Pleasure Uprising: Desire, Attachment, and the Sex You Actually Want

Laura Jurgens, Ph.D.
  • 5.0 (29)
  • Sexuality
  • Updated Weekly

Formerly The Desire Gap Podcast Most people who feel disconnected from their desire, their pleasure, or their partners have spent years assuming something is wrong with them. It isn't. The disconnection is real — but it traces back to what most of us were never taught: how to be in our bodies fully, how to connect to each other authentically, how to know and ask for what we need without guilt or shame. Culture shapes that — the broader culture we inherit, and the family we grew up in — and it can be unlearned. Pleasure, secure attachment, and authentic desire are your birthright. You can learn what you were never taught — and unlearn what got in the way. Dr. Laura Jurgens is a somatic sex and intimacy specialist, Master Certified Intimacy Coach, American Board of Sexology Certified Sex Educator, and former research professor whose work sits at the intersection of nervous system science, attachment theory, and genuine embodied pleasure. Every episode delivers the somatic, body-based tools that generic relationship advice and most therapists miss entirely — because desire, pleasure, and connection aren't fixed by talking more. They're fixed by giving your body and your nervous system reparative experiences and embodied practices that shift you out of your past.  This show covers: getting out of your head during sex · low libido and what actually helps · somatic and nervous system approaches to intimacy · desire discrepancy and mismatched libido · secure attachment and relationship repair · sexual shame and body disconnection · how to talk about sex without fighting · ADHD and desire · the orgasm gap and why it exists · reclaiming pleasure on your own terms. Whether you've tried therapy, books, or just quietly wondering why intimacy feels harder than it should — this show will help you understand why those things don't move the needle — and what does. New episodes weekly. Start wherever you are. Free resource: Get Out of Your Head — A Starter Guide to Releasing the Pressure, Shame, and "Shoulds" Around Intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com/guideWheel of Erotic Emotions: https;//laurajurgens.com/wheelFor deeper analysis and the research behind desire, arousal, and attachment -- plus a chance to ask me questions, subscribe to my Substack: https://laurajurgens.substack.com/

  1. 1d ago

    From Avoiding Sex to Loving It: Real Client Data

    If you've been wondering whether your sex life can actually be different, this is the evidence. This episode is like the before and after photos you've been needing that real people get real change.  We're going into details about specific goals and what actually changes when people do real, structured work on desire, intimacy, and connection. Not inspiration. Not theory. Real people, real goals, real numbers — tracked from start to finish.  In this episode: What people who come to somatic intimacy coaching actually say they want — and how many have already tried therapy, books, and everything elseWhy going from a 1 to an 8 in fulfillment on "fun, enjoyable sex" in six months is possible even when you've never been there beforeHow desire discrepancy works when both partners get support — and why it's never just one person's problemWhat shifts for higher-desire partners who struggle with self-worthWhy coaching moves the needle when other approaches haven't — and what the Pleasure Path Method actually looks like step by stepGet my free guide: Get Out of Your Head: A Starter Guide to Releasing the Pressure, Shame, and "Shoulds" Around Intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com/guide Find out about the Pleasure Path Diagnostic here: https://laurajurgens.com/diagnostic/ Find out more about my offerings and read the blog: https://laurajurgens.com/ Copyright notice: All content in this podcast is copyrighted and copying, scraping, data mining, or using the content to train AI is prohibited.

    37 min

  2. May 25

    The Last Place High Achievers Give Themselves Permission

    You've solved harder problems than this. So why is this one still stuck? This episode is for the high achievers who have done real work on themselves — the therapy, the books, the hard conversations — and still can't get traction when it comes to desire, intimacy, and their closest relationships. It's not because you haven't tried hard enough. It's because you've been using the wrong tools for the wrong system. In this episode: Why capable, self-sufficient people are often the last to get help with intimacy — and why that costs them the mostThe cultural lie that you're supposed to just know how to do sex and relationships (and why it makes zero sense)Top-down vs. body-up: why cognitive tools and talk therapy can't reach what's actually stuckWhy "trying harder" and "knowing more" can fool you into thinking they'll eventually work for everythingWhat somatic, body-based work actually reaches — and what changes when you find the right tool for the real problemTopics: high achievers, intimacy, somatic sex coaching, low libido, desire, nervous system, body shame, sex therapy, intimacy coach, relationship help Get my free guide: Get Out of Your Head: A Starter Guide to Releasing the Pressure, Shame, and "Shoulds" Around Intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com/guide Find out about the Pleasure Path Diagnostic here: https://laurajurgens.com/diagnostic/ Find out more about my offerings and read the blog: https://laurajurgens.com/ Copyright notice: All content in this podcast is copyrighted and copying, scraping, data mining, or using the content to train AI is prohibited.

