What The Hell Do I Know w/JB

Jason Becker

Faith, doubt, deconstruction, recovery, and real conversations for people questioning everything.

  1. 1d ago

    EP 103: When Certainty Becomes an Idol | Jeremy Jernigan

    What happens when following Jesus starts costing you the version of Christianity you were handed? In Episode 103 of *What the Hell Do I Know?*, I sit down with Jeremy Jernigan, author of *The Edge of the Inside*, for a conversation about deconstruction, church hurt, certainty, Christian nationalism, LGBTQ+ inclusion, and what it actually means to follow the way of Jesus. Jeremy once had what he describes as his dream job—leading a multi-campus megachurch in Oregon with thousands of people attending each weekend. Then 2020 happened. George Floyd was murdered, the country erupted, and Jeremy felt the church needed to lean into the pain and conversations happening in its community. He was told, essentially: just preach Jesus. That moment changed everything. We talk about what happens when the institution of Christianity and the way of Jesus no longer seem to be pointing in the same direction. Jeremy says something in this conversation that stopped me: “Certainty is the idol of the church right now.” We also get into why deconstruction can feel terrifying, how church systems can become influenced by money and power, creating genuinely safe spaces for LGBTQ+ people, the difference between evangelism and discipleship, and why neither of us believes following Jesus requires having all the answers. And after everything Jeremy has lost and questioned, I ask him one final question: Why would anyone still want to follow Jesus? His answer is worth hearing. Jeremy Jernigan   Instagram: @jeremy.jernigan   Website: jeremyjernigan.com   Book: *The Edge of the Inside* — available wherever books are sold. Jason Becker   Instagram: @_jason_becker   Website: vintagewisdom.org 🎙️ *What the Hell Do I Know? with JB*   Episode 103 If you’re questioning your faith, rebuilding it, holding onto Jesus, or simply trying to figure out what you believe—you’re welcome here. #Deconstruction #Jesus #ChurchHurt #FaithAndDoubt #JeremyJernigan #ChristianPodcast #Exvangelical #FollowingJesus

    EP 103: When Certainty Becomes an Idol | Jeremy Jernigan
  2. Sep 29

    What If Deconstruction Doesn’t Mean Losing Jesus? | Mattie Mae Motl | Ep. 102

    What if deconstruction doesn’t have to mean destroying your faith? Mattie Mae Motl is a Bible scholar and PhD candidate studying gender, sexuality, and masculinity in the New Testament. Raised Southern Baptist as a pastor’s daughter, Mattie grew up loving Scripture. But the deeper she studied it, the more questions she began to ask. Today, her faith looks radically different, but she hasn’t walked away from Jesus. In Episode 102, Mattie and I talk about deconstruction, biblical interpretation, LGBTQ+ inclusion, patriarchy, what Scripture actually is, and whether the church can become a place where people on the margins are not merely tolerated but celebrated. Mattie says something during our conversation that I absolutely love: When I ask how she continues holding onto Jesus, she answers, “I think he holds on to me. He won’t let me go.” We also talk about why she doesn’t see deconstruction as demolition. For her, it looks more like renovating something we inherited and asking what is worth keeping, what needs to change, and what Jesus might actually be inviting us into. We don’t have to agree on every theological question to stay curious, keep learning, and love people well. Follow Mattie Mae Motl: Instagram: @mattiemaemotl Follow me: Instagram: @_jason_becker WHAT THE HELL DO I KNOW WITH JB SPONSORS: TruNorth Pest Control @trunorthpest trunorthpest.com Floorzz @floorzz floorzz.com #Deconstruction #ProgressiveChristianity #Faith #Christianity

    What If Deconstruction Doesn’t Mean Losing Jesus? | Mattie Mae Motl | Ep. 102
  3. Sep 22

