Marriage iQ

Dr. Heidi Hastings and Dr. Scott Hastings

Nobody hands you a blueprint for marriage. You figure it out through misunderstandings, hurt feelings, unmet expectations, and a lot of trial and error. On Marriage IQ, marriage and sex researcher Dr. Heidi Hastings and physician Dr. Scott Hastings share research-backed tools, expert interviews, and real-life insights to help you communicate more effectively, strengthen emotional and physical intimacy, navigate conflict, and build the marriage you actually want. Become a more intelligent spouse. New episodes every Tuesday.

  1. 1d ago

    Episode 145 - When You Love Your Spouse but Don't Desire Them with Dr. Anna Elton

    You can love your spouse deeply and still find yourself wondering, “Why don’t I desire them anymore?” Drs. Heidi and Scott Hastings explore with Dr. Anna how everyday disconnection, the roommate dynamic, neglected couple identity, stress, and the expectation of spontaneous desire can quietly change intimacy over time—and she shares practical ways to rebuild attention, playfulness, emotional connection, and desire. You’ll learn why desire in a long-term marriage may need to be cultivated rather than simply waited for, and how small, intentional changes can help couples reconnect. 🔗Connect With Dr. Anna Elton : ⁠theformulaofdesire.com 📖 Grab your copy of Dr. Anna Elton 's book right here : ⁠The Formula Of Desire Disclosure: As an Amazon Associate, Marriage IQ earns from qualifying purchases. We only recommend books and resources from guests and experts whose work aligns with our mission of helping couples build stronger marriages. SOCIAL MEDIA 📸Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/marriage.iq?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=MXVnYWlpYnVtcmtvaQ==⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🅵Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558652547411⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ▶️YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@MarriageIQ/⁠⁠

    Episode 145 - When You Love Your Spouse but Don't Desire Them with Dr. Anna Elton
  2. Aug 11

    Episode 144 - Why It’s So Hard to Really Listen to Your Spouse

    You probably think you’re a pretty good listener. But the moment your spouse says something you disagree with-or something that makes you uncomfortable-your brain may already be preparing a defense, an explanation, a solution, or your own point of view. That doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means truly listening is harder than most of us realize. In this episode of Marriage IQ, Drs. Heidi and Scott Hastings explore what gets in the way of deep listening, including defensiveness, emotional flooding, distraction, and the urge to fix. They also unpack why feeling understood, validated, and cared for is such an important part of emotional intimacy. You’ll learn how to notice what happens inside you during difficult conversations, quiet the reactions that pull you away from your spouse, and stay present long enough to really understand what they are trying to share. Because becoming a better listener isn’t just about learning what to say. Sometimes it starts with learning how to manage yourself. #MarriageIQ #MarriageTips #MarriageCommunication #HealthyMarriage #RelationshipAdvice #EmotionalIntimacy #BetterCommunication 👉 Related episodes: Episode 39 — Taming Emotional Triggers: A Brain-Based Approach to Communication in Marriage Episode 97 — The Spy Techniques That Improve Communication with Jeremy Hurewitz Episode 98 — The Real Reason Couples Feel Misunderstood Episode 65 — The 3 Best Communication Tools for a More Connected Marriage 💕 Make Your Relationship More Fun! 💕 Download Spark’d, our fun couples app, and start connecting, laughing, and growing together! ❤️ 👇 Download Spark’d here! https://dateyourspouse.com/sparkd-app/ SOCIAL MEDIA 📸Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/marriage.iq?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=MXVnYWlpYnVtcmtvaQ==⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🅵Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558652547411⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ▶️YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@MarriageIQ/⁠⁠

    Episode 144 - Why It’s So Hard to Really Listen to Your Spouse
  3. Aug 4

    Episode 143 - 4 Communication Tools to Stop Misunderstanding Your Spouse with Sandy Gerber

