Change Your Life with Dr Amen Kaur

Dr. Amen Kaur

You have something of immense value to give. Something happened, and now you feel unsure of yourself. You doubt yourself and your self confidence has gone. Maybe it was redundancy, or a divorce, or a new manager who chipped away at your value until you stopped trusting yourself. Maybe you were quietly managed out. Maybe nothing dramatic happened at all and you have just been asking, is this it? Either way you want more, you cannot go back to what it was, and you cannot make yourself move forward the way you used to. That is not a strategy problem. Most advice gives you one half of the answer. One half is all structure, the plans and the tactics, with no inner foundation to hold it up, so what is really driving you is fear and proving yourself. The other half is all inner work, sitting with your feelings and never taking an action. Both leave you feeling stuck, lost, overwhelmed and burned out. This show is about doing both, in the right order. Self love first, because when you do not have it you stop believing you are worth what you want. Then self worth, so you can trust what you know. Then self value, so you can express it and actually experience it. Then the systems and structures that make it compound. Build your value on the inside. Achieve your goals on the outside. I'm Dr. Amen Kaur. I have spent over twenty years helping people achieve their goals, including as a partner in an FTSE 250 business. I am a researcher at heart, so I look for the root cause rather than treating the symptom. What I bring you here is research, science and spirituality, because the convergence of all three brings us to a core truth. Each week we look at answering the questions you are actually asking. How do I start my life over? What do I actually want? How do I find my purpose after losing my job? How do I deal with a career change when I have no idea what I want next? How do I recover after a breakup or a divorce? How do I start a business when I don't know what I want and my confidence has gone? Is it too late to start over? Should I start a business, or go back to a job after self-employment? Is a career coach worth it? And underneath those, the questions that decide the answer. Why do I keep self sabotaging. Why do I procrastinate. Why do I people please and over give and prove my worth. Why does my confidence go when someone devalues me. Why do I keep attracting toxic relationships and toxic bosses. Why do I feel undervalued when I know I'm good at what I do. How do I stop feeling anxious about a decision I already know I want to make. We work through self love, self worth and self value, and the practical, tactical things they let you do. Getting the promotion. Building the business. Finding career clarity when you are feeling stuck mid career. Setting boundaries without guilt. Regulating your nervous system so you can think straight. Building the systems and structures that compound, at work and in a business, so the results keep coming without you burning yourself out to get them. You cannot be told your value. You have to experience it. If you are feeling lost, feeling stuck, or wondering what to do next, start with any episode and see what lands.

  1. 1d ago

    You're Not a People Pleaser. You're Proving Something.

    Find out where you are being held back. The quiz takes three minutes: amenkaur.com/quiz You have been trying harder than you have ever tried, and it is not working. This episode looks at what actually happens to your sense of worth when you lose the thing you had been proving it with, why affirmations can make it worse, and two things that genuinely help. Underneath most people-pleasing there is one thing going on. We are trying to prove we are worth something. But proving your worth and feeling your worth are two different things, and one does not lead to the other. In this episode I look at what actually happens when the thing you had been proving yourself through is taken away. Why effort stops working at exactly the point you need it most. Why the advice you have been given, including affirmations, can make it worse rather than better. And two things you can do this week that actually restore something. I also share what happened in my own working life, a client of mine who went from being made to feel less than to thriving in a different environment, and a wasp at my daughter's window. In this episode: Why losing a role can feel like losing yourselfWhat the pursuit of self-esteem actually costs youRigid persistence, and why trying harder is not the same as trying wellWhat stress does to the part of your brain that makes decisionsWhy affirmations backfire for the people who need them mostThe open tab, and why unfinished things drain youTwo things that give you your capacity back The research referenced: Jennifer Crocker and Connie Wolfe, Contingencies of Self-Worth, Psychological Review, 2001Jennifer Crocker and Lora Park, The Costly Pursuit of Self-Esteem, Psychological Bulletin, 2004Robert Vallerand and colleagues, on harmonious and obsessive passion, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2003Amy Arnsten, Stress signalling pathways that impair prefrontal cortex structure and function, Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 2009Joanne Wood, Elaine Perunovic and John Lee, Positive self-statements: power for some, peril for others, Psychological Science, 2009Kitty Klein and Adriel Boals, Expressive writing can increase working memory capacity, Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 2001Gabriel Radvansky and David Copeland, Walking through doorways causes forgetting, Memory and Cognition, 2006Marily Oppezzo and Daniel Schwartz, Give your ideas some legs, Journal of Experimental Psychology, 2014 Find out where you are being held back. The quiz takes three minutes: amenkaur.com/quiz If this episode landed, rating the show is the single most useful thing you can do to help someone else find it.