    I Spent 9 Years Trying to Hold Onto Jesus | Dr. Todd Phillips | Ep. 101

    What happens when a pastor spends nine years trying to hold onto Jesus…and eventually realizes he no longer believes? Dr. Todd Phillips spent more than two decades as a Christian and pastor, serving in some of the largest evangelical churches in America. But after years of questioning, studying, wrestling and searching for reasons to stay, Todd eventually landed somewhere he never expected: he now describes himself as a “non-resistant nonbeliever.” And he didn’t get there easily. In this conversation, Todd and I sit down for an honest discussion about deconstruction, doubt, biblical inerrancy, hell, salvation, suffering, the resurrection, certainty, and what happens when the faith that once gave your entire life meaning begins to unravel. Todd and I don’t land in the same place. I’m still holding onto Jesus. But I understand the questions he’s asking, because I’m wrestling with plenty of my own. This isn’t a debate. It’s two former pastors sitting across from each other, talking honestly about belief, unbelief, and what it costs to question something that once defined your entire life. We talk about: • Why Todd spent nine years trying to remain a Christian • The questions that began his deconstruction • Why he believes belief itself isn’t a choice • Biblical inerrancy and learning to think critically about Scripture • Original sin, hell and the problem of suffering • Losing the certainty of heaven • Finding meaning and hope after Christianity • Why deconstruction can feel incredibly isolating • Todd’s new Deacon Recon community • Whether believers and nonbelievers can create safe spaces for honest questions • Why critical thinking matters more than ever Wherever you are in your faith journey, I hope this conversation gives you permission to ask the questions honestly. You don’t have to land where Todd landed. You don’t have to land where I landed. But I think we should be able to sit across the table from one another and talk about it. FOLLOW DR. TODD PHILLIPS Decon Recon: Don’t deconstruct alone. https://www.skool.com/deconrecon/about YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@drtoddphillips Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drtoddphillips/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Drtoddphillips/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@UCKQtyeCvV8pBONewR_WjKBg  FOLLOW JB Instagram: @_jason_becker SPONSORS TruNorth Pest Control @trunorthpest trunorthpest.com Floorzz @floorzz on Instagram floorzz.com Thanks to TruNorth Pest Control and Floorzz for supporting What the Hell Do I Know with JB. Subscribe for more conversations about faith, deconstruction, grace, doubt, church, and what it looks like to keep asking honest questions. #Deconstruction #Faith #Christianity #ExPastor

    I Spent 9 Years Trying to Hold Onto Jesus | Dr. Todd Phillips | Ep. 101
  4. Sep 15

