YOUR Neurodiverse Relationship with Jodi Carlton

I am so grateful to have found Jodi to help me gain insights into my neurodivergent husband, my own perceptions being neurotypical, and our relationship dynamics. While my husband isn’t ready to learn alongside me yet, this podcast and the website have already helped me gain understanding and empathy towards my spouse.

I am a recently diagnosed autistic woman. I was subjected to all of the types of abuse throughout my life. Many instances of abuse were due to intolerance and severe, sometimes corporal, punishment of my neurodivergence in church and school settings. I was literally told that I thought wrong. I started to listen to this podcast in the hopes of improving communication skills in my mostly healthy marriage. My husband is very caring, and he loves me as I am. Sometimes we get our wires crossed. We’re trying to learn how to not be as confused by the way the other person communicates. I listened to several episodes, and this sounds so similar to what I was told about myself growing up - that my way to being in the world was inconvenient, harmful, and just wrong. It does not appear that the host understands or cares much about the emotional experience or reality of autistic people. This seems geared towards helping a neurotypical person find out how their autistic partner is abusing them. It may have limited usefulness when that is the scenario people are experiencing. The host makes sweeping statements that autistic people are less able to handle nuanced thinking and lack empathy. There are very few explanations of valid experiences of autistic people that neurotypical people should accommodate or appreciate. Jodi also notes that autistic people deny the reality of neurotypical people. This certainly happens, but more frequently, it is the emotional experience of autistic people that is denied in this neurotypical world. She mentions that autistic people have a strong desire for words to be used accurately and truth to be fact-based. The autistic person is presumably supposed to alter their expectations for accuracy. Jodi says that she does not desire for this podcast to be divisive. She says she is not trying to make sweeping statements. But that’s what she is doing. If you don’t mean all autistic people, say “many autistic people” or “some autistic people” maybe even “most autistic people.” Be more careful with your language is you truly desire to not hurt autistic people. Autistic people experience empathy. I, an autistic woman, actually experience a very extreme amount of empathy, to the point that it frequently physically overwhelms me. This is actually a common expression of autism. I care deeply about people’s feelings, and I want to learn more about how to do it better. It is true that more autistic people than neurotypical people have trouble understanding neurotypical emotional signals. In my experience, many (most)) neurotypical people misunderstand autistic emotional signals as well. Please be more compassionate and accurate in your presentation of autistic individuals. The several episodes I have listened to pathologies the autistic way of experiencing the world and communicating instead of teaching communication skills that allow both allistic and autistic people to thrive. It is hard enough for autistic women to exist in the world as it is. I was starting to accept and love my autistic brain. I wept after listening to a third episode (yes, autistic people have feelings too). I feel like absolute garbage now after so much old trauma resurfaced because of Jodi’s words. This was a huge setback in my recovery.

I'm a religious person. I don't have a problem with religion being talked about in any context. However, all the guests I've heard who have a religious referent are Christian, and that's not okay. Let's hear from some Jews, Jains, Heathens, and Hindus. It's really distracting to those of us who are neurodivergent and religious but have zero relationship with Jesus.