Mother Mayhem: For Daughters of Narcissistic or Emotionally Limited Mothers

Heather Gray, LICSW
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  • MENTAL HEALTH
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Welcome to Mother Mayhem, the podcast for daughters of narcissistic and emotionally limited mothers. I’m Heather Gray, licensed therapist and narcissistic abuse recovery expert. If you're healing from the mother wound, emotional neglect, or childhood trauma, you’re in the right place. Start with the first 8 episodes—they lay the foundation for your healing. Learn to understand your experience, set boundaries, and build more honest, grounded relationships. Listener questions are welcome. You’re not alone. Other daughters are here. I am, too.

  1. 6D AGO

    128. Trauma-Informed Healing Is Not Trauma-Centered Living

    This week, we explore what happens when the truth finally becomes clear, and how healing must eventually move beyond constant processing in order to make room for life. This episode addresses: Why years of therapy can help, yet still leave something unresolved How narcissistic family systems assign roles to children, shaping siblings in different but interconnected ways The difference between trauma-informed healing and trauma-centered living How siblings can heal together without letting shared trauma dominate their relationships What belongs in a marriage and what does not when one partner carries complex trauma Why confronting narcissistic or emotionally limited parents is not required for healing How quiet distance and discernment can be valid, protective choices What breaking cycles actually looks like in parenting, repair, and presence This is an episode about clarity, choice, and the slow shift from surviving to living. Join our community: mayhemdaughters.com/community

    38 min

  2. FEB 6

    Your Invitation: Mayhem Retreat in Asheville

    This is your invitation  to the Mayhem Daughters Retreat, a small, in-person experience for daughters of narcissistic or emotionally limited mothers who are ready to deepen their healing in shared physical space. This episode is not a sales pitch. It’s an invitation to listen inward and decide with clarity. Dates: April 30 – May 3 Location: Asheville, North Carolina Structure: Programming begins Thursday at 3:30 pm with pickup from the hotel. Full days of programming on Friday and Saturday. Sunday is reserved for travel home. Optional Wednesday arrival Cost: $1,350 per person for retreat programming. Hotel booked separately at a group rate of $129/night. All programming and transportation to and from the retreat house are included Lodging: Retreat house spots are full. Remaining openings are hotel-based with organized transportation provided Availability: At the time of this recording, six spots remain. Retreat logistics and vendors will be finalized the week of February 16 This retreat is designed for daughters who have already been doing their healing work and feel ready to experience that work in a structured, facilitated, and well-held group setting. It is not for daughters in acute crisis or those looking for a high-intensity or transformational experience. Capacity, self-responsibility, and nervous system safety are central to this time together Because this is a small, in-person retreat, registration is not open for direct purchase from the podcast. If you’re interested in exploring whether this retreat is the right fit, please email Heather directly at: Heather@MayhemDaughters.com This begins a conversation, not a commitment. Honoring your timing and capacity matters here. Whether this invitation leads to a yes or a no, listening to yourself with care is part of the work. A Final Note: Honoring your timing and capacity matters here. Whether this invitation leads to a yes or a no, listening to yourself with care is part of the work.

    9 min

  3. FEB 4

    127. Silence After the Decision: Overcommunicating as a Trauma Response

    For daughters of narcissistic or emotionally limited mothers, silence often doesn’t feel neutral. It can feel dangerous, like trouble is coming, like you’ve done something wrong. So we fill it. With explanations. With apologies. With reassurance. In this episode, we explore how overcommunicating and overfunctioning develop as trauma responses, why sitting in silence can feel unbearable, and what it means to tolerate the aftermath of a decision without rescuing yourself or managing other people’s reactions. If you’ve ever struggled with: overcommunicating as a trauma response feeling anxious when people don’t respond right away needing reassurance after setting boundaries people-pleasing or overfunctioning trusting yourself after narcissistic parenting this conversation will likely resonate. We’ll reflects on what it means to “try soft and say less,” , how silence can activate old patterns from childhood, and why learning to tolerate being misunderstood is often a necessary part of healing and self-trust. You don’t need to fix anything after listening. Just noticing the urge to fill the silence is already the work.

    24 min

  4. JAN 28

    126. When Both Parents Are Narcissistic: Surviving Childhood Without a Safe Adult

    Some daughters grow up believing their story must be exaggerated, misunderstood, or somehow “too much” to be real. Not because it wasn’t devastating. But because there was no safe adult to quietly confirm, This isn’t okay. When harm is reinforced instead of interrupted, the nervous system doesn’t just adapt. It doubts itself. This week’s episode is for the daughters who didn’t have a buffer. The ones who survived systems, not just people. The ones who learned to go it alone so early that loneliness can linger even after life becomes steadier. If you’ve ever listened to other stories and wondered where you fit, you’re not wrong for asking. Your nervous system looking for proof. You didn’t imagine how bad it was. And you’re not the only one.Learn More: MayhemDaughters.com

