Raising Boys & Girls

Welcome to the Raising Boys and Girls Podcast with Sissy Goff, David Thomas, and Melissa Trevathan. In each episode of this podcast, we’ll share some of what we’re learning in the work we do with kids and families on a daily basis at Daystar Counseling Ministries. Our goal is to help you care for the kids in your life with a little more understanding, a little more practical help, and a whole lot of hope. So pull up a chair and join us on this journey of raising boys and girls. Connect with us at raisingboysandgirls.com.

  1. 2h ago

    Episode 422: Managing Emotions in Capable Kids with David and Sissy

    The episode moves the Capable series from strengths to skills, which are things kids have to be taught and practice, like tying their shoes. Managing emotions comes first. Sissy and David ask parents to notice their own reflex when a child is upset. Are they a fixer, a matcher, a minimizer, or a regulator? They point to research on co-regulation showing that kids borrow an adult’s steadiness before they can calm themselves. From there they walk through the steps: name the feeling (“name it to tame it”), validate it without approving the behavior, and skip the lecture while a child’s “downstairs brain” is in charge. A code word chosen ahead of time and a family list of 20 calming strategies both help. One memorable example is a fifth grader who prayed through the alphabet to fall asleep. The episode ends with a “try this at home” challenge for parents to notice their own patterns and to ask their kids, “What helps your feelings not feel quite so big?” Resources mentioned: Strong and Smart by David Thomas I Am Capable by David Thomas and Sissy Goff The Daystar Dog series by David Thomas and Sissy Goff Feelings Chart Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson’s “upstairs and downstairs brain” model A 2024 systematic review on parent–child co-regulation A meta-analysis of 53 studies linking parents’ emotion regulation to their children’s A brain imaging study on affect labeling (naming an emotion lowered activity in the amygdala) . . . . . .  Sign up to receive the⁠ bi-⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠monthly newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to keep up to date with where David and Sissy are speaking, where they are taco'ing, PLUS conversation starters for you and your family to share! Order our new book, Capable, here!! See our speaking dates, purchase books and check out our courses here.. . . . . .  If you would like to partner with Raising Boys and Girls as a podcast sponsor, fill out our⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Advertise With Us⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ form. BOLL & BRANCH: Get 15% off plus free shipping on your first set of sheets at Bollandbranch.com/rbg⁠. Exclusions apply. QUINCE: Go to ⁠Quince.com/rbg⁠ for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns. AG1: Go to DrinkAG.com/RBG and get a free Immune Support Bundle, including a bottle of Omega-3 fish oil and a bottle of Vitamin D3K2, with your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro. CHRISTIAN HEALTHSHARE MINISTRIES: Take charge of your healthcare by visiting chministries.org/solution. HEYPOLO: Save 70% on your first year by going to heypolo.com/raising Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    Episode 422: Managing Emotions in Capable Kids with David and Sissy
  2. 2h ago ·  Bonus

    You Might Enjoy: On Purpose with Jay Shetty

    Introducing Vinh Giang: How to Communicate So People Actually Listen to You from On Purpose with Jay Shetty. Follow the show: On Purpose with Jay Shetty Communication expert Vinh Giang joins Jay to share practical tools from his first book, Before We Forget How to Connect, to help you become a more confident communicator and build deeper, more meaningful connections. Vinh explains how to become a better listener, avoid common communication mistakes, and speak so people actually pay attention. From sounding confident when you're nervous to speaking up in meetings, navigating difficult conversations, and making a great first impression, Vinh shares simple techniques to help you communicate more effectively and connect with people in every area of your life. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty Instagram Teen Accounts: Built-in protections for teens. JAY'S DAILY WISDOM DELIVERED STRAIGHT TO YOUR INBOX Join 900,000+ readers discovering how small daily shifts create big life change with my free newsletter. Subscribe here: https://news.jayshetty.me/subscribe Check out our Apple subscription to unlock bonus content of On Purpose! https://lnk.to/JayShettyPodcast What We Discuss: 00:00 Introduction 00:25 Before We Forget How To Connect 01:52 The High-Low Buffalo Icebreaker 02:45 Sharing Personal Highs 05:15 Sharing Personal Lows 11:40 Sharing Personal Buffalos 13:40 Escaping Small Talk 16:10 Overcoming Self-Judgment 17:58 Sharing Wins Without Sounding Arrogant 19:50 Communication Beyond The Script 20:40 Gen Z's Communication Struggles 23:20 Last Word, Last Letter Game 27:20 The Four Modalities Of Listening 29:50 The Three Follow-Up Questions Rule 35:50 How Do You Make A Great First Impression? 40:10 Reading the Room, Not Formulas 44:10 Finding Your Unique Voice 49:00 Life As A Book: New Chapters 50:40 Building Executive Presence 53:20 Fix Your Resting Blank Face 58:30 Filming Yourself For Self-Awareness 01:02:20 When Your Mind Goes Blank 01:06:10 The Power Of The Pause 01:09:30 How Can You Sound Confident When You’re Nervous? 01:14:40 From Texting Chemistry to Real-Life Connection 01:18:40 How to Communicate Better During Arguments 01:20:20 Learning to Speak Up In Meetings 01:25:45 How to Join a Conversation Without Feeling Awkward 01:28:20 Leaving A Conversation Gracefully 01:31:4 Embracing Vulnerability Episode Resources: Book | https://vinhgiang.com/before-we-forget-how-to-connect Website | https://vinhgiang.com/ YouTube | https://youtube.com/@askvinh Facebook | https://www.facebook.com/share/1CCPX1ChrP/?mibextid=wwXIfr LinkedIn | https://www.linkedin.com/in/vinhgiang Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices DISCLAIMER: Please note, this is an independent podcast episode not affiliated with, endorsed by, or produced in conjunction with the host podcast feed or any of its media entities. The views and opinions expressed in this episode are solely those of the creators and guests. For any concerns, please reach out to team@podroll.fm.