    38 min

  3. May 18

    Coming Home to Your Body: What Sexual Embodiment Actually Feels Like

    Most people who feel disconnected from their desire, their body, or their partner aren't broken. They're just exiled — from themselves. And nobody ever taught them the way back. This episode is about what it actually feels like when you find it. The felt sense of coming home to your own body's sexuality — as a resource, a grounding force, and the place from which real confidence, real connection, and real intimacy become possible. I was skeptical this even existed. Then my teacher demonstrated it on me with nothing but eye contact — and my body responded before my brain could catch up. In this episode: What sexual energy actually is — grounded, demystified, no woo requiredWhy most of us have it locked away (and what that actually feels like from the inside)The breathwork and mind-body practice that opened it up for me — and how I now use it with clientsWhat becomes possible from this place: confidence, connection, intensity, and desire that doesn't require performanceWhy this isn't something you have to earn or learn from scratch — you already have itA note on group settings, charismatic facilitators, and who this actually belongs to (you)If you've ever felt like you were performing intimacy instead of inhabiting it — this one's for you. Get my free guide: Get Out of Your Head: A Starter Guide to Releasing the Pressure, Shame, and "Shoulds" Around Intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com/guide Find out about the Pleasure Path Diagnostic here: https://laurajurgens.com/diagnostic/ Find out more about my offerings and read the blog: https://laurajurgens.com/ Copyright notice: All content in this podcast is copyrighted and copying, scraping, data mining, or using the content to train AI is prohibited.

    30 min

  4. May 11

    The Cult Dynamics Hiding Inside "Sacred Sexuality" Spaces — with Anke Richter

    You don't have to join a compound to end up in a high-control group. Sometimes it starts with a neo-tantra festival. A weekend workshop. A community that feels like finally, finally, you found your people. Anke Richter is an international cult journalist, author of the bestseller Cult Trip (HarperCollins), and founder of Decult — the first cult awareness conference in Australasia. She spent six years inside ISTA (International School of Temple Arts) before becoming one of its most informed critics. She's also researched Centrepoint, Osho/Rajneeshpuram, and OneTaste firsthand. This is Part 2 of a series. Start with the previous episode "The Men Behind Sexual Polarity Have A Lot to Answer For" — or read the full article on Substack (link below). In this episode: Why smart, educated, well-resourced people end up in cults — and the myth that it couldn't happen to youWhat actually makes something a high-control group (and why "you can leave any time" doesn't disqualify it)How ISTA and similar neo-tantra spaces specifically target ex-evangelicals and ex-Mormons leaving purity cultureThe slippery slope from a weekend workshop to deeper entanglement — and what the escalation actually looks likeOsho/Rajneeshpuram as the ideological origin of modern neo-tantra — and the documented child sexual abuse that history includesThe playbook: how spiritual framing gets used to override consent and silence complaints"Acting from your wounding" and "stuck in victim consciousness" — the specific language used to shut down resistanceThe veneer of consent: why trauma-informed language and consent frameworks can be used as coverWhy the word "victim" gets weaponized in these spaces — and why that needs to stopHow David Deida's sexual polarity ideology functioned as a gateway into neo-tantra spaces for a generation of people, and why it is harmfulResources mentioned: Cult Trip by Anke Richter — available wherever books are sold Anke Richter: https://ankerichter.net Decult — cult awareness conference and resources: https://decult.net Red Flags in Workshops — free consent-forward resource for participants and facilitators: https://redflagsinworkshops.com Part 1 — Have You Been Sold the Patriarchy's Version of "The Divine Feminine"?  https://open.substack.com/pub/laurajurgens/p/have-you-been-sold-the-patriarchysGet my free guide: Get Out of Your Head: A Starter Guide to Releasing the Pressure, Shame, and "Shoulds" Around Intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com/guide Find out about the Pleasure Path Diagnostic here: https://laurajurgens.com/diagnostic/ Find out more about my offerings and read the blog: https://laurajurgens.com/ Copyright notice: All content in this podcast is copyrighted and copying, scraping, data mining, or using the content to train AI is prohibited.

