The Secure Love Podcast with Julie Menanno

Julie Menanno
  • 4.9 (370)
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Welcome to The Secure Love Podcast: Real-Time Couples Therapy with Julie Menanno. Julie Menanno is a licensed therapist committed to helping couples build secure, lasting connections through Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). In each episode, she works with a real couple and just like many of us, they're navigating life's challenges, raising kids, managing careers, and strengthening their relationship. Join us as we explore the power of attachment theory and its profound impact on how we connect with our partners. Together, we'll uncover negative communication cycles and learn how to replace them with positive, lasting change. By following each couple's journey, you'll gain relatable insights and practical steps to apply in your own life. The Secure Love Podcast is your companion on the path to healthier, happier relationships. Your journey to a more secure love starts now.

  1. SEASON 3 TRAILER

    Season 3 Trailer: I Leave You Because I Leave Me

    In Season 3 of The Secure Love Podcast, Julie Menanno introduces Rachel and Mike—a couple who look perfect on paper but are quietly drowning in the dark. Rachel, a widow who risked everything for a fresh start, finds herself in a lonely battle for priority, while Mike, the "steady" husband, retreats into his head to avoid failing her. This season goes beyond communication struggles into the raw reality of grief, financial betrayal, and the silent erosion of trust. Witness what happens when an anxious partner stops fighting and an avoidant partner finally admits, "I leave you because I leave me." Season 3 begins next week. Subscribe now to follow their journey. Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship. For weekly homework assignments visit our website: The Secure Relationship Podcast Attend a course or worshop hosted by Julie: Attachment Theory and Relationship Growth Courses Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

    3 min

  2. FEB 3

    The Season 2 Debrief: A Live Q&A with Julie

    Following the season finale, we gathered for a special live Q&A to process this journey together. With the couple absent, Julie takes the floor to answer direct questions from the audience about the season's difficult ending, diving deeper into the dynamics of shame, regression, and the hard truth that healing isn't always linear. We want to extend a brief but heartfelt thank you to Bethany and Brian for their courage in sharing their story with us. Their vulnerability has provided invaluable lessons for us all. Finally, a massive thank you to you, our listeners, for following along this season. Thank you for holding space for this process, for your curiosity, and for your commitment to understanding the complexities of relationships. Send your questions or comments for future episodes via email or voice note to support@thesecurerelationship.com and stay tuned for Season 3!

    1h 27m

  3. JAN 20

    Session 19: Unpacking Shame and The Reality of Healing (Season Finale)

    We enter the final session of Season 2 with a deep dive into the roots of shame. Julie steps in to distinguish shame from guilt, helping Brian see that his exhaustion and relentless drive for success aren't just personality traits—they are survival strategies designed to hide a core belief of being "defective" or "less than" . The session culminates in a moment of true openness, where Brian practices asking for support rather than acting out . However, we end with a sobering update on where the couple is today. Despite periods of profound connection and plans to reunite, old patterns re-emerged, reminding us that progress requires consistency to survive the inevitable regressions . This week, instead of a homework prompt, we invite you to join our upcoming Live Q&A session with Julie next Monday, January 26th to debrief this heavy season. We want to hear your questions and experiences—both the hard parts and the helpful ones—as we process the reality of healing together Register for the Season 2 Q&A Live Episode: Season 2 Listener Q&A Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship. For weekly homework assignments visit our website: The Secure Relationship Podcast Take Julie's Anxious Attachment Course: Anxious Attachment: Self-Work Course Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime.

    1h 37m

  4. JAN 13

    Session 18: Understanding the Anxious Partner - The Path to Accountability (Pt. 2)

    We begin in a difficult place, with Brian feeling targeted and defensive, and still strugging to see his role in the negative cycle. Julie confronts this directly, pushing for ownership to uncover the shame underneath . This leads to a crucial realization: Brian's "overwhelm" during their hardest years wasn't just bad luck, but partially self-inflicted by a desperate need to over-perform and avoid feeling "less than" The session pivots from intellectualizing to a "tender moment" of profound accountability . Brian offers a genuine apology for abandoning Bethany during her miscarriage and their financial crisis, admitting that his drive to prove his worth came at the cost of the connection he wanted most This week's prompt: Look at where you are over-functioning in your life. Are you "too busy" or "working too hard"? Ask yourself: What feeling are you trying to outrun—are you avoiding feeling ordinary, adequate, or "less than"? And what is that pursuit costing your relationship right now? . Send your responses to this prompt or any questions/comments you have about the podcast via email or voice note to support@thesecurerelationship.com . Your submission might be featured on a future episode. Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship. For weekly homework assignments visit our website: The Secure Relationship Podcast Take Julie's Anxious Attachment Course: Anxious Attachment: Self-Work Course Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime.

