1d ago

89: Why High Achievers Are Surprisingly Bad at Delegating, And What to Do About It

This is the final episode of the Actually Talking series, and possibly the one your chronically busy self needs most. Dr. Alise opens with a story about her dad, a pile of stuffed animals, and a family of toys he didn't know existed. And from there: why the people who are best at getting things done are often the worst at handing things off, and what that's costing them and everyone around them. In this episode: The pretend garage sale: a delegation story that works exactly the same whether you're talking to your eight-year-old, your partner, or your teamWhy high achievers resist delegation and why every reason they give is true in the short term and costly in the long termThe hidden message micromanagement sends (and why it lands even when you don't mean it)What good delegation actually looks like: the questions to ask yourself before you hand anything offThe household task exercise Dr. Alise uses with couples and what happens when they see the imbalanceWhy "good enough is good enough" isn't a lowering of standards — it's a path out of exhaustion and resentmentThe thread running through all four episodes: attunement, trust, and the relationships your life is built inside This is the series finale of Actually Talking. We’ve covered kids, partners, problem-solving, and now delegation. If you've been listening, you've been doing the work. Keep going. 👉 Resource: Sign up for the weekly Sunday Reset Newsletter Want to get a snapshot of your own life in just minutes? Take the free Prior 10 Life Assessment at www.prior10.com/assessment. The information contained and documents referenced in the podcast “Your Priority Centered Life” are for entertainment, educational and informational purposes only, and are not intended as, and shall not be understood or construed as, professional medical or health treatment, diagnosis, or advice. We strongly encourage listeners to consult with medical providers or qualified mental health providers with issues and questions regarding any physical and/or mental health symptoms or concerns that they may have. Furthermore, the opinions and views expressed by podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates are not necessarily those of the podcast host. Dr. Alise Murray’s opinions and views are expressed in her individual capacity and are not to be construed as those of any of her podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates.

11 min

Jun 24

88: How to Have a Problem-Solving Conversation (Without It Turning Into a Fight)

You've agreed something needs to change. Now what? In Episode 3 of the Actually Talking series, Dr. Alise walks through a structure for problem-solving conversations that keeps both people feeling like they're on the same team, whether it's a financial disagreement with your partner, a conflict at work, or a recurring tension with a teenager. The problem isn't that you can't find a solution. It's that so many of us skip straight to solutions before doing the harder work of understanding each other's experience. This episode is about slowing down in the right places so that the solution you land on actually sticks. In this episode: An all-too-common reason problem-solving fails (it has nothing to do with the problem itself)How to know whether someone wants to vent or wants help solving the problem: the one question that tells you instantlyThe magazine method: a deceptively simple tool for making sure both people feel genuinely heard before anyone proposes anythingThe question that can turn things around when tension is high: what are you afraid you won't get if this doesn't get solved?Why you should never edit during a brainstorm and what "try it as an experiment" actually does to the pressure in the roomHow the Prior 10 framework addresses the cost of avoidance Whether you're navigating this at home or at work, the structure is the same. This episode gives you the process you can use to have more successful outcomes and less tension. Next week: Delegation and requesting support: why high achievers are often surprisingly bad at both, and what to do about it. 👉 Resource: Sign up for the weekly Sunday Reset Newsletter Want to get a snapshot of your own life in just minutes? Take the free Prior 10 Life Assessment at www.prior10.com/assessment. The information contained and documents referenced in the podcast “Your Priority Centered Life” are for entertainment, educational and informational purposes only, and are not intended as, and shall not be understood or construed as, professional medical or health treatment, diagnosis, or advice. We strongly encourage listeners to consult with medical providers or qualified mental health providers with issues and questions regarding any physical and/or mental health symptoms or concerns that they may have. Furthermore, the opinions and views expressed by podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates are not necessarily those of the podcast host. Dr. Alise Murray’s opinions and views are expressed in her individual capacity and are not to be construed as those of any of her podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates.