    Did the Church Get God’s Design for Women Wrong? | Meghan Tschanz | Episode 100

    What if challenging the Church’s treatment of women isn’t walking away from Jesus—but an attempt to follow him more faithfully? For the landmark 100th episode of What the Hell Do I Know with JB, Jason sits down with Meghan Tschanz—author of Women Rising: Learning to Listen, Reclaiming Our Voice and host of the Faith and Feminism podcast. Raised in conservative evangelical Christianity, Meghan was taught that women should not preach, teach or lead and that their primary role was to submit to and serve their husbands. She tried to accept those teachings because she loved God. Then her ministry experiences forced her to ask whether those ideas actually reflected Jesus. While traveling through 11 countries in 11 months, Meghan encountered women and girls facing female genital mutilation, sex trafficking, educational inequality, sexual violence and systems that treated them as less valuable than men. In Kenya, girls quietly asked whether female circumcision also happened in America. Meghan eventually learned that each of them had experienced it. In the Philippines, she confronted an American man purchasing access to trafficked women and girls. He told her women were created to serve men and that Western women no longer knew their proper place. The language sounded disturbingly familiar. It echoed teachings Meghan had heard in church. That encounter triggered a crisis of faith and began a deeper examination of patriarchy, biblical womanhood, sexual violence, church power and the life of Jesus. Jason and Meghan discuss: • Growing up in conservative evangelical Christianity • Being taught that women should not preach, teach or lead • The connection between male dominance and abuse • Female genital mutilation and sex trafficking • Why sexual violence is often rooted in dominance and control • Whether biblical womanhood is actually biblical • Women in Scripture who resisted patriarchal expectations • How Jesus empowered women and defended marginalized people • Why feminism does not mean hating men • What men can do to become better allies • Why women often remain silent when they feel unsafe • Purity culture and the burden it places on girls • Why men need to confront other men • The Church’s responsibility to protect survivors • Sex trafficking, wealth, power and exploitation • Why charity cannot replace systemic change • Why transparency is essential for churches • How patriarchy also harms boys and men • Masculinity, emotional repression and mental health • Jesus as a model of non-dominating masculinity • Deconstruction as an act of faithfulness rather than rebellion Meghan argues that the women of Scripture do not resemble the passive, silent version of biblical womanhood many Christians have been taught. Women such as Tamar, Esther, Deborah, Shiphrah and Puah resisted unjust systems, acted courageously and were honored for it. She also challenges men to begin by listening. Ask the women in your life whether they have ever felt unsafe, harassed, objectified or dismissed. Do not minimize their experiences. Learn to recognize situations you may never have noticed because you have not lived inside a woman’s body. When men witness harassment or degradation, Meghan encourages them to intervene. Men who refuse to respect a woman’s boundaries may listen when another man speaks. This is not simply a conversation about politics or labels. It is a conversation about power. It is about whether Christian communities will protect institutions or protect people. It is about whether worship, church attendance and religious language mean anything when justice, mercy and care for the marginalized are absent. Most importantly, it is about Jesus. Meghan did not begin questioning patriarchy because she stopped loving Christ. She began questioning it because the systems she witnessed did not resemble him. Learn more about Meghan, her work and the Faith and Feminism podcast: https://meghantschanz.com Learn more about the Equal Rights Amendment and why Meghan believes it still matters: https://meghantschanz.com/equal-rights-amendment-now/ Follow Meghan: Instagram: @meghantschanz Book: Women Rising: Learning to Listen, Reclaiming Our Voice Follow Jason Becker: Instagram: @_jason_becker Learn more: [www.vintagewisdom.org](http://www.vintagewisdom.org) Special thanks to our sponsors: Floorzz [www.floorzz.com](http://www.floorzz.com) TruNorth Pest Control [www.trunorthpest.com](http://www.trunorthpest.com) Subscribe, leave a comment and share Episode 100 with someone willing to reconsider what they have always been taught. What teaching about women, power or faith have you had to examine more closely? #MeghanTschanz #WomanRising #FaithAndFeminism #BiblicalWomanhood #ChristianFeminism #WomenInTheChurch #Patriarchy #ChurchHurt #ChristianDeconstruction #WomenInMinistry #FaithAndJustice #ChristianPodcast #WhatTheHellDoIKnow #JasonBecker #Episode100

    Did the Church Get God’s Design for Women Wrong? | Meghan Tschanz | Episode 100
  5. Sep 8

