Heal First Then Pick Your Life Partner: Relational Recovery When You Have CPTSD

Dr. Tanner Wallace | CPTSD Resolution with IFS & RLT
  • 4.9 (122)
  • Mental Health
  • Weekly

The CPTSD podcast for adults who grew up in dysfunctional families and are done repeating the pattern in their adult relationships. When you grow up in a house full of trauma, you develop a lot of coping skills just to survive, and it turns out what was adaptive then isn't so helpful in adult romantic relationships. I'm Dr. Tanner Wallace, former professor turned IFS Certified Practitioner, and in this podcast I share what I've learned about relational recovery when you suffer with CPTSD, so that you don't keep getting your heart shattered into a million pieces. Whether you've just broken up with the person you thought was the love of your life, or you're in a relationship and considering divorce, this can be your level-up moment, the one where you finally heal what is causing you so much emotional pain. It won't be easy, but you can do it, and I'll be right here with you. When you're ready for more than the podcast, the work continues at cptsdmedicine.com.

Episodes

  1. 3d ago

    009. Standing Up for Yourself in Your Relationship

    Standing up for yourself isn't a skill you're missing. It's a position you can't hold while Parts of you are running trauma energies to manage what feels like an attachment threat. Survivors tend to swing between two false versions of power. On one side is grandiosity: the hero who is the only one responsible, the only one who can, proud and quietly being used; or the lone wolf who doesn't need anybody. On the other side is shame: the smallness of "I'm bad," or the disgust of "I'm not worth it." Neither is standing up for yourself. Both are adaptations. In this episode I walk through all four stances, how to recognize which ones you're running, and three questions that trace them back to where they came from: Who did you see do this growing up? Who did it to you? And who did you do it to, with no one stopping you? This is the CPTSD podcast for adults who grew up in dysfunctional families and are done repeating the pattern in their adult relationships. I'm Dr. Tanner Wallace, former professor turned IFS Certified Practitioner, and this is what I teach inside Happily Ever After. Want to work with me? https://cptsdmedicine.com/happilyeverafter

  2. 6d ago

    008. How Do I Know What a Healthy Relationship Is for Me? Choosing a Partner After Childhood Trauma

    A listener wrote to me this week with a question I hear constantly from survivors of childhood trauma: how do I clearly choose what a healthy relationship is for me? She grew up in a home where the people who were supposed to protect her didn't, and built a life on the mantra that no one is coming to save her. Now, decades into a marriage that has been more about keeping the peace than being met, she's asking the questions so many of us ask: Did I choose this person because they felt safe, not because they were healthy? Is what I'm getting enough? And am I being walked all over? In this episode I break the question down for anyone with CPTSD who is trying to choose a partner, stay in a marriage, or decide whether to leave. We cover why survivors often pick safe over healthy without knowing the difference; why "no one is coming to save me" is both a survival truth and a trap; why healing the individual wound has to come before any relationship can be evaluated clearly; and the actual markers of a healthy relationship for someone who never saw one modeled. This is the CPTSD podcast for adults who grew up in dysfunctional families and are done repeating the pattern in their adult relationships. I'm Dr. Tanner Wallace, former professor turned IFS Certified Practitioner, and this is what I teach inside Happily Ever After. Want to work with me? https://cptsdmedicine.com/happilyeverafter

  3. Oct 14

    007. Your Childhood and How It Impacts Your Adult Relationships

    Bad things happen to every kid. What turns a bad thing into complex trauma is what came after: whether the adults helped you regain a sense of safety, and whether the truth of what happened could be held in your family at all. Was everyone in denial or dismissive of the bad things happening? That's why books can validate your childhood but can't resolve your CPTSD. All of this is specific to the particular bad things that happened to you and how your two biological parents responded, and that requires customized, real-world interventions. There's no one-size-fits-all with this work. Want to work with me? https://cptsdmedicine.com/happilyeverafter