  2. Sep 9

    I'll eliminate your self-sabotage forever (the five-beat loop and how to break it)

    Take the Quiz : https://www.amenkaur.com/quiz You get close to the thing you want. The promotion, the business, the conversation you've been meaning to have. And something in you pulls back. That's not weakness, and it's not a mindset problem. It's an old map doing its job. In this episode I walk you through the exact five-beat loop your self-sabotage runs on, so you can catch it happening in real time. Then I show you how to break it, working backwards, starting in the one place most people refuse to start. I also run my own through it. The boardroom, the seizing up, the boss who'd put his neck out for me, and the rule underneath it that I didn't know I was following. What you'll take away: The map you were handed early in life, and why self-sabotage is what happens at its edgesThe five beats: want more, trigger, the body reacts, escape, relief, shame, and why the relief is what makes it stickyStep one: start at the shame, and why love is the only thing that stops it fueling the next roundStep two: go back to the trigger and listen, with a short practice you can do while you listenStep three: give your body one new experience, and the trick I stumbled into when I couldn't do it for myselfThe deeper layer: what the Bhagavad Gita, the first letter of John, and the Guru Granth Sahib were pointing to long before the neuroscience caught up Your next step: You now have the method. What you don't know yet is which of your five systems is holding the edge. Take the three-minute quiz at amenkaur.com/quiz and find out what to focus on first. If this episode did something for you: Rate the show wherever you're listening. Share it with the one person who came to mind. And if you have a minute, a few words in the reviews about what shifted. I read every one. Research mentioned: Neff, K. (2003). Self-compassion: an alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity.Gilbert, P. (2009). The Compassionate Mind. Constable.Kirschner, H. et al. (2019). Soothing your heart and feeling connected: a new experimental paradigm to study the benefits of self-compassion. Clinical Psychological Science. Texts mentioned: Bhagavad Gita 6:5 to 6:61 John 4:18Guru Granth Sahib, Ang 441 This episode is for reflection and education. It isn't therapy or medical advice.

  3. Sep 3

    Starting over after a loss or ending? It's not clarity you're missing

    You know roughly what you want. You still can't make yourself do it. This episode explains why, in plain pictures, and gives you one small thing to do this week that your body will actually let you do. If you've been laid off, divorced, lost someone, lost a home, or had an ending you didn't choose, and it's months or years on and you're still in the parking lot, this one is for you. Five lessons. It was never a clarity problem. Your brain is driving on an old map. You're not lazy, you're on 8% battery. You cannot be told your value, you have to experience it. And you redraw the map one short drive at a time. With the stories of five women who did exactly that: a book, a podcast, a sideline business, a job that trains for the next thing, and a job that finally fits her family. Find out which of five patterns is stopping you. Three minutes, ten questions: https://amenkaur.com/quiz In this episode Why "I need more clarity" is the wrong problem to solveThe satnav that has the destination and won't startWhat a loss actually takes from you (not the building, the road)Why your brain pulls over after a loss, and why that isn't weaknessThe 8% battery: why courses and advice don't land when you're running on emptyChargers and drainers: the people who fill your battery and the ones running in the backgroundYou cannot be told your value, you have to experience itThe singer, the applause, and where worth actually livesSmall drives in daylight: how the brain redraws its mapFuel on the garage floor vs fuel in the tank The one thing to do this week Write down the rough direction you already know. One sentence. Notice how fast it came. Take the quiz https://amenkaur.com/quiz Science mentioned Lisa Feldman Barrett, How Emotions Are Made / Seven and a Half Lessons About the Brain. The predictive brain, the body budget, prediction error.Peter Sheeran, Intention-behavior relations (2002); Sheeran and Webb, The intention-behavior gap (2016). Inclined abstainers.Albert Bandura, Self-Efficacy (1997). Mastery experience.Jamieson, Mendes, Blackstock and Schmader (2010). Arousal reappraisal. Keywords starting over, loss, layoff, divorce, stuck, motivation, self-worth, nervous system, identity, career change after 40, women, coaching, self love, value,

