Outwitting the Manipulator

Dr. Dennis Becker & Robin Golinski
  • 4.9 (15)
  • Business
  • Updated Weekly

Manipulation doesn't announce itself. It shows up mid-sentence, mid-meeting, mid-argument — and by the time you realize what happened, it's over. Dr. Dennis Becker and Robin Golinski — communication experts with 50+ years of combined experience — break down the tactics manipulators use and hand you specific, practical techniques to respond in real time. No therapy-speak. No "just set boundaries" advice that sounds great on paper and falls apart the second someone pushes back. Each episode tackles a specific manipulation tactic — gaslighting, shame, trust erosion, reframing, and more — and gives you the language and strategy to hold your ground while it's happening. Not after. Not in hindsight. Right now, in the moment. Whether it's a coworker, a partner, a family member, or someone you can't walk away from, this show teaches you to recognize the play and change the outcome. You can't change the manipulator. You CAN change the outcome. Get your free Manipulation Field Guide at outwitinrealtime.com Find us everywhere: bio.site/outwit Follow @manipulatorhelp on TikTok, Instagram, X (twitter), and LinkedIn Facebook Page: facebook.com/outwitinrealtime Facebook Group: Facebook.com/groups/outwit Book on Amazon: mybook.to/outwitthemanipulator

  1. 2d ago

    Contempt Is the First Warning Sign of Abuse: A Divorce Attorney Explains

    Contempt doesn't start with violence. It starts with a comment about your skin, a look, a tone you're told to ignore. By the time it escalates, most people have spent years telling themselves it wasn't a big deal. In this episode, family law attorney Diana Romanov joins Robin Golinski and Dr. Dennis Becker to talk about the manipulation patterns she sees every day in high-conflict divorce, custody, and domestic violence cases, and what she wishes every client understood before they ever hired a lawyer. What we cover: Why contempt is the precursor to domestic violence, and how to recognize it before it escalates How manipulation shows up in divorce, co-parenting, and custody disputes The "fish in water" problem: why it can take 10, 20, even 40 years to see the pattern you're living in Why gray rocking is a technique, not a strategy, and what to use instead How to tell when you're actually winning against a manipulator (hint: it doesn't feel like winning) Real client examples of using shame, boundaries, and a manipulator's own words against them About our guest: Diana Romanov Esq., CFLS is a family law attorney based in the San Francisco Bay Area, practicing family law, prenuptial agreements, and high-conflict custody cases. "Divorce Like a Boss" on YouTube https://romanovlaw.com Outwitting the Manipulator is hosted by communication coach Robin Golinski and Dr. Dennis Becker. You can't change the manipulator, but you can change the outcome. Get the book: http://mybook.to/outwitthemanipulator  Visti us at https://outwitinrealtime.com

  2. Sep 23

    Dropping the Bar: How Manipulation Sneaks Into Relationships Before Violence Ever Does

    In this episode of Outwitting the Manipulator, hosts Dennis Becker and Robin Golinski sit down with Stephanie MacAlister, founder of Virtua Connect Counseling Clinic (a cross-Canada virtual counseling practice), who has counseled both perpetrators and survivors of domestic violence. The conversation traces how verbal manipulation and isolation typically precede physical violence in relationships, with Stephanie introducing her "dropping the bar" framework - the gradual process by which couples normalize escalating bad behavior, from yelling to name-calling to intimidation. The group digs into what separates ordinary give-and-take in relationships from coercion, the concept of "informed consent" in communication, and a pointed disagreement over whether manipulators are generally "doing their best" or acting with more deliberate, nefarious intent - Robin pushes back on this based on her own 22-year experience with a manipulative partner, while Stephanie holds space for compassion rooted in mental-health complexity (Cluster B traits, narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder). The episode closes with a practical communication tool the hosts teach: CCQ - be Curious, have Courage, and ask Questions - plus guidance on answering yes/no questions honestly rather than dodging them, since evasiveness itself can be a manipulation red flag. Connect with Stephanie MacAlister here: https://virtualconnect.ca/   Topics   01:00 Meet Stephanie and Clinic 02:07 DV Work and Early Signs 05:43 Raising the Bar 07:08 Ask Questions and Listen 07:57 Defining Manipulation 10:26 Informed Consent Slippery Slope 12:18 Good Intentions Debate 15:55 Cluster B and Narcissism 18:45 Personal Example and Limits 22:22 Smart Likeable Manipulators 23:19 Stop Excusing Them 24:14 Protect Yourself With Words 24:46 Gray Areas And Motives 25:45 Boundaries Without Dehumanizing 27:26 Therapist Perspective On Lies 31:41 Read Nonverbal Answers 34:08 Yes Or No With Nuance 35:18 CCQ Curiosity Courage Questions 36:57 Wrap Up And Resources

  3. Sep 17

    When Caregiving Meets Manipulation: Surviving a Sibling Power Struggle with Nicole Hilgenkamp

