Let's Talk About........With Nicky Perfect

The Communication Coach
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For over a decade, Nicky Perfect BEM served as a Hostage and Crisis Negotiator, working with people and families in moments of extreme crisis. She went on to become Course Director for the UK’s National Negotiation Course and has trained negotiators and leaders across the world. Alongside her operational career, Nicky has studied psychology, relationships, human behaviour, personal development, and coaching. In this podcast, she brings those experiences together to show how the principles of hostage and crisis negotiation can transform everyday communication. Because communication is at the heart of everything we do — in families, at work, in leadership, and in the toughest conversations we face. When relationships break down, it’s usually because communication has broken down first. Each episode offers real stories, practical strategies, and powerful insights to help you: 🎧 Listen in a way that makes people feel heard💬 Navigate conflict with calm and confidence🌱 Build stronger, healthier relationships at home and at work Learn the skills that save lives — and discover how they can change yours.

  1. 1d ago

    A Single Conversation Sparked A Trip That Changed How I Communicate

    A 14-hour bus ride, four hours along some very challenging roads and a village welcome filled with singing and dancing. It sounds like a travel story, but my trip to Tanzania became something much more. I came home thinking about communication, community, education and how much we can understand about another human being — even when we don't speak the same language. In this episode of Let's Talk About, I share three lessons that have stayed with me. First, the power of community. I saw what can happen when people collaborate, share responsibility and, importantly, listen to what their community actually needs. Arriving exhausted to an incredible welcome of singing and dancing reminded me just how powerful human connection can be. Second, the power of education. During a visit to a secondary school, I heard the Nelson Mandela quote: “Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.” It made me reflect on how easily we can take access to education for granted and what I can practically do to help create opportunities for others. I also share the commitment I've made to help fund a teacher in the community. And third, something my years as a hostage and crisis negotiator have taught me time and again: emotion needs no translation. We might look different. We might dress differently. We might use different words. But we experience many of the same emotions. During one particularly emotional moment with a young woman in the village, language sometimes failed us — but listening didn't. Tone mattered. Body language mattered. Being present mattered. And sometimes that is all another person needs from us. I came home from Tanzania incredibly grateful — not only for the experience and the wonderful people I met, but for many of the things in my own life that I sometimes forget to stop and appreciate. Perhaps that's the biggest lesson of all. Sometimes we need to stop long enough to notice just how much we already have. 🎙️ Let's Talk About with Nicky Perfect BEM — conversations about communication, conflict and navigating some of life's toughest moments. If this episode makes you stop and think, please subscribe, share it with someone who might enjoy it, and let me know which of the three lessons stayed with you.  conversation. Resources & support (UK)Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) Explore more tools & training:  🌐 www.nickyperfect.com  🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

    A Single Conversation Sparked A Trip That Changed How I Communicate

  2. Sep 25

    Why Conflict Happens And How To Talk Through It

    One small moment can light a fuse: a late sleep-in, a sharp comment, a meeting that goes sideways, a family gathering where you brace for tension. I’ve just come back from a life-shifting trip that left me feeling deeply grateful, and it also got me thinking about why we struggle so much with the conversations we know we need to have. The truth is that most conflict isn’t only about the topic, it’s about the meaning we assign to it and the beliefs we’re defending.  I walk through what a “difficult conversation” really is, why clashing opinions can turn into sarcasm, silence, or a shouting match, and how misreading motives creates distance fast. A generational example shows how two people can care about each other and still spiral into conflict when nobody says what’s actually going on. We also dig into the hard ones that linger for years, where memory gets fuzzy, resentment burns in the background, and you start wondering if avoiding the talk is saving the relationship or slowly costing it.  We’ll get practical about consequences and confidence at work, including the language of “superiors” and how giving away your power can quietly shape every interaction. I share the E + R = O idea (event plus response equals outcome), plus simple reflection questions to help you notice your triggers and choose your next move with intention. I also mention the Positive Parenting Summit coming on 15 May 2027, focused on tools for real-life parenting challenges. If this helps, subscribe, share the episode, and leave a review so more people can find support with difficult conversations and conflict resolution. Resources & support (UK)Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) Explore more tools & training:  🌐 www.nickyperfect.com  🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

