Why do women in long-term relationships often lose their 'spark' while men seem to have an on-off switch? Is your hair dryer actually causing your colour to fade? And, can you get a medical 'crystal ball' to tell you exactly how many eggs you have left? In this episode, Dr Mariam and Claire speak to Dr Eva Jackson, a Sexual Health Physician, to unpack the complex world of female desire. They discuss the difference between 'spontaneous' and 'reactive' arousal, why the word 'libido' might be outdated, and the medical reasons - from antidepressants to hormonal shifts - that might be stalling your sex life. Plus, in Med School, Claire and Dr Mariam look at the science of hair health. We reveal the research-backed way to dry your hair to prevent cuticle damage (hint: it involves a ruler and a blast of cold air) and why leaving your hair to air-dry might actually be doing more harm than good. And, in the Quick Consult, Dr Mariam answers Catherine’s question about 'ticking clock' anxiety. We break down what tests like AMH levels can actually tell you about your fertility at 27, why your partner’s health is just as important in the equation, and why a preconception screen is the best first step for peace of mind. GET IN TOUCH Sign up to the Well Newsletter to receive your weekly dose of trusted health expertise without the medical jargon. Ask a question of our experts or share your story, feedback, or dilemma - you can send it anonymously here, email here or leave us a voice note here. Ask The Doc: Ask us a question in The Waiting Room. Follow us on Instagram and Tiktok. Support independent women’s media by becoming a Mamamia subscriber CREDITS Hosts: Claire Murphy and Dr Mariam Guest: Doctor Eva Jackson Senior Producers: Claire Murphy and Sally Best Executive Producer: Grace Rouvray Group Executive Producer: Ilaria Brophy Audio Producer: Scott Stronach Video Producer: Julian Rosario Social Producer: Elly Moore Mamamia acknowledges the Traditional Owners of the Land we have recorded this podcast on, the Gadigal people of the Eora Nation. We pay our respects to their Elders past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures.Information discussed in Well. is for education purposes only and is not intended to provide professional medical advice. Listeners should seek their own medical advice, specific to their circumstances, from their treating doctor or health care professional. TRANSCRIPT You're listening to a Mamamia podcast. Mariam, what gets you going sexually? Mariam, what gets you going sexually? 00:10Speaker 2 It is when my husband shows up, just appears. When he does, like, things without me asking, right, So, my goodness, Like he's packed the kids their lunches, he's taken a bit of my mental load. He's done a bit of cleaning. Men do not understand. 00:31Speaker 1 Okay, men do not understand me. Take a little bit of mental load, it is so hot 00:38Speaker 2 So hot, 00:46Speaker 1 Hi there, welcome to Well your Full Body Health Check. I'm Claire Murphy. 00:50Speaker 2 And I'm doctor Mariam. 00:51Speaker 1 And today we're talking about Libido time to get spicy. There is always a lot of comparisons about how women's health issues have been overlooked while men get pills for a rectile dysfunction, But there are actually pills for women's desire too, which we will discuss. But we'll also touch on what it is about us that so many of us do seem to lose spark over time. We'll also have a quick consult for Catherine today. She's got a ticking clock issue and she wants to know how to maybe quieten it down just a little bit. But next mariam are you a blow dry girl, after you wash your hair or do you let it just do its thing and air dry. 01:33Speaker 2 I'm gonna be honest. I actually wash my hair every seven to ten days. I know, I know, you know why. I have so much hair, So I have to blow dry my hair after I've had to wash. But I do it in segments because there's so much and it takes so long. 01:50Speaker 1 Oh, this is me crying you tears of sadness for your I have so much glorious flowing hair that it takes me hours to dry, so much work. 02:00Speaker 2 I actually get like I sweat, it's like almost need to shower again. So I'll do like a light blow dry to start with, and then I'll do like a quarter and proper and then I'll just take a couple of hours off and then revisit. 02:13Speaker 1 Over two days, just take breaks between. 02:16Speaker 2 It hurts my arms so painful. 02:19Speaker 1 Rip your hairdresser. Okay, Well, next in med school, I'm gonna reveal which one to blow dry or not to blow dry is actually better for your hair. Welcome to med school. Is it better for your hair to leave it to dry naturally or use a blow dry? I unlike you with your glorious tresses have very fine hair, not a lot of it, so I almost have to race from the shower to the hair dry before it starts drying by itself. 02:47Speaker 2 What happens if it dries. 