Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love

Pure Desire Network
  • 4.9 (32)
  • CHRISTIANITY
  • UPDATED WEEKLY

Since 2016, Ashley Jameson and Heather Kolb have supported, educated, and equipped women to experience sexual health, healing from betrayal trauma, and success in relationships. We know what it’s like to be in crisis—searching for answers—and continually hearing the churchy answer. Each week, you’ll hear real talk about sex and relationships from a biblical and clinical perspective.

  1. 1D AGO

    092 - Rebuilding Intimacy After Betrayal: Orgasm, Erection, and Trust

    Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: - We are 5 years post betrayal and our intimacy has gotten better and deeper. Though there are still barriers around me achieving orgasm. It took us 2 years for me to orgasm. It’s very separated right now, either I am orgasming or he is. We want to do it at the same time. How do we do that? He has suggested that I rub myself during sex. Is this okay or considered masturbation? It makes me uncomfortable, but I also want to achieve orgasm at the same time. - Is it common for men to have trouble keeping an erection and achieving orgasm during sex? I’ve never struggled with achieving orgasm but my husband has so much trouble. We’ve linked it to his porn and masturbation history, but he thinks it’s purely physical. I think it’s mostly mental. What should we do? - My husband had sex with prostitutes. What does this mean? I feel like this is so different from other ways of sexually acting out. It’s not really the same as an affair. Or is it? If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you! Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos   GET STARTED Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation Join A Pure Desire Online Group   SOCIALS Follow us on Facebook Follow us on Instagram Follow us on X (Twitter) Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    18 min

  2. FEB 17

    091 - Navigating Trauma and Trust After Infidelity

    Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: After 37 years of marriage marked by sexual betrayal and addiction, my husband left for another woman, leaving deep trauma and guilt in his wake. I wrestle with regret, self-blame, and grief after years of prayer and perseverance. How do I heal from this betrayal, forgive him, and release the past so I can build a sane, hopeful future?More than four years after discovering decades of hidden infidelity, I’m still living with trauma, unanswered questions, and confusion about what true recovery even looks like. Therapy helped, but accountability, boundaries, and honest dialogue were never addressed. Am I wrong to keep seeking clarity and healing, or is moving forward impossible without real transparency and shared responsibility?I’m lost and devastated, struggling to trust my husband’s recovery, transparency, and willingness to include me rather than keep me at a distance. Unless I push, he shares nothing, leaving me questioning his honesty and commitment. How much should I pursue involvement in his recovery, and how can I rebuild any level of trust without losing myself in the process?Bonus Question: Dear Ashley and Heather: So much of your counsel includes suggesting to “find individual therapists.” But not all therapists are created equal. Can you please help your listeners- including me - get a sanity check on what effective “sex addiction therapy” should look like: what are the key components and key indicators that recovery is happening for the addict spouse? I’m asking because after three years of my husband seeing a therapist known for his specialty in sex addiction, my husband has made minimal to no real progress. My husband has shown an exceptional level of resistance to doing the hard work, but I only just recently learned about CSAT certification. Could having a therapist that follows a more loose style of "what are you coming in with today" be a factor? If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you! Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos   GET STARTED Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation Join A Pure Desire Online Group   SOCIALS Follow us on Facebook Follow us on Instagram Follow us on X (Twitter) Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    23 min

  3. FEB 10

    090 - Why Can’t I Stop? Understanding the Inner Battle with Porn & Affairs

    Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: Why do I keep going back to porn or affairs even when I genuinely want to stop? I’ve prayed, made promises, installed accountability, and genuinely meant it—yet somehow I still find myself back here. Each relapse leaves me more confused and ashamed, wondering why my desire to change doesn’t seem to be enough.Is this really an addiction—or am I just a bad person? Part of me wants an explanation, and part of me fears it doesn’t exist. I worry that if this isn’t an addiction, then the problem is simply who I am—and that maybe I’m beyond real change.I specifically struggle with having a crush on my husband’s best friend. I hate that my mind goes places I don’t want it to, even with people I care about and would never want to hurt. I feel trapped between my thoughts, my shame, and my fear of what this says about my heart. How do I stop objectifying men and start seeing them as people again?Listen Now If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you! Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos   GET STARTED Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation Join A Pure Desire Online Group   SOCIALS Follow us on Facebook Follow us on Instagram Follow us on X (Twitter) Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    19 min

  4. FEB 3

    089 - Coexistence, Safety, and Healing After Betrayal

    Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: Nearly two years after betrayal and decades of marriage, I’m trying to coexist with a husband in recovery who seeks help but struggles to empathize with my pain. I feel unseen, fearful of being on my own, and unsure whether healing together is possible. Is coexistence enough, or am I denying what my heart truly needs?I am working on my safety action plan and I feel that I’ve been unsafe for so long, I don’t know where to start establishing safety. How can I reconnect with that feeling?I’m grateful for the support I’ve found, yet I’m still deeply triggered by anxiety and mistrust, even as I see my husband growing in recovery and faith. Nightmares and small moments spiral into painful fears I can’t seem to stop. Will these triggers ever ease, and how do I regain a sense of safety and peace again?If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you! Resources:The Betrayal Bind Out of the Doghouse Worthy of Her Trust Help Her Heal Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos   GET STARTED Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation Join A Pure Desire Online Group   SOCIALS Follow us on Facebook Follow us on Instagram Follow us on X (Twitter) Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    19 min