  4. Aug 26

    Why You Feel Stuck After a Big Loss (5 Lessons About Mastering Your Emotions)

    Click here for the Free Quiz You've done the courses. You've read the books. You've done the therapy work. And you're still sitting there thinking, why can't I move? That isn't a knowledge problem. You already know the direction you need to move in. Something is stopping you from acting on it. In this episode I make the case that when something big goes, a marriage, a role, a title, a business, a person, what you actually lost was your container. That identity was doing a job for you. It was holding your emotions in place. And when it went, the emotions didn't go anywhere, they just lost their anchor. Which is exactly why it feels like a confidence problem, and exactly why treating it as one doesn't work. I share what I learned reading KPI spreadsheets as a partner in a FTSE 250 business, where I could tell you which person on a team was struggling before anyone said a word to me. And I give you five lessons you can use today. The five lessons You didn't lose your confidence, you lost your containerEmotions compound, and the danger is the delay, not the emotionYour emotions are data, and naming them changes your nervous systemEvery emotion needs a different solution, which is why the wrong course leaves you exactly where you startedSAS: space and self-regulate, before you decide anything Lesson four is the one almost nobody talks about, and it's the reason people spend thousands and come back feeling identical. Not sure which one is yours? I've built a short quiz that tells you which pattern is running things for you right now, with an audio to listen to based on your result. It takes a couple of minutes. Quiz - Click here Research mentioned in this episode Lieberman, M. D., Eisenberger, N. I., Crockett, M. J., Tom, S. M., Pfeifer, J. H., and Way, B. M. (2007). Putting Feelings Into Words: Affect Labeling Disrupts Amygdala Activity in Response to Affective Stimuli. Psychological Science, 18(5), 421 to 428.Kashdan, T. B., Barrett, L. F., and McKnight, P. E. (2015). Unpacking Emotion Differentiation. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 24(1), 10 to 16. Note that this literature is largely correlational rather than causal. About Dr. Amen Kaur Dr. Amen Kaur is a trauma-informed who spent over 20 years in leadership, becoming a partner in a FTSE 250 business, before moving into helping women after major life transitions achieve their career and business goals through identity change & creating systems that help implement change.

  5. Aug 18

    How to Change Your Life in One Day (5 Steps)

