Single and Not Settling

Vanessa Maree
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  • Relationships
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Welcome to Single and Not Settling, the podcast for women becoming unavailable for low effort men, low standards and lives that don't feel aligned. I'm Vanessa Maree and I'm here to remind you that being single isn't a waiting room for your life to begin. Through my dating stories (shared with plenty of humour!), personal development and spirituality, we'll explore self-trust, standards, relationships and protecting your peace. Because choosing yourself is never settling. So grab your favourite beverage and settle in. We're not waiting to be chosen here—we're choosing ourselves.

  1. Sep 28

    61. Reimagining Connection with Shani Connard

    Is there a better way to date than swiping, apps, awkward first dates… and speed dating in a pub with alcohol involved? I think there has to be! In this episode of Single and Not Settling, Vanessa Maree is joined by Shani Connard, who is doing exactly that — reimagining the way we meet and connect with other people. Shani creates intentional spaces where people can step awayfrom the curated version of themselves we often bring to dating and actually connect as who they are. Think grounding, intentional connection, thoughtfullycurated prompts and a fun little way to let someone know you’d like to see them again. ❤️ It’s not just about meeting more people.  It’s about creating the right environment for people to actually connect. In this episode: • Why we often meet strangers as a curated “representative”of ourselves. • Why meeting people IRL can create a different kind ofchemistry. • Finding connection through things you genuinely love doing. • Shani’s experience with open relating / Ethical Non-monogamous relationships (ENM). • The importance of communication in non-monogamousrelationships. • What jealousy can look like in open relating. • And how Shani is reimagining speed dating. Maybe we don't need more ways to swipe.  Maybe we need more reasons to put our phones down, show up as ourselves and meet people in real life. Shani’s event is coming up in early October 2026 with moreevents planned.  Check out the link to her event page below! Check out Shani Connard's upcoming Authentic Dating events here Connect with Vanessa Maree and say hello! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@vanessamaree_wingwoman⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow the podcast page ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@singleandnotsettling.podcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Download a copy of the FREE eBook "The Empowered Single Woman" ⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠ to transform your beliefs about dating and find the love you deserve. For interviews or collaborations, email hello@vanessamaree.co

  2. Sep 14

    60. Your Dating Patterns Aren’t Your Personality, They’re a Program with Adrianna Carlesimo

    Have you ever looked at a man and thought, “I KNOW he’s not giving me what I need… but I can’t keep away?” In this episode, Vanessa Maree is joined by clinical hypnotherapist Adrianna Carlesimo to explore the subconscious patterns that can influence who we’re attracted to, what we tolerate and why hot and cold behaviour can sometimes feel so compelling. Together, they unpack self-worth, worthiness wounds, emotional unavailability, breadcrumbs and the difference between knowing what we want consciously and what our subconscious may still be programmed to seek. In this episode, we talk about: Why we can be attracted to someone even when we know they're giving us the bare minimum.Why inconsistency and hot and cold behaviour can feel more exciting than consistency.The difference between conscious desiresand subconscious programming.How worthiness wounds can show up in ourdating lives.The relationship between self-worth and what we’re willing to accept.Whether changing our self-worth can change who we're drawn to.... And a little end of recording synchronicity involving two very similar nail polishes! The takeaway in this episode is sometimes the question isn't just “Why do I keep attracting these men?, its “What is the program running in the background and how can I break it so I can be drawn and attracted to a healthy relationship?” Understanding the subconscious patterns behind our attraction doesn't mean taking responsibility for someone else's behaviour. It means becoming curious about our own patterns, strengthening our self-worth and learning to recognise when something familiar isn't necessarily something healthy. Because Single & Not Settling isn't just about having higher standards. It's about becoming the woman who no longer has to convince herself that the bare minimum is enough. To connect or work with visit Adrianna Carlesimo, visit her website Connect with Vanessa Maree and say hello! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@vanessamaree_wingwoman⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow the podcast page ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@singleandnotsettling.podcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Download a copy of the FREE eBook "The Empowered Single Woman" ⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠ to transform your beliefs about dating and find the love you deserve. For collaborations, email hello@vanessamaree.co

  3. Aug 31

    59. The Matchmaking update you have been waiting for!

    In this episode, Vanessa Maree shares a little update from her matchmaking journey including what happened when she finally agreed to meet the man she was introduced tothrough Love With Me. After stepping away from the dating apps, Vanessa is exploring different ways to meet people and what it feels like to put yourself out there in a different way. And of course, because this is Vanessa’s dating life… there was an urgent bathroom situation before AND during the date. In this episode: Vanessa’s latest update from her matchmaking journeyWhy she decided to give matchmaking a chance after deleting the dating appsSaying “yes” to meeting someone who wasn’t necessarily her usual “type”What it’s like meeting someone in person rather than spending weeks messaging on an appThe benefits of having a two-hour timeframe for a first dateThe very real pre-date bathroom emergency 😂Why matchmaking, speed dating and singles events can be great alternatives to dating appsBeing open to meeting people in unexpected waysHow our idea of our “type” can change as we grow and heal You don’t have to keep dating the same way just because that’s how you’ve always done it. If the apps aren't working for you, there are other ways to meet people. Be curious, try something different and, sometimes, just say yes. You never know where that one yes might lead. If you enjoy the podcast, follow, rate or review it on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. Your support helps more single women find the show. Get in touch with Megan Gourlay from Love with Me here: ⁠www.lovewithme.com.au⁠ Connect with Vanessa Maree and say hello! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@vanessamaree_wingwoman⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow the podcast page ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@singleandnotsettling.podcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Download a copy of the FREE eBook "The Empowered Single Woman" ⁠⁠here⁠⁠ to transform your beliefs about dating and find the love you deserve.

