UNDERSTANDABLE

Robert Siegers
  • 5.0 (1)
  • MENTAL HEALTH
  • UPDATED WEEKLY

► Hi, my name is Robert! For a long time, I wondered why relationships felt so much harder for me than for others. Over the past years, I had the privilege of spending thousands of dollars and countless hours working with four different therapists, exploring what actually creates emotional safety ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions. I am not a health professional. My content is based on research & my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for 3 years.

  1. E320 - 11 Love Lessons I Wish I’d Learned Before I Broke Up

    2 DAYS AGO

    E320 - 11 Love Lessons I Wish I’d Learned Before I Broke Up

    ► Free Relationship Masterclass: ⁠⁠https://understandable.net/masterclass⁠ ⁠(Ad) ► Access My Premium Course: ⁠⁠https://understandable.net/course/⁠⁠ (Ad) Over the past 13 years, I ended five long-term relationships — all from my side. But did these relationships really have to end like that? Or did I push myself — and the people I loved — into unnecessary suffering and heartbreak? If you’re watching this right now, you might be in a similar place. Being in a relationship that feels overwhelming or Exhausting, asking yourself the same question: Could this relationship be saved… if I just understood the right things? In this video, I’m sharing 11 things I deeply wish I had known about love and relationships before I walked away five times. And this isn’t about telling you to stay or to leave. It’s about helping you pause — and see more clearly — before making a decision you can’t easily undo. If you’re on the edge right now, this video might change how you see your relationship. ► Links and Resources: You Can’t Change Them Video: https://youtu.be/JUu4MkLvrK4?si=v_LlvgwYC6DfTuSI Stop Conflict in Your Relationship: https://youtu.be/dF2QYyxqJjM?si=-AbNzIXXBP85O91e ⁠ ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠⁠⁠ ⁠ Spotify: ⁠ ⁠⁠⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6⁠⁠ ⁠ Apple Podcasts: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905⁠⁠ ⁠ Amazon Music: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠⁠⁠ ⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Intro 01:37 Lesson 1: You’re Not Struggling Because “You Didn’t Meet The Perfect Partner Yet” 04:36 Lesson 2: Trying To Change Your Partner Is Already Part of The Problem 07:10 Lesson 3: Chemistry & Hobbies Won’t Save Your Relationship 09:43 Lesson 4: You Can’t “Win” A Fight 11:39 Lesson 5: A Challenging Partner Is A Good Partner 15:52 Lesson 6: Your Relationship Pain Is Trying To Tell You Something 19:37 Lesson 7: Most Relationships Don’t End Because “They’re Broken” 21:56 Lesson 8: It’s Often Not Your Partner, It’s Your Patterns 25:17 Lesson 9: But What If Your Values Were Built on Emotional Survival? 28:45 Lesson 10: Unconditional Love Isn’t How Adult Relationships Work 30:43 Lesson 11: Why You Will Choose The Wrong Person ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory. My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

    33 min
  2. E319 - Why Your Partner Can’t Read Your Mind (But You Think They Should)

    15 FEB

    E319 - Why Your Partner Can’t Read Your Mind (But You Think They Should)

    ► Free Relationship Masterclass: ⁠https://understandable.net/masterclass ⁠(Ad) ► Access My Premium Course: ⁠https://understandable.net/course/⁠ (Ad) Do you sometimes feel disappointed because your partner doesn’t just know how you feel? You expect them to sense your mood, your needs, or what’s wrong, but without you saying a word. But when they don’t, it hurts… and creates pressure on both sides. In this episode, we talk about why empathy is not mind-reading, how this expectation silently damages relationships, and what actually helps partners understand each other better. ► Links and Resources: Why You Don’t Feel Seen Episode https://youtu.be/6g6IiIwnPWA?si=dzP-tm70BkvJGPLV ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠⁠ ⁠ Spotify: ⁠ ⁠⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6⁠ ⁠ Apple Podcasts: ⁠⁠⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905⁠ ⁠ Amazon Music: ⁠⁠⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠⁠ ⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Intro - The Invisible Test 02:08 Silent Expectations 05:58 Solutions: From Being Guessed To Being Known ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory. My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

    9 min
  3. E318 - Why You Keep Ruining Great Relationships (And Don't See It)

    8 FEB

    E318 - Why You Keep Ruining Great Relationships (And Don't See It)