    Take the free 3-minute quiz → https://amenkaur.com/quiz Find out which of the five patterns is keeping you stuck. Ten questions, about three minutes, free, with your own reading and a short audio from me. How to change your life when you already know what to do and still can't do it. You've read the books. You've done the courses. You've made the plan more than once. And still, the thing you keep meaning to change hasn't changed. That isn't a discipline problem. A clinical psychologist called William Miller spent his whole career studying addiction and behavior change, and kept meeting people who had been stuck for years and then changed in a single moment. Not slowly. Not through treatment. All at once. When he asked them what had actually changed, none of them said willpower. They said what mattered to them had rearranged itself. In this episode I take you through five steps you can do in one sitting, with a pen and paper or your voice notes, to find the system running underneath your behavior and start changing it. I share the belief I carried for thirty years, where I got it from, and the ordinary evening that made it impossible to keep carrying. The fifth step is the one almost nobody teaches, and it's the reason so much change is temporary. What we cover Why trying harder works against you, and what actually moves firstThe two kinds of sudden change Miller found, and what they had in commonHow your value structure got built before you had any say in itWhy overgiving and proving your worth are one belief, not several habitsWhy your body objects when you say something true about yourselfWhat completion is, and why change doesn't hold without it Who this is for If you are capable, functioning, and stuck. If you're starting over after a divorce, a redundancy, an empty nest, or leaving a career that defined you, this is the episode about why knowing hasn't been enough. Do this with me Have a pen and paper, or your phone's voice notes. Pause where you need to. This is a doing episode. Research referenced William R. Miller and Janet C'de Baca, Quantum Change: When Epiphanies and Sudden Insights Transform Ordinary Lives. Find out which pattern is yours: https://amenkaur.com/quiz behavior change, identity, self worth, burnout, nervous system, quantum change, William Miller, values, overgiving, people pleasing, women in transition, coachingchange your life in one day, personal development, five steps to change, motivational interviewing, overcoming fear, self-help strategies, value reorganization, shifting priorities, building confidence, behavior change, identity transformation, self-worth improvement, breaking bad habits, self-discovery journey, emotional freedom, creating meaningful change, personal growth techniques, effective life changes, mindset shift, understanding addiction recovery Disclaimer This podcast is for education and reflection. I'm a coach, not a doctor or a therapist, and nothing here is a substitute for medical or mental health treatment. Step three in this episode asks you to look at difficult things on purpose. If that brings up more than you can manage alone, please speak to your GP or a qualified therapist. If you're in crisis, contact emergency services or a crisis line in your country.

  6. Aug 5

    You don't have a manifestation problem. You have a belonging problem.

    You don't have a manifestation problem. You have a belonging problem. Seven lessons on why your nervous system rejects the success you keep asking for, and how to finally move forward. If you've been secretly trying to manifest more in your life, a new you, a new life, that job, that business, that bigger reach, and you're still stuck in exactly the same place, this episode offers a different explanation, one that starts in your nervous system, not your mindset. I spent my early career as a scientist and over twenty years helping people build careers and businesses before becoming a trauma informed somatic coach, so everything in this episode sits on the bridge between science and spirituality. We go deep into the mechanics of why putting something out there isn't bringing back what you truly want, and what your nervous system has to do with it. I share seven lessons, in three parts: Feeling lost doesn't mean you're off your pathYou can't think your way out, because the block was never in your thinkingEverything is energy, and you belong to it by defaultYour brain is a filter, built from every moment you learned you didn't belongYour body isn't failing to attract success, it's rejecting itYour place in the puzzle exists by design, you don't have to earn itBelonging comes first, not after success Each lesson comes with one small action you can take this week, including the ninety second practice for finally letting an emotion move through your body. Mentioned in this episode The Body Keeps the Score by Dr. Bessel van der KolkDr. David Hawkins and his map of consciousnessNeuroscientist Jill Bolte Taylor's observation that an emotion moves through the body in about ninety secondsPhysicists John Wheeler and Richard Feynman on the energy contained in empty space Free masterclass If this episode stirred something in you and you'd like support finding your value, releasing your limitations, and creating what you came here to do, my free masterclass is at https://amenkaur.com/masterclass Let's connect Tell me which of the seven lessons landed hardest for you, I genuinely want to know, and it helps me decide what to go deeper on next time. And if this show is useful to you, a rating or review makes a real difference in helping it reach the women who need it. manifestation, why manifestation isn't working, nervous system, nervous system regulation, survival mode, somatic coaching, somatic healing, trauma informed, feeling stuck, feeling lost, self-worth, self-trust, self-love, belonging, purpose, life transition, starting over, career change, visibility, women in midlife, neuroscience, emotional intelligence, intuition, The Body Keeps the Score, spiritual growth