    “I Just Want My Dad”: Addiction, Forgiveness & Healing | Neko Parham | Ep. 99

    What happens when professional success cannot heal the pain you have carried since childhood? In Episode 99 of What the Hell Do I Know with JB, Jason sits down with Neko Parham—actor, writer, producer, director, acting coach, youth mentor and creative director whose career has included projects such as The Wire, Ant-Man, NYPD Blue, Sleepy Hollow, Mr. Mercedes, Bessie and Sabotage. But this conversation goes far beyond Hollywood. Neko opens up about growing up in Decatur, Georgia, being raised in a home filled with strong women and watching his father struggle with cocaine addiction. He remembers seeing the pain it caused his mother, discovering drugs being prepared inside their home and eventually reaching a moment when his anger became so overwhelming that he planned to kill his father. Then a Stevie Wonder song interrupted that moment. Neko describes it as the Holy Spirit reminding him that another life was still possible—a life beyond rage, violence and the pain of his childhood. Years later, after leaving home, pursuing acting and building a successful career, Neko realized the people closest to him did not even know his father was alive. That realization forced him to confront the resentment, grief and emotional distance he had buried. He eventually wrote his father a four-page letter explaining what their relationship had been—and what he still hoped it could become. When his father did not immediately respond, Neko made the call himself. What followed was an emotional two-hour conversation filled with anger, tears, laughter, honesty and reconciliation. In the middle of that conversation, Neko told his father: “Dude, I just want you.” That moment changed their relationship. This episode explores: • Neko’s career in acting, writing and filmmaking • Working on Ant-Man and other major Hollywood productions • Discovering acting as a teenager • How theater helped him express buried trauma • Growing up surrounded by strong Black women • His father’s cocaine addiction and return to the church • Church hurt, shame and relapse • Witnessing the emotional pain in his parents’ marriage • The night Neko planned to kill his father • How music interrupted a moment of violence • Leaving home and emotionally separating from his family • The father wound many men carry silently • The difference between saying “I forgive you” and actually healing • Writing his father a vulnerable four-page letter • Learning to wrestle without losing reverence • Understanding his father’s own childhood trauma • Reframing the stories we tell about our parents • Therapy, emotional language and generational healing • Becoming the father he needed as a child • Why transparency builds trust between parents and children • Mentoring young actors and helping them discover purpose • Creating stories that make young people feel seen • Birth Mob Media and storytelling with purpose • Why healing must begin with the person in the mirror Neko’s story is not about pretending the damage never happened. It is about recognizing that what happened is true—but asking what else might also be true. His father hurt him. His father also carried wounds of his own. Their lost years cannot be recovered, but today they have a relationship built through honesty, compassion, boundaries and the decision not to surrender to the past. Neko’s final challenge is simple: Start the healing journey today. Do not wait for the person who hurt you to change first. Love yourself enough to address your own wounds, clean up your side of the street and release some of the weight you have been carrying. Follow Neko at BirthMobMedia.com Follow Neko Parham: Instagram: @m.nekoparham Follow Jason Becker: Instagram: @_jason_becker Learn more about Jason and Vintage Wisdom: [www.vintagewisdom.org](http://www.vintagewisdom.org) Special thanks to the sponsors who make these conversations possible: Floorzz [www.floorzz.com](http://www.floorzz.com) TruNorth Pest Control [www.trunorthpest.com](http://www.trunorthpest.com) Subscribe, leave a comment and share this episode with someone navigating a difficult relationship with a parent. What would you say to your father or mother if you knew they would truly listen? #NekoParham #FatherWound #FatherSonRelationship #AddictionRecovery #Forgiveness #GenerationalTrauma #HealingJourney #MensMentalHealth #ChildhoodTrauma #FaithAndHealing #ChristianPodcast #HollywoodActor #WhatTheHellDoIKnow #JasonBecker #Episode99

    “I Just Want My Dad”: Addiction, Forgiveness & Healing | Neko Parham | Ep. 99
  6. Sep 1