  4. Aug 17

    58. Reinventing Yourself When Love Hasn't Happened Yet with Ingrid Bayer

    You thought it would have happened by now. You thought you'd meet someone. Fall in love. Get married. Maybe build the life you'd imagined together. Because that's what seemed to happen for everyone else. And now you're in your 40s, still single, looking around wondering... “Why hasn't it happened for me?” But what if your life isn't supposed to wait for that? That's the conversation I had with my latest guest on Single and Not Settling, Ingrid Bayer, author of Not Done Yet – A Journey Back to You. And while Ingrid's story isn't specifically about being single, her message hit me deeply: You are allowed to reinvent yourself when love hasn't happened yet. In our conversation, we talk about: Why you don't need to wait for a relationship to start creating the life you want.Giving yourself permission to reinvent yourself at ANY stage of life.How to recognise when your life no longer feels like your own.What to do when you're single and don't know what your next chapter looks like.Practical ways to use your time to discover who you are again.What “not settling” looks like when it comes to the life you're creating. And you don't have to spend the next five years wondering what is wrong with you because you're not where you thought you'd be. Instead, you can ask: Who am I now? What do I want my life to look like? What have I been putting off? Because maybe this isn't about accepting that you'll be single forever. Maybe it's about refusing to put your life on hold while you wait to find out.   If you're single and wondering what this next chapter could look like, this conversation with Ingrid might be the permission slip you didn't know you needed. To connect with Ingrid Bayer, visit her website here Connect with Vanessa Maree and share your favourite takeaway from this episode ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@vanessamaree_wingwoman⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow the podcast page ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@singleandnotsettling.podcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ For collaborations or interviews email hello@vanessamaree.co - I love would love to hear from you! Download a copy of the FREE eBook "The Empowered Single Woman" ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to transform your beliefs about dating and find the love you deserve.

  5. Aug 3

    57. Instead of asking "What are you looking for", ask this instead!

    Are your standards really too much... or have you simply been asking the wrong people to meet them? This week's episode was recorded in my holiday cabin while I was taking a break, wearing no make up and simply being me.  I'm sharing a recent dating experience that reminded me of something I've been learning over and over again, my standards aren't too much. After my experience with "Mr Singapore", I knew I wanted to do things differently. Rather than waiting to see how someone showed up, I communicated from the very beginning what was important to me: consistency, communication and consideration. And something unexpected happened. He simply said, "I can meet that." In that moment, I realised I wasn't asking for too much. I'd simply been asking the wrong people. This episode is also a reminder that dating isn't just about finding the right person, it's an opportunity to practice using your voice, honouring your standards and trusting yourself when something doesn't feel aligned. We also explore a simple question I've started asking when dating. Instead of asking, "What are you looking for?", try asking: "What are you ready for?" Because being ready for a relationship is very different to simply wanting one. Your standards aren't there to push the wrong people away—they're there to allow the right people to come closer. Remember, we’re not waiting to be chosen. We’re choosing ourselves. Connect with Vanessa Maree and share your favourite takeaway from this episode ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@vanessamaree_wingwoman⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow the podcast page ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@singleandnotsettling.podcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ For collaborations or interviews email hello@vanessamaree.co - I love would love to hear from you! Download a copy of the FREE eBook "The Empowered Single Woman" ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to transform your beliefs about dating and find the love you deserve.

  6. Jul 6

    56. The Skill Every Single Woman Needs!

    What if the biggest thing holding you back in dating isn't finding the right person... but trusting yourself? After sharing the story of "Mr Singapore" in last week's episode, I realised there was a deeper conversation to have. One that goes beyond dating and into the relationship we have with ourselves. Self-trust isn't something we're born with. It's something we build. But what happens when life experiences, criticism, or constantly second guessing yourself have made it difficult to believe in your own decisions? In this episode, I'm exploring why so many women struggle to trust themselves, how that shows up in dating and everyday life, and practical ways to start rebuilding that trust—one small promise at a time. We'll also dive into some reflective questions to help you uncover where your self doubt may have begun, so you can move forward with greater confidence and clarity. In this episode, we discuss: Why self-trust is one of the most valuable skills you can develop.How childhood experiences and past relationships can shape your decision-making.The difference between intuition and overthinking.Practical ways to build self-trust through everyday actions.Why keeping promises to yourself creates confidence and momentum.How trusting yourself can change the way you date, set boundaries and make decisions. Because the goal isn't to become someone who never questions herself. It's to become a woman who trusts herself enough to move forward anyway. If this episode resonates with you, I'd love for you to leave a review, share it with a friend, or tag me on Instagram. Your support helps more women discover the podcast and reminds them that being single isn't a waiting room—it's an opportunity to build a life you truly love! Connect with Vanessa Maree and share your favourite takeaway from this episode ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@vanessamaree_wingwoman⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow the podcast page ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@singleandnotsettling.podcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ For collaborations or interviews email hello@vanessamaree.co - I love would love to hear from you! Download a copy of the FREE eBook "The Empowered Single Woman" ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to transform your beliefs about dating and find the love you deserve.

