Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship

Nina Badzin
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Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship is a top 1% podcast about the friendship issues you probably think about but never say out loud. Whether you've agonized over a text, wondered why you're always the one reaching out, or found yourself drifting away from an old friend—this show gets it and we're here to discuss it all. Note-- these are conversations, not classic interviews. "Dear Nina" is hosted by longtime friendship advice columnist Nina Badzin, and every episode digs into the messy, meaningful, and sometimes maddening questions adults don't always feel safe asking. How do you make real friends as an adult? How do you handle a one-sided friendship? Should you salvage a friendship that's fading or let it be? How do you kindly turn down an acquaintance who wants to be closer, but you're just not feeling the same chemistry? We talk about being the single friend in a coupled-up world, navigating friendship after divorce, the grief of losing a friend to illness or a falling out, and what it means to be included in a friend group but still not quite feel like you belong—whether that's happening to you or to your kid. And yes, we talk about what happens when your kids used to be good friends and now can't stand each other. (It's a whole thing.) Nina has been writing about adult friendship for over a decade, and her advice has been featured in NPR, Real Simple Magazine, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, The Chicago Tribune, The Guardian, Time Magazine, The Skimm, and more. Each episode draws from real listener letters (hence "Dear Nina"), relatable dilemmas, and thoughtful guests. Every episode leaves room for the fact that there are no perfect answers. There's only real talk here, a lot of warmth, and the reminder that if you're overthinking your friendships, you're probably just someone who cares deeply about the people in your life. That's a good thing. Social connections MATTER! Let's talk about it. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO !! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify 📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina 🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes! 📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack ❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group 📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question 📪 email: dearninapodcast@gmail.com 🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

  1. #190 - What Birthdays Reveal About Your Friendships and Your Mindset (Debra Arbit)

    2D AGO

    #190 - What Birthdays Reveal About Your Friendships and Your Mindset (Debra Arbit)

    Reframing Your Birthday and Your Friendships Birthdays can be emotionally loaded and full of expectations, mixed signals, and quiet disappointment about what we’re “supposed to do” and who is “supposed to do” it for us. If birthdays have left you feeling overlooked or unsure of your friendships, this episode offers a practical—and freeing—way to think about them differently. And I know some of you are saying, "I don't care about my birthday anyway." That's okay! I'm still making the case that your birthday is an opportunity to be inviting and generous. Stick with me. In this conversation with my close friend Debra Arbit (who I didn’t meet until my early 40s!), we talk about reframing our approach to birthdays to one that makes them more joyful and reflective of the friendships we want. Debra shares how she planned her 45th birthday in a way that felt intentional, flexible, and genuinely fun. Please note, this conversation goes way beyond birthdays. It’s about expectations in friendships, as well as effort, vulnerability, and what it really looks like to build the kind of relationships you want.  HIGHLIGHTS: Why birthdays often become a “test” of friendship and why that can backfireThe case for planning your own birthday (and why it’s not as sad as it sounds)Debra’s “Signup Genius” 45th birthday eventsLetting go of rigid ideas about reciprocityWhat “showing up” actually looks like (it’s more than just attending)Why mixing different groups of friends can be a good thingScarcity vs. abundance mindsets in friendshipHow to set the tone for your birthday—whether it’s a party or a simple one-on-one plan Again, if birthdays have ever left you feeling resentful or anxious, this episode offers a way forward—one that’s intentional, generous, and meaningful. LINKS MENTIONED:  Debra's amazing Instagram account: @fortheloveofcookbooksEpisode #84 with Debra: How to Turn an Acquaintance Into a Friend AND How to Make Hosting EasierEpisode #131: Start a Ritual/Tradition with FriendsEpisode #140: Celebrating Friends’ Birthdays and Your Own BirthdayAll the friendship challenges on Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship MEET DEBRA ARBIT: In addition to being one of my real life actual close friends, Debra is a serial entrepreneur who is passionate about lifting up other women business owners. When she isn’t thinking of new business ideas or consulting with women business owners, she is likely cooking her way through a cookbook completing every single recipe within it. She recently finished her 20th complete cookbook and is steadily working through her never-ending stack. She posts all about her cookbook adventures on her Instagram account, @fortheloveofcookbooks, where she rates the recipes and shares which of her three kids and husband were willing to try whatever she made. Oh. And she happens to be moderately obsessed with birthdays and celebrating all of life’s milestones big and small. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO !! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify 📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina 🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes! 📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack ❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group 📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question 📪 email: dearninapodcast@gmail.com 🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

