Clemenz With a ”Z” Podcast

Roy Clemenz
  • 4.7 (35)
  • Personal Journals
  • Updated Weekly

This podcast is me sharing stories as I search for balance in an imbalanced world. I discuss topics such as fatherhood, masculinity, and religion through stories of myself and interviews.

  1. Aug 17

    EP 240 Her Favorite Kind of Pie: Audra Phelps on leaving Mormonism and learning to choose herself

    In this episode, I sit down with Audra Phelps to talk about growing up in a strict Mormon household, the ten-year journey that eventually led her out of the church, and the difficult work of discovering who she was after leaving. We explore how high-control religious systems can teach us to distrust our own questions, surrender our decision-making to outside authority, and follow a prescribed life without ever asking whether it is the life we would choose for ourselves. Audra shares the moment she looked in the mirror and said, “I am not Mormon,” along with the later realization that she knew everyone else’s favorite kind of pie, but couldn’t name her own. Today, Audra helps former Mormon moms quiet their inner Mormon critic, reconnect with their intuition, and build lives and families beyond the beliefs they inherited. Through Mama Audra, she offers the Reclaimed program, one-on-one coaching, free monthly Cozy Chats, and a free masterclass called “Five Shifts Every Former Mormon Mom Needs to Make.” You can learn more at mamaaudra.com or connect with her on Instagram at @mamaaudraofficial. If this episode meant something to you, I’d love it if you’d take a second to like, subscribe, and leave a review, it really helps more people find the show. You can head over to https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 every bit helps. And if you’re looking for more reflection, honesty, and spiritual wrestling, check out my Substack: Devotionals for the Deconstructing & Disillusioned, it’s a space for people who still have soul, but no longer fit in the boxes they were handed. Thanks for being here.

  2. Jul 1

    EP 239 The Other Half of the Story: How an Instagram reel and Toy Story 5 reminded me that deconstruction is only half the story

    Sometimes the most meaningful shifts don't happen while we're reading a book or sitting in therapy, they happen while scrolling Instagram... or watching Toy Story 5 with our kids. In this episode, I share how an Instagram reel about fatherhood challenged me, why I couldn't stop thinking about it, and how an unexpected night at the movies helped me discover the other half of the story. This isn't just a conversation about masculinity or fatherhood; it's about deconstruction, reconstruction, belonging, and the kind of presence I hope to become for my son, my family, and the people I love. If you've ever found yourself asking, "If I'm letting go of who I thought I was supposed to be... who am I becoming?" I think this episode is for you. If this episode meant something to you, I’d love it if you’d take a second to like, subscribe, and leave a review, it really helps more people find the show. You can head over to https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 every bit helps. And if you’re looking for more reflection, honesty, and spiritual wrestling, check out my Substack: Devotionals for the Deconstructing & Disillusioned, it’s a space for people who still have soul, but no longer fit in the boxes they were handed. Thanks for being here.

  3. Jun 24

    EP 238 HE RAN: The Father's Day sermon I want to tell

    Every Father's Day, I hear some version of the same message: be stronger, lead better, protect more, carry the weight. And if I'm honest, those sermons usually leave me feeling less encouraged and more afraid. Afraid of getting it wrong. Afraid of not being enough. In this episode, I explore a different vision of fatherhood through one of Jesus' most famous parables. Looking at the story we often call "The Prodigal Son," I found myself drawn not to the son who left, but to the father who watched, waited, and ran. This is the Father's Day sermon I want to tell.  It's a reflection on fear, love, letting go, and what it means to become the kind of person someone can always come home to. If this episode meant something to you, I’d love it if you’d take a second to like, subscribe, and leave a review, it really helps more people find the show. You can head over to https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 every bit helps. And if you’re looking for more reflection, honesty, and spiritual wrestling, check out my Substack: Devotionals for the Deconstructing & Disillusioned, it’s a space for people who still have soul, but no longer fit in the boxes they were handed. Thanks for being here.

  4. Jun 14

    EP 237 The Space Between the Notes: What music taught me about mystery, meaning, and being human

    Music is, at its most basic level, just vibrations moving through the air. A guitar string vibrates, sound waves travel through oxygen molecules, and our brains somehow turn those vibrations into an experience. Yet that explanation never feels like enough. A song can make us cry, transport us back in time, or help us survive a difficult season of life. In this episode of Clemenz With a "Z", I explore the idea of emergence; the mysterious way that simple parts sometimes become something more when they come together. From music and consciousness to family, community, and spirituality, this conversation wrestles with two different kinds of "why" and what it means to live with wonder in a world that can often be explained, but never fully exhausted. If this episode meant something to you, I’d love it if you’d take a second to like, subscribe, and leave a review, it really helps more people find the show. You can head over to https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 every bit helps. And if you’re looking for more reflection, honesty, and spiritual wrestling, check out my Substack: Devotionals for the Deconstructing & Disillusioned, it’s a space for people who still have soul, but no longer fit in the boxes they were handed. Thanks for being here.

