Although there are ample resources to help these individuals recover, their families suffer, too. Parents, spouses, children, and friends need help navigating this unexpected, challenging disease. Welcome to Thrive While Loving an Addict with KL Wells. She brings together loved ones and family members of addicts and alcoholics. Their insights and perspectives create a community of healing, connecting, and rebuilding. While your addict may be working hard to make themselves better, you may feel left behind to face a different kind of battle. The negative stigma of having a loved one as an addict causes a lot of pain. How are you dealing with loneliness, fear, and shame? There are quick fixes for these difficult moments in your life. Now you can get real and raw advice from people who are walking and dealing with the path you’re on. This podcast highlights the vulnerable and courageous voices of these families. Listen to real-life stories of people who have addicted loved ones, and discover how they addressed the hardships. Also, hear the experiences of recovering addicts that share what is, and isn't, working in their journey towards healing. Gather useful tools and practical advice to alleviate your own journey by delving into these touching and inspiring stories. Contemplate what may not be working, and discover what it takes to face the challenges along the way. This podcast offers a safe platform for the loved ones of addicts. Rise to the challenge, and become a key player in being a part of this fresh community. There are also episodes that will widen your knowledge about addiction recovery. Get educated by real life experiences of people who reveal their journey to help addicts and alcoholics jump back on their feet. In addition to breaking down their practice, they bring a glimmer of hope for what can be done for individuals who may have given up on themselves. KL Wells is a community leader and influential speaker who led initiatives with senior executives, trustees, and board directors of various non-profit organizations. For more than twenty years, she focused on empowering leaders to create extraordinary human impact. Spending time with these people inspired her to do more, and start the company Voices InCourage. Most importantly, KL understands how painful it is to have an addicted loved one. She was married to an alcoholic, her current partner is recovering from alcohol addiction, and her son is an active addict. The mission of this podcast is not just advocacy. It hits very close to home to KL. Her reflections as a wife and mother are something you should not miss. Seeing your loved ones pulled down by drugs and alcohol is truly heartbreaking. As a result, you may feel miserable and isolated. You also have to deal with negative opinions from others, and it is up to you to fend for yourself. Nobody deserves to be treated this way. No one should go through this challenging episode of life alone. This is what KL offers in this podcast: the strength to move forward and guidance to have the courage to change. If you have the courage to use your voice, you can become an inspiration for your friend, spouse, parent, or child as they overcome their addictive behavior. Ultimately, it’s about transforming the lives of loved ones from surviving to thriving in the midst of chaos. Listen to Thrive While Loving an Addict with KL Wells at https://voicesincourage.com/podcast.

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