154 episodes
Pillow Talks Vanessa & Xander Marin
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- Health & Fitness
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4.9 • 1.9K Ratings
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Meet Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new BFF couple friends! She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience and he’s a regular dude. Together they’re the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and seriously funny couple you want to grab sushi with. They share the ups and downs in their relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours. Subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally do-able sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It’s the sex education you WISH you’d had!
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How To Stop Feeling Resentment In Your Relationship
A few weeks ago we asked our community if they felt resentment in their relationship and only 29% said no!
Resentment doesn’t feel good for either partner, and it can lead to things like more stress, less sex, and lots of other serious consequences in your relationship.
We decided it was time to create an episode breaking down what resentment is, where it comes from, and how to overcome it in your relationship.
Links & Resources:
Guide: Mental Load Workbook
Visit our Homepage
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! -
The Secret Foreplay Technique You Don’t Even Know About
Imagine this… you’re crawling into bed at the end of the night, thinking, “Hmmm sex sounds nice.”
We hate to break it to you, but you’re too late! You needed to have been planning for this much earlier in the day. You needed to be using our unique approach to foreplay.
Most of us think of foreplay as the stuff we do for 30 seconds before we move on to intercourse, but it’s so much more than that. Today we’re telling you about the magic of all-day, non-sexual foreplay.
Links & Resources:
Course: Art Of Initiation
Challenge: The Connection Challenge
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor.
Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow. -
Breaking Down A Text Fight
You’ve had a fight over text message with your partner, right? Most of us have! Maybe you sent a text to your partner that was a little too snarky, or maybe you read too much into a message. Odds are your text fight did not end well…
Today we’re breaking down a real text fight one of our followers sent in. It started off as a fight over facial hair, but like most fights do, evolved into something much deeper. We covered topics like body confidence, broken trust, and validation. We point out the things they did right, and the ways things went oh so wrong. You’ll get a fascinating sneak peek into another couple’s conflict, plus tons of communication tips along the way.
Links & Resources:
Our Instagram: @vanessandxander (https://www.instagram.com/vanessaandxander/)
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Thanks, Green Chef! Go to GreenChef.com/60pillow (http://www.greenchef.com/60pillow) and use code 60pillow to get 60% off, plus 20% off your next 2 months -
How To Get Your Partner To Open Up About Sex (Even If They’re Resistant)
If you’re a Pillow Talks listener, you’re probably on board with the idea of talking about sex openly. But what do you do if your partner is a lot more hesitant?
In this episode, we’re going over why your partner might be feeling resistant, and how you can encourage them to open up. You’ll learn our secret to intimacy-building conversation, plus tons of creative (and even sneaky) ways to get your partner to talk about sex.
Links & Resources:
Book: Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life (https://sextalksbook.com/)
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com (http://cozyearth.com/) and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS -
Smash Or Pass? We Try The Wildest Sex Tips You’ve Ever Heard (Volume 3)
We really went there…
It’s time for another round of Smash or Pass! The series where we find the internet’s weirdest sex tips, try them out, and report back to you with all the details.
We dug deep to find the craziest ideas for us to try, and what we found was well… interesting. We’re even taking you into our bedroom during one of the tips so you can hear our live reaction!
The Countdown Method… using a glove… the Nose Dive method. Are any of these new tips Pillow Talks Approved? You’ll just have to tune in and find out!
Links & Resources:
Course: Art Of Initiation (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/the-art-of-initiation/)
Guide: Ultimate Foreplay Guides (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/)
Guide: Next Level Intercourse (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/next-level-intercourse/)
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow (http://DipseaStories.com/pillow).
Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com (http://cozyearth.com/) and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS -
Partner Having Penis Performance Problems? Here’s What To Do - And What Not To Do
“This, uh, isn’t working…”
Most of us have experienced a partner having some performance issues in the bedroom, and feeling wildly confused about what to do. How do you react? What do you say?
