88 episodes

Meet Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new BFF couple friends! She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience and he’s a regular dude. Together they’re the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and seriously funny couple you want to grab sushi with. They share the ups and downs in their relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours. Subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally do-able sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It’s the sex education you WISH you’d had!

Pillow Talks Vanessa & Xander Marin

    • Health & Fitness
    • 4.9 • 1.3K Ratings

Meet Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new BFF couple friends! She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience and he’s a regular dude. Together they’re the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and seriously funny couple you want to grab sushi with. They share the ups and downs in their relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours. Subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally do-able sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It’s the sex education you WISH you’d had!

    How To Decide If You Should Have Kids Or Not. And Are We Still Child Free By Choice?

    How To Decide If You Should Have Kids Or Not. And Are We Still Child Free By Choice?

    When we revealed in Episode 37 that we’re child free by choice, it became the most popular episode in Pillow Talks’ history, hands down. Talking about it publicly was challenging, emotional, and the most intimate we’ve ever been with our audience… until now.
    After listening to the episode, so many of you reached out to share that you’re struggling with whether or not to have kids. You’re having a hard time identifying your own desires under all the layers of pressure and expectation. In this episode, you’ll find a roadmap to guide you through this weighty, personal decision process, along with some great advice from those in our audience who have been on either side of the fence. Whichever way you go, we’re here to help make sure it’s the right choice for YOU.
    Links & Resources:
    Sex Talks
    Episode 37 - The Truth About Why We’re Child Free
    Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow.
    Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get 35% off site wide when you use the code PILLOWTALKS
    Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode88

    • 1 hr 10 min
    Sex Talks: Sharing All The Secrets Behind Writing Our First Book

    Sex Talks: Sharing All The Secrets Behind Writing Our First Book

    If you’ve been following us for a bit, you probably know that we have a book, Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life, coming out February 7th with Simon & Schuster. We’re so excited for you to get your hands on this book, and bring more connection, pleasure, and fun into the bedroom! But do you want to know the real story behind the book?
    In this episode, we’re pulling back the curtains on what it really means to write a book, get it published, and then get it to your audience. There were moments that shocked us, some that terrified us, and some that completely changed the way we see our business. Join us as we break down the numbers, lay out the timeline, and explain just how much of a village it truly takes to publish a book. By the time you finish with this episode, there won’t be anything left to do but click the link to preorder!
    Links & Resources:
    Sex Talks
    Thanks RocketMoney.com/pillow. RocketMoney could save you hundreds a year!
    Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get 35% off sitewide when you use the code PILLOWTALKS
    Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode87

    • 1 hr 17 min
    Ask Us Anything Part 4: This Time It’s Personal

    Ask Us Anything Part 4: This Time It’s Personal

    It’s time for another one of your favorite episodes - Ask Us Anything! This time, let’s skip the business questions and keep it personal.
    We asked you to send in the questions you’ve been dying to know, and you delivered! Religion? Sex position burnout? The ways we still embarrass ourselves with each other? You bet! We cover it all and more, so make yourself comfortable and feel free to giggle along as we reveal all sorts of things for the sake of the podcast. We hope these topics (and our sometimes controversial answers) start some conversations that you never knew you needed to have!
    Links & Resources:
    Sex Talks
    Dirty Talk
    Initiation 101
    Thanks RocketMoney.com/pillow. RocketMoney could save you hundreds a year!
    Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode86

    • 1 hr 5 min
    Make 2023 The Year You Finally Feel Sexy

    Make 2023 The Year You Finally Feel Sexy

    What makes a person sexy? We all want to be sexy, but most of us don’t feel that way very often (or at all). It can be hard to see yourself as sexy after long hours at work, taking care of kids, or watching your body change over the years. Even worse, we don’t know how to change that, because we don’t know what “sexy” even means! Google certainly isn’t helpful. What the heck are we supposed to do?
    Listen to this episode, that’s what! We want you to feel sexy and confident on a regular basis. In this episode, we teach you how to identify and create your own definition of sexy, so you can make 2023 your sexiest year yet.
    Links & Resources:
    Sex Talks
    The Foreplay Guides
    Next Level Intercourse
    Episode 4: Mental Load: What It Is and How to Stop It from Destroying Your Relationship
    Episode 12: How To Let Your Partner Love Your Body – Even If You Don’t
    Episode 65: How To Overcome Sexual Shame With Our 7-Step Process
    Go to GreenChef.com/pillow60 and use code pillow60 to get 60% off plus free shipping.
    Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow.
    Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode85

    • 1 hr 7 min
    Top 10 Podcast Moments of 2022

    Top 10 Podcast Moments of 2022

    What a year 2022 has been!!! In 52 episodes, we’ve gotten more vulnerable than we’ve ever dared, tackled the topics we never thought would see the light of day, and busted more myths than we thought possible - and loved EVERY minute of it!
    So we thought it’d be a blast to count down our top 10 moments from Pillow Talks this year. Take a listen and see if your favorites made the cut! Revisit the times we laughed so hard we couldn’t breathe, the crazy things we still can’t believe came out of our mouths (much less put on the air), and the a-ha moments that changed everything.
    We can’t thank you enough for the support and the community we’ve built, one orgasm at a time. From us to you, Happy New Year!
    Links & Resources:
    Sex Talks Book Preorder
    Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode84

    • 45 min
    How To Fight Fair In A Relationship: Breaking Down A Listener Argument

    How To Fight Fair In A Relationship: Breaking Down A Listener Argument

    Be honest - if you look back at your last fight with your partner, are you happy with how it went? Was there anything you wish that you had said differently? Or would take back Maybe you were feeling defensive, a little misunderstood, or just plain hurt! It would be nice if there was a referee to throw a flag or call time out when we cross the line in an argument.
    We reached out to our Instagram audience and found a couple willing to share a fight that they recently experienced. In this episode, we go through their text fight line by line, calling out what worked, what didn’t, and different choices they could have made to communicate more effectively. You’ll get a sneak peek at the kinds of fights other couples really have, while learning how to manage relationship conflict in a healthier way. Learning how to fight fair can be a process, but with some practice, you can turn those moments of tension into opportunities for growth and connection.
    Links & Resources:
    Mental Load Workbook
    Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode83

    • 1 hr 3 min

Customer Reviews

4.9 out of 5
1.3K Ratings

1.3K Ratings

K Gutz ,

Yesss

Yes! Yes! Oh yes! 😍 Finally the sex ed we deserve! This podcast is such a great addition to my weekly line up. Wonderful advice from a wonderful couple. Keeping the flame alive and being intentional in my relationship is top priority and Vanessa and Xander help with all of that! A must listen for all couples ❤️🎉🔥🫦

akeener07 ,

Thank You

I’m 41, have yet to have my debut, and am currently in a long-distance relationship with my girlfriend who’s Filipina and in The Philippines. I’m from Fairfax County, Virginia and like many didn’t get the best sexual education. My current partner (she’s more than my girlfriend) is the only person who I didn’t feel judged by for this. I also have mental illness issues. And the same there.
Thank you for your YouTube videos and podcast. It’s really helping me to understand what is reasonable during sex and what isn’t. Physical affection is my love language. I owe you both a hug. Thank you. 🫂🤗

Emilyhotkiss ,

Incredibly valuable information

Interestingly enough my husband and I had already reignited the spark in our sex life before I had any knowledge of Pillow Talks. I was feeling like a teenager, aroused all day long and ended up searching the word SEX on Instagram! Feeling incredibly thankful that search led me to Vanessa and Xander! I have bought her book, binged every podcast episode and been applying what I learn. I’m happier, more confident and feeling sexier than ever!

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