    Your spouse may not need advice, solutions, or a better explanation. They may simply need you to recognize what they are feeling and respond to what they emotionally need. In this episode, communication expert and bestselling author Sandy Gerber shares four practical tools to help couples stop missing each other emotionally. You’ll learn how to identify your spouse’s emotional needs, calm yourself before reacting, express difficult feelings without creating defensiveness, and make small daily choices that strengthen connection. Discover the Emotional Magnets, the Love Pact, the EQ Switch, and the Feel-Need-Forward method-and learn how to replace fixing, blaming, and misunderstanding with empathy, reassurance, and teamwork. Because sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is not, “Here’s what you should do,” but, “I see you. I’ve got you. We’re going to get through this.” 🔗Connect With Sandy Gerber : www.sandygerber.com ⁠ 👉Podcast : ⁠Magnetic Communication 📖 Pre -order your copy of Sandy Gerber's  forthcoming book : Connected Conversations (https://publishizer.com/connected-conversations/checkout/24539/) 📖 Grab your copy of Sandy Gerber's book right here : ⁠Emotional Magnetism Disclosure: As an Amazon Associate, Marriage IQ earns from qualifying purchases. We only recommend books and resources from guests and experts whose work aligns with our mission of helping couples build stronger marriages. 👉Here are links to previous episodes that relate to today's topic : Episode 39 - ⁠ Taming Emotional Triggers: A Brain-based Approach to Communication in Marriage Episode 65 - 3 Communication Tools That Fix Marriage Conflict SOCIAL MEDIA 📸Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/marriage.iq?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=MXVnYWlpYnVtcmtvaQ==⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🅵Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558652547411⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ▶️YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@MarriageIQ/⁠⁠

    Episode 143 - 4 Communication Tools to Stop Misunderstanding Your Spouse with Sandy Gerber
  4. Jul 28

    Episode 142 - The Kind of Man Women Feel Safe with | with Paul Roseberry

    What makes a man feel safe to love? Many women want a husband who is confident and emotionally steady-but not controlling. They want him to be vulnerable and emotionally available-but not dependent on them to constantly reassure him of his worth. Relationship expert and professional matchmaker Paul Roseberry joins us to explore why healthy confidence begins with identity. When a man recognizes what he brings to the relationship, he no longer has to shrink, perform, dominate, or depend on his wife to make him feel valuable. We discuss the difference between confidence and control, why a spouse’s interests can sometimes feel threatening, and how emotional strength and vulnerability can work together rather than compete. A strong man does not have to hide his emotions. An emotionally available man does not have to abandon his strength. When a husband knows who he is, he can become both a secure partner and a safe place for deeper connection. 🔗Connect With Paul Roseberry : ⁠⁠⁠www.paulroseberry.com / paul@paulroseberry.com SOCIAL MEDIA 📸Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/marriage.iq?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=MXVnYWlpYnVtcmtvaQ==⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🅵Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558652547411⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ▶️YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@MarriageIQ/⁠⁠

    Episode 142 - The Kind of Man Women Feel Safe with | with Paul Roseberry
  5. Jul 21

    Episode 141 - "I Thought Something Was Wrong With Me"

    Have you ever wondered, "What's wrong with me?" Whether you've struggled with desire, carried shame into marriage, or felt like everyone else understands intimacy except you, you're not alone. In this special replay from the Get Your Marriage On podcast, we join host Dan Purcell for an honest conversation about the beliefs many of us bring into marriage-and how those beliefs can leave us feeling broken, inadequate, or disconnected. We discuss: ✨Why so many couples struggle to transition from "don't do it" to enjoying healthy intimacy. ✨The truth about sexual development and why growth is a lifelong process. ✨Common misconceptions about desire—especially for women. ✨How curiosity, communication, and emotional safety create deeper connection. ✨The moment we realized nothing was wrong with us after all. If you've ever questioned yourself or your relationship, this conversation offers hope, practical insight, and a refreshing perspective on building intimacy that grows stronger over time. This episode originally aired on the Get Your Marriage On podcast and is shared here with permission from Dan Purcell. 👉Here are links to previous episodes that relate to today's topic : Episode 115 - Mastering Pleasure: Experts' Guide to Female Anatomy with Cindy Scharkey Episode 41 - Secrets to Unlocking Female Sexual Capacity SOCIAL MEDIA 📸Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/marriage.iq?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=MXVnYWlpYnVtcmtvaQ==⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🅵Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558652547411⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ▶️YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@MarriageIQ/⁠⁠