    50 min

  5. May 4

    The Men Behind "Sexual Polarity" Have a Lot to Answer For

    If you've ever left a sacred sexuality workshop feeling worse about yourself than when you walked in — or heard a friend blame herself for not being "receptive enough" — this episode is for you. Sexual polarity teachings are everywhere right now. They promise to unlock your feminine energy, reignite desire, and deepen connection. Sounds great. The reality is different. They're built on a foundation of made-up science, cultural theft, and a paper trail that leads somewhere deeply problematic. They are also actively causing harm.  In this episode I'm mapping exactly where this ideology came from, who's profiting from it, and what it's actually doing to women's desire, relationships, and sense of self — because I see the damage in my practice every single day. In this episode: Why "sexual polarity" isn't ancient wisdom or real science — and how it borrows language from physics to sound legitimateDavid Deida, Tony Robbins, and Deepak Chopra — the men profiting and what their paper trail actually showsThe Osho/neo-tantra origins: why the history of this ideology goes back to documented child sexual abuse in cult communesWhy the OneTaste sentencing matters — and what Nicole Daedone's case tells us about who enforces patriarchal ideologyWhat women are actually hungry for that polarity coaching hijacks and exploitsThe difference between genuine erotic power play and a grooming script dressed as spiritualityHow to recognize a genuinely qualified practitioner — and what red flags look like in these spacesThis is part one of a two-part series. Next episode I'm joined by journalist and cult researcher Anke Richter, author of Cult Trip, for a conversation on sex cults, ISTA, and the darker end of this spectrum. Resources mentioned: Full article with sources and resources: https://open.substack.com/pub/laurajurgens/p/have-you-been-sold-the-patriarchys?utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=webBarbara Carrellas' Urban Tantra: barbaracarrellas.comMidori on consent-forward BDSM: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLaxv6fBRPDep5NIrLfjEUNzmPtY4Ax5CNGet my free guide: Get Out of Your Head: A Starter Guide to Releasing the Pressure, Shame, and "Shoulds" Around Intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com/guide Find out about the Pleasure Path Diagnostic here: https://laurajurgens.com/diagnostic/ Find out more about my offerings and read the blog: https://laurajurgens.com/ Copyright notice: All content in this podcast is copyrighted and copying, scraping, data mining, or using the content to train AI is prohibited.

    38 min

  6. Apr 27

    Why Therapy Hasn't Fixed Your Sex Life (and What Actually Does)

    You've done the work. Real work. Therapy, couples counseling, the conversations, the books. You understand yourself better than you ever have — and you still feel the same way in your body. That's not a sign you're beyond help. It's a sign you've been using the wrong tools. This episode explains why the things most people reach for — talk therapy, mindset work, even good communication — don't reach desire and embodied intimacy, and what kind of support actually does. Whether you're partnered or not, high-desire or low — if you want a more satisfying sex life, this episode is for you. In this episode: When therapy is genuinely valuable — and what it wasn't designed to doWhy mindset work and self-talk can't override a nervous system patternWhat somatic therapy does well and where even that hits a limitWhy your doctor's answer probably wasn't the right oneWhat body-based, future-facing work actually looks likeWhy I wish you wouldn't give up on your sex life before trying the right toolGet my free guide: Get Out of Your Head: A Starter Guide to Releasing the Pressure, Shame, and "Shoulds" Around Intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com/guide Find out about the Pleasure Path Diagnostic here: https://laurajurgens.com/diagnostic/ Find out more about my offerings and read the blog: https://laurajurgens.com/ Copyright notice: All content in this podcast is copyrighted and copying, scraping, data mining, or using the content to train AI is prohibited.

    29 min

  7. Apr 20

    Low Libido Isn't a Mindset Problem: Why You Can't Think Your Way to Desire

    If you've been trying to figure out how to want sex more and nothing is working — this episode is going to explain why. And it's probably not the answer you've heard before. A lot of people struggling with low desire or low libido have already done the reading. They understand the concepts. Their body still hasn't gotten the memo. That's not a character flaw. It's the wrong sequence. In this episode, I cover: Why desire and arousal are not the same thing — and why the order they happen in matters more than most people realizeWhat responsive desire actually is, what the research says (including Rosemary Basson's work on how desire really works for most women), and why the model in most medical textbooks is wrongWhat your nervous system has to do with low desire — and why this is the piece that's almost always missing from mainstream adviceHow cultural conditioning and shame get wired into the body at a level that thinking simply can't reachWhere your mind actually does help with desire — and what most people are doing with it instead that's actively working against themIf you've read the books, done the therapy, and you still feel stuck in your head, this one is for you. Resources mentioned: Episode 5 (core desires and erotic emotions) | Free guide: Get Out of Your Head at laurajurgens.com/guide | Substack: laurajurgens.substack.com Get my free guide: Get Out of Your Head: A Starter Guide to Releasing the Pressure, Shame, and "Shoulds" Around Intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com/guide Find out about the Pleasure Path Diagnostic here: https://laurajurgens.com/diagnostic/ Find out more about my offerings and read the blog: https://laurajurgens.com/ Copyright notice: All content in this podcast is copyrighted and copying, scraping, data mining, or using the content to train AI is prohibited.