  7. Jun 22

    55. The Lie We Tell Ourselves About Casual Dating

    One thing I found myself questioning is the advice we often hear around casual dating. The idea that because it's casual, you shouldn't expect much.  I am challenging that in this episode. In this episode, I take you behind the scenes of a recent interaction I had with “Mr Singapore” (if you follow me on social media you will know), including the actual text messages exchanged between us, what I noticed, how I felt, and the final message I sent when I realised the connection was no longer aligned with the standards I have for myself. This episode isn't about him. It's about self-respect. It's about standards. And it's about questioning the dating advice so many women have been taught to accept. In this episode, I explore what it looks like to honour yourself, communicate your needs, and choose your standards—even when there is chemistry, attraction, and potential. Inside this episode: ✨The full story of "Mr Singapore". ✨The final message I sent expressing how I felt and what I require in my relationships. ✨Why consistency and consideration have become non-negotiable standards for me. ✨ The difference between being understanding and abandoning yourself. ✨ Challenging the narrative that women should expect less simply because a connection is "casual". ✨ Why self-respect matters regardless of the label on the relationship. This episode is for any woman who has ever questioned whether her standards are too high, worried she was asking for too much, or tried to convince herself that breadcrumbs were enough because the connection wasn't "serious." And the right connection will never require you to abandon your needs to keep it. Connect with Vanessa Maree and share your favourite takeaway from this episode ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@vanessamaree_wingwoman⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow the podcast page ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@singleandnotsettling.podcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ For collaborations or interviews email hello@vanessamaree.co - I love would love to hear from you! Download a copy of the FREE eBook "The Empowered Single Woman" ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to transform your beliefs about dating and find the love you deserve.

  8. Jun 8

    54. Keep Your Options Open! The Four Man Plan with Claire Elizabeth Dea

    ..."Don't place all your eggs in one basket!" In this motivating interview, Vanessa Maree sits with Clare Elizabeth Dea as she shares her journey of transforming her shame into power, her unique approach to dating through the four-man plan, and the importance of authenticity, solid friendships and following your dreams for women seeking fulfilling relationships. In this episode, we discuss: What Poland Syndrome is and how Clare spent years hiding this part of herself.The surprising dating patterns and men Clare attracted when she was hiding parts of herself. The question every single woman should ask herself if she wants to attract a healthy relationship.The famous "4 Man Plan" and why dating multiple people can help women stop fixating on one man too early.Dating as a spiritual practice rather than a performance.How understanding your friends' values, needs and love languages can create stronger connections.Together, we explore how shame can shape our relationships, dating experiences, friendships, confidence and the way we show up in the world. More on Clare! Clare Elizabeth Dea has claimed the stage as a performance artist, keynote speaker, workshop facilitator and author, inspiring women to transform shame into power. Her memoir Shame To Shine is a #1 best seller on Amazon in multiple categories.  Featured on mainstream media, various publications, and social media platforms, Clare is celebrated for creating spaces where women truly connect, collaborate, and shine their brightest together. Clare is available for MC, speaking and singing opportunities. If her story resonates with you, be sure to connect with her on social media and slide into her DMs! Connect with Clare on Instagram here: @clareelizabeth_dea or check out her website www.clareelizabethdea.com Connect with Vanessa Maree and share your fav takeaway from this episode ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@vanessamaree_wingwoman⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow the podcast page ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@singleandnotsettling.podcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ For collaborations or interviews email hello@vanessamaree.co - I love would love to hear from you! Download a copy of the FREE eBook "The Empowered Single Woman" ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to transform your beliefs about dating and find the love you deserve.

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About

Welcome to Single and Not Settling, the podcast for women becoming unavailable for low effort men, low standards and lives that don't feel aligned. I'm Vanessa Maree and I'm here to remind you that being single isn't a waiting room for your life to begin. Through my dating stories (shared with plenty of humour!), personal development and spirituality, we'll explore self-trust, standards, relationships and protecting your peace. Because choosing yourself is never settling. So grab your favourite beverage and settle in. We're not waiting to be chosen here—we're choosing ourselves.

Information

  • Creator
    Vanessa Maree
  • Years Active
    2022 - 2026
  • Episodes
    62
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Vanessa Maree
  • Show Website
    Single and Not Settling

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