15 min

Jun 17

87: Couple Communication: Why Your Partner Tunes Out And What to Do About It

It’s ironic that, for a lot of us, the relationship with our partner is the one that gets the leftovers. In this episode of the Actually Talking series, Dr. Alise brings 20+ years of clinical experience to the conversation most couples aren't having about how they actually communicate. Backed by the Gottman Institute's landmark research on couples' communication, this episode covers what predicts relationship satisfaction (and failure), and what you can do differently starting today. In this episode: Why the human need to feel seen doesn't disappear when we grow upWhat researchers could predict with 90% accuracy from just 3–5 minutes of a couple's conversationThe demand-withdraw pattern: why it's so destructive and how it maps onto what happens in infant attachmentContempt vs. anger and why contempt is the single strongest predictor of relationship breakdownWhy "we" language matters more than you'd thinkThe season of life when couples report the steepest drop in relationship satisfaction, and why it makes complete sense through the lens of attunementThe six-month test: a simple question that saves relational energy for what actually mattersWhat actually works when having those difficult conversations This one's for every couple who chose each other and wants to keep choosing each other — not just in the grand moments, but in the small daily ones that actually make up a relationship. Next week: How to have a productive problem-solving conversation at home, at work, or anywhere the stakes feel high, without steamrolling or caving. 🔗 Resources: Still face experiment video 👉 Resources: Sign up for the weekly Sunday Reset Newsletter Want to get a snapshot of your own life in just minutes? Take the free Prior 10 Life Assessment at www.prior10.com/assessment. The information contained and documents referenced in the podcast “Your Priority Centered Life” are for entertainment, educational and informational purposes only, and are not intended as, and shall not be understood or construed as, professional medical or health treatment, diagnosis, or advice. We strongly encourage listeners to consult with medical providers or qualified mental health providers with issues and questions regarding any physical and/or mental health symptoms or concerns that they may have. Furthermore, the opinions and views expressed by podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates are not necessarily those of the podcast host. Dr. Alise Murray’s opinions and views are expressed in her individual capacity and are not to be construed as those of any of her podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates.

15 min

Jun 10

86: Talking to Your Kids: The Communication Skills That Raise Confident Adults

Summer is almost here, and so are two and a half months of conversations that are a little less "screaming with joy off the school bus" and a little more navigating. In this first episode of the Actually Talking series, Dr. Alise gets into the communication skills that don't just get you through to bedtime, they build the relationship you actually want with your kids. In this episode: Why a peaceful household and a connected household aren't the same thing, and which one to aim forAuthoritative vs. authoritarian parenting: what the research actually says, and the counterintuitive finding about peer pressureThe "agenda check": a simple in-the-moment tool for defusing tension without losing your authorityWhat attunement means in practice, and why it matters more than much of the parenting advice you've heardChild-centered time: the research-backed practice that changes how kids communicate with youWhy the car is one of the best venues for hard conversations with teenagers (and what to do about the earbuds)The through-line: relationship time doesn't protect itself Whether your kids are in preschool or high school, this episode is about communicating in a way that says you matter to me, and I'm paying attention. Next week: Talking to your partner — the relationship that, for a lot of us, gets the leftovers. 👉 Resources: Sign up for the weekly Sunday Reset Newsletter Want to get a snapshot of your own life in just minutes? Take the free Prior 10 Life Assessment at www.prior10.com/assessment. The information contained and documents referenced in the podcast “Your Priority Centered Life” are for entertainment, educational and informational purposes only, and are not intended as, and shall not be understood or construed as, professional medical or health treatment, diagnosis, or advice. We strongly encourage listeners to consult with medical providers or qualified mental health providers with issues and questions regarding any physical and/or mental health symptoms or concerns that they may have. Furthermore, the opinions and views expressed by podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates are not necessarily those of the podcast host. Dr. Alise Murray’s opinions and views are expressed in her individual capacity and are not to be construed as those of any of her podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates.

30 min

Jun 3

85: The 5-Minute Tool That Rewires Burnout, Avoidance, and Overwhelm with Dr. Laurel Mellin

If you've ever wondered why you can know exactly what you should do and still not do it, this episode is for you. Dr. Laurel Mellin is a health psychologist, New York Times bestselling author, and creator of Emotional Brain Training (EBT), an approach developed over 40 years at UC San Francisco. EBT helps people rewire stress patterns at the root, not just manage symptoms. Dr. Mellin has spent decades studying how stress impacts our brains, our behaviors, and our ability to follow through. And her conclusion? Willpower was never the problem. The circuits were. In this episode: Why the thinking brain is not actually in chargeThe difference between extinction and reconsolidation: why building good habits on top of bad circuits leaves you vulnerableWhat a survival circuit actually is, and why you can't think your way out of oneThe Cycle Tool: the 5-minute EBT process that unlocks and rewires stress circuits at the level of the amygdalaWhy procrastination, avoidance, and emotional reactivity are the tail end of a fight-or-flight circuit and not a character flawEmotional set points: what it means to be wired for stress vs. wired for joy, and how to shift itHow EBT applies to relationship disconnection, parenting stress, addiction, and workplace reactivityThe research finding Dr. Mellin finds most compelling: changes that persist two to six years laterPlus: the tax return example that perfectly explains why forcing behavior change almost never works, and what to do instead. Resources mentioned: EBT community membership and app: ebt.org The Stress Solution: A Revolutionary New Method for Emotional Resilience by Dr. Laurel Mellin, available on Amazon (commission link)Sign up for the weekly Sunday Reset Newsletter Want to get a snapshot of your own life in just minutes? Take the free Prior 10 Life Assessment at www.prior10.com/assessment. The information contained and documents referenced in the podcast “Your Priority Centered Life” are for entertainment, educational and informational purposes only, and are not intended as, and shall not be understood or construed as, professional medical or health treatment, diagnosis, or advice. We strongly encourage listeners to consult with medical providers or qualified mental health providers with issues and questions regarding any physical and/or mental health symptoms or concerns that they may have. Furthermore, the opinions and views expressed by podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates are not necessarily those of the podcast host. Dr. Alise Murray’s opinions and views are expressed in her individual capacity and are not to be construed as those of any of her podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates.