    39 min
  2. #189 - Andrew McCarthy on Male Friendship, Reconnecting, and the Power of Showing Up

    MAR 23

    #189 - Andrew McCarthy on Male Friendship, Reconnecting, and the Power of Showing Up

    “You don’t really have any friends, do you, Dad?” That’s the question that stopped Andrew McCarthy—yes, the Pretty in Pink / Mannequin/St. Elmo's Fire/"Brat Pack" Andrew McCarthy—in his tracks and led to a 10,000-mile journey to reconnect with the people he considered his closest friends. Andrew's book, Who Needs Friends: An Unscientific Examination of Male Friendship Across America, is available now!  In this episode, Andrew and I talk about what happens when friendships quietly drift into the background, why that happens so often for men, and what it actually takes to rebuild connections with people you know would be there for you in theory, but it's been too long since you've spent time together in person. This is a conversation about male friendship, but also about something much more universal: showing up, loneliness, and the kind of safety only real friendship can provide. WE DISCUSSED:  Why “having friends” isn’t the same as actually seeing themThe idea of safety in friendship and why it matters just as much as trustWhy many men drift away from friendships over time (and don’t always notice it happening)The pressure men feel to provide and how that shapes their identity and relationshipsThe difference between foundational friendships and newer friendships and why both matterWhat women can learn from how men often allow for imperfection in friendshipsThe underrated role of asking for help in building and strengthening connectionHow loneliness can be a signal—not a failure—and what it’s trying to tell usWhy scheduling (or built-in rituals like games or activities) makes friendships more likely to lastWhat kids notice about their parents' friendships and why modeling connection mattersAndrew’s insight that for many men, action can be a form of love LINKS MENTIONED:  Andrew's newest book: Who Needs Friends: An Unscientific Examination of Male Friendship Across AmericaEpisode 184 of Dear Nina with Dr. Jeffrey HallMy episode on NPR's LifeKit about old friends Meet Andrew McCarthy Andrew McCarthy gained fame as an actor in the 1980’s appearing in such iconic films as Pretty in Pink, St. Elmo’s Fire, and Less Than Zero, as well as cult favorites Weekend At Bernie’s and Mannequin. He has starred on Broadway and made numerous television appearances, most recently seen as a regular on Fox’s The Resident. Andrew most recently directed Brats, an intimate and provocative new feature documentary, which premiered on Hulu in June 2024. The documentary explores the iconic films of the 80s as well as their stars, branded with the name the “Brat Pack.” Beyond his work in front of and behind the camera, Andrew has become an accomplished author, and he is one of today’s leading travel writers. Andrew lives in New York with his wife and three kids.  ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO !! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify 📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina 🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes! 📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack ❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group 📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question 📪 email: dearninapodcast@gmail.com 🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

    33 min
  3. #188 - Take an Honest Look at Your Friendship Patterns (Roxanne Francis)

    MAR 16

    #188 - Take an Honest Look at Your Friendship Patterns (Roxanne Francis)

    When repeated friendship struggles may signal something deeper . . . I consistently hear from listeners who are struggling with friendship in ways that feel confusing or painful: repeated friendship breakups, difficulty making meaningful connections, uncertainty about whether to confront a friend or quietly drift away. While many friendship challenges are completely normal, when the same issues keep showing up again and again, there are likely deeper issues at play. In this episode, I speak with psychotherapist and social worker Roxanne Francis about how to recognize the difference between typical friendship struggles and patterns that deserve a closer look. We discuss some of the biggest themes that come up in my inbox: boundaries, ghosting, overly reliance on online friendships, and the growing tendency to cut people off quickly. Roxanne brings the perspective of a therapist who works with these dynamics every day and offers thoughtful insight into when self-reflection—or even therapy—might help us understand what’s really going on. If you’ve ever found yourself wondering why certain friendship struggles keep showing up, this episode offers thoughtful insight into what those patterns might be trying to tell you. (A version of this episode was originally released in April 2024 and it's every bit still as relevant today.) Meet Roxanne Francis Roxanne is an award-winning CEO of Francis Psychotherapy & Consulting Services, runs a busy group therapy practice, is a keynote speaker, leadership coach and corporate consultant who addresses topics related to women’s issues, race & equity, mental health, parenting, and wellness at work. Roxanne is also frequently in the media, sharing her expertise. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO !! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify 📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina 🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes! 📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack ❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group 📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question 📪 email: dearninapodcast@gmail.com 🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