And let’s be honest, most of us women take these moments personally. We get into our heads thinking things like, “Am I not attractive enough? Am I bad at sex??”
Today we’re breaking down for you why penis performance issues happen, and how men need you to respond in those extra-sensitive moments. Xander is also helping us non-penis owners understand what’s really going on inside men’s heads, and the pressures men feel around sex.
Links & Resources:
Guide: Sexual Mastery Package (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/sexual-mastery-package/)
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow (https://www.zocdoc.com/) and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor.
Customer Reviews
10/10 would listen again and again
I First heard Vanessa and Xander on another podcast called On Attachment. I had started listening to it to get to know myself better and how to improve my anxious attachment. When I heard V and X’s episode I immediately found their podcast and started binge listening. I grew up in a very religious household. My dad is a pastor and sex was always a thing to be ashamed of and you never talk about. My sex talk was “Don’t have sex til your married.” Pillow talks has helped me overcome shame and trauma and helped me become comfortable with sex and how to communicate what I want, not just sexually but emotionally with my partner. Their episode on the decision to not have children also helped me with my own issues about having children myself. I have struggled with this. I cannot have kids because of a traumatic emergency hysterectomy and I realized it was for the best even though it was something I thought I wanted my whole life. Pillow talks has helped me to heal and grow as a person. I still have things to overcome but I am learning and growing everyday and this podcast has helped with that. I have recommended Pillow Talks to many friends and I hope it has helped them as well. I would recommend this podcast to anyone who struggles with relationships and sex. Vanessa and Xander make things interesting and fun. It’s like having a conversation with close friends. I highly recommend it!
5 Michelin Stars ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️
This is in and of itself, By far and away, one of the best podcasts I’ve listened to. I’ve never been a great cook but after listening to this podcast I’ve really improved. My wife always said that my first 🥞 was good, but I still would love to get X&V’s recipe to compare. Even though the 🍲 that I made was a little sloppy, my wife says she loves how I eat it. Still working to get my wife to sit on my 👨🏻🦰 but I’m sure I will convince her if I keep showing her how much I love her 🍑. So glad that X suggested starting a podcast to tell everyone how much we love having sex with our wife. I don’t have plans to start a podcast but have started leaving reviews on every podcast I listen to and being sure to mention it so that the world can hear and read it. Love this podcast. It’s great food for your 🧠. It will have you 😆 🤣 and 🫦 💦 all over the place. Make sure to 👂with plenty of napkins.
Refreshingly, Unapologetically Real
I’m a 52 year old man married for 24 years to my favorite person in the world. Unfortunately, we have struggled with sex and intimacy for more than 20 years. Life, family, busy careers, social media, and so many other things have negatively impacted our relationship. We both are harboring a lot of resentment.
We have spent years doing individual and couples therapy, read so many books, listened to so many different podcasts and have tried discussing our issues so many times. The discussions always morph back into “The Talk.”
I need sex to feel connected. My wife needs to be connected to have sex. It has resulted in so much disconnect and ultimately a “dead bedroom” (or very long dry spell) in the relationship. Even when we are in the same room together, we were both lonely.
A couple months ago I saw a post by Vanessa and Xander on Instagram. I checked out their page, began following them, listened to a podcast about initiation and was hooked!
They are the most real couple I know. I feel like they are great friends. I feel like they have watched my entire relationship with my wife.
All of their podcasts cover real life, sex, relationships and the issues that come with them. Vanessa and Xander are open, honest, vulnerable and so freaking funny. I enrolled in one of their online courses, “The Art of Initiation,” and my wife and I are taking the course together. Their podcasts and courses have opened up communication for my wife and I. I finally feel like we are making progress in healing our relationship. I have gained so much understanding for my wife’s point of view regarding sex and intimacy. I can feel the resentment melting away.
Thank you so much Vanessa and Xander, for everything that you do. You guys are doing God’s work, in my opinion, and making it fun. I can’t wait for the next course and podcast. Keep the Amazing content coming!