42 min

May 27

84: The Problem Was Never You

The Problem Was Never You Your Priority Centered Life | Busy On Purpose Series, Episode 5 There's a question a lot of self-aware, high-achieving people carry but don't say out loud. This final episode of the Busy On Purpose series answers it as directly as possible and leaves you with the one thing Dr. Alise most wants you to believe about yourself when you walk away. Because there's a good chance you've been carrying a story about yourself that isn't true. And it's time for a different one. In this episode: Why expecting everyone to thrive in a standard productivity system is like expecting everyone to wear size nine shoes. The two things that have to be in place underneath any system for it to actually hold: your physiology and your environment. Why your brain was not designed to be a storage system, and what happens when you ask it to be one. The simplest place to start, today, before anything else changes and before the timing is perfect. And the one belief that makes everything else in this series work. The one practical thing Dr. Alise leaves you with: Stop carrying everything in your head. Get it out of your mental space and onto something external. A notebook, a notes app, the back of an envelope. Then each morning identify your three most important tasks for the day. Not ten. Three. The things that, if you did nothing else, would mean the day counted for something. That's the foundation the rest gets built on. You'll want to listen if you: Have spent years trying to make standard productivity systems work and wondered what was wrong with youAre a non-linear thinker, someone with ADHD, or a high achiever whose brain just doesn't fit the cookie-cutter approachWant one clear, practical place to start before you have everything figured outHave followed this series and are ready to close the loop The Busy On Purpose series: Episode 1: The 3-Part System for a Meaningful Summer Episode 2: Why Your Productivity System Keeps Failing (It's Not You)Episode 3: Still Behind at 10pm? This Episode Is for YouEpisode 4: The Decision You Keep Not Making (And What It's Costing You)Episode 5: This episode Mentioned in this episode: The Prior 10 Reset — returning in the fall; join the waitlist The Prior 10 Life Management SystemSign up for the weekly Sunday Reset Newsletter Want to get a snapshot of your own life in just minutes? Take the free Prior 10 Life Assessment at www.prior10.com/assessment. The information contained and documents referenced in the podcast “Your Priority Centered Life” are for entertainment, educational and informational purposes only, and are not intended as, and shall not be understood or construed as, professional medical or health treatment, diagnosis, or advice. We strongly encourage listeners to consult with medical providers or qualified mental health providers with issues and questions regarding any physical and/or mental health symptoms or concerns that they may have. Furthermore, the opinions and views expressed by podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates are not necessarily those of the podcast host. Dr. Alise Murray’s opinions and views are expressed in her individual capacity and are not to be construed as those of any of her podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates.

10 min

May 20

83: The Decision You Keep Not Making (And What It's Costing You)

The Decision You Keep Not Making (And What It's Costing You) Your Priority Centered Life | Busy On Purpose Series If you've been listening to this series thinking "this makes so much sense, this is exactly what's been missing" and you're not sure you're going to do anything about it, this episode is for you. Because the thing that keeps capable, self-aware, high-achieving people stuck isn't a lack of information. It's the decision they keep not making. In the final episode of the Busy On Purpose series, Dr. Alise closes the loop on the cost of waiting, on what choosing on purpose actually looks like in practice, and on why taking care of yourself is not something you do instead of showing up for the people you love. It's part of how you show up for them. In this episode: Why not deciding is itself a decision, and why the gap between knowing something needs to change and actually changing it is where the real losses happen. What one small structural shift can do to the entire texture of your week. The difference between self-sacrifice that looks like devotion and self-sacrifice that functions like depletion. Why the people who love you are often the first ones to notice when you stop investing in yourself. And what choosing on purpose actually looks like, not as a major overhaul, but as a decision. You'll want to listen if you: Have been circling the same problem for months or years without making a moveTell yourself you'll make changes when things calm downFeel guilty investing time, money, or attention in yourselfSense that waiting is costing you something but haven't named what The Busy On Purpose series: This series so far: Episode 80:The 3-Part System for a Meaningful SummerEpisode 81: Why Your Productivity System Keeps Failing (It's Not You)Episode 82: Still Busy At 10 PM? This Episode Is For YouEpisode 83: This episode Mentioned in this episode: The Prior 10 Reset — Dr. Alise's small group coaching program, doors closing soonThe Prior 10 Life Management SystemSign up for the weekly Sunday Reset Newsletter Want to get a snapshot of your own life in just minutes? Take the free Prior 10 Life Assessment at www.prior10.com/assessment. The information contained and documents referenced in the podcast “Your Priority Centered Life” are for entertainment, educational and informational purposes only, and are not intended as, and shall not be understood or construed as, professional medical or health treatment, diagnosis, or advice. We strongly encourage listeners to consult with medical providers or qualified mental health providers with issues and questions regarding any physical and/or mental health symptoms or concerns that they may have. Furthermore, the opinions and views expressed by podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates are not necessarily those of the podcast host. Dr. Alise Murray’s opinions and views are expressed in her individual capacity and are not to be construed as those of any of her podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates.