    You Might Enjoy: On Purpose with Jay Shetty
  3. 5d ago

    Episode 421: Writing Your Child's Story While Writing Your Own with Craig Melvin

    Sissy and David sit down in New York with Craig Melvin to talk about his book Pops, a love letter to his father, who is now in recovery after 15 years of addiction. Craig shares how growing up with an absent dad made him and his wife Lindsay put being present first, even though they sometimes overcorrect. His reminder to his family is “if everything is special, nothing is special.” He talks about helping his kids find their people, and about how years of covering tragedy taught him that the hills and valleys are what build resilience. He hopes his kids will someday remember the awkward bedtime talks and beach walks more than the big VIP moments. Resources mentioned: Pops: Learning to Be a Son and a Father by Craig Melvin I’m Proud of You by Craig Melvin Glass Half Full with Craig Melvin Dads Got This! Craig Melvin’s show . . . . . .  Sign up to receive the⁠ bi-⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠monthly newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to keep up to date with where David and Sissy are speaking, where they are taco'ing, PLUS conversation starters for you and your family to share! Order our new book, Capable, here!! See our speaking dates, purchase books and check out our courses here.. . . . . .  If you would like to partner with Raising Boys and Girls as a podcast sponsor, fill out our⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Advertise With Us⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ form. BOLL & BRANCH: Get 15% off plus free shipping on your first set of sheets at Bollandbranch.com/rbg⁠. Exclusions apply. QUINCE: Go to ⁠Quince.com/rbg⁠ for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns. AG1: Go to DrinkAG.com/RBG and get a free Immune Support Bundle, including a bottle of Omega-3 fish oil and a bottle of Vitamin D3K2, with your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro. CHRISTIAN HEALTHSHARE MINISTRIES: Take charge of your healthcare by visiting chministries.org/solution. THE ABSORPTION COMPANY: Visit absorbmore.com and use code RBG for up to 35% off your first order. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    Episode 421: Writing Your Child's Story While Writing Your Own with Craig Melvin
  4. Oct 20

    Episode 420: Growing Gratitude in Capable Kids with David and Sissy

    Gratitude can sound like the soft strength in the capability series. Sissy and David argue it’s an essential one, because it teaches kids to hold two realities at once instead of pretending the hard thing isn’t there. They warn against “you should be grateful” responses that shut down emotions and can leave kids feeling shame. Instead, they encourage parents to let feelings have room before helping kids “widen the lens.” Sissy shares how her family’s “wow” practice, borrowed from Kathryn Price’s “delight” finger, now has four-year-old Whit stopping to notice joy at Disney. The hosts offer concrete ideas: name gratitude out loud, ask fresh questions, use “and” instead of “but,” make a gratitude album, write a gratitude letter, and do a gratitude scavenger hunt. They close with a challenge for this week: ask your family “What was hard today, and what was good today?” Then just listen. Resources mentioned: Episode 359: A Roadmap to Technology (and Fun) for Families with Catherine Price . . . . . .  Sign up to receive the⁠ bi-⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠monthly newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to keep up to date with where David and Sissy are speaking, where they are taco'ing, PLUS conversation starters for you and your family to share! Order our new book, Capable, here!! See our speaking dates, purchase books and check out our courses here.. . . . . .  If you would like to partner with Raising Boys and Girls as a podcast sponsor, fill out our⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Advertise With Us⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ form. BOLL & BRANCH: Get 15% off plus free shipping on your first set of sheets at Bollandbranch.com/rbg⁠. Exclusions apply. QUINCE: Go to ⁠Quince.com/rbg⁠ for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns. AG1: Go to DrinkAG.com/RBG and get a free Immune Support Bundle, including a bottle of Omega-3 fish oil and a bottle of Vitamin D3K2, with your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro. CHRISTIAN HEALTHSHARE MINISTRIES: Take charge of your healthcare by visiting chministries.org/solution. HIYA: Visit hiyahealth.com/rbg for 50% off your first order. OUR PLACE: Stop cooking with toxic cookware, and upgrade to Our Place today. Visit fromourplace.com/RBG and use code RBG for 10% off sitewide. WAYFAIR: Get organized, refreshed, and ready for the holidays for way less. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    Episode 420: Growing Gratitude in Capable Kids with David and Sissy
  5. Oct 15