  4. Oct 6

    006. Controlling Behavior Means Your No Is Being Overridden

    With complex trauma, we take the blame for bad things happening in our relationships. But controlling behavior isn't a character flaw. It's what a person does when their no keeps getting overridden and they've run out of other ways to get their safety and security needs met. Yes, a lot may need to change in what you say and do in your closest relationships. It's also true that we live inside societal rules that make men more entitled to do what they want and women less empowered to stand firm in their boundaries, and that shapes the strategies available to us. If controlling behavior is your go-to, this is an episode you'll want to download and listen to. Interested in working with me directly? www.cptsdmedicine.com

  5. Sep 22

    005. CPTSD Red Flags in Relationships: The Ones You Miss

    Not sure about your relationship? Is it healthy, unhealthy, fixable, or not? These are key questions many of us have, but we struggle to get answers that make sense, give us hope, and point us toward better outcomes. In this episode I walk through the CPTSD red flags in relationships that survivors miss, and the survival codes underneath them. This is the CPTSD podcast for survivors who are ready to get unstuck and out of relationship hell. Want to work with me? cptsdmedicine.com

  6. Sep 15

    004. Is This Behavior Making Things Worse?

    Often I get asked, "Why isn't this getting better?" And when I do, I often run a "Reach Inventory." This episode is a modified lecture from a core CPTSD Medicine teaching on "The Reach." Listen and see if The Reach is shaping your relationships. Want to work with me? https://cptsdmedicine.com/

  7. Sep 10

    003. Why Your Relationships Are So Messed Up

    You didn't choose to be a childhood trauma survivor. That's something I want you to remember. And yet, your childhood trauma has impacted your life considerably. In this episode, I share the origins of your relationship suffering. This is a topic I am often asked to speak about and so it feels good to deliver this content to you here. I hope it brings a fresh perspective to your work, and something I say helps you finally get help that actually helps. If you want to work with me: https://cptsdmedicine.com/happilyeverafter

  8. Sep 3

    002. Relational Empowerment As The Second Experience

    Learning how to be your own co-regulator is life-changing and knowing that no one is coming to save you is the ultimate leadership amplifier, and YET those are all very individually focused milestones. Critical for initial success in your CPTSD Resolution, but not enough for comprehensive relational recovery. Up next is Relational Empowerment which is what this episode is about. As the second of two episodes in a 2-episode relaunch, I share with you some big ideas of this kind of empowerment. It is a more advanced skill to take your individual empowerment and test it in the relational field, but you learn new things about yourself, your trauma, and yourself as significant other in ways that cannot happen in individual work.  If you would like to work with me: https://cptsdmedicine.com/help-with-healing-cptsd

  9. Sep 3

    001. Individual Empowerment As The First Experience

    Getting your heart broken again and again is horrific. It doesn't have to be this way for you anymore, and I would like to teach you how this exausting experience stops. In this two-episode relaunch, this episode focuses on Individual Empowerment as the first experience you need in your relational recovery journey. The good news is that CPTSD Resolution, or healing your complex trauma, is the exact process required for your relational recovery. These are entirely overlapping experiences for you, the human with childhood trauma and secondary adult trauma that led to complex trauma.  If you are interested in working with me: https://cptsdmedicine.com/help-with-healing-cptsd

  • 9 Episodes

4.9
out of 5
122 Ratings

About

The CPTSD podcast for adults who grew up in dysfunctional families and are done repeating the pattern in their adult relationships. When you grow up in a house full of trauma, you develop a lot of coping skills just to survive, and it turns out what was adaptive then isn't so helpful in adult romantic relationships. I'm Dr. Tanner Wallace, former professor turned IFS Certified Practitioner, and in this podcast I share what I've learned about relational recovery when you suffer with CPTSD, so that you don't keep getting your heart shattered into a million pieces. Whether you've just broken up with the person you thought was the love of your life, or you're in a relationship and considering divorce, this can be your level-up moment, the one where you finally heal what is causing you so much emotional pain. It won't be easy, but you can do it, and I'll be right here with you. When you're ready for more than the podcast, the work continues at cptsdmedicine.com.

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