    ► Free Relationship Masterclass: https://understandable.net/masterclass (Ad) ► Access My Premium Course: https://understandable.net/course/ (Ad) Why do you keep ruining great relationships? Every. Single. Time. The problem is not that you can’t find good people. It’s that every time a relationship starts to feel good… something goes wrong. You want a stable, long-term relationship. But instead you find yourself in heartbreak, frustration and anger about yourself. And the most confusing part is this: it’s not the toxic relationships that fall apart. It’s the ones that actually had potential, where you felt: this time, it’s different! ► Links and Resources: Conflict Resolution Video: https://youtu.be/PxiDnxXC2p8?si=g69xLC_ZXLgVRo4r Avoidant Attachment Style Video: https://youtu.be/V5Nn_XOHFX8 Relationship Anxiety Video: https://youtu.be/rXscvYntSpY?si=gNSR9w1DpkVv7QTg How I Overcame My Commitment Issues Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUECZtfGkEM Trauma Bond Video: https://youtu.be/J70RwIER2BQ?si=-Qxp_lwNVYMD9sgo ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠⁠ Spotify: ⁠ ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6⁠ Apple Podcasts: ⁠⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905⁠ Amazon Music: ⁠⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Intro 01:19 Why You Keep Ruining Great Relationships 03:11 1. You’re Not Ready for a Real Relationship Yet 11:05 2. Closeness Feels Like a Trap (Avoidant Attachment) 16:19 3. Your Anxiety Runs the Relationship (Anxious Attachment) 20:51 4. Pain Was Your First Language of Connection ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory. My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

    26 min
  4. E317 - Why This Attraction Feels Right — But Will Hurt You

    1 FEB

    E317 - Why This Attraction Feels Right — But Will Hurt You

    ► Start Our Premium Course Trial: https://understandable.net/ (Ad) ► Download the Free Workbook full of Re-Regulation Resources & Writing techniques: https://understandable.net/book/ (Ad) Attraction is a beautiful thing. We all desire it. We all want to feel pulled toward someone. Attraction is often what brings people together in the first place. It gives relationships energy. Yet, there are moments, where attraction suddenly becomes… dangerous. Maybe you’re already in a relationship. Maybe you’ve built a life with someone toxic. And yet there is this pull toward a person you'd be better off not being attracted to. ► Links and Resources: Limerence Video: https://youtu.be/cZ344b-d7DA?si=zE93uPeP9YjIRcSW Anxious Attachment Video: https://youtu.be/rXscvYntSpY?si=vTxyvwzQS-xfYEXZ ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠ https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Sirens and Sailors 02:20 Why We’re Hearing The Call 05:00 Solution: How To Not Fall For The Temptation 06:10 Final Thoughts ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory. My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

    7 min
  5. E316 - Why Small Fights Feel Like Big Breakups

    25 JAN

    E316 - Why Small Fights Feel Like Big Breakups

    ► Start Our Premium Course Trial: https://understandable.net/ (Ad) ► Download the Free Workbook full of Re-Regulation Resources & Writing techniques: https://understandable.net/book/ (Ad) Sometimes, there’s a wild dragon in our mind. It makes our head turn small problems into something that feels threatening. Creating a big disaster and making our thoughts catastrophizing. The dragon can awaken at any time. When we get triggered — by our partner, our boss, or even by ourselves — our calm state gets hijacked. And suddenly, it feels like a fire-breathing dragon takes over our thoughts. It twists how we see things. It exaggerates danger. And if we’re not careful, we don’t just have the dragon in our mind — we become it. We say things we don’t mean. We assume the worst. We hurt other people — and ourselves — often without even realizing it. ► Links and Resources: Negativity Bias Article: https://thedecisionlab.com/biases/negativity-bias ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠ https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 The Inner Dragon 04:25 Why The Dragon Exists 07:50 How To Tame The Dragon 10:46 Final Thoughts ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory. My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

    12 min
  6. E314 - To Anyone Who's Exhausted By Relationships / Why Your Relationships Feel So Exhausting

    18 JAN

    E314 - To Anyone Who's Exhausted By Relationships / Why Your Relationships Feel So Exhausting