    Episode 419: Building Resilience, Perspective, and Hope Amidst Hard News with Vicky Nguyen

    As part of the Strengths, Skills, and Strategies podcast season, NBC's Vicky Nguyen shares her family's escape from Vietnam by boat and how growing up as the perpetual "new kid" built her grit. Now she and her husband "manufacture hardship" for their three daughters, like having their middle daughter tell her Taekwondo master herself that she was quitting, because "I can't pedal the bike for you and expect you to learn how to ride it." She also explains why she praises effort over achievement and how parents can help kids face scary news: ask questions first, don't over-explain, and model calm. Resources mentioned: Boat Baby by Vicky Nguyen The AI documentary Vicky recommends, called "How I Became an Apocaloptimist" . . . . . .  Sign up to receive the⁠ bi-⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠monthly newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to keep up to date with where David and Sissy are speaking, where they are taco'ing, PLUS conversation starters for you and your family to share! Order our new book, Capable, here!! See our speaking dates, purchase books and check out our courses here.. . . . . .  If you would like to partner with Raising Boys and Girls as a podcast sponsor, fill out our⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Advertise With Us⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ form. BOLL & BRANCH: Get 15% off plus free shipping on your first set of sheets at Bollandbranch.com/rbg⁠. Exclusions apply. QUINCE: Go to ⁠Quince.com/rbg⁠ for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns. AG1: Go to DrinkAG.com/RBG and get a free Immune Support Bundle, including a bottle of Omega-3 fish oil and a bottle of Vitamin D3K2, with your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro. CHRISTIAN HEALTHSHARE MINISTRIES: Take charge of your healthcare by visiting chministries.org/solution. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    Episode 419: Building Resilience, Perspective, and Hope Amidst Hard News with Vicky Nguyen
  6. Oct 13

    Episode 418: Growing Perseverance in Capable Kids with David and Sissy

    In this episode, Sissy and David explore how kids build perseverance by sticking with hard things, and how parents can stay close without stepping in to rescue them. David tells the story of a freshman cross-country runner who finished her first meet long after everyone else, cheered in by teammates who ran back onto the course for her. They share practical ideas: let kids be beginners, look for small everyday chances to keep going, and ask whether it's your child or you who needs relief. They close with Romans 5 and a challenge to tell your kids one of your own unpolished perseverance stories this week. Resources mentioned: Capable by Sissy Goff and David Thomas Episode 187: Parenting and Grandparenting with Love and Laughter with Anne Lamott Research on Person versus process praise and criticism: implications for contingent self-worth and coping by Carol Dweck Research on How Adults' Actions, Outcomes, and Testimony Affect Preschoolers' Persistence . . . . . .  Sign up to receive the⁠ bi-⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠monthly newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to keep up to date with where David and Sissy are speaking, where they are taco'ing, PLUS conversation starters for you and your family to share! Order our new book, Capable, here!! See our speaking dates, purchase books and check out our courses here.. . . . . .  If you would like to partner with Raising Boys and Girls as a podcast sponsor, fill out our⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Advertise With Us⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ form. BOLL & BRANCH: Get 15% off plus free shipping on your first set of sheets at Bollandbranch.com/rbg⁠. Exclusions apply. QUINCE: Go to ⁠Quince.com/rbg⁠ for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns. AG1: Go to DrinkAG.com/RBG and get a free Immune Support Bundle, including a bottle of Omega-3 fish oil and a bottle of Vitamin D3K2, with your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro. CHRISTIAN HEALTHSHARE MINISTRIES: Take charge of your healthcare by visiting chministries.org/solution. HIYA: Visit hiyahealth.com/rbg for 50% off your first order.OUR PLACE: Visit fromourplace.com/rbg and use code RBG for 10% off sitewide, Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    Episode 418: Growing Perseverance in Capable Kids with David and Sissy
  7. Oct 8