    59 min

  5. JAN 6

    Session 17: Understanding the Anxious Partner - The Path to Accountability (Pt. 1)

    We begin with a powerful example of breaking generational cycles: Brian shares a breakthrough moment with his daughter, helping her process bullying instead of telling her to "toughen up" . This shifts to an exploration of Brian's own history—the "very good reasons" for his perfectionism and "hard outer shell," tracing back to a critical teacher and feelings of abandonment . We unpack the concept of "running on empty." Brian realizes his "short fuse" isn't just malice; it's the cost of a lifetime of over-functioning and burning the candle at both ends . The session culminates in a pivot toward accountability, with Brian owning "50%" of the negative cycle and acknowledging that his survival strategies are now sabotaging his marriage . This week's prompt: Look at your own "bad behavior" in the relationship. How often do you allow yourself to really sit in "this is mine," without drifting back into explaining "why" it exists? Try to sit with the actual pain—the unresolved grief or shame—that the behavior is trying to manage . Send your responses to this prompt or any questions/comments you have about the podcast via email or voice note to support@thesecurerelationship.com. Your submission might be featured on a future episode. Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship. For weekly homework assignments visit our website: The Secure Relationship Podcast Take Julie's Anxious Attachment Course: Anxious Attachment: Self-Work Course Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

    1h 22m

  6. 12/23/2025

    Session 16: "Full Breathable Lungs": The Power of Vulnerability

    We continue to ride a wave of progress this week. Bethany and Brian report zero negative cycles, and Bethany steps up during a family crisis, healing the wound of Brian's daughter feeling "dropped". We then pivot to the deeper wounds driving Brian's intense perfectionism. A seemingly small conflict about mulch reveals his childhood history of feeling "less than" his peers, driving him to hold himself and Bethany to unrealistic standards to avoid ever feeling that inadequacy again . The core of this session challenges Brian's belief—learned from a stoic grandfather and a volatile mother—that vulnerability is a "weakness" . When he risks sharing his fear of being "less than," Bethany doesn't reject him; she connects, telling him it triggers her desire to help . The somatic shift is profound: Brian describes feeling "liberated" and finally having "full breathable lungs" . This week's prompt: Think about a part of yourself that you hide because you label it a "weakness"—is it your anxiety, your need for reassurance, or a feeling of not being good enough? What would happen if you shared that part with your partner, not as a complaint, but as a confession? Send your responses to this prompt or any questions/comments you have about the podcast via email or voice note to support@thesecurerelationship.com. Your submission might be featured on a future episode. Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship. For weekly homework assignments visit our website: The Secure Relationship Podcast Take Julie's Anxious Attachment Course: Anxious Attachment: Self-Work Course Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

    1h 9m

  7. 12/16/2025

    Session 15: Healing the Wound of "Not Mattering"

    We start with a victory: Bethany and Brian successfully navigate a conflict without spiraling, turning a sarcastic comment into a moment of repair . Digging deeper, we find the wound fueling Brian's sarcasm: a fear that his daughter is being "segregated" or "dropped," just as he was by an uncle in childhood . Brian shares the pain of feeling like a "test drive kid" who was easily replaced. The breakthrough arrives when Bethany reveals she is fighting the exact same battle—feeling overwhelmed and convinced that she and their baby "don't matter" either . It's a powerful look at how two people can fight for the same thing—significance—while fighting against each other. This week's prompt: Think about a recurring fight you have with your partner. What is the deep, childhood wound that might be getting triggered? Are you fighting to be heard, to be chosen, or to matter? See if you can identify the specific feeling underneath the conflict. Send your responses to this prompt or any questions/comments you have about the podcast via email or voice note to support@thesecureelationship.com. Your submission might be featured on a future episode. Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship. For weekly homework assignments visit our website: The Secure Relationship Podcast Take Julie's Anxious Attachment Course: Anxious Attachment: Self-Work Course Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

    1h 9m

  8. 12/09/2025

    Session 14: Moving Towards a Positive Cycle

    We are finally seeing genuine momentum. This week, Bethany and Brian report being in a "good space," having successfully navigated a conflict without spiraling into a negative cycle for the first time in weeks. You'll hear how Bethany paused to articulate her intent, allowing Brian to truly hear her rather than react. This session focuses on solidifying that win through somatic work—helping Brian's nervous system physically "install" the feeling of peace . We also revisit Bethany's "badass" comment to uncover the deep shame she has carried regarding her financial infidelity. She admits that feeling "flawed" led her to hide her true self . The breakthrough comes when her vulnerability is met not with anger, but with validation, proving they are finally building a positive cycle. This week's prompt: Recall a recent moment where you felt truly heard or understood by your partner. Close your eyes, bring that memory to mind, and notice: what physically happens in your body? Does your chest loosen? Does your breath deepen? Practice feeling that safety. Send your responses to this prompt or any questions/comments you have about the podcast via email or voice note to support@thesecurerelationship.com. Your submission might be featured on a future episode. Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship. For weekly homework assignments visit our website: The Secure Relationship Podcast Register for Repairing After a Negative Cycle Workshop (Dec 11th): Click to Register Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

    1h 4m
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About

Welcome to The Secure Love Podcast: Real-Time Couples Therapy with Julie Menanno. Julie Menanno is a licensed therapist committed to helping couples build secure, lasting connections through Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). In each episode, she works with a real couple and just like many of us, they're navigating life's challenges, raising kids, managing careers, and strengthening their relationship. Join us as we explore the power of attachment theory and its profound impact on how we connect with our partners. Together, we'll uncover negative communication cycles and learn how to replace them with positive, lasting change. By following each couple's journey, you'll gain relatable insights and practical steps to apply in your own life. The Secure Love Podcast is your companion on the path to healthier, happier relationships. Your journey to a more secure love starts now.

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