    What happens when you're grieving a parent and the sibling who should be your ally becomes your biggest obstacle? Nicole Hilgenkamp, founder of Your Parent's Keeper [http://yourparentskeeper.com], joins Robin to share her raw story of being the "designated daughter” - chosen to manage her mother's care, only to watch her oldest brother's manipulation tear the family apart. Robin breaks down the win-lose mindset driving the conflict, coaches Nicole live using the ethos-pathos-logos framework, and even scripts language she can use to rebuild the relationship. If you've ever dealt with a manipulative sibling during a parent's decline, this one will hit close to home - and give you a real playbook for navigating it.   Your Parent's Keeper http://yourparentskeeper.com   Topics 01:05 Caregiving Meets Manipulation 03:35 Family Ugliness After Loss 05:21 Preparedness and Care Stages 06:51 Decision Makers and Roles 09:49 Scorekeeping and Constant Battles 11:13 Contain the Manipulator 13:23 Texting and Documentation 15:26 Estrangement and Complicated Grief 18:10 Therapy and Letting Go 19:38 Family Cutoff Fallout 20:38 Protect Your Peace 21:53 Outwit the Manipulator 24:40 Ethos Pathos Logos 25:54 Ethos Script That Works 28:43 Boundaries and Hope 31:25 Why Love Backfires 34:29 Reaching Nieces and Nephews 36:18 Wrap Up and Resources

  4. Sep 10

    The Golden Cage: How Wealth and Status Trap You in a Manipulative Marriage, with Mia J. Hanks

    What happens when you have everything — the gated home, the charmed life, the husband everyone admires — and none of it is real? Author Mia J. Hanks spent 29 years married to a covert narcissist before walking away from it all. In this episode, Mia and Robin discover unsettling parallels in their stories: the slow erasure of identity, the moment a therapist's simple question exposed just how lost they'd become, and why the people closest to them couldn't help. Mia reveals what finally broke the spell — including a jaw-dropping moment in couples counseling that has to be heard to be believed. If you or someone you love seems to "have it all" but something feels deeply wrong, this one's for you.   Mia's Books: Bride-Maid: A Memoir by Mia J. Hanks I've Made Plans: A Memoir of Rebuilding by Mia J. Hanks   Topics 01:16 Meet Mia Hanks 02:48 Covert Narcissist Explained 04:13 Leaving and Divorce Timeline 05:09 Losing Yourself to Gaslighting 07:28 Why Victims Get Targeted 10:31 Early Warnings and Denial 12:25 Financial Control Wake Up 13:30 Freedom Over Status 17:17 The Moment She Was Done 18:04 Therapist Kicks Him Out 20:40 Advice and Closing Thoughts

  5. Sep 8

    What Makes Someone a Manipulator? A Debate You Weren't Expecting with Dr. Jeremy Sherman

    When a researcher who's spent 30 years studying human behavior from the chemical origins of life to modern relationships sits down with two communication coaches, the conversation goes places nobody planned. Dr. Jeremy Sherman, author of What's Up With A**holes?, challenges Robin and Dennis on the words we use, the rules we trust, and whether anyone can truly claim to be an expert on manipulation. What starts as a friendly interview turns into a real-time sparring match — with pushback and playful tension. If you've ever wondered whether your definition of manipulation holds up under pressure, this one will make you think.   Youtube Whole channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjH_fBN6aQQ0uw5324tSrcg?view_as=subscriber Ironic Mind Taffy: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLRC3h5r-yj3eDLp7FKSc8-2Og_XcrLMUG AI DT tells it like it is: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLRC3h5r-yj3ctjAWRIuJYdMdZsDG8dzQZ MAGAnificent Mike: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLRC3h5r-yj3fstMDBZ-qdlDEewQUQ-aay Words to try on Trumpies: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLRC3h5r-yj3dYrDlrQLi02fHP-Zw1nzxT Teleodynamics YT channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0k-ZVua7_rjOJy6UozU2KA   Psychology Today Blogs Ambigamy: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/ambigamy Jerkology: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/jerkology   Social FB Personal: https://www.facebook.com/jeremysherm FB Psychoproctology: https://www.facebook.com/Psychoproct/ FB NWYAW: https://www.facebook.com/negotiatewyaw/ Insta: https://www.instagram.com/jeremyshermanphd/?hl=en Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@tryingbeings https://www.tiktok.com/@maganificentmike Substack: https://substack.com/@unsuresherman Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/jeremysherman.bsky.social LinkedIN: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jeremyshermanphd/ X: https://x.com/Jeremyshermn   Books: What's Up with A**holes?: https://a.co/d/0W5vCGY Neither Ghost Nor Machine: https://a.co/d/652ewa9

