Let's Talk About........With Nicky Perfect

The Communication Coach
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For over a decade, Nicky Perfect BEM served as a Hostage and Crisis Negotiator, working with people and families in moments of extreme crisis. She went on to become Course Director for the UK’s National Negotiation Course and has trained negotiators and leaders across the world. Alongside her operational career, Nicky has studied psychology, relationships, human behaviour, personal development, and coaching. In this podcast, she brings those experiences together to show how the principles of hostage and crisis negotiation can transform everyday communication. Because communication is at the heart of everything we do — in families, at work, in leadership, and in the toughest conversations we face. When relationships break down, it’s usually because communication has broken down first. Each episode offers real stories, practical strategies, and powerful insights to help you: 🎧 Listen in a way that makes people feel heard💬 Navigate conflict with calm and confidence🌱 Build stronger, healthier relationships at home and at work Learn the skills that save lives — and discover how they can change yours.

  1. 1 day ago

    From Diplomat To Leadership Coach

    An earthquake hits, your team looks to you, and your nervous system screams, “Take control.” That moment reveals your leadership defaults fast. Former US diplomat Jen Brown joins us to share what 23 years in the Foreign Service taught her about crisis leadership, calm decision-making, and why the strongest leaders know when to step forward and when to step aside.  We talk about the leadership trap that drives burnout: believing you must have all the answers, fix every problem, and protect everyone from discomfort. Jen breaks down how coaching transforms that pattern into something healthier and more effective, setting a clear outcome, defining decision authority, and building feedback loops that support accountability without micromanaging. We dig into trust as the foundation that makes hard conversations possible, especially when stress is high and stakes feel personal.  Jen also tells stories you will not forget, including a 7.8 earthquake response in Ecuador and an attempted carjacking with her toddler in the backseat. Those experiences open up a practical conversation about fight, flight, freeze, emotional intelligence, and “positive intelligence” triggers that show up in day-to-day leadership. You will walk away with simple tools to interrupt autopilot, ask better coaching questions, and communicate across culture and personality so “yes” actually means yes.  If you found value here, subscribe, share this with a leader who carries too much, and leave a review so more people can find the show. What is one situation where you want to respond with intention instead of autopilot? Connect with my guest – Jen Brown Jen Brown is a former US diplomat and founder of Journey of Grace Coaching, helping leaders build stronger teams, develop self-awareness and lead with greater confidence. 🌐 Website: https://www.journeyofgracecoaching.com/ 💼 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jenbrown-coach 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/journeyofgracecoaching/ 🎙️ Ripple Effect Leadership Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@RippleEffectLeadershipPodcast Resources & support (UK)Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) Explore more tools & training:  🌐 www.nickyperfect.com  🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

    From Diplomat To Leadership Coach

  2. 9 Oct

    What If The Hard Part Of Step Parenting Is You

    Step parenting can feel like walking into a story halfway through and being expected to know your lines. I talk candidly about what surprised me most when I became a step parent in my 40s, why good intentions are not enough, and how quickly everyday moments can trigger big emotions in a blended family. If you have ever felt like an outsider in your own home, or like you are competing with a bond that existed long before you arrived, you will recognise the tension.  We dig into one of the core skills that changes everything: earning trust. I share how my background in crisis and hostage negotiation shaped the way I approach step parenting conflict, especially the power of active listening. Trust is not granted because you are the adult, it is built through consistency, patience, and real curiosity about what the child is experiencing. I also talk about how holidays, traditions, and co parenting differences can add pressure, and why trying to “win” usually backfires.  Another key thread is meaning making, the stories we attach to events like Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, or the fear of having “no rights” as a step parent. Those stories can quietly create resentment, jealousy, or anxiety unless we name them and challenge them. I also touch on the reality that step parenting can break your heart sometimes, and why pausing before you react can protect the relationship you are trying to build.  If you want practical step parenting advice, calmer blended family communication, and fewer painful spirals, listen through to the end and take one idea into your next tough conversation. Subscribe, share this with a step parent who needs it, and leave a review so more families can find the support, what part do you want to work on next? Resources & support (UK)Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) Explore more tools & training:  🌐 www.nickyperfect.com  🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