02:48Speaker 1 If it dries naturally by itself, it ends up in weird shapes. Okay, so it's naturally straight, so I don't straighten it. But if I don't blow dried, it's almost stuck to my scalp and it's very flat, so it needs some kind of air in there for vol But if you've ever visited a hairdresser, they will have different opinions, which is funny because they'll tell you you need to put stuff on your hair to protect it from any heat, and we use a lot of heat with curlers or straighteners or hair dryers whilst they simultaneously fry your hair as they blow right from the roots right. But here's the thing. Your hair can absorb about thirty percent of its weight when it's wet, so it soaks up the water and swells from the inside. So what that means is it's stretching your hair's outer layer or cuticle, and that puts pressure on the cell membrane complex. That's the glue that holds all those cuticles together and forms the length of your hair. So if you leave it wet, it stays in that vulnerable swollen state for longer, and then cracks can form due to that swelling. That is what then causes damage to the cuticle itself, and sometimes it can also cause your colour to fade because the color is absorbed in them. And then if you leave it wet and out to dry naturally, can crack that and make the colour stuff to go right, So, what is the best option for hair health? According to research. Yes, research has been done on this. Blow drying on medium heat from fifteen centimeters away fifteen fifteen Oh jeez, I know. 04:17Speaker 2 It's it's fair ways away from your head. That's more arm work. 04:21Speaker 1 It is more arm work. You can get bigger by steps, keep the dryer moving so it doesn't heat up one area for too long, and then drying it till it's just about eighty percent and then leaving the rest to dry naturally. Okay, that apparently causes less damage than just doing nothing. So little bit of heat not too much. So apparently then too, you should finish off with a bit of a cool blast of air because it helps seal the cuticle part of it and also stops the residual heat. 04:50Speaker 2 And it holds its shape longer. 04:52Speaker 1 Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, So just measure fifteen to get a ruler. Jeez, measure fifteen centimeters away from you head. 05:00Speaker 2 Yeah, it's going to be a little bit hard work. Sorry about that. 05:04Speaker 1 On the way, today's check up, where we are off in search of all of our lost libidos, or never found? Where did they go? 05:15Speaker 3 It's time for the checkup? 05:18Speaker 1 Mariam? What gets you going sexually? 05:20Speaker 2 Well, okay, if you ask me, ten years ago been very different, right, what is it today? today? It is when my husband shows up, just appears, when he does like things without me asking, right, So, my goodness, Like he's packed the kids their lunches, he's taken a bit of my mental load, he's done a bit of cleaning. 05:44Speaker 1 Men do not understand. Okay, men do not understand me take a little bit of mental load. Is so hot? 05:54Speaker 2 It is so hot, so hot. 05:56Speaker 1 Yeah. But Mariam, do many women speak to you about not being motivated to have sex anymore? 06:01Speaker 4 Okay? 06:02Speaker 2 So women will often say I just don't feel like having sex anymore, and it's kind of like, oh, this is the status quo. I've accepted it, and it's not something they generally come to me with, so. 06:15Speaker 1 That's always they've already accepted this. 06:16Speaker 2 Yeah, that's where they're at, and it's like the norm and it's acceptable, and sometimes they don't offer that information. I as a GP like to cover a lot of sexual health in my consultations, and a lot of the time that I will get, is something wrong with me? And I want to say, nothing is wrong with you. You're not broken, and you're definitely not the only one feeling this way. Three of us in the room have put our hands up. In fact, Australian research shows that one in three women will experience low sexual desire at some point in their life, so that's a third of us. So if you're nodding along right now, you're in good company. And what's interesting, it's rarely about not wanting sex. Sometimes it's medical, sometimes emotion. On a lot of the time it's both. So let's start with the medical side of things. So a lot of the time there's a hormonal issue at play. You may have just had a baby, you might be going through perimenopause or menopause, and we know a lot of medications to side effect can be loss of libido. Then there's low iron, thyroid issues, chronic pain, endometriosis. They all can play a role as well, So before you start blaming yourself or your relationship, it's worth getting a checkup. Then there's the emotional and relationship side. So when you're juggling work, especially as a female, you've got your family, You've got the mental and emotional