  6. Aug 26

    Protection against Conflation and Dictating Feelings

    Dr. Dennis Becker and Robin Golinski discuss two manipulative tactics, Conflation, and Dictating Feelings, and how to protect against them in depth. They define conflation as intentionally twisting multiple issues together so quickly that it’s hard to separate them, using examples from everyday situations and politics, and emphasize that active listening and slowing down in the moment helps identify and interrupt it. They recommend putting manipulators “on notice” rather than trying to change them, including using different responses depending on whether the manipulator is an ethos, pathos, or logos type, and keeping statements brief to avoid giving more “fodder.” They then explain dictating feelings—telling someone what they feel—and demonstrate how it can subtly destabilize a person’s self-awareness, advising interruptions, requests for specific examples, and calm delivery; they also note observers can briefly intervene to support targets.   Topics 01:05 Today’s Two Tactics 02:14 Conflation Defined 03:56 Conflation Examples 05:56 Spotting It in Real Time 09:00 Slow Down and Stop It 11:09 Scripts for Ethos Pathos Logos 13:15 Practice and Call It Out 15:50 Dictating Feelings Explained 18:37 Live Demo and Response 22:31 Handling Pushback and Delivery 27:01 Advocating for Others 28:53 Wrap Up and How to Reach Us

  7. Aug 17

    Smiles, Stonewalls & the Gish Gallop: Manipulation Tactics in the Owens–Wilson “Debate"

    In this special episode, Robin Golinski and Dr. Dennis Becker break down the viral Candace Owens–Andrew Wilson exchange — not for its politics, but as a live case study in manipulation and communication style. Dennis opens by making the case that this wasn't a debate at all: no judge, no timing, no rules, which changes what counts as a fair tactic. From there the two dig into the nonverbal layer — the wide smile that drops like a thud, the chuckle and eye roll used to make dismissal deniable, the micro-flash of contempt, and the shaking leg that gave away far more than its owner realized. Dennis flags the one moment the smile lasted a single second instead of four, and what that tell reveals about who lost control of the room. They also cover the Gish gallop as a strategy, why questions are the real instrument of control in an argument, how rapid-fire interrogation is designed to push a target into fight-or-flight and shut down executive functioning, and the scorekeeping mindset that separates a manipulator from a tough opponent. Robin and Dennis don't fully agree — on whether the fast talking was style or tactic, on whether his approach counted as a good strategy — and their own inductive/deductive clash plays out on air, which turns out to be half the lesson. Practical takeaways include: let the manipulator finish, then correct the inaccurate word first before answering anything; respond rather than react; and control the nonverbal channel, because your face can hand over a win your words never would. In this episode Why "debate" is almost always the wrong word — and why it matters Inductive vs. deductive styles, demonstrated live The full spectrum of strategic smiles, and how to spot the mask dropping The Gish gallop: tactic or style? Pathos vs. logos — and why emotion gets judged differently depending on who shows it Questions as a control device, and how to thwart them Why she couldn't afford to win that moment outright You can't change the manipulator, but you can change the outcome.

  8. Aug 11

    Should Anyone Ever Be Manipulative?

    Dennis and Robin discuss whether it is ever appropriate for regular people to manipulate, and how that differs from the harmful adult manipulation they focus on: communication used for the manipulator’s gain with little or no concern for the other person. They explore the slippery slope between persuasion and manipulation, emphasizing consent and how omission, euphemisms, and emotion-based messaging can undermine free choice, using examples from marketing, advertising, workplaces, real estate language, charitable appeals, and politics. They argue that triggers and feelings (pathos) are often exploited versus facts (logos), and recommend three protections: be curious, have the courage to ask questions, and apply critical thinking, while modeling respectful disagreement and openness to changing one’s mind.   Topics 01:14 Should We Ever Manipulate? 03:16 Defining Manipulation 06:01 Consent and Compliance 09:32 Marketing and Charity Appeals 16:12 Euphemisms and Word Choice 18:30 Politics Pathos and Logos 21:43 Curiosity Courage Critical Thinking

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4.9
out of 5
15 Ratings

About

Manipulation doesn't announce itself. It shows up mid-sentence, mid-meeting, mid-argument — and by the time you realize what happened, it's over. Dr. Dennis Becker and Robin Golinski — communication experts with 50+ years of combined experience — break down the tactics manipulators use and hand you specific, practical techniques to respond in real time. No therapy-speak. No "just set boundaries" advice that sounds great on paper and falls apart the second someone pushes back. Each episode tackles a specific manipulation tactic — gaslighting, shame, trust erosion, reframing, and more — and gives you the language and strategy to hold your ground while it's happening. Not after. Not in hindsight. Right now, in the moment. Whether it's a coworker, a partner, a family member, or someone you can't walk away from, this show teaches you to recognize the play and change the outcome. You can't change the manipulator. You CAN change the outcome. Get your free Manipulation Field Guide at outwitinrealtime.com Find us everywhere: bio.site/outwit Follow @manipulatorhelp on TikTok, Instagram, X (twitter), and LinkedIn Facebook Page: facebook.com/outwitinrealtime Facebook Group: Facebook.com/groups/outwit Book on Amazon: mybook.to/outwitthemanipulator

Information

  • Creator
    Dr. Dennis Becker & Robin Golinski
  • Years Active
    2022 - 2026
  • Episodes
    91
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © 2022 pod617 - The Boston Podcast Network, All rights reserved.
  • Show Website
    Outwitting the Manipulator

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