    25 min
  4. #187 - How ADHD Affects Adult Friendships: For People With ADHD and Their Friends (Cate Osborn and Erik Gude)

    MAR 9

    #187 - How ADHD Affects Adult Friendships: For People With ADHD and Their Friends (Cate Osborn and Erik Gude)

    The Friendship Side of ADHD We Don’t Talk About Enough ADHD is getting more attention right now, but one part of the conversation often gets overlooked: how ADHD affects adult friendships for the person with ADHD and for that person's friends. To learn more, I spoke with Cate Osborn and Erik Gude, the duo behind the podcast Catie and Erik’s Infinite Quest: An ADHD Adventure and co-authors of the new book, The ADHD Field Guide for Adults. We discussed the friendship side of ADHD—especially the gap between caring deeply about people and actually managing the follow-through that friendship requires. We also talked about why making friends can feel easy (for some people with ADHD) while keeping them can feel much harder; how executive dysfunction affects things like reaching out, planning ahead, remembering important details, and staying present in conversation; and why “if they wanted to, they would” is often too simplistic when ADHD is involved. This conversation is for both people with ADHD navigating friendship and the friends who want to better understand them. Cate and Erik make a strong case for both sides: more compassion from neurotypical friends, and more responsibility from people with ADHD to build systems that help them show up well in relationships. It’s an honest, practical conversation about communication, rejection sensitivity, misunderstanding, and what it takes to create friendships that are both more realistic and more resilient. HIGHLIGHTS: How executive dysfunction affects texting back, planning, remembering, and following throughWhy reaching out is such a loaded issue in adult friendshipsThe difference between intention and behavior in ADHDHow ADHD can affect conversation styles, including interrupting and anecdotal communicationWhat rejection sensitivity is and how it shapes friendshipsWhy shame can make it even harder to reconnect after time passesThe kinds of systems and structures that can help people with ADHD be better friends (and why those systems will be different for every person with ADHD)Why it matters to ask for what you need instead of testing your friendshipsHow to tell the difference between a friendship problem and a simple difference in communication style  MEET CATE OSBORN & ERIK GUDE CATE OSBORN, along with Erik Gude, is an educator and advocate for people with ADHD. She is the host of Sorry I Missed This on Understood.org, which focuses on ADHD’s impact on relationships, communication, and intimacy, and the cohost of Catie and Erik’s Infinite Quest: An ADHD Adventure. A certified sex educator, she is the advisor to Playboy for her expertise in the intersection of intimacy and neurodiversity. Her work has also appeared in Cosmopolitan, The New York Times, GQ, HuffPost, and other outlets. Find out more at Catieosaurus.com. Follow Cate on TikTok and Instagram @catieosaurus. ERIK GUDE, along with Cate Osborn, is an educator and advocate for people with ADHD. He cohosts Catie and Erik’s Infinite Quest: An ADHD Adventure and, with Cate Osborn, and frequently hosts panels about the intersection of ADHD and gaming at conventions, including DragonCon, Emerald City Comic Con, GenCon, MomoCon, and San Diego Comic-Con. Erik’s ADHD Crafting Challenge was a huge success on TikTok with over 20 million views. A former cook, he is now a prop maker and fabricator at the legendary Fonco Studios. Follow him on TikTok and Instagram @HeyGude. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO !! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify 📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina 🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes! 📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack ❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group 📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question 📪 email: dearninapodcast@gmail.com 🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

    54 min
  5. #186 - The Friend Who Copies You: Flattering or Frustrating? (Candace Ourisman)