  5. Jun 3

    EP 236 The Question In The Backseat: On Sacred Questions, Small Hands, and the Emotional World We Build Around Faith

    A few days ago, my son climbed into the backseat after school holding a small Jesus figurine. He turned it over in his hands for a few quiet minutes, and then, completely out of nowhere asked me: "Why did Jesus die?" I laughed. Then I felt the weight of it. Because for a lot of us who grew up in evangelical or high-control religious spaces, that question was never simple. It carried fear, guilt, and a framework we absorbed long before we were old enough to examine it. In this episode, I talk about how I answered him, the answer I chose not to give, and what hit me a few days later, the realization that mattered more than getting the theology right. If this episode meant something to you, I’d love it if you’d take a second to like, subscribe, and leave a review, it really helps more people find the show. You can head over to https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 every bit helps. And if you’re looking for more reflection, honesty, and spiritual wrestling, check out my Substack: Devotionals for the Deconstructing & Disillusioned, it’s a space for people who still have soul, but no longer fit in the boxes they were handed. Thanks for being here.

  6. May 29

    EP 235 The Messy Middle: On Certainty, Complexity, and the Strange Freedom of Not Having It All Figured Out

    I've ended every episode of Clemenz With a 'Z' with the same line for years:  'thanks for being a part of this messy middle with me.' It became such a reflex that I stopped asking myself what I actually meant by it. This episode is my honest answer. And if you've ever left a system, a church, a belief structure, a tribe and found yourself wondering why you can't seem to land anywhere clean, this one is for you. The messy middle isn't a problem to solve. It might actually be the most honest place you've ever lived. If something in this conversation resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you. You can email me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM over on Instagram at @clemenzwithazpodcast. If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there’s a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff.  And if you’re looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That’s where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don’t always make it onto the podcast. And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know. This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me. Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.

  7. May 22

    EP 234 The Sting in the Hug: What Happens When Men Are Taught to Fear Tenderness

    This episode of Clemenz With a “Z” started with a story that honestly stopped me in my tracks: a pastor introducing another pastor from the pulpit by mocking his rental car as “a little gay.” But the deeper I sat with it, the more I realized this wasn’t really about a Prius, or even one awkward church moment. It was about the systems so many men have been raised inside, systems that teach us to fear tenderness, police closeness, and perform strength at the expense of real connection. In this episode, I explore masculinity, emotional safety, church culture, brotherhood, purity culture, and the quiet loneliness so many men carry underneath the performance. I also reflect on my own experience growing up in the ICOC, the complicated beauty of male friendship inside high-control environments, and the example my father gave me of a different kind of manhood—one rooted not in fear, but presence. If something in this conversation resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you. You can email me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM over on Instagram at @clemenzwithazpodcast. If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there’s a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link’s in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going. And if you’re looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That’s where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don’t always make it onto the podcast. And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know. This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me. Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.

  8. May 18

    EP 233 Not Back. Somewhere New: On Reconstruction, Permission, and the Wreckage We Leave Behind

    This episode started as a Substack article I wrote after receiving a text message that hit something deeper in me than I expected. What began as a reflection on reconstruction and deconstruction slowly became something bigger, a conversation about fear, belonging, external validation, nervous systems, and what it means to rebuild a spiritual life on your own terms after leaving a high-control environment. In this episode, I unpack the pressure to “pick a side,” the reflex to explain yourself, the exhaustion of having your journey policed by both religious and deconstruction spaces, and the slow realization that maybe healing isn’t about “coming back” at all. Maybe it’s about learning how to stand in something new, something you chose honestly for yourself. If something in this conversation resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you. You can email me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM over on Instagram at @clemenzwithazpodcast. If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there’s a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link’s in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going. And if you’re looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That’s where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don’t always make it onto the podcast. And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know. This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me. Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.

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4.7
out of 5
35 Ratings

About

This podcast is me sharing stories as I search for balance in an imbalanced world. I discuss topics such as fatherhood, masculinity, and religion through stories of myself and interviews.

Information

  • Creator
    Roy Clemenz
  • Years Active
    2019 - 2026
  • Episodes
    240
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Copyright 2019 All rights reserved.
  • Show Website
    Clemenz With a ”Z” Podcast

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