  3. Sep 18

    Transparent Communication Builds Credibility Before You Need It

    Trust is harder than ever to win, and easier than ever to lose. We sit down with Bradley Harris, a boutique strategic advisor with years in boardrooms and high-stakes environments, to break down what trust actually looks like in real communication, not theory. When media channels are fragmented and people are tired of excuses, we argue for a simple standard: tell the truth, be transparent, and take accountability without hiding behind fluffy language. From stakeholder engagement to crisis communication, Bradley explains why consistent updates matter even when you don’t have much to say. A steady cadence reduces fear, slows rumours, and helps customers, employees, and the public feel grounded. We also explore how alignment really happens: getting clear on mission and vision, shaping positioning and messaging, and making sure everyone is “singing from the same hymnal” while still respecting different audiences. We go deep on the skill that quietly powers all of it: observation. Bradley shares the advice “be the dirt”, learn every crack and crevice before you speak, and why it’s perfectly credible to say “I’m not sure, I’ll look into it.” We wrap with practical ways to practise better communication every day, including volunteering for real reps, being direct, and closing the loop so nothing dangles. If you want clearer internal communications, stronger public relations, and more trust with stakeholders, press play. Subscribe, share this with a colleague who leads through messages, and leave a review with the one communication habit you’re working on next. To find out more about Bradley website: thebradleyharris.com linkedin: www.linkedin.com/in/bradley-harris-a4649360 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61591662461833&sk=about Resources & support (UK)Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) Explore more tools & training:  🌐 www.nickyperfect.com  🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

    Transparent Communication Builds Credibility Before You Need It

  4. Sep 11

    You Cannot Control Others But You Can Control Your Response

    The news can make your chest feel heavy in seconds. One brutal headline, one angry debate, one more “nothing I do will matter” thought and suddenly you’re stuck in helplessness. We wanted to sit with that feeling and ask a simple, uncomfortable question: do we actually have choice when the world feels out of control? We start with climate change because it’s a perfect mirror for modern overwhelm. Some people are certain it’s accelerating, others doubt it, and many sit somewhere in the middle feeling paralysed by scale. If bigger countries and bigger systems drive most emissions, what difference can your two-bedroom house make? We talk about the “enough trap”, why small actions still have value, and how shifting your language from “I can’t” to “What can I do?” changes your brain from shutdown to problem-solving. From there we zoom into what we know from crisis and conflict: you can’t change other people, but you can influence them, and you always have a choice in how you respond. That’s easy to say and hard to do when your nervous system is in fight flight freeze. We unpack how to find a little space before you react, why respectful disagreement is a skill, and how tiny choices in communication can either validate someone or quietly devalue them. We also bring in Viktor Frankl and Man’s Search for Meaning, testing his claim that the last human freedom is choosing your attitude. Using E + R = O (event + reaction = outcome), we connect philosophy to real life, from everyday frustration to moments of crisis, and share a negotiation story that captures what control really looks like. If this conversation helps, subscribe, share it with someone who feels overwhelmed, and leave a review so more people can find it. What’s one “What can I do?” step you’re choosing today? Resources & support (UK)Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) Explore more tools & training:  🌐 www.nickyperfect.com  🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

    You Cannot Control Others But You Can Control Your Response

  5. Sep 4

    What If The Problem Is The System Not The Child

    “You’re nice to us.” That’s what the kids said when Sally Michaels asked why they could learn in her setting but not in school, and it’s the line that frames everything we explore here. Sally runs Blue Squid, a non-school alternative provision supporting young people aged 9 to 16 who are struggling with school attendance, especially neurodivergent teenagers who feel crushed by rigid rules, sensory stress, and constant pressure to perform. We get into what changed after COVID and why so many schools drifted toward high control when the system demanded quick academic catch-up. Sally shares what she sees behind the scenes: bright students with huge aspirations who have lost confidence, families who feel dismissed with “they’re fine in school,” and teens who hold it together all day then unravel at home. We also talk about what flexibility can look like in real life, including realistic GCSE pathways, spreading exams over time, and building a bespoke plan that reduces harm while keeping doors open. You’ll hear clear explanations of PDA (pathological demand avoidance or pervasive drive for autonomy), why everyday demands can trigger fight or flight, and why neurodivergence can overlap with trauma responses. Sally breaks down an easy brain-state model (executive, emotional, survival) and we spend time on a topic that doesn’t get enough airtime: shame, how it grows, and how it can drive anxiety, self-harm, and crisis if nobody names it. If you’re parenting a teenager who is struggling with school, or you’re recognising yourself in these patterns, you’re not alone. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more families can find the support and language to move forward. To get in contact with Sally visit: Sally Michaels | LinkedIn bluesquidlearning.com Resources & support (UK)Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) Explore more tools & training:  🌐 www.nickyperfect.com  🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

    What If The Problem Is The System Not The Child

  6. Aug 28

    Mum, Dad, We Need To Talk

    The moment you realise you need to say “Mum, Dad, we need to talk” can hit like a wave. Not because you don’t love them, but because the topics are loaded: driving safety, memory changes, money worries, and the painful question of whether they can still live independently. I’m sharing a solo, honest walk-through of how I’ve handled these conversations in my own family and what I’ve learned from working with older adults, where dignity matters just as much as safety.  We start with driving because it is often an older person’s lifeline and identity. I explain why “You need to stop” usually triggers resistance, and how adult-to-adult communication helps you stay connected. You’ll hear a practical way to open tough conversations from their perspective, keep the focus on the issue rather than the person, and use calm observational language that reduces conflict. We also get into memory and possible dementia, including how to describe what you’re noticing without blame or labels, so you’re more likely to get a response instead of a defensive reaction.  We then tackle the messy, real-world stuff families whisper about: uncomfortable language, generational belief clashes, technology fear, online banking scams, and money decisions that can put older parents at risk. Finally, we talk about you, because caregiving stress is chuffing hard, and support matters. If this resonates, subscribe, share with someone in the sandwich generation, and leave a review so more people can find practical help when they need it most. Resources & support (UK)Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) Explore more tools & training:  🌐 www.nickyperfect.com  🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