    Can Christianity Survive Your Questions? | Max & Caleb Hall | Episode 98

    What if asking hard questions isn't the opposite of faith... What if it's actually the beginning of owning it? In Episode 98 of *What the Hell Do I Know with JB*, Jason sits down with brothers Max Hall and Caleb Hall—filmmakers, musicians, storytellers, entrepreneurs and lifelong preacher's kids—to explore one of the biggest questions facing this generation: How do you make your faith your own? Growing up in church, attending Christian school, serving as missionary kids and living under the expectations that often come with being pastor's children, Max and Caleb experienced Christianity from every angle. But eventually both realized inherited faith wasn't enough. They each had to wrestle with God personally. This conversation explores: • Growing up as preacher's kids • Church expectations and perfectionism • Why every believer eventually has to own their faith • Deconstruction versus reconstruction • Why Christianity is durable enough for difficult questions • The importance of asking "Why?" before "What's right?" • Making Jesus the center instead of religious systems • Raising children who feel safe asking questions • Why authenticity matters more than appearing perfect • Creativity, filmmaking and telling redemptive stories • Building Birth Mom Media and creating art that reflects real life • Finding your purpose without chasing popularity • Faith, imagination and storytelling One of the most powerful moments comes when Max explains that Christianity shouldn't fear honest questions because **faith is durable.** Rather than suppressing doubt, he encourages believers to wrestle with it, trusting that truth can withstand scrutiny. Caleb shares his own journey of realizing that following Jesus couldn't simply be inherited from his parents. Like every believer, he had to decide for himself whether he trusted Christ enough to surrender his own plans. Whether you're deconstructing, reconstructing, questioning, raising kids or simply trying to follow Jesus more authentically, this conversation is filled with wisdom, grace and hope. BirthMobMedia.com  Follow Max Hall: @maxedwardhall Follow Caleb Hall: @calebglennhall Follow Jason Becker: @_jason_becker Learn more: [www.vintagewisdom.org](http://www.vintagewisdom.org) Special thanks to our sponsors: Floorzz [www.floorzz.com](http://www.floorzz.com) TruNorth Pest Control [www.trunorthpest.com](http://www.trunorthpest.com) If this conversation encouraged you, subscribe, leave a review and share it with someone who's asking hard questions about faith. What question changed your faith the most? #MaxHall #CalebHall #FaithIsDurable #ChristianPodcast #FaithJourney #PreachersKid #ChurchHurt #FaithQuestions #ChristianDeconstruction #Jesus #Christianity #FaithAndCulture #WhatTheHellDoIKnow #JasonBecker

    Can Christianity Survive Your Questions? | Max & Caleb Hall | Episode 98
  7. Aug 25

    We Like Being Christian... But Do We Actually Live Like Jesus? | Nick Young | Ep. 97

    What happens when a licensed therapist, Army chaplain, firefighter and follower of Jesus challenges the Church to become more like Christ instead of simply looking Christian? In Episode 97 of *What the Hell Do I Know with JB*, Jason sits down with Nick Young—licensed therapist, pastor, former Army National Guard chaplain, former firefighter, co-founder of Black Boy Therapy, and one of the most compassionate voices speaking into faith, race and mental health today. Nick's life has been dedicated to serving others. From the fire service to military chaplaincy, from counseling trauma survivors to advocating for the emotional wellness of Black boys and men, his message is rooted in one simple belief: Following Jesus should make us more loving—not more certain. Together, Jason and Nick wrestle through some of today's biggest conversations: • Why Christians often prioritize politics over the Holy Spirit • Race, reconciliation and seeing every person as made in God's image • Why therapy isn't a lack of faith—it can be an act of faithful stewardship • Church hurt, shame and learning to receive grace • Deconstruction versus making your faith your own • Why wrestling with God is actually biblical • Mental health, anxiety, depression and healing • Why certainty may be replacing genuine faith • The role of community in emotional and spiritual healing • Ego, humility and the freedom found in the Gospel • The beauty of gratitude in seasons of suffering • What abundant life actually means according to Jesus One of the most powerful moments comes when Nick shares how he would explain Jesus to someone who has never heard the Gospel—a beautiful reminder that Jesus fed people before questioning them, loved the marginalized and came to set people free through grace, justice and radical love. Whether you're wrestling with your faith, rebuilding after church hurt, navigating anxiety or simply trying to follow Jesus more authentically, this conversation is for you. Follow Nick Young: Instagram: @nickyoungslife Follow Jason Becker: Instagram: @_jason_becker Learn more: [www.vintagewisdom.org](http://www.vintagewisdom.org) Special thanks to our sponsors for making these conversations possible: Floorzz [www.floorzz.com](http://www.floorzz.com) TruNorth Pest Control [www.trunorthpest.com](http://www.trunorthpest.com) If this episode encouraged you, subscribe, leave a review and share it with someone who needs the reminder that grace is bigger than shame. What part of your faith have you had to wrestle with—and how has God met you there? #NickYoung #MentalHealth #ChristianTherapy #FaithAndMentalHealth #ChurchHurt #ChristianPodcast #Deconstruction #FaithJourney #HolySpirit #Grace #Jesus #BlackBoyTherapy #WhatTheHellDoIKnow #JasonBecker