  3. 2 Oct

    A Single Conversation Sparked A Trip That Changed How I Communicate

    A 14-hour bus ride, four hours along some very challenging roads and a village welcome filled with singing and dancing. It sounds like a travel story, but my trip to Tanzania became something much more. I came home thinking about communication, community, education and how much we can understand about another human being — even when we don't speak the same language. In this episode of Let's Talk About, I share three lessons that have stayed with me. First, the power of community. I saw what can happen when people collaborate, share responsibility and, importantly, listen to what their community actually needs. Arriving exhausted to an incredible welcome of singing and dancing reminded me just how powerful human connection can be. Second, the power of education. During a visit to a secondary school, I heard the Nelson Mandela quote: “Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.” It made me reflect on how easily we can take access to education for granted and what I can practically do to help create opportunities for others. I also share the commitment I've made to help fund a teacher in the community. And third, something my years as a hostage and crisis negotiator have taught me time and again: emotion needs no translation. We might look different. We might dress differently. We might use different words. But we experience many of the same emotions. During one particularly emotional moment with a young woman in the village, language sometimes failed us — but listening didn't. Tone mattered. Body language mattered. Being present mattered. And sometimes that is all another person needs from us. I came home from Tanzania incredibly grateful — not only for the experience and the wonderful people I met, but for many of the things in my own life that I sometimes forget to stop and appreciate. Perhaps that's the biggest lesson of all. Sometimes we need to stop long enough to notice just how much we already have. 🎙️ Let's Talk About with Nicky Perfect BEM — conversations about communication, conflict and navigating some of life's toughest moments. If this episode makes you stop and think, please subscribe, share it with someone who might enjoy it, and let me know which of the three lessons stayed with you.  conversation. Resources & support (UK)Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) Explore more tools & training:  🌐 www.nickyperfect.com  🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

    A Single Conversation Sparked A Trip That Changed How I Communicate

  4. 25 Sept

    Why Conflict Happens And How To Talk Through It

    One small moment can light a fuse: a late sleep-in, a sharp comment, a meeting that goes sideways, a family gathering where you brace for tension. I’ve just come back from a life-shifting trip that left me feeling deeply grateful, and it also got me thinking about why we struggle so much with the conversations we know we need to have. The truth is that most conflict isn’t only about the topic, it’s about the meaning we assign to it and the beliefs we’re defending.  I walk through what a “difficult conversation” really is, why clashing opinions can turn into sarcasm, silence, or a shouting match, and how misreading motives creates distance fast. A generational example shows how two people can care about each other and still spiral into conflict when nobody says what’s actually going on. We also dig into the hard ones that linger for years, where memory gets fuzzy, resentment burns in the background, and you start wondering if avoiding the talk is saving the relationship or slowly costing it.  We’ll get practical about consequences and confidence at work, including the language of “superiors” and how giving away your power can quietly shape every interaction. I share the E + R = O idea (event plus response equals outcome), plus simple reflection questions to help you notice your triggers and choose your next move with intention. I also mention the Positive Parenting Summit coming on 15 May 2027, focused on tools for real-life parenting challenges. If this helps, subscribe, share the episode, and leave a review so more people can find support with difficult conversations and conflict resolution. Resources & support (UK)Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) Explore more tools & training:  🌐 www.nickyperfect.com  🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

  5. 18 Sept

    Transparent Communication Builds Credibility Before You Need It

    Trust is harder than ever to win, and easier than ever to lose. We sit down with Bradley Harris, a boutique strategic advisor with years in boardrooms and high-stakes environments, to break down what trust actually looks like in real communication, not theory. When media channels are fragmented and people are tired of excuses, we argue for a simple standard: tell the truth, be transparent, and take accountability without hiding behind fluffy language. From stakeholder engagement to crisis communication, Bradley explains why consistent updates matter even when you don’t have much to say. A steady cadence reduces fear, slows rumours, and helps customers, employees, and the public feel grounded. We also explore how alignment really happens: getting clear on mission and vision, shaping positioning and messaging, and making sure everyone is “singing from the same hymnal” while still respecting different audiences. We go deep on the skill that quietly powers all of it: observation. Bradley shares the advice “be the dirt”, learn every crack and crevice before you speak, and why it’s perfectly credible to say “I’m not sure, I’ll look into it.” We wrap with practical ways to practise better communication every day, including volunteering for real reps, being direct, and closing the loop so nothing dangles. If you want clearer internal communications, stronger public relations, and more trust with stakeholders, press play. Subscribe, share this with a colleague who leads through messages, and leave a review with the one communication habit you’re working on next. To find out more about Bradley website: thebradleyharris.com linkedin: www.linkedin.com/in/bradley-harris-a4649360 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61591662461833&sk=about Resources & support (UK)Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) Explore more tools & training:  🌐 www.nickyperfect.com  🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