    MAR 1

    #186 - The Friend Who Copies You: Flattering or Frustrating? (Candace Ourisman)

    We're unpacking a surprisingly charged friendship dilemma I answered for Real Simple magazine: How do you handle a longtime friend who copies everything you wear and do—outfits, home decor, and more—and doesn't mention the inspiration? She just shows up in her life as the mirror image of your choices? When I answered the letter for Real Simple, I side-stepped the fashion elements of the question because I'm not a fashion-forward person, at all. I stuck to wondering why the letter write would let the issue fester for 15 years. To help me address the parts I missed and even expand the conversation to friends who ask you to work for free AND friends who cannot give you a direct compliment, I’m joined by Candace Ourisman, creative director, brand consultant, and founder of Secretly Fancy. Candace lives in the world of personal style and taste! We talk about why this situation of being copied can feel flattering to some people and suffocating to others, and how oftentimes it depends on how the request for resources is addressed. We get honest about the part nobody wants to admit: sometimes the feeling of being copied isn’t about the item or the idea—it’s about what’s missing underneath it (acknowledgment, appreciation, and basic communication). In this episode, we get into: When copying feels like connection vs. when it feels like your identity is being erasedWhat to do when something has bothered you for years in a friendship—and you’ve never said a word (as I addressed in the magazine)Where “friends don’t gatekeep” is true . . . and where it’s not the full storyThe tricky overlap between friendship + expertise: when a friend is asking for “quick help” and when they’re asking for unpaid labor. I dug out the 2015 question I answered on this exact issue. It's probably a bit dated now, but I stand by the sentiment of my advice.  Meet Candace Ourisman Candace Ourisman is a creative director, brand consultant, and gifting expert based in Washington DC. She founded Secretly Fancy in 2009, a lifestyle platform that blends fashion, home and hosting with a distinctly playful point of view. Candace is known for curating immersive, high-touch experiences, from designer trunk shows and intimate salons to editorial-driven events, bringing together luxury brands, tastemakers, and community. Her work and perspective have been featured in The New York Times, The Washington Post, New York Magazine’s The Cut, Washingtonian, Yahoo Finance, and more. Find her on Instagram: @secretlyfancy ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO !! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify 📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina 🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes! 📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack ❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group 📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question 📪 email: dearninapodcast@gmail.com 🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

    33 min
  6. #185 - When Career Success Strains Your Friendships (Dr. Kimberly Horn)

    FEB 22

    #185 - When Career Success Strains Your Friendships (Dr. Kimberly Horn)

    Today we're talking about a specific and underexplored friendship challenge: what happens to your social life as your career takes off. We get right to the heart of something many ambitious women feel but rarely say out loud — that they appear socially rich on the outside while feeling quietly disconnected on the inside. We discuss why a full calendar of networking chats isn't the same as genuine connection, and how competence can become a cloak that makes others assume you don't need support. I’m joined by Dr. Kimberly Horn, an internationally recognized research psychologist, professor, and public health scientist, and the author of Friends Matter for Life: Harnessing the Eight Tenets of Dynamic Friendship. Kimberly studies friendship through a public health lens, and she’s also lived what she teaches: the higher she rose professionally, the smaller (and trickier) her social landscape became. We talk about common friendship traps for high achieving women, how success can make relationships feel murkier (hello, “real friend” vs. “deal friend”), and other issues like jealously and lopsided friendships. In this episode, we get into: Why career success can shrink your friend circle (even when you don’t want it to)The “socially rich, internally disconnected” feelingHow being “too busy” (and saying it out loud) can train people to stop inviting youThe optimization trap: why we cancel a friend walk 4 times, but never cancel the draining meetingThe comparison trap: how jealousy shows up in friendships (and why it’s normal)A concept I loved: co-celebration—and why celebrating others actually helps your brainThe over-functioning trap: when competence turns into caretaking and then into resentmentWhat “reciprocity” actually looks like in real adult friendships (hint: not 50/50, but not forever lopsided)The three options when a friendship feels “askew”Why some friendships fade without drama, and why that doesn’t mean they weren’t meaningful Practical takeaways you can try immediately: The 2-2-1 ritual: 2 texts, 2 calls, 1 in-person touchpoint each week (small, doable, and powerful)Safeguard your energy: not everyone gets full access to your calendar (this one is hard for me too)If friendship has started to feel like an “extra” you’ll get to someday, I hope this conversation helps you treat it like what it actually is: a health habit and a life support system. Meet Dr. Kimberly Horn Dr. Kimberly Horn is an internationally recognized research psychologist, professor, and public health scientist whose work bridges science and soul to improve human well-being. With nearly three decades of experience and more than 160 scientific publications on addiction recovery, and physical and emotional well-being across the lifespan, she is dedicated to helping people live healthier, more fulfilling lives. At the heart of her work is a simple truth: meaningful connection is a powerful health intervention. Her new book, Friends Matter, For Life: Harnessing the 8 Tenets of Dynamic Friendship—endorsed by bestselling author Mel Robbins—confronts the public health crisis of loneliness, exploring friendship as its antidote. It offers a practical path forward—rooted in research—for navigating modern friendship and reclaiming connection. Her insights have been featured by NPR, CNN, ABC, SELF, Cosmopolitan, Vogue, Mashable, Newsweek, The New York Times, TIME, USA Today, and Psychology Today. Kimberly is known for translating complex science into practical, relatable guidance for daily living. To learn more, follow Dr. Horn on Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn, or visit her website. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO 📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina 🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes! 📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack ❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group 📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question 📪 email: dearninapodcast@gmail.com 🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? **That’s probably here.** Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

