How Not to Screw Up Your Kids

Dr Maryhan

Hello, I'm psychologist and parenting expert Dr Maryhan and this is How Not To Screw Up Your Kids, the podcast for parents, grandparents, educators, and anyone else who wants to be part of a movement to raise confident children who grow up believing in themselves. Follow now for twice weekly episodes - on Monday's you'll find shorter Bucket Emptying episodes, with longer episodes each Thursday. The greatest gift we can give our children is self-belief. It will get them further in life than any qualification and is absolutely possible for each and every child; we just need the right information and support around us to teach them. The old saying ‘it takes a village to raise a child” couldn’t be more true than now. Parenting has got a whole lot harder; not just because we are busier than ever but because our children are growing up in an ever changing, fast-paced world, which is so different to the one we grew up in. Our children have more pressure to be better, look better, do better, and in a world where lives are so publicly scrutinised and commented on through social media it’s really no wonder we’re seeing mental health problems sky rocketing amongst children, teens, and young adults. What you can expect from this podcast are honest conversations about parenting. We’ll talk confidence resilience, anxiety, managing tech, and all the topics you’d expect as well blowing the lid off the widely help misconception that children are innately resilient. They’re not! This podcast is for people who want to get real about parenting. You understand it can get messy sometimes and aren’t afraid to admit it. I have had more than my fair share of messy and I will no doubt share these with you along the way. I won’t dress things up but I will always give you something practical to take away and use in each and every episode. My guests and experts will be real people who have overcome their own adversities and bring with them a message to us as parents, as well as inspiring stories. So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation... We'd love to hear from you! We want to hear what you love and what you don't love about the podcast, so we can keep making it better: https://podcastsurvey.typeform.com/to/SEyYrxGB Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

  1. Homework: Building Persistence, Resilience & Independence

    3 DAYS AGO

    Homework: Building Persistence, Resilience & Independence

    Hands up if you like homework… Me neither. But homework isn’t just a task to be completed. It’s a powerful opportunity to build persistence, resilience and independence in your children. Homework can so easily become a battleground filled with tears, avoidance and frustration, yet when we shift our focus from performance to process, everything changes. In today’s episode, I explore why the “how” of our support matters far more than the worksheets themselves, and why our job isn’t to rescue our children from discomfort but to create the conditions that help them start, stick with it and feel capable. You are going to learn how to tailor homework routines to your child’s needs, how to spot when avoidance is really anxiety or perfectionism, and how to use five practical strategies to transform homework from a nightly fight into a long‑term skill‑building habit. If homework has become a source of stress in your home, this episode will help you reset the dynamic with clarity and confidence. So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation… Highlights from this episode: 00:33 - Not just about the work 03:52 - Focus on the how 05:17 - Who’s homework is it? 09:50 - How to support your child 12:03 - Homework avoidance 14:05 - Connection over correction 17:09 - Praise the process 20:49 - The bigger goal 💚 Please share with at least one friend, and let’s build our village together 💚  For all previous episodes, and to submit episode topics you want me to talk about, visit https://drmaryhan.com/podcast/  💚  For the free resource library, visit https://drmaryhan.com/library  💚 Join our campaign One Million Moments to reduce the number of children struggling with mental health challenges from 17% to 10% by 2025 💚 Brands and advertisers, email contact@drmaryhan.com  DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    23 min
  2. Bucket Emptying: Living with Parental Guilt

