Content note: This episode discusses childhood abuse, sexual assault and family estrangement. If you or someone you know needs support, resources are at the bottom of these notes. Church is always supposed to be the safest place you could possibly go, right? Today I sit down with Stella McCormick, author of Deliver Us From Mother: Faith, Fear, and the Family Cult That Broke Me, to talk about growing up in what Stella calls an evangelical, fundamentalist, Christian single-family cult led by her mother. Stella explains a single-family cult. A cult doesn't need a compound or a famous leader. It can be one family, even one couple, held together by coercive control, isolation, financial control and thought control. She walks through what that looked like in her home as one of nine children, homeschooled, parentified, and raised on mandatory obedience in the orbit of the Duggars and Bill Gothard's IBLP. She talks about leaving at 20 by joining the Navy, why she first saw the world outside as "the ultimate test of my faith," and how a boot-camp friendship started to crack the story she'd been told. After an assault in the service and a trial that ended in a not-guilty verdict, therapy in Kuwait helped her name what she'd lived through, with her older sister doing the same work from home. Stella then describes calling Child Protective Services on her own parents, how her family told the story afterward, what happened for the children involved, and why she now says: "I did not destroy my family. I simply told somebody about it." They close with going no contact, healing that never fully ends, and the freedom of life after deconstruction. This is one of the bravest conversations I’ve had on this show. I can’t wait for you to hear it. KEY TOPICS - Why Stella plans not to take future children to church until they can think critically - What a single-family cult is, and how it differs from a compound or congregation - The Duggars, IBLP, Bill Gothard and "head of household" teaching - Mandatory obedience, parentification and growing up in a very large homeschool family - James Dobson's "strong-willed child" and being told you were born with more sin - The sinner's prayer on repeat: what religious guilt does to a child - Leaving physically vs. leaving psychologically - Learning from people you were taught to fear - Victim-blaming, and the kind of parent Stella wants to be - Therapy, the word "abused," and the sister who walked the path with her - The pregnancy rumor and the fear that your mother is all-powerful - Calling CPS, the court outcome, and the family's version of events - Allison's seven characteristics of cult dynamics (charismatic authoritarian leader, coercive control, a family narrative, forced conformity, intense secrecy, manipulation through guilt and fear, limited contact with the outside world) - No contact, healing and untangling truth from "perceived truth" FIND STELLA McCORMICK - Book: Deliver Us From Mother: https://link.amazon/B0dEjexg0 - TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@stella_mccormick - Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/stellamc_author/ WORK WITH ME I'm a podcast and brand strategist. If you want to use your voice as a force for good and a podcast is your platform, or you already have one that isn't doing what you want, book a free clarity call at https://AllisonHare.com/freecall RESOURCES (U.S.) - RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline: 800-656-HOPE (4673), free, confidential, 24/7; chat at hotline.rainn.org - Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-422-4453 - 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988 - Outside the U.S., contact your local emergency or crisis services. Stella's story is her own account of her experience. Opinions expressed by guests are their own. Be sure to rate, review, and follow this podcast on your player and also, connect with me IRL for more goodness and life-changing stuff. Schedule a FREE podcast clarity call with me - Your future audience is out there. Talk to them!Sign up for the free weekly emailAllisonHare.comFollow me on Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook, and YouTube.DOWNLOAD the free podcast equipment guide- No guesswork, no google rabbit holes, start recording todayReb3l Dance Fitness - Try it at home! Free month with this link.Feedback and Contact:: allison@allisonhare.com
