The Simplicity Parenting Podcast with Kim John Payne

Kim John Payne/Center for Social Sustainability
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Weekly insights on children and parenting from Simplicity Parenting author Kim John Payne.

  1. #312: Balancing a Child's Needs and the Family's Needs

    MAY 6

    #312: Balancing a Child's Needs and the Family's Needs

    In this episode, Kim John Payne addresses a common point of derailment in family life: when a child's impulses and desires collide with the needs of the larger family. He explains that children, especially young ones, lack the prefrontal lobe brain development to naturally see the bigger picture. They cannot easily grasp that a sibling needs to get to soccer practice, a parent has emails to answer, or a baby is crying. Their impulse is simply "I want this now,” “I need your attention now." Kim offers a practical approach for these moments. First, recognize and name what the child wants so they feel heard. Second, give a time stamp, something concrete and visual for younger children (like "after I finish chopping these vegetables") or a specific number of minutes for older ones. Third, invite the child to be with you while you complete your task, perhaps with drawing supplies or beeswax to hold. Telling an "I remember when" story from the family's history reinforces the message that "us" matters alongside "me." When you do pause to help, Kim suggests breaking tasks into phases: you've finished your first part, now help them with their first part, then return to your next task. This models that not everything can be achieved in one go and that family life is a shared ecosystem where everyone's needs are balanced. 🏠 Simple Family Living  📑 Simplicity Parenting Starter Kit 📲 Request a Consultation with Kim John Payne

    17 min
  2. #311: Am I a Governer or an Adviser

    APR 27

    #311: Am I a Governer or an Adviser

    In this episode, Kim John Payne offers a quick overview of the Soul of Discipline framework and then focuses on a common confusion in the early years: the difference between being a governor and being an advisor. He explains that during the first seven to nine years, parents serve as the governor of the family state, establishing values, rhythms, and how things are done. Later comes the gardener phase (around nine to twelve), where parents listen, coach, and then decide. Finally, in the teenage years, parents become guides, helping young people stay true to their direction rather than imposing opinions. Kim highlights how easily parents can drift from governor into advisor territory, often out of a desire to be polite or respectful. Phrases like "shall we all get into the car?" or "who would like to put their coat on?" unintentionally position the child as the decision-maker. While this may smooth things over in the moment, it creates confusion about who is leading the family and leaves children feeling less secure. Kim even suggests that some parents drift further into what he calls "butler" territory, where they feel they are serving the children rather than guiding them. He encourages parents to spend a week observing themselves from the “balcony", noticing whether they offer too many open-ended choices. Closed ended choices ("you may choose between toast and cereal") keep parents in the governor role, while open-ended questions ("what would you like for breakfast?") hand authority to the child. The goal is to fold children into the warm, safe structure of family leadership. 🍎 Care Professionals Seminar Registration 🏠 Simple Family Living  📑 Simplicity Parenting Starter Kit 📲 Request a Consultation with Kim John Payne

    10 min
  3. #307: Interview with Laura Carlin: Part One - Decluttering with Love and Intention

    APR 1

    #307: Interview with Laura Carlin: Part One - Decluttering with Love and Intention

    In this episode, Kim John Payne welcomes longtime colleague and Simplicity Parenting coach Laura Carlin for the first of a four-part conversation on decluttering. Laura introduces what she calls "the decluttering secret": that how we go about decluttering (our energy, intentions, and self-talk) can be as important as what we choose to keep or let go of. She emphasizes that outer decluttering must be accompanied by inner work, shifting from fear and judgment toward curiosity and appreciation. Laura outlines four practices for creating and maintaining a clutter-free home: decluttering (choosing what to keep and release), organizing (designating where things belong), maintaining (developing the habit of putting things back), and preventing (stopping clutter from accumulating in the first place). She encourages parents to begin by clearing inner clutter, writing down all the thoughts occupying mental space, so they can approach the process from a place of clarity rather than overwhelm. Kim notes that younger children especially absorb a parent's inner state through their mirror neurons, making a peaceful approach to decluttering beneficial for the whole family. Laura also touches on common challenges like sentimental items, unwanted gifts, and navigating differences with a partner who prefers to keep more. 🏠 Simple Family Living  🍎 Care Professionals Seminar Interest List 📑 Simplicity Parenting Starter Kit 📲 Request a Consultation with Kim John Payne

    14 min
  4. #303: Going on a News Cleanse

    MAR 4

    #303: Going on a News Cleanse

    In this episode, Kim John Payne addresses how constant news exposure erodes our ability to be present with our children. He explains that modern news cycles, with autoplay, doom scrolling, and half-hourly updates, repeatedly trigger the amygdala even when we're hearing the same story again. Each repetition builds a micro emotional trauma and baseline anxiety that children absorb through a kind of emotional osmosis, sensing that part of our attention is elsewhere. Kim shares strategies that parents have found successful in reclaiming their presence. The first is appointing a "catastrophe buddy," someone trusted who will alert you if something truly significant happens, so you can let go of the fear of missing out. Others have switched from visual news to audio, or limited themselves to a single five-minute summary each morning. Some replace news-checking habits with soothing podcasts that bring relaxation or joy, which children also absorb. Kim encourages parents to consciously substitute news time with connection: telling "I remember when" stories, sitting with a teenager, or simply being present. He suggests a month-long cleanse, noting that most parents who try it never return to their previous level of consumption. The goal is to stop feeding attention to provocative content and instead invest that attention in the people right in front of us... and maybe a little bit of calm and love to ourselves. 🏠 Simple Family Living  📑 Simplicity Parenting Starter Kit 📲 Request a Consultation with Kim John Payne 📚 Simplicity Parenting Book Store