  7. Jul 30

    How to Stop Overthinking and Start Creating

    For masterclass clink here Do you keep overthinking every idea, studying what everyone else is doing, and still find you can't start the thing you know you're meant to create? In this episode, we're breaking down why overthinking is exactly what's keeping your creativity stuck. If you're capable, driven, and full of ideas that never make it into the world, the problem isn't your discipline and it isn't a lack of originality. There are three layers of noise sitting between you and the part of you that already knows what to do, and each one has a name, science behind it, and a way through. I'm walking you through the Three Layers of Noise: why your nervous system filters every thought before you get to have it, why unfelt emotion jams the signal your intuition is trying to send, and why the voice in your head is a storyteller, not a reporter. You'll hear how Rick Rubin and Albert Einstein both described the same order of creation, and what the research on insight says about where ideas actually come from. In this episode, you will discover: Why comparison can only ever produce a copy, and what that's costing you. Layer 1: The Body. Why you can't out-think a stressed nervous system. Layer 2: The Emotional Static. Why the answer is arriving but can't get through. Layer 3: The Thought Stream. Why grinding at your desk produces nothing while ideas arrive in the shower. The order the research confirms: the idea comes first, the strategy comes second. The question that replaces "what's wrong with me." Research and books referenced: Amy Arnsten (Yale) on stress and the prefrontal cortex. Lisa Feldman Barrett on constructed emotion and interoception. Sarah Garfinkel and Hugo Critchley on interoception. John Kounios and Mark Beeman on the neuroscience of insight. Roger Beaty on the default mode network and creativity. Albert Einstein's account of his own thinking, from Jacques Hadamard, The Psychology of Invention in the Mathematical Field (1945). Rick Rubin, The Creative Act: A Way of Being. Free Masterclass: https://www.amenkaur.com/masterclass If you want to go deeper and align the systems underneath your creativity in the right order, join my free masterclass here Join the Conversation: Which of the three layers of noise is loudest for you right now? Drop a comment below. I read every single one, and they help me decide what to cover next. Sending you so much love, Dr. Amen Kaur #creativity #overthinking #intuition #creativeblock #startingover #beingyou Keywords: self-discovery, personal growth, creativity, emotional intelligence, innovative thinking, overcoming fear, entrepreneurship, spiritual awakening, finding purpose, mental health awareness, navigating anxiety, unique talents, expressing creativity, building confidence, overcoming obstacles, mind-body connection, emotional healing, intuitive guidance, self-acceptance, developing resilience

  8. Jul 22

    The 8% Battery Rule: Fix Your Nervous System Shutdown

    Ready to go deeper? Join the free masterclass and learn the full 5-stage framework: https://www.amenkaur.com/masterclass Ever feel like you're moving through molasses, giving maximum effort for minimal output? This episode unpacks the 8% Battery Rule, a simple way to understand why high-achievers hit sudden walls of exhaustion, and the exact signals your nervous system sends before, during, and after a shutdown. In this episode: Why cortisol isn't the villain it's made out to be, and what its natural daily rhythm should look like. How a "flat" stress curve is actually a sign of chronic overload, not calm. Why your recovery speed after a hard day is a better resilience signal than how you feel in the moment. The hidden cost of suppressing grief, anger, and shame while you're "too busy" to feel them. A simple weekly practice for identifying what's quietly draining your energy. Who this is for: high-achievers, entrepreneurs, and high-functioning professionals who keep pushing through exhaustion and want the biological reason their body keeps shutting down, plus a practical way to reverse it. Frequently asked questions: What is the 8% Battery Rule? It describes the tipping point where the nervous system shifts from functioning under pressure into a protective shutdown, often mistaken for laziness or burnout. Why do high-achievers experience sudden shutdowns? They tend to override early stress signals to keep performing, which pushes the body into functional freeze instead of allowing normal recovery. How do I know if my nervous system is recovering? Faster bounce-back time after a hard day is one of the clearest signs your range and resilience are returning. The science behind this episode This episode is science-led. Here are the studies behind each claim, in the order they come up. On the cortisol curve flattening under chronic stress: Adam, E. K., Quinn, M. E., Tavernier, R., McQuillan, M. T., Dahlke, K. A., & Gilbert, K. E. (2017). Diurnal cortisol slopes and mental and physical health outcomes: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Psychoneuroendocrinology, 83, 25–41. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psyneuen.2017.05.018 On stress shifting the brain from its slower regulating systems to faster threat-driven ones: Arnsten, A. F. T. (2009). Stress signalling pathways that impair prefrontal cortex structure and function. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 10(6), 410–422. https://doi.org/10.1038/nrn2648 On why the stress response keeps running as long as you keep thinking about the stressor (the "open tabs"): Brosschot, J. F., Gerin, W., & Thayer, J. F. (2006). The perseverative cognition hypothesis: A review of worry, prolonged stress-related physiological activation, and health. Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 60(2), 113–124. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jpsychores.2005.06.074 On allostatic load — the cumulative cost carried across the body's systems: McEwen, B. S. (1998). Protective and damaging effects of stress mediators. New England Journal of Medicine, 338(3), 171–179. https://doi.org/10.1056/NEJM199801153380307 A note on the science: These findings describe patterns across large groups of people, not a diagnosis of any individual. The associations are real and consistent, but they're modest in size — which is exactly why nothing in this episode can tell you what's happening in your own body. If you're worried about your symptoms, please see your doctor. Keywords: functional freeze, nervous system shutdown, high functioning anxiety, burnout recovery, why am i so tired, chronic stress, nervous system regulation, cortisol, emotional exhaustion, high achieving women, cant start things, task paralysis, freeze response, allostatic load, HRV, rest and recovery, overwhelm, stress and the body