    Transparent Communication Builds Credibility Before You Need It

  6. 11 Sept

    You Cannot Control Others But You Can Control Your Response

    The news can make your chest feel heavy in seconds. One brutal headline, one angry debate, one more “nothing I do will matter” thought and suddenly you’re stuck in helplessness. We wanted to sit with that feeling and ask a simple, uncomfortable question: do we actually have choice when the world feels out of control? We start with climate change because it’s a perfect mirror for modern overwhelm. Some people are certain it’s accelerating, others doubt it, and many sit somewhere in the middle feeling paralysed by scale. If bigger countries and bigger systems drive most emissions, what difference can your two-bedroom house make? We talk about the “enough trap”, why small actions still have value, and how shifting your language from “I can’t” to “What can I do?” changes your brain from shutdown to problem-solving. From there we zoom into what we know from crisis and conflict: you can’t change other people, but you can influence them, and you always have a choice in how you respond. That’s easy to say and hard to do when your nervous system is in fight flight freeze. We unpack how to find a little space before you react, why respectful disagreement is a skill, and how tiny choices in communication can either validate someone or quietly devalue them. We also bring in Viktor Frankl and Man’s Search for Meaning, testing his claim that the last human freedom is choosing your attitude. Using E + R = O (event + reaction = outcome), we connect philosophy to real life, from everyday frustration to moments of crisis, and share a negotiation story that captures what control really looks like. If this conversation helps, subscribe, share it with someone who feels overwhelmed, and leave a review so more people can find it. What’s one “What can I do?” step you’re choosing today? Resources & support (UK)Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) Explore more tools & training:  🌐 www.nickyperfect.com  🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

    You Cannot Control Others But You Can Control Your Response

  7. 4 Sept

    What If The Problem Is The System Not The Child

    “You’re nice to us.” That’s what the kids said when Sally Michaels asked why they could learn in her setting but not in school, and it’s the line that frames everything we explore here. Sally runs Blue Squid, a non-school alternative provision supporting young people aged 9 to 16 who are struggling with school attendance, especially neurodivergent teenagers who feel crushed by rigid rules, sensory stress, and constant pressure to perform. We get into what changed after COVID and why so many schools drifted toward high control when the system demanded quick academic catch-up. Sally shares what she sees behind the scenes: bright students with huge aspirations who have lost confidence, families who feel dismissed with “they’re fine in school,” and teens who hold it together all day then unravel at home. We also talk about what flexibility can look like in real life, including realistic GCSE pathways, spreading exams over time, and building a bespoke plan that reduces harm while keeping doors open. You’ll hear clear explanations of PDA (pathological demand avoidance or pervasive drive for autonomy), why everyday demands can trigger fight or flight, and why neurodivergence can overlap with trauma responses. Sally breaks down an easy brain-state model (executive, emotional, survival) and we spend time on a topic that doesn’t get enough airtime: shame, how it grows, and how it can drive anxiety, self-harm, and crisis if nobody names it. If you’re parenting a teenager who is struggling with school, or you’re recognising yourself in these patterns, you’re not alone. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more families can find the support and language to move forward. To get in contact with Sally visit: Sally Michaels | LinkedIn bluesquidlearning.com Resources & support (UK)Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) Explore more tools & training:  🌐 www.nickyperfect.com  🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

    What If The Problem Is The System Not The Child

  8. 28 Aug

    Mum, Dad, We Need To Talk

    The moment you realise you need to say “Mum, Dad, we need to talk” can hit like a wave. Not because you don’t love them, but because the topics are loaded: driving safety, memory changes, money worries, and the painful question of whether they can still live independently. I’m sharing a solo, honest walk-through of how I’ve handled these conversations in my own family and what I’ve learned from working with older adults, where dignity matters just as much as safety.  We start with driving because it is often an older person’s lifeline and identity. I explain why “You need to stop” usually triggers resistance, and how adult-to-adult communication helps you stay connected. You’ll hear a practical way to open tough conversations from their perspective, keep the focus on the issue rather than the person, and use calm observational language that reduces conflict. We also get into memory and possible dementia, including how to describe what you’re noticing without blame or labels, so you’re more likely to get a response instead of a defensive reaction.  We then tackle the messy, real-world stuff families whisper about: uncomfortable language, generational belief clashes, technology fear, online banking scams, and money decisions that can put older parents at risk. Finally, we talk about you, because caregiving stress is chuffing hard, and support matters. If this resonates, subscribe, share with someone in the sandwich generation, and leave a review so more people can find practical help when they need it most. Resources & support (UK)Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) Explore more tools & training:  🌐 www.nickyperfect.com  🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

    Mum, Dad, We Need To Talk
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About

For over a decade, Nicky Perfect BEM served as a Hostage and Crisis Negotiator, working with people and families in moments of extreme crisis. She went on to become Course Director for the UK’s National Negotiation Course and has trained negotiators and leaders across the world. Alongside her operational career, Nicky has studied psychology, relationships, human behaviour, personal development, and coaching. In this podcast, she brings those experiences together to show how the principles of hostage and crisis negotiation can transform everyday communication. Because communication is at the heart of everything we do — in families, at work, in leadership, and in the toughest conversations we face. When relationships break down, it’s usually because communication has broken down first. Each episode offers real stories, practical strategies, and powerful insights to help you: 🎧 Listen in a way that makes people feel heard💬 Navigate conflict with calm and confidence🌱 Build stronger, healthier relationships at home and at work Learn the skills that save lives — and discover how they can change yours.

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