    6 DAYS AGO

    Bucket Emptying: Living with Parental Guilt

    In today’s bucket‑emptying episode, I explore what it really means to live with parental guilt - that ever‑present tug that arrives the moment we become parents and never fully disappears. I talk about why guilt isn’t a sign that you’re failing, but a natural by‑product of caring deeply across multiple roles: parent, professional, partner, friend, adult child. Instead of treating guilt as a performance metric, I walk you through how to reframe it, define what “good enough” looks like, and create small proof‑points that remind you you’re showing up where it matters. I also unpack why work‑life balance is a myth, how to be fully present where you are, and how to avoid the comparison traps that intensify guilt. By the end of this episode, you will have a kinder, more grounded way to navigate the emotional weight of parenting, and a handy blueprint you can return to whenever guilt tries to take over.  So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation… Highlights from this episode: 00:44 - Parental guilt happens all the time 02:51 - Guilt is not a reliable metric 05:28 - You can’t be in two places at once 09:43 - Replace balance with presence 12:39 - Build small proof moments 15:55 - The uncomfortable truth 💚 Please share with at least one friend, and let’s build our village together 💚  For all previous episodes, and to submit episode topics you want me to talk about, visit https://drmaryhan.com/podcast/  💚  For the free resource library, visit https://drmaryhan.com/library  💚 Join our campaign One Million Moments to reduce the number of children struggling with mental health challenges from 17% to 10% by 2025 💚 Brands and advertisers, email contact@drmaryhan.com  DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    19 min
  3. What Every Parent Needs to Know About Siblings

    29 APR

    What Every Parent Needs to Know About Siblings

    Do you have more than one child? Are they constantly fighting for your time and energy? So how do you parent siblings? In today’s episode, I explore how birth order shapes your children’s development, behaviour, and long‑term identity. You’ll learn why research consistently shows firstborn advantages in earnings, IQ, and academic outcomes, and what sits beneath those patterns - from early illness exposure to diluted parental attention to the powerful “teaching effect” between siblings. I also help you unpack the hidden family roles your children adopt - the helper, the funny one, the responsible one - and how these labels quietly shape their confidence, conflict style, friendships, and even their future workplace behaviour. Most importantly, you will understand why each of your children is growing up in a completely different childhood, and how being aware of this helps you reduce friction, avoid unhelpful comparisons, and support healthier sibling relationships at home. With the tools and tips I share in this episode, you can start making meaningful changes today. So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation… Highlights from this episode: 02:00 - First borns outperform their younger siblings 05:38 - Germ theory 10:48 - The teaching effect 12:59 - Siblings find their niche 15:52 - Birth order impacts adult relationships 19:07 - Family roles impact self-image 22:04 - Every sibling has a different childhood 26:27 - We compare ourselves all the time 💚 Please share with at least one friend, and let’s build our village together 💚  For all previous episodes, and to submit episode topics you want me to talk about, visit https://drmaryhan.com/podcast/  💚  For the free resource library, visit https://drmaryhan.com/library  💚 Join our campaign One Million Moments to reduce the number of children struggling with mental health challenges from 17% to 10% by 2025 💚 Brands and advertisers, email contact@drmaryhan.com  DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    30 min
  4. Bucket Emptying: Does Distraction Tame a Tantrum?

    26 APR

    Bucket Emptying: Does Distraction Tame a Tantrum?

    In this episode, I will explain the viral “Where’s Jessica?” distraction trend and discover whether it truly helps your child manage big emotions. I am going to show you why distraction can work in the moment - the novelty, the shift in attention, and the calm, curious tone that naturally regulates your child’s nervous system, and you’ll see why relying on distraction long‑term can backfire, teaching your child to avoid uncomfortable feelings rather than build emotional resilience. I want you to come away from today’s bucket emptying episode understanding the difference between a quick win and a meaningful skill, and feel clearer about when distraction is appropriate… and when it prevents your child from developing the confidence and coping strategies they genuinely need. If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re helping or accidentally hindering your child’s emotional growth, this episode gives you the clarity, compassion, and practical insight you’ve been looking for. So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation… Highlights from this episode: 00:38 - Where’s Jessica? 03:15 - Emotional cues 06:48 - The novelty factor 09:44 - Trading emotions 12:36 - A friction free world 💚 Please share with at least one friend, and let’s build our village together 💚  For all previous episodes, and to submit episode topics you want me to talk about, visit https://drmaryhan.com/podcast/  💚  For the free resource library, visit https://drmaryhan.com/library  💚 Join our campaign One Million Moments to reduce the number of children struggling with mental health challenges from 17% to 10% by 2025 💚 Brands and advertisers, email contact@drmaryhan.com  DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    16 min
  5. Helping Children Manage Uncertainty

    22 APR

    Helping Children Manage Uncertainty

    In today’s episode, we will explore how to help your child navigate life’s inevitable uncertainties, from exam results and friendship turbulence to school transitions and family change. You’ll learn why shielding your child from uncertainty actually weakens resilience, and how simple shifts in the way you listen, respond, and structure daily life can dramatically improve their ability to cope. I will walk you through practical tools you can use today: active listening that uncovers what your child really means, honest reassurance without false promises, emotional validation that calms the nervous system, and routines that restore a sense of safety when everything feels up in the air. You’ll also discover how to fact‑check the stories your child picks up from peers or online. and why managing your own emotional barometer is one of the most powerful supports you can offer, so that you feel equipped to guide your child through uncertainty with confidence, clarity, and compassion. So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation… Highlights from this episode: 01:01 - Uncertainty is a natural part of life 03:55 - Listen first 07:03 - Honest reassurance 10:31 - Validate emotions 12:30 - Acknowledge the challenge 15:23 - Brains have a negative bias 18:09 - Routine is important 22:56 - Fact check 26:21 - Help yourself to help your kids 29:02 - Pay attention 💚 Please share with at least one friend, and let’s build our village together 💚  For all previous episodes, and to submit episode topics you want me to talk about, visit https://drmaryhan.com/podcast/  💚  For the free resource library, visit https://drmaryhan.com/library  💚 Join our campaign One Million Moments to reduce the number of children struggling with mental health challenges from 17% to 10% by 2025 💚 Brands and advertisers, email contact@drmaryhan.com  DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    33 min
  6. Bucket Emptying: Foundations to Building Confidence

    19 APR

    Bucket Emptying: Foundations to Building Confidence

    In today’s bucket-emptying episode, you’ll learn the three essential foundations your child needs before confidence can grow. If you’ve got a child who avoids challenges, gets overwhelmed easily, or insists they’re “rubbish” at everything, this is where you start. In this episode you’ll discover how to explain the mind–body connection in a way your child can actually understand,why their brain often misreads situations as danger, andhow this shapes their confidence. You’ll also learn why breathing techniques aren’t just “calming tools” but a physiological reset your child needs before they can face anything tricky. Finally, you’ll explore how to build an exposure ladder - a simple, structured way to help your child take small, doable steps outside their comfort zone. By the end of this episode, you’ll know exactly how to lay the groundwork so your child feels capable, prepared, and ready to try. So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation… Mentioned in this episode: Boost Your Child’s Confidence in 10 Days: https://drmaryhan.com/episode/boost-your-childs-confidence-in-10-days/  30 Second Reset: https://drmaryhan.com/episode/bucket-emptying-30-second-reset/  Highlights from this episode: 01:24 - It’s all about experience 03:31 - The connection between mind and body 08:01 - Selective hearing 11:41 - The invisible gorilla 13:27 - Breathing techniques 19:10 - Get the foundations right 💚 Please share with at least one friend, and let’s build our village together 💚  For all previous episodes, and to submit episode topics you want me to talk about, visit https://drmaryhan.com/podcast/  💚  For the free resource library, visit https://drmaryhan.com/library  💚 Join our campaign One Million Moments to reduce the number of children struggling with mental health challenges from 17% to 10% by 2025 💚 Brands and advertisers, email contact@drmaryhan.com  DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    22 min
  7. What I Know for Sure About Raising Confident Kids

    15 APR

    What I Know for Sure About Raising Confident Kids

    Today is my birthday, and it’s become a tradition of mine to reflect on life and what I’ve learned. So this year I’m reflecting in public, on the podcast with you. I am going to share my top ten parenting lessons, drawn from my own experience, about how to raise confident children. My two children are adults now, and I like to think I’ve learnt a lot over the years. I’ve gotten things right, and I’ve certainly gotten things wrong - we’re only human! So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation… Highlights from this episode: 01:13 - A birthday wish 03:44 - Parents to adult children 06:54 - Meal time is family time 08:55 - A roast dinner goes a long way 11:47 - Value systems are for life 15:19 - This too shall pass 18:36 - People pleasing 22:27 - Comparison through a softer lens 26:21 - Humans are complicated 28:51 - Don’t take yourself too seriously 💚 Please share with at least one friend, and let’s build our village together 💚  For all previous episodes, and to submit episode topics you want me to talk about, visit https://drmaryhan.com/podcast/  💚  For the free resource library, visit https://drmaryhan.com/library  💚 Join our campaign One Million Moments to reduce the number of children struggling with mental health challenges from 17% to 10% by 2025 💚 Brands and advertisers, email contact@drmaryhan.com  DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    33 min
  8. 5 Powerful Reflection Questions to Build Confidence in Children

    12 APR

    5 Powerful Reflection Questions to Build Confidence in Children

    I talk a lot about confidence, because it’s super important, and it’s something we all struggle with - yes, even us parents! But a lack of confidence can manifest in so many different ways, it can be really tricky knowing how to spot the signs in our kids and support them through it. So in today’s bucket emptying episode, I’m giving you a cheat sheet, with five really powerful reflection questions you can use with any child at any age to help build their confidence. So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation… Highlights from this episode: 00:44 - Reflection builds competency 02:34 - What was going on for you? 04:48 - What were you feeling? 06:37 - Focus on the unmet needs 08:19 - Building a growth mindset 09:55 - Encouraging self-regulation 💚 Please share with at least one friend, and let’s build our village together 💚  For all previous episodes, and to submit episode topics you want me to talk about, visit https://drmaryhan.com/podcast/  💚  For the free resource library, visit https://drmaryhan.com/library  💚 Join our campaign One Million Moments to reduce the number of children struggling with mental health challenges from 17% to 10% by 2025 💚 Brands and advertisers, email contact@drmaryhan.com  DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    15 min
4.8
out of 5
123 Ratings

About

Hello, I'm psychologist and parenting expert Dr Maryhan and this is How Not To Screw Up Your Kids, the podcast for parents, grandparents, educators, and anyone else who wants to be part of a movement to raise confident children who grow up believing in themselves. Follow now for twice weekly episodes - on Monday's you'll find shorter Bucket Emptying episodes, with longer episodes each Thursday. The greatest gift we can give our children is self-belief. It will get them further in life than any qualification and is absolutely possible for each and every child; we just need the right information and support around us to teach them. The old saying ‘it takes a village to raise a child” couldn’t be more true than now. Parenting has got a whole lot harder; not just because we are busier than ever but because our children are growing up in an ever changing, fast-paced world, which is so different to the one we grew up in. Our children have more pressure to be better, look better, do better, and in a world where lives are so publicly scrutinised and commented on through social media it’s really no wonder we’re seeing mental health problems sky rocketing amongst children, teens, and young adults. What you can expect from this podcast are honest conversations about parenting. We’ll talk confidence resilience, anxiety, managing tech, and all the topics you’d expect as well blowing the lid off the widely help misconception that children are innately resilient. They’re not! This podcast is for people who want to get real about parenting. You understand it can get messy sometimes and aren’t afraid to admit it. I have had more than my fair share of messy and I will no doubt share these with you along the way. I won’t dress things up but I will always give you something practical to take away and use in each and every episode. My guests and experts will be real people who have overcome their own adversities and bring with them a message to us as parents, as well as inspiring stories. So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation... We'd love to hear from you! We want to hear what you love and what you don't love about the podcast, so we can keep making it better: https://podcastsurvey.typeform.com/to/SEyYrxGB Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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