4.8
out of 5
109 Ratings

About

You have something of immense value to give. Something happened, and now you feel unsure of yourself. You doubt yourself and your self confidence has gone. Maybe it was redundancy, or a divorce, or a new manager who chipped away at your value until you stopped trusting yourself. Maybe you were quietly managed out. Maybe nothing dramatic happened at all and you have just been asking, is this it? Either way you want more, you cannot go back to what it was, and you cannot make yourself move forward the way you used to. That is not a strategy problem. Most advice gives you one half of the answer. One half is all structure, the plans and the tactics, with no inner foundation to hold it up, so what is really driving you is fear and proving yourself. The other half is all inner work, sitting with your feelings and never taking an action. Both leave you feeling stuck, lost, overwhelmed and burned out. This show is about doing both, in the right order. Self love first, because when you do not have it you stop believing you are worth what you want. Then self worth, so you can trust what you know. Then self value, so you can express it and actually experience it. Then the systems and structures that make it compound. Build your value on the inside. Achieve your goals on the outside. I'm Dr. Amen Kaur. I have spent over twenty years helping people achieve their goals, including as a partner in an FTSE 250 business. I am a researcher at heart, so I look for the root cause rather than treating the symptom. What I bring you here is research, science and spirituality, because the convergence of all three brings us to a core truth. Each week we look at answering the questions you are actually asking. How do I start my life over? What do I actually want? How do I find my purpose after losing my job? How do I deal with a career change when I have no idea what I want next? How do I recover after a breakup or a divorce? How do I start a business when I don't know what I want and my confidence has gone? Is it too late to start over? Should I start a business, or go back to a job after self-employment? Is a career coach worth it? And underneath those, the questions that decide the answer. Why do I keep self sabotaging. Why do I procrastinate. Why do I people please and over give and prove my worth. Why does my confidence go when someone devalues me. Why do I keep attracting toxic relationships and toxic bosses. Why do I feel undervalued when I know I'm good at what I do. How do I stop feeling anxious about a decision I already know I want to make. We work through self love, self worth and self value, and the practical, tactical things they let you do. Getting the promotion. Building the business. Finding career clarity when you are feeling stuck mid career. Setting boundaries without guilt. Regulating your nervous system so you can think straight. Building the systems and structures that compound, at work and in a business, so the results keep coming without you burning yourself out to get them. You cannot be told your value. You have to experience it. If you are feeling lost, feeling stuck, or wondering what to do next, start with any episode and see what lands.

You Might Also Like