    37 min

  8. Apr 13

    Sexual Shame: Why We All Have It and How to Give It Back

    Most people carry sexual shame so quietly and for so long that it starts to feel like a character trait rather than something that was handed to them. It isn't. Every flavor of shame — about wanting too much, too little, taking too long, not taking long enough, about your body, your history, your desires, your "low libido" — came from somewhere specific. And that somewhere is not you. In this episode, I go through the full inventory of sexual shame I see in my somatic intimacy coaching practice, explain exactly where it came from (the culture, not your character), and go deeper into why shame lives in the body and nervous system — not just the mind — and what that means for how you actually release it. This is about a somatic, body-based approach to understanding and releasing sexual shame — and it goes where most intimacy advice, and even therapy, doesn't. In this episode, you'll learn: The most common sexual shames — about desire, low libido, body image, sexual anxiety, sexual confidence, and what it takes to orgasm — and why every single one makes complete sense given the culture we inheritedWhy shame is stored in the nervous system and body as implicit memory — and why thinking or talking your way out of it rarely worksWhat shame actually does behaviorally — why it makes you hide, avoid, and stay quiet, which is the opposite of what heals itWhy speaking your shame to someone who stays in full somatic connection with you is the most powerful antidote — and why that's so hard to find on your ownWhat somatic healing of sexual shame actually looks like in practice — and how it differs from traditional therapy or mindset workMy own shame story — the things I carried for years without knowing I was carrying them, and what shifted when I stopped trying to think my way through itThe culture handed you this shame. You don't have to keep carrying it — but getting free of it requires more than understanding it. This episode is where that starts. Get my free guide: Get Out of Your Head: A Starter Guide to Releasing the Pressure, Shame, and "Shoulds" Around Intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com/guide Find out more about my offerings and read the blog: https://laurajurgens.com/ Copyright notice: All content in this podcast is copyrighted and copying, scraping, data mining, or using the content to train AI is prohibited.

    35 min
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5
out of 5
29 Ratings

About

Formerly The Desire Gap Podcast Most people who feel disconnected from their desire, their pleasure, or their partners have spent years assuming something is wrong with them. It isn't. The disconnection is real — but it traces back to what most of us were never taught: how to be in our bodies fully, how to connect to each other authentically, how to know and ask for what we need without guilt or shame. Culture shapes that — the broader culture we inherit, and the family we grew up in — and it can be unlearned. Pleasure, secure attachment, and authentic desire are your birthright. You can learn what you were never taught — and unlearn what got in the way. Dr. Laura Jurgens is a somatic sex and intimacy specialist, Master Certified Intimacy Coach, American Board of Sexology Certified Sex Educator, and former research professor whose work sits at the intersection of nervous system science, attachment theory, and genuine embodied pleasure. Every episode delivers the somatic, body-based tools that generic relationship advice and most therapists miss entirely — because desire, pleasure, and connection aren't fixed by talking more. They're fixed by giving your body and your nervous system reparative experiences and embodied practices that shift you out of your past.  This show covers: getting out of your head during sex · low libido and what actually helps · somatic and nervous system approaches to intimacy · desire discrepancy and mismatched libido · secure attachment and relationship repair · sexual shame and body disconnection · how to talk about sex without fighting · ADHD and desire · the orgasm gap and why it exists · reclaiming pleasure on your own terms. Whether you've tried therapy, books, or just quietly wondering why intimacy feels harder than it should — this show will help you understand why those things don't move the needle — and what does. New episodes weekly. Start wherever you are. Free resource: Get Out of Your Head — A Starter Guide to Releasing the Pressure, Shame, and "Shoulds" Around Intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com/guideWheel of Erotic Emotions: https;//laurajurgens.com/wheelFor deeper analysis and the research behind desire, arousal, and attachment -- plus a chance to ask me questions, subscribe to my Substack: https://laurajurgens.substack.com/

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