    Mum, Dad, We Need To Talk

  7. Aug 21

    What Would A Good Handover Look Like

    Death admin is one of those tasks that feels “optional” right up until the day it becomes urgent. We sit down with Caro from Your Final Matters to talk about the reality facing the sandwich generation: juggling work, kids, and ageing parents while trying to avoid conversations about funerals, wills, powers of attorney, and what happens if someone loses capacity. Caro shares a practical, compassionate approach to end-of-life planning and estate planning that starts with trust, not paperwork. We unpack the beliefs that make families shut down, like “talking about death brings it closer” or “my kids will sort it out,” and why anger is often a cover for fear, loss, and the need for control. If you have ever tried to raise these topics with a parent or partner and hit a wall, you will recognise the patterns and learn ways to ease the pressure. We also get concrete about the big protectors: power of attorney in the UK and the real “cost of doing nothing,” plus digital legacy planning. Passwords, online banking, and hidden accounts can trap money and create chaos for executors, which is why Caro argues for a simple system and even the idea of a digital executor. You will also hear how her Sunflower Stories project uses a sunflower as a gentle prompt to spark one hard conversation and one small action, without the dread. If this resonates, share it with someone who keeps saying “we’ll deal with it later,” and then take one step today. Subscribe, leave a review, and tell us: what is the first document or conversation you want to tackle? Find out more from Caro here: https://yourfinalmatters.co.uk/ https://www.instagram.com/yourfinalmatters/ https://www.facebook.com/yourfinalmatters https://www.linkedin.com/in/carosyson/ Resources & support (UK)Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) Explore more tools & training:  🌐 www.nickyperfect.com  🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

    What Would A Good Handover Look Like

  8. Aug 14

    From Anticipatory Grief To Sudden Loss And Healing Tools

    One phone call can split your life into a before and after and grief rarely stops at just one loss. I’m joined by Lisa Archer from Holistic Life Coaching, who shares her deeply personal story of receiving a brain cancer diagnosis for her dad while living thousands of miles away in the UK, then facing the jolt of sudden loss soon after. We talk candidly about the difference between anticipatory grief and unexpected death, and why your coping style can change from one bereavement to the next without you doing anything “wrong.” Lisa also opens up about the hidden weight so many people carry: managing everyone else’s emotions while your own grief sits in the background. We get practical about grief literacy and support, including what not to say (“I know exactly how you feel”), why ghosting someone is so painful, and how to show up in a way that keeps the focus on the person who is grieving. If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by other people’s reactions at the worst moment of your life, you’ll feel seen here. We then move into healing tools that are both grounded and human: therapy and bereavement counselling, guided meditation, movement, mindset without toxic positivity, and a simple gratitude practice to stop the mind from spiralling. Lisa shares how those same tools supported her through early breast cancer detection and a double mastectomy decision, plus why boundaries and environment matter when your energy is limited. Finally, we explore identity after loss including ambiguous grief from retirement, relationship change, and major life transitions, with a clear starting point: reconnect with your core values and ask yourself, “What do I love?” If this conversation helps, please subscribe, share it with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more people can find support. Connect with Lisa Links: https://holisticlifecoaching.org.uk/ https://www.linkedin.com/in/lisamariearcher/ https://www.facebook.com/coachlisaarcher https://www.facebook.com/holisticlifecoachingwithlisamarie/ https://www.instagram.com/holistic_coach_lisa/ Resources & support (UK)Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) Explore more tools & training:  🌐 www.nickyperfect.com  🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

    From Anticipatory Grief To Sudden Loss And Healing Tools
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About

For over a decade, Nicky Perfect BEM served as a Hostage and Crisis Negotiator, working with people and families in moments of extreme crisis. She went on to become Course Director for the UK’s National Negotiation Course and has trained negotiators and leaders across the world. Alongside her operational career, Nicky has studied psychology, relationships, human behaviour, personal development, and coaching. In this podcast, she brings those experiences together to show how the principles of hostage and crisis negotiation can transform everyday communication. Because communication is at the heart of everything we do — in families, at work, in leadership, and in the toughest conversations we face. When relationships break down, it’s usually because communication has broken down first. Each episode offers real stories, practical strategies, and powerful insights to help you: 🎧 Listen in a way that makes people feel heard💬 Navigate conflict with calm and confidence🌱 Build stronger, healthier relationships at home and at work Learn the skills that save lives — and discover how they can change yours.

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