    29 min
  7. #184 - Socially Connected, Emotionally Unsettled: The Friendship Paradox in Your 20s (Dr. Jeffrey Hall)

    FEB 15

    #184 - Socially Connected, Emotionally Unsettled: The Friendship Paradox in Your 20s (Dr. Jeffrey Hall)

    Have you ever looked at your life and thought: I have friends. I’m doing things. I’m not isolated… so why do I still feel unsettled and maybe even lonely? This week’s guest is Dr. Jeffrey Hall (and yes, I was awkwardly a bit of a fan girl for this one). Dr. Hall is a professor and department chair of Communication Studies at the University of Kansas, where he directs the Relationships and Technology Lab. He’s the author of Relating Through Technology and The Social Biome, has written for The Wall Street Journal, and if you’ve read basically any big article about friendship over the last several years, you’ve probably seen his research quoted. You may know Dr. Hall best for his well-known findings on how long it actually takes to become close friends. We don’t get into the exact numbers in the conversation, so here they are: about 200 hours of shared time to become close friends, 80–100 hours for a solid friendship, and 40–60 hours for a casual one. If that feels like a lot, that’s the point. It explains why friendship can feel slow even when you’re “doing everything right.” But the heart of this episode is Dr. Hall's newer work from the American Friendship Project, research on what he calls the Loneliness and Connection Paradox. In the age range known as “emerging adulthood” (ages 18–30), people are often very connected--more friends, more touchpoints, more socializing than they’ll have later in adulthood--and yet they can still feel emotionally unsettled and lonely. That paradox isn’t limited to 20-somethings. Any season of rapid change can bring it on: moving, starting a new job, ending a relationship, divorce, kids leaving home, rebuilding a life, starting over. If you (or someone you love) is in a "season" where friendships feel shaky, slower than you want them to be, or weirdly unsatisfying even though you have a social life, this episode is for you. In this episode, we talk about: Why loneliness isn’t always a sign something is wrong — sometimes it’s a healthy signal that you want more connectionHow major life transitions disrupt our sense of social stabilityWhy women may experience the loneliness-and-connection tension more intenselyThe role of expectations in friendship — and why “high standards” can be both a strength and a stressorA concept I loved: ontological security — that settled feeling when life stops churning and friendships feel more stableA surprising insight about social media: it may be less about platforms causing poor wellbeing and more about people turning to them when they’re already strugglingAnd what Dr. Hall is studying next — including research suggesting that feeling socially connected today can actually give you more energy tomorrow Meet Dr. Jeffrey Hall: Jeffrey Hall is a professor and department chair of communication studies at the University of Kansas, where he is the director of the Relationships and Technology Lab. He is the author of Relating Through Technology and The Social Biome, and has written for the Wall Street Journal.  ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO 📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina 🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes! 📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack ❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group 📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question EMAIL: dearninapodcast@gmail.com 🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? **That’s probably here.** Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