    Episode 417: Helping Families with Disabilities Experience Their Capability with Amy Juila Becker

    Amy Julia Becker explains why measuring kids against developmental milestones makes children with disabilities look incapable, and why asking "what's the next small step toward growth?" shows how capable they really are. She describes letting love "wrap around" fear and helping kids feel wanted, valued, and needed. She also shares how person-centered goal-setting turned 12-year-old Penny's dream of living with friends in Chicago into "Mondays, Penny does her own laundry." Her advice for overwhelmed parents is to pick one overwhelming thing, ask "who could help me?", and take one small step toward that person. Resources mentioned: Capable by Sissy Goff and David Thomas Amy Julia Becker's books: To Be Made Well, White Picket Fences, Small Talk, A Good and Perfect Gift Amy Julia's podcasts: Take the Next Step with Amy Julia Becker and Reimagining the Good Life Take the Next Step: When Grief Has No Words: Helping Kids With Disabilities Process Loss • Sissy Goff, LPC-MHSP Raising Boys and Girls Episode 226: Reimagining Family Life with Disability with Amy Julia Becker Hope Heals Disability Ministry Network Alliance for Disability Justice and Ethics in Reproductive Genetics . . . . . .  Sign up to receive the⁠ bi-⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠monthly newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to keep up to date with where David and Sissy are speaking, where they are taco'ing, PLUS conversation starters for you and your family to share! Order our new book, Capable, here!! See our speaking dates, purchase books and check out our courses here.. . . . . .  If you would like to partner with Raising Boys and Girls as a podcast sponsor, fill out our⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Advertise With Us⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ form. BOLL & BRANCH: Get 15% off plus free shipping on your first set of sheets at Bollandbranch.com/rbg⁠. Exclusions apply. QUINCE: Go to ⁠Quince.com/rbg⁠ for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns. AG1: Go to DrinkAG.com/RBG and get a free Immune Support Bundle, including a bottle of Omega-3 fish oil and a bottle of Vitamin D3K2, with your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro. CHRISTIAN HEALTHSHARE MINISTRIES: Take charge of your healthcare by visiting chministries.org/solution.THE ABSORPTION COMPANY: Visit absorbmore.com and use code RBG for up to 35% off your first order. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    Episode 417: Helping Families with Disabilities Experience Their Capability with Amy Juila Becker
  8. Oct 6

    Episode 416: Growing Flexibility in Capable Kids with David and Sissy

    Sissy and David open with a "How Flexible Are You Really?" quiz and explain that flexibility is what happens after disappointment. They say they've never seen kids, or parents, struggle with it this much, and they connect rigidity to anxiety's need for certainty and to the "control monster." They share four ways to build flexibility: name it, make it fun with low-stakes practice like a flexibility jar or a family points challenge, reward the practice, and model it yourself. They close with the idea that being capable means trusting yourself to find plan B. Sign up to receive the⁠ bi-⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠monthly newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to keep up to date with where David and Sissy are speaking, where they are taco'ing, PLUS conversation starters for you and your family to share! Order our new book, Capable, here!! See our speaking dates, purchase books and check out our courses here.. . . . . .  If you would like to partner with Raising Boys and Girls as a podcast sponsor, fill out our⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Advertise With Us⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ form. BOLL & BRANCH: Get 15% off plus free shipping on your first set of sheets at Bollandbranch.com/rbg⁠. Exclusions apply. QUINCE: Go to ⁠Quince.com/rbg⁠ for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns. AG1: Go to DrinkAG.com/RBG and get a free Immune Support Bundle, including a bottle of Omega-3 fish oil and a bottle of Vitamin D3K2, with your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro. CHRISTIAN HEALTHSHARE MINISTRIES: Take charge of your healthcare by visiting chministries.org/solution. COMPASSION INTERNATIONAL: See where your one yes could lead. Visit compassion.com/rbg today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    Episode 416: Growing Flexibility in Capable Kids with David and Sissy

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About

Welcome to the Raising Boys and Girls Podcast with Sissy Goff, David Thomas, and Melissa Trevathan. In each episode of this podcast, we’ll share some of what we’re learning in the work we do with kids and families on a daily basis at Daystar Counseling Ministries. Our goal is to help you care for the kids in your life with a little more understanding, a little more practical help, and a whole lot of hope. So pull up a chair and join us on this journey of raising boys and girls. Connect with us at raisingboysandgirls.com.

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