    13 min
  5. #299: If Rhythms Need To Change

    FEB 11

    #299: If Rhythms Need To Change

    In this episode, Kim John Payne explores how families can navigate changes in rhythms while still preserving the security that predictability provides. He explains that when a regular caregiver is unavailable for bath time or bedtime, previewing the change earlier in the day helps a child take it in and prepare. By letting a child know at breakfast or lunch what will be different that evening, parents give them time to adjust rather than springing a surprise at the last moment. Kim highlights the value of micro rhythms (the small "and then" steps that make up a routine) because when children know exactly how something goes, they can guide another caregiver through it with confidence. This sense of agency transforms the child from a passive participant into someone who feels ownership over their world. The same principle applies when handing routines to babysitters or grandparents: written steps and a child who knows the drill makes everyone feel more capable and reduces disruption. Kim encourages parents to invite children to show what comes next, letting them self-navigate through familiar sequences and take pride in their competence 🏠 Simple Family Living  📑 Simplicity Parenting Starter Kit 📲 Request a Consultation with Kim John Payne 📚 Simplicity Parenting Book Store

    9 min
  6. #295: Kindling a Child's Competency

    JAN 15

    #295: Kindling a Child's Competency

    In this episode, Kim John Payne explores how small, repeated household rituals build both motor skills and a sense of competency in children. He explains that micro rhythms (the little "hows" of daily life like setting the table, clearing dishes, or preparing for bath time) create more than just predictability and safety. When children perform these tasks in the same way over and over, they develop fine and gross motor skills while establishing neural pathways that support learning and coordination. Kim emphasizes that this repetition also builds proprioception, helping children understand where they are in space. Beyond the physical benefits, rhythmical home care gives children a profound sense of agency and accomplishment in a world where they have limited control. By doing these small tasks independently and successfully, children develop the confidence that comes from knowing "I can do this." Kim encourages parents to see these micro rhythms not as chores but as opportunities to kindle competency that will serve children throughout their lives. 📓Simplicity Parenting Family Life Care Professionals Seminar 🍎 Simplicity Parenting Coach Training 📑 Simplicity Parenting Starter Kit 📲 Request a Consultation with Kim John Payne

    10 min
  7. #291: Saying, Feeling & Doing Sorry

    12/18/2025

    #291: Saying, Feeling & Doing Sorry

    In this monthly episode of Simplicity Parenting, Kim John Payne explores the difference between asking children to say sorry and helping them genuinely make things right. While acknowledging that saying sorry has value, Kim cautions against forcing apologies, which often leads to defensiveness, shame, or empty words. Instead, he invites parents to look beneath the apology and focus on what truly matters: a child recognizing that something crossed a family value and taking responsibility in a way that feels real and restorative. When children feel pressured or shamed, Kim explains, they are far more likely to deny or resist rather than reflect. Kim introduces the idea of “doing sorry” as an alternative and often more meaningful path. This might include repairing harm through actions, offering something meaningful to the other child, or simply showing genuine remorse through presence and emotion. He describes three forms of apology: saying sorry, feeling sorry, and doing sorry, and emphasizes that any combination of these can be appropriate. By giving children time to calm down and guiding them gently toward repair, parents help them develop empathy and accountability without humiliation. The episode reminds listeners that true reconciliation grows from connection, not coercion. 🏠 Simple Family Living  📑 Simplicity Parenting Starter Kit 📲 Request a Consultation with Kim John Payne 📚 Simplicity Parenting Book Store

    12 min
  8. #287: Slow, Low and No Means No

    11/19/2025

    #287: Slow, Low and No Means No

    In this episode, Kim John Payne explores how parents can set clear, loving boundaries in ways that truly reach their children. He explains that when we slow our speech and lower our tone, children are better able to process what we say and feel our calm authority. Speaking slowly helps a message land without repetition, and a lower, grounded voice communicates steadiness and care rather than frustration. Kim encourages parents to “inhabit” the no, to let it come from a calm, centered place rather than from irritation or haste. He describes how children’s mirror neurons naturally respond to the energy and posture of the adult in front of them. When parents slow down, breathe, and settle their bodies, children follow that movement toward calm and security. A firm “no” delivered with warmth and confidence helps a child feel safe, even if they do not like the limit in the moment. Kim closes the episode by announcing the launch of Simple Family Living, a new online platform offering workshops, guided parenting journeys, and a full, searchable archive of Simplicity Parenting themes. 🏠 Simple Family Living ❤️ Support the Podcast 📑 Simplicity Parenting Starter Kit 📲 Request a Consultation with Kim John Payne 📚 Simplicity Parenting Book Store

    14 min
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Weekly insights on children and parenting from Simplicity Parenting author Kim John Payne.

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