    39 min
  8. #183 - Are You Mad at Me? Friendship Anxiety and the Need for Validation (with Meg Josephson)

    FEB 8

    #183 - Are You Mad at Me? Friendship Anxiety and the Need for Validation (with Meg Josephson)

    If you tend to assume someone’s upset with you when their tone shifts even slightly, when they don’t text back right away, or when you notice the smallest change in their availability, this episode is for you. And if you have a friend who is always asking, "Are you mad at me?" or assuming you're upset when you're simply living your life, then this episode will help you, too. I’m joined by licensed psychotherapist Meg Josephson, author of Are You Mad at Me?: How to Stop Focusing on What Others Think and Start Living for You. We spoke about people pleasing, anxiety in friendships, and that constant low-level worry so many of us carry: Did I say the wrong thing? Did I mess something up? Am I in trouble? Meg explains why people pleasing isn’t a personality trait or a weakness—it’s a survival response called fawning. A lot of us learned it early on as a way to stay safe, liked, and connected. The problem is that in adulthood, it turns into overthinking, over-apologizing, and a constant focus on how we’re being perceived, including in our friendships. It can very exhausting to live this way, and also tiresome for the friends who have to constantly assure you "everything's OK."  In this episode, we talk about: Why you can’t actually control how other people see you, no matter how carefully you tryWhat the fawn response is and how it shows up in adult friendshipsHow people pleasing leads to anxiety, burnout, and quiet resentmentThe difference between reassurance-seeking and real emotional connectionWhy constantly needing reassurance can be hard on friendshipsHow growing up around criticism or gossip can make you feel perpetually judgedFinding the balance between showing up for people and over-functioningWhy resentment is a signal worth paying attention toA practical mindfulness tool for interrupting anxiety spiralsHow social media makes people pleasing worseLearning how to tolerate discomfort without immediately fixing it Meet Meg Josephson: Meg Josephson, LCSW, is a licensed psychotherapist. In her private practice, she specializes in trauma-informed care through a compassion-focused lens. She holds a Master of Social Work from Columbia University, and she is a certified meditation teacher through the Nalanda Institute. Meg also shares accessible insights via her social media platforms, reaching over five hundred thousand followers. Find Meg on Instagram at @megjosephson. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO 📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina 🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes! 📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack ❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group 📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question 🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? **That’s probably here.** Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

    41 min
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About

Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship is a top 1% podcast about the friendship issues you probably think about but never say out loud. Whether you've agonized over a text, wondered why you're always the one reaching out, or found yourself drifting away from an old friend—this show gets it and we're here to discuss it all. Note-- these are conversations, not classic interviews. "Dear Nina" is hosted by longtime friendship advice columnist Nina Badzin, and every episode digs into the messy, meaningful, and sometimes maddening questions adults don't always feel safe asking. How do you make real friends as an adult? How do you handle a one-sided friendship? Should you salvage a friendship that's fading or let it be? How do you kindly turn down an acquaintance who wants to be closer, but you're just not feeling the same chemistry? We talk about being the single friend in a coupled-up world, navigating friendship after divorce, the grief of losing a friend to illness or a falling out, and what it means to be included in a friend group but still not quite feel like you belong—whether that's happening to you or to your kid. And yes, we talk about what happens when your kids used to be good friends and now can't stand each other. (It's a whole thing.) Nina has been writing about adult friendship for over a decade, and her advice has been featured in NPR, Real Simple Magazine, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, The Chicago Tribune, The Guardian, Time Magazine, The Skimm, and more. Each episode draws from real listener letters (hence "Dear Nina"), relatable dilemmas, and thoughtful guests. Every episode leaves room for the fact that there are no perfect answers. There's only real talk here, a lot of warmth, and the reminder that if you're overthinking your friendships, you're probably just someone who cares deeply about the people in your life. That's a good thing. Social connections MATTER! Let's talk about it. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO !! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify 📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina 🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes! 📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack ❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group 📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question 📪 email: dearninapodcast@gmail.com 🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

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