    Episode 141 - "I Thought Something Was Wrong With Me"
  6. Jul 14

    Episode 140 - "Your Marriage Didn't Start on Your Wedding Day" with Larry Bilotta

    The way you handle conflict. The way you give and receive love. Even the relationship patterns you don't realize you're repeating. In this eye-opening conversation, Dr. Heidi and Dr. Scott Hastings sit down with relationship expert Larry Bilotta, who shares how the experiences and beliefs we develop in childhood become the invisible blueprint for our marriages-and why real transformation begins by changing ourselves, not our spouse. After spending 27 years in a loveless marriage, Larry discovered that healing wasn't about fixing his wife. It was about recognizing the patterns he had carried into the relationship and choosing a different path. In this episode, you'll discover: ✨ Why your childhood has more influence on your marriage than you may realize. ✨ The hidden patterns that keep couples stuck in the same painful cycles. ✨ What a midlife crisis may actually reveal about unresolved emotional wounds. ✨ Why lasting change begins with changing yourself. ✨ How becoming aware of your patterns is the first step toward breaking them. If you've ever wondered why the same struggles keep showing up in your relationship, this episode may help you discover that the answers have been with you far longer than you think. 🔗Connect With Larry Bilotta : ⁠youcansavethismarriage.com | larrybilotta.com 📖 Grab your copy of Larry Bilotta's book right here : ⁠This Is Not the Woman I Married Disclosure: As an Amazon Associate, Marriage IQ earns from qualifying purchases. We only recommend books and resources from guests and experts whose work aligns with our mission of helping couples build stronger marriages. SOCIAL MEDIA 📸Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/marriage.iq?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=MXVnYWlpYnVtcmtvaQ==⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🅵Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558652547411⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ▶️YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@MarriageIQ/⁠⁠

    Episode 140 - "Your Marriage Didn't Start on Your Wedding Day" with Larry Bilotta
  7. Jul 6

    Episode 139 - Why You Don't Understand Your Spouse (Yet) with Marita Tedder

    Why do so many loving couples still feel misunderstood? Most marriages don't struggle because of a lack of love- they struggle because of a lack of understanding. In this episode of Marriage iQ, Drs. Heidi and Scott Hastings welcome personality expert and bestselling author Marita Littauer Tedder to explore why your spouse thinks, feels, and responds so differently than you do. Drawing from nearly 60 years of personality research, Marita explains how understanding the way your spouse is wired can transform frustration into compassion and conflict into connection. You'll discover: ✨Why opposites often attract—and why they later clash. ✨The four core personality types and how they shape relationships. ✨The biggest mistake couples make when trying to love each other well. ✨How to recognize your spouse's unique emotional needs. ✨Why changing your expectations may be more powerful than trying to change your spouse. Whether you've been married for two years or thirty, this conversation will give you practical tools to better understand your spouse, strengthen your connection, and build a healthier marriage. Because sometimes the breakthrough you've been looking for starts with seeing your spouse through a different lens. 🔗Connect With Marita Littauer Tedder :thepersonalities.com 📖 Grab your copies of Marita Tedder's books right here : Amazon.com Disclosure: As an Amazon Associate, Marriage IQ earns from qualifying purchases. We only recommend books and resources from guests and experts whose work aligns with our mission of helping couples build stronger marriages. 👉Here is the links to previous episode that relate to today's topic : Episode 02 : Knowing Yourself: A Cornerstone of an Intelligent Marriage SOCIAL MEDIA 📸Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/marriage.iq?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=MXVnYWlpYnVtcmtvaQ==⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🅵Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558652547411⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ▶️YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@MarriageIQ/⁠⁠

    Episode 139 - Why You Don't Understand Your Spouse (Yet) with Marita Tedder
5
out of 5
25 Ratings

About

Nobody hands you a blueprint for marriage. You figure it out through misunderstandings, hurt feelings, unmet expectations, and a lot of trial and error. On Marriage IQ, marriage and sex researcher Dr. Heidi Hastings and physician Dr. Scott Hastings share research-backed tools, expert interviews, and real-life insights to help you communicate more effectively, strengthen emotional and physical intimacy, navigate conflict, and build the marriage you actually want. Become a more intelligent spouse. New episodes every Tuesday.