14 min

May 13

82: Still Behind at 10pm? This Episode Is for You

Still Behind at 10pm? This Episode Is for You Your Priority Centered Life | Busy On Purpose Series It's 10pm. The kids are in bed. The house is quiet. And instead of winding down, you open your laptop. You tell yourself it'll just be an hour. If that's you, this episode is about what's actually going on beneath that pattern. And it's probably not what you think. In this episode of the Busy On Purpose series, Dr. Alise goes underneath the system conversation to address two things she sees derailing high achievers that almost never get named in the productivity world: not the wrong planner, not a lack of motivation, but the physiological and relational foundations that have to be in place before any system can work. In this episode: The neuroscience of sleep deprivation and why your prefrontal cortex (the part of your brain responsible for planning, prioritizing, and focus) is the first thing to go when you're running on emptyWhy working harder and staying later is often making the cognitive problem worse, not betterThe environment problem: when the chaos isn't coming from your calendar, it's coming from the people around you, and what to do about itWhy so much of what's depleting high achievers is happening in silence, and how one conversation can change more than any system overhaulWhat "busy on purpose" actually feels like versus the haywire batting cage most people are stuck in You'll want to listen if you: Are a high-achieving professional who is exhausted, behind, and can't figure out why more effort isn't helpingSuspect your environment (e.g. a demanding boss, an invisible household load, no protected time) is part of the problemHave been told to try harder or be more disciplined, and know in your gut that's not the answerAre carrying a lot in silence and haven't yet asked for what you actually need This series so far: Episode 80:The 3-Part System for a Meaningful SummerEpisode 81: Why Your Productivity System Keeps Failing (It's Not You)Episode 82: This episode Next week: What it actually looks like to choose your busy on purpose. This is the episode that ties the whole series together. Mentioned in this episode: The Prior 10 Reset, Dr. Alise's small group coaching program, now open for its founding cohortThe Prior 10 Life Management SystemSign up for the weekly Sunday Reset Newsletter Want to get a snapshot of your own life in just minutes? Take the free Prior 10 Life Assessment at www.prior10.com/assessment. The information contained and documents referenced in the podcast “Your Priority Centered Life” are for entertainment, educational and informational purposes only, and are not intended as, and shall not be understood or construed as, professional medical or health treatment, diagnosis, or advice. We strongly encourage listeners to consult with medical providers or qualified mental health providers with issues and questions regarding any physical and/or mental health symptoms or concerns that they may have. Furthermore, the opinions and views expressed by podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates are not necessarily those of the podcast host. Dr. Alise Murray’s opinions and views are expressed in her individual capacity and are not to be construed as those of any of her podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates.

15 min

Your Priority Centered Life

89: Why High Achievers Are Surprisingly Bad at Delegating, And What to Do About It

88: How to Have a Problem-Solving Conversation (Without It Turning Into a Fight)

87: Couple Communication: Why Your Partner Tunes Out And What to Do About It

86: Talking to Your Kids: The Communication Skills That Raise Confident Adults

85: The 5-Minute Tool That Rewires Burnout, Avoidance, and Overwhelm with Dr. Laurel Mellin

84: The Problem Was Never You

83: The Decision You Keep Not Making (And What It's Costing You)

82: Still Behind at 10pm? This Episode Is for You

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Best podcast for a more aligned life

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Your Priority Centered Life

Episodes

89: Why High Achievers Are Surprisingly Bad at Delegating, And What to Do About It

88: How to Have a Problem-Solving Conversation (Without It Turning Into a Fight)

87: Couple Communication: Why Your Partner Tunes Out And What to Do About It

86: Talking to Your Kids: The Communication Skills That Raise Confident Adults

85: The 5-Minute Tool That Rewires Burnout, Avoidance, and Overwhelm with Dr. Laurel Mellin

84: The Problem Was Never You

83: The Decision You Keep Not Making (And What It's Costing You)

82: Still Behind at 10pm? This Episode Is for You

Ratings & Reviews

About

Information