  5. JAN 27

    088 - Alone in Healing: Navigating Betrayal and Recovery

    Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: I’ve been married twenty years and have lived with the quiet pain of my husband’s porn use, avoidance, and lack of accountability. I’ve pursued healing alone while he remains passive, leaving me stuck between guilt, anger, and resentment—especially amid his health struggles. How do I break this cycle and decide what’s truly healthy for me and our marriage?Fifteen months after discovery and nearly two decades of marriage, I’m deeply wounded by my husband’s sexual betrayal. We went through two disclosures and two polygraphs before everything was finally revealed (recording us during sex and sharing nude pics of me in chat rooms, among other things). Though he’s now in strong recovery, I’ve felt alone in my healing until hearing a similar story on a recent Unfiltered episode. Is this pattern common in sexual addiction, and how do betrayed partners find real support and hope?I started a B&B group 5 months before my husband—he just started Seven Pillars. I definitely want full-disclosure, but the weight of knowing more pain is coming and not knowing the full truth yet has been difficult to manage. What advice do you have to prepare for the full-disclosure process? What suggestions do you have for post-disclosure self-care?If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at  unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you! Resources:Honesty Vs. Disclosure - PD Podcast  'Honestly Speaking' Blog Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos   GET STARTED Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation Join A Pure Desire Online Group   SOCIALS Follow us on Facebook Follow us on Instagram Follow us on X (Twitter) Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    16 min

  6. JAN 20

    087 - Rebuilding Trust when Honesty Seems Unsure

    Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: My husband’s past pornography addiction and my own history of sex and love addiction make occasional new sexual behaviors triggering for me. When something unexpected happens, I feel unsafe and disconnected. We want to keep exploring intimacy without activating those fears. How can we experiment in ways that feel safe for both of us?I’ve found guidance and healing through your podcast, counseling, and trusted couples while navigating my husband’s secret pornography use throughout our marriage. We want to address shame and growth without oversharing. How can we share what we’ve learned about marriage and God’s healing power in ways that honor our privacy yet support others?I want to support my spouse through their sexual addiction without overstepping or causing shame. How do I provide healthy accountability and encouragement?If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you! Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos   GET STARTED Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation Join A Pure Desire Online Group   SOCIALS Follow us on Facebook Follow us on Instagram Follow us on X (Twitter) Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    21 min

  7. JAN 13

    086 - Navigating Beyond Betrayal

    Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: My husband’s past pornography addiction and my own history of sex and love addiction make occasional new sexual behaviors triggering for me. When something unexpected happens, I feel unsafe and disconnected. We want to keep exploring intimacy without activating those fears. How can we experiment in ways that feel safe for both of us?I’ve found guidance and healing through your podcast, counseling, and trusted couples while navigating my husband’s secret pornography use throughout our marriage. We want to address shame and growth without oversharing. How can we share what we’ve learned about marriage and God’s healing power in ways that honor our privacy yet support others?I want to support my spouse through their sexual addiction without overstepping or causing shame. How do I provide healthy accountability and encouragement?If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you! Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos   GET STARTED Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation Join A Pure Desire Online Group   SOCIALS Follow us on Facebook Follow us on Instagram Follow us on X (Twitter) Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    19 min

  8. JAN 6

    085 - Corruption, Affairs, and Crossing The Line

    Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: One of my group members is struggling after discovering his wife’s year-long affair, which began after he pressured her to watch pornography with him and she became addicted herself. They are seeing a counselor locally. What resources would you recommend to help them navigate betrayal, addiction, and rebuilding their marriage?I have a hard time stopping things when they begin getting too sexual. I want to date and eventually get married, but I have a hard time trusting myself and setting reasonable boundaries without scaring off every guy. Do men really want a woman who won’t be sexual?I worry my past sexual behaviors or compulsions will prevent me from experiencing healthy intimacy. How can I reconcile my history while moving forward in sexual wholeness?If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you! Resources:PD Podcast w/ Cyndie & Dusty Out of The Dog House Book All Our Tools Daring Ventures (Dr. Jake Porter) APSATS Coaches List Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos   GET STARTED Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation Join A Pure Desire Online Group   SOCIALS Follow us on Facebook Follow us on Instagram Follow us on X (Twitter) Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    16 min
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4.9
out of 5
32 Ratings

About

Since 2016, Ashley Jameson and Heather Kolb have supported, educated, and equipped women to experience sexual health, healing from betrayal trauma, and success in relationships. We know what it’s like to be in crisis—searching for answers—and continually hearing the churchy answer. Each week, you’ll hear real talk about sex and relationships from a biblical and clinical perspective.

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