    We Like Being Christian... But Do We Actually Live Like Jesus? | Nick Young | Ep. 97
  8. Aug 18

    He Deconstructed Everything—But Still Clings to Jesus | Colten Barnaby

    What happens when a pastor’s kid, Pentecostal preacher and student of early church history begins questioning everything he was taught about salvation, politics, capitalism and the gospel? In Episode 96 of What the Hell Do I Know with JB, Jason sits down with Colten Barnaby, a writer and online creator known for exploring the complicated intersection of theology, politics, history and culture. Colten grew up in a strict Oneness Holiness Pentecostal tradition in North Philadelphia. His family’s church served people experiencing homelessness, addiction, poverty and incarceration while also teaching an intense, highly specific formula for salvation. He spoke in tongues as a child, interpreted messages in church and believed most Christians outside his tradition were lost. But when he attended Oral Roberts University and began studying biology, politics and early church history, the certainty of his childhood faith began to unravel. Today, Colten describes himself as an agnostic Pentecostal with Eastern Orthodox proclivities. He is no longer confident that God exists, but he remains deeply shaped by Christianity and continues to cling to the beauty of the incarnation, the resurrection and the radical witness of the early church. This conversation explores: • Growing up in Oneness Holiness Pentecostalism • Speaking in tongues and interpreting prophecy as a child • The fear of hell and formula-based salvation • How studying church history disrupted his certainty • Carlton Pearson and the gospel of inclusion • Christian universalism and salvation • Why Colton still identifies as Pentecostal • What it means to be an agnostic Christian • The incarnation and why Colten still clings to Jesus • Whether Christianity is compatible with capitalism • Why the word “gospel” was originally political • The early church sharing possessions and eliminating need • Acts 2, Acts 4 and Christian economic community • Socialism, communism and the kingdom of God • Why Christians should not simply baptize Republican or Democratic politics • Wealth, private property, generosity and costly grace • Whether Christian faith should put us in conflict with the dominant culture • Loving people who strongly disagree with us • Why being open to people matters more than being open to ideas Colten argues that Christians should not begin with a modern political ideology and then search Scripture for support. Instead, they should take seriously the teachings of Jesus, the prophets and the early church—and allow those teachings to challenge every political and economic system. The early believers held possessions in common, sold property and distributed resources so there was not a needy person among them. Colten asks a difficult question: if the church’s current way of life never puts it in conflict with wealth, domination or empire, has it truly embraced the narrow and costly way of Jesus? Follow Colten Barnaby on Instagram: @coltenbarnaby Read Colten’s work on Substack: Kensington Cohen Follow Jason Becker: @_jason_becker Learn more about Jason and Vintage Wisdom: [www.vintagewisdom.org](http://www.vintagewisdom.org) Special thanks to the sponsors who help make these conversations possible: Floorzz [www.floorzz.com](http://www.floorzz.com) TruNorth Pest Control [www.trunorthpest.com](http://www.trunorthpest.com) Subscribe, leave a comment and share this episode with someone willing to wrestle honestly with faith, politics, wealth and the teachings of Jesus. Do you believe the modern church’s relationship with money and political power reflects the early church? #ColtenBarnaby #ChristianPolitics #ChristianSocialism #ChristianDeconstruction #EarlyChurch #FaithAndPolitics #UniversalSalvation #ChristianUniversalism #Pentecostal #ChurchHistory #CapitalismAndChristianity #ProgressiveChristianity #ChristianPodcast #WhatTheHellDoIKnow #JasonBecker

    He Deconstructed Everything—But Still Clings to Jesus | Colten Barnaby

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Faith, doubt, deconstruction, recovery, and real conversations for people questioning everything.

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