    53 min

  5. JAN 21

    125. When Your Body Flares After Contact With Your Mother

    Have you ever noticed that you feel worse after seeing or talking to your mother? More anxious, irritable, shut down, flooded, or exhausted? If so, this episode is for you. In this episode, I break down why your body and nervous system may flare up after contact with your mother, especially after you’ve done some healing work. We talk about why this reaction is not regression, not weakness, and not a sign that you’re doing anything wrong. Often, it’s a sign that your nervous system is more awake, more honest, and less willing to dissociate in order to survive. You’ll learn how loosening a boundary with good intentions can still lead to nervous system dysregulation, why going back to old dynamics can feel harder once you see them clearly, and how your body responds when it’s holding two truths at the same time: “I used to survive this” and “I no longer should have to.” I also walk you through how to tell whether you’re in intense dysregulation, more regulated, or living in the messy middle, and what actually helps in each state. Instead of forcing clarity or rushing into action, we focus on becoming a better friend to your nervous system and responding to what it’s truly asking for. This episode is for daughters who feel confused by their reactions, frustrated by their bodies, or worried that healing is making things harder. There’s nothing wrong here. Your nervous system is simply doing exactly what it was designed to do. Key takeaway: We don’t rush nervous systems into clarity. We earn their trust first. Resources & Support: If you’re a member of the Mayhem Daughters community, you’ll find a companion post and worksheet inside The Work to help you walk through this in real time. If you’re not yet inside the community, you can learn more at MayhemDaughters.com

    35 min

  6. JAN 14

    124. When Trauma Brain Turns on You: Guilt & Self-Blame for Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers

    When healing reaches a point of no return, trauma brain often turns on you. This week, we’re unpacking why daughters of narcissistic or emotionally limited mothers default to self-blame and guilt even when the truth is clear. You may intellectually know that your mother was incapable of showing up differently, and still find yourself wondering, What if it was me? or Why do I feel so guilty now? This episode breaks down the nervous system logic behind self-blame and guilt, explaining why these responses are not signs that you’re wrong, weak, or confused, but signs of a system shaped by survival, loyalty, and conditioning. We’ll walk through what “doing the work” actually looks like when guilt and self-blame are running the show. We’ll have grounded practices and journaling invitations for daughters at different stages of healing, whether you’re feeling deeply dysregulated or you’ve been around the block and still get pulled back into old patterns. This episode is part of a larger arc inside Mayhem focused on learning how to stand with yourself, trust your wise mind, and stop turning on yourself when healing gets real. Join Mayhem Daughters: MayhemDaughters.com/community

    55 min

  7. JAN 7

    123. Daughters of Covert Narcissistic Mothers: It Was Real & We Believe You

    If you were raised by a covert narcissistic mother, your memory was not the problem. The label was. Daughters often reach for the word “covert” because the other word feels too big. Narcissist feels like an accusation. Covert feels softer. But calling it covert often waters down your own reality. It shifts the focus away from what happened and toward whether you misread the signs. It turns the daughter into the unreliable narrator of her own life. This episode is here to help you stop softening the story so the story can finally make sense. Today we talk about why daughters of covert narcissists struggle with remembering what happened, why they doubt their own perception, and why so much of the abuse feels blurry even when the impact is crystal clear. We look at how loyalty, silence, emotional attunement, and caretaking turn into survival patterns that protect the child and confuse the adult. Then we help you reframe what “covert” really means. Because most of what gets labeled covert was actually happening in plain sight. Your body noticed. Your emotions noticed. The tension noticed. The exhaustion noticed. The numbness noticed. The only thing that did not notice was the part of you that had to stay loyal. This is a conversation for daughters who have spent years wondering why they cannot remember the details but cannot escape the feelings. You are not unreliable. You are not dramatic. You were adapting. If you grew up with a covert narcissistic mother, this is the episode I wish I had done ages ago.And you don’t have to heal alone. Find us: MayhemDaughters.com

    39 min

  8. 12/31/2025

    122. Becoming a Better Friend to Yourself: A Year of Small Shifts

    This episode is for daughters who feel overwhelmed by New Year’s pressure…the daughters who grew up with narcissistic, emotionally limited, unpredictable, or inconsistent mothers and now find themselves feeling “behind,” dysregulated, or unsure of how to begin a new year. If traditional New Year’s messages like fresh start, new year, new you, or reinvent yourself feel activating or shaming, this conversation will make sense of why. In this episode, we’ll talk about why New Year’s Eve hits differently for daughters of narcissistic mothers and mothers with personality disorders or emotional immaturity. We talk about the impact of growing up with chronic vigilance, criticism, dismissal, and role-reversal  and how those early patterns shape a daughter’s nervous system, sense of self, and relationship to change. Instead of chasing a reinvention, this episode introduces a new way forward for 2026: becoming your own best friend. I’ll talk about what it means to build a compassionate, trusting relationship with yourself…one where you stop abandoning yourself, overriding your body, performing for approval, or outsourcing your intuition. You’ll hear a clear, trauma-informed explanation of why self-loyalty is the foundation for healing the mother wound, repairing your nervous system, setting boundaries, and breaking generational patterns. We talk about: Why healing isn’t about reinvention. it’s about self-trust, presence, and nervous system safetyHow tiny, compassionate shifts create real, sustainable healingThe movement we are building together inside Mayhem Daughters: a year of becoming your own best friend If you’re ready for a New Year that isn’t built on shame, resolutions, or self-criticism, but on trauma-informed growth, nervous system regulation, and becoming someone you stay with, START HERE and then find us over at MayhemDaughters.com to join our groups or online community

    29 min
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About

Welcome to Mother Mayhem, the podcast for daughters of narcissistic and emotionally limited mothers. I’m Heather Gray, licensed therapist and narcissistic abuse recovery expert. If you're healing from the mother wound, emotional neglect, or childhood trauma, you’re in the right place. Start with the first 8 episodes—they lay the foundation for your healing. Learn to understand your experience, set boundaries, and build more honest, grounded relationships. Listener questions are welcome. You’re not alone. Other daughters are here. I am, too.

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