    ► Start Our Premium Course Trial: ⁠https://understandable.net/⁠ (Ad) ► Download the Free Workbook full of Re-Regulation Resources & Writing techniques: ⁠https://understandable.net/book/⁠ (Ad) Why do intimate relationships always feel so emotionally overwhelming? I’ve been wondering about that question ever since I started dating. Somehow, relationships always felt more difficult for me than they seemed to be for other people. Not for everyone, but there is definitely a group of people who doesn't understand my specific challenges with it. ► Links and Resources: Regulation in Isolation Episode: https://youtu.be/PP9dvNWZ8p4?si=dCqQr20jMrTEE2RK You Can’t Change Them Episode: https://youtu.be/JUu4MkLvrK4?si=AfBjjLIw7nAj8CDb Sense of Self Article: https://www.healthline.com/health/sense-of-self The Four Points of Balance: https://jamesmchristensen.com/blog/david-schnarchs-four-points-of-balance ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠⁠ Spotify: ⁠ ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6⁠ Apple Podcasts: ⁠⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905⁠ Amazon Music: ⁠⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Intro - Relationships Feel Emotionally Overwhelming Relationships Feel Emotionally Overwhelming 03:39 Why Your Relationships Feel Emotionally Overwhelming 10:05 How To Feel Less Emotionally Overwhelmed In Relationships 11:19 The Four Points Of Balance ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory. My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

    17 min
  7. E313 - To Anyone Who Feels Emotionally Overwhelmed

    15 JAN

    E313 - To Anyone Who Feels Emotionally Overwhelmed

    ► Start Our Premium Course Trial: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://understandable.net/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠(Ad) ► Download the Free Workbook full of Re-Regulation Resources & Writing techniques: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://understandable.net/book/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠(Ad) Emotions are just states that constantly change. No emotional state stays forever. Also emotions are survivable. This is what my therapist always said. You are not the emotions, which are the clouds, you are the sky that’s always there, no matter which emotion arises. ► Links and Resources: Polyvagal Theory Video: https://youtu.be/2iT8Msp8Vx0 ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Spotify: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠ Apple Podcasts: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Amazon Music: ⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Intro - Inside the Emotional Storm 01:43 Why Is The Emotional Storm So Powerful? 03:59 Calming The Storm ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory. My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

    7 min
  8. E312 - Why Avoidants Shut Down (It’s Not You)

    11 JAN

    E312 - Why Avoidants Shut Down (It’s Not You)

    ► Start Our Premium Course Trial: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://understandable.net/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠(Ad) ► Download the Free Workbook full of Re-Regulation Resources & Writing techniques: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://understandable.net/book/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠(Ad) Ladies & Gentlemen, welcome to today’s episode, where we talk about why avoidant partners stonewall, what you can do if you feel you don’t feel heard and seen for the thousand’s time because they always go cold And on the flipside, what avoidants can do if they find themselves constantly stonewalling during vulnerable conversions. ► Links and Resources: Avoidant Attachment Style Video: https://youtu.be/4vs3gDlmS18 Emotional Dysregulation Video: https://youtu.be/Q0iGqa7y6BA How to Resolve Relationship Conflict Like a Secure Person: https://youtu.be/PxiDnxXC2p8 Stonewalling Examples Reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/coolguides/comments/1hw6a4a/a_cool_guide_on_stonewalling_and_how_to_deal_with/ The 4 Horsemen by Dr. John Gottman: https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/ Stonewalling, Grey Rocking & Narcissism: https://sherrygaba.com/navigating-relationships-with-narcissists-stonewalling-vs-gray-rocking/ Adult survivors of Childhood Trauma Paper: https://www1.racgp.org.au/getattachment/79710ca4-e98e-46aa-8f8f-d5f763ea8ef4/Adult-survivors-of-childhood-trauma.aspx ⁠⁠ ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Spotify: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠ Apple Podcasts: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Amazon Music: ⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Intro 00:47 What Is Stonewalling? 03:21 Why Stonewalling Hurts Our Relationship 05:06 Stonewalling Vs. Grey Rocking 07:48 Stonewalling And Avoidant Attachment 09:28 The Stonewalling Cycle 13:55 Stonewalling And The Nervous System 16:30 The Hidden Psychology Behind Stonewalling 18:48 How To Deal With Stonewalling Like A Secure Person ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory. My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

    25 min
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About

► Hi, my name is Robert! For a long time, I wondered why relationships felt so much harder for me than for others. Over the past years, I had the privilege of spending thousands of dollars and countless hours working with four different therapists, exploring what actually creates emotional safety ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions. I am not a health professional. My content is based on research & my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for 3 years.

Information

  • Creator
    Robert Siegers
  • Years Active
    2018 - 2026
  • Episodes
    335
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Robert Siegers
  